Where I'm at...

[michele0203]

A new friend suggested I post where I'm at with transitioning to the van dwelling lifestyle.  I hope I can do so here, using this space sort of as a journal.  

I'm a highly sensitive person (HSP).  This may turn away 99.9% of anyone reading. That's ok.  I won't be offended if you move along.  

I was born with a predisposition for being very intuitive.  My home environment also resulted in me honing in on my people reading skills and sensing the vibes or energy individuals gave off.  Survival skill.

I've been in survival mode most of my life. Didn't realize it though until about half way through.  Fighting for survival is exhausting.  It takes a mental and physical toll.  It has had its rewards, though, too.  It has given me my drive, my intense work ethic.  My perfectionism.  I've been fairly successful by society's definition. Except for my weight.  Food has been a huge (no pun intended) source of comfort.  

I am tired of fighting for survival.  I'm tired of living in fear that if I don't follow the status quo then I will be punished...by society, friends, family, myself...

I want to live.  I deserve to live.  I deserve to be happy.  We all do.

I want to find community, safety, aand acceptance.  I have everything to learn about vehicles and camping. There is a huge learning curve ahead of me.  So many unknowns, so many risks.  But I think I am tired of playing it safe.  

If given a choice to live for 10 more years and do what brings me joy or live 40 more years and just go through the motions at best, be miserable at worst, I would chose the former. But I hope I don't have to chose. I really want to live at least 40 more years being happy with my decisions! I do hope I'm blessed with another 42 years, the first 42, well, things would be different.

I want to spend time with my nieces and nephew.  I want to really be present with others and myself.

I want to live simply. I want to make this world a better place.

AND I think living in a vehicle can get me started in the right direction.

 

[michele0203]

So that leads me to which vehicle? Also, how long do I stuck it out at my job? Was able to get a 6 month lease thus time instead of 12 months, so I'm looking at March 31. My financial mind says work my butt off until February. My emotional mind says get the hell out now. My rational mind says there is a middle ground in there.

Buying a fairly new vehicle will bring me peace of mind. I've thought about heading towards Flagstaff in the spring to get my van set up with solar and all. Stopping first to spend time with my nieces and nephew.

I could always get a PT job doing something I enjoy. Maybe a receptionist at a gym where I could also use their showers. That would be a way to ease into the lifestyle before venturing out towards more remote locations.

But I will miss my family. Not that I see them all too much now because everyone is so busy. I suppose our time together would be more concentrated, even though spread out.

 

[WriterMs]

Good for you, Michele, for taking action to improve your life and also recognize you deserve to find happiness.

The major stressor I see from folks in this forum over time is for those who live in urban areas who need to live under the radar. I was able to boondock almost entirely while on the road for over six months and my stress level went down so quickly! I hope you find the same.

And, yes, keep us posted with your log here!

 

[Yogidog]

This is so excellant, it is like vision statement, I wrote one like this a couple of years ago and almost all of it came true.  I am with u on the ten years of enjoying and getting out of survival mode, lead us onward! This highly sensitive person will be reading. I am enjoy the big stars right now good night to u

 

[DannyB1954]

If you need to stealth camp in a city while you work, a van seems to be a good choice. A new vehicle may give you peace of mind, but it can also cause a lot of stress if you have to make payments. Everything's a compromise, you will have to weigh the things that are most important to you. Plastic crates and some plywood can furnish a van until you find how you want to set it up. There are several bed designs on Youtube that you can check out. Enigmatic Nomadics has a number of videos on van tours. Bob did a simple strong bed build in one of them, (couldn't find it, maybe someone else can give a link).

 

[michele0203]

I've been having a lot more late nights lately. Difficulty sleeping. Feeling like a hypocrite at my job. In the helping profession, but really not helping. I feel sick to my stomach at the lack of empathy in many of my colleagues and in the system that only seems to care about the bottom line.

What if I just gave my 30 day notice tomorrow? Without having another job lined up. The horror! Ah, the freedom. It's getting closer...I won't be able to force myself to conform much longer....

 

[DannyB1954]

I would take a vacation before making a decision about quitting. You may just need a break. Some employers will also allow a leave of absence if you don't have the vacation time built up. I think humans get tunnel vision and don't often see the whole reality. Sometimes that in itself can be depressing. When I was working I had to pretty much ignore what my co workers were or were not doing. All I could do was my best.

 

[Yogidog]

Hi I am back on road headed back to flagstaff area, will be on limited battery again till I get solor panels,wont be able to post much, haven't read any pms

Tottally agree with writer miss and Danny on stress of urban camping. I did it four months and it stunk but I saved money it is all about trade offs and accepting the consequences of decisions I make. Not in a bad way, just wise ming I see u know don't yay.

I did check on if u can apply for disability while working only if under 1100 a month

My only thoughts are if u could make it to rtr this all would way easier less stressful if u knew people. Also camp hosts jobs could be a great way for people to start out. And Bob says than can be gotten at rtr. Vehicle often needs to be self contained.

Ok middle path for me today wishing us all well!

 

[Yogidog]

What I mess that hurried phone typing was I see u know dbt!

 

[ArtW]

What Danny said, i often obsess over little stuff I shouldn't worry about, and miss 'big picture' things I should, leads to many sleepless nights, and some bad decisions

 

[masterplumber]

Just wanted to say I loved when I was 42. I went around that whole year telling people I was the answer to the ultimate question "hitchhikers guide to the galaxy". That was a decade ago and I was having many of the same thoughts. I'm not on the road full time, but I've made enough changes in my life and employment situation that I can live with my life now. Balancing earning a living, family needs and wants, with my own desire to be a gypsy is sometimes like walking a tightrope. And no one solution fits everyone. I like the suggestion above - take a break for a month and hit the road and see what works for you. Best wishes in whatever you ultimately decide.

 

[michele0203]

Good for you, Michele, for taking action to improve your life and also recognize you deserve to find happiness.

The major stressor I see from folks in this forum over time is for those who live in urban areas who need to live under the radar. I was able to boondock almost entirely while on the road for over six months and my stress level went down so quickly!  I hope you find the same.

And, yes, keep us posted with your log here!

Thank you WriterMs!  I could see that being stresstrying to boondock regularly in urban areas.  Urban areas already make me uncomfortable enough so I don't anticipate doing much of that!

I see myself on blm land, connecting with a tribe, and finding seasonal work.  I also see myself catching up on relationship building with my nieces and nephew.

 

[michele0203]

I would take a vacation before making a decision about quitting. You may just need a break. Some employers will also allow a leave of absence if you don't have the vacation time built up. I think humans get tunnel vision and don't often see the whole reality. Sometimes that in itself can be depressing. When I was working I had to pretty much ignore what my co workers were or were not doing. All I could do was my best.

I have taken several medical leaves the past few years.  My last one was last month. Vacations and time off have not solved anything. 

I cannot continue to do a job that involves the lives of patients when the a majority of my co-workers don't giving a flying you know what.  when patients frequently complain to me about fellow about my colleagues inappropriate behavior which I have also observed to be true, my employment with this company makes me feel like a hypocrite,  like I stand for such behaviors by being part of the larger system that allows this to go on.

I know I do damn good work. My clients tell me all the time how much they see that I care.  

Ive mistakenly tried to 'fix' the system by sticking it out way past the point of healthy. Also i stuck it out because I make pretty good money for a social worker and I've been living fear based, survival mode.  Now that I can drastically decrease my housing expenses with van dwelling, I have way more options.  I guarantee I won't say on my death bed that I wished I had stuck it out a day longer at this job.

IIt's funny, the more folks try to encourage me to stay at this job, the more I certain't I feel that i have to get out

 

[michele0203]

My only thoughts are if u could make it to rtr this all would way easier less stressful if u knew people. Also camp hosts jobs could be a great way for people to start out. And Bob says than can be gotten at rtr. Vehicle often needs to be self contained.

I would like to make it to the RTR. ..the timing is going to be tricky...fingers crossed! 

What does "a vehicle must be self contained " mean?

 

[michele0203]

I'm not on the road full time, but I've made enough changes in my life and employment situation that I can live with my life now.

Balancing earning a living, family needs and wants, with my own desire to be a gypsy is sometimes like walking a tightrope.

And no one solution fits everyone. I like the suggestion above - take a break for a month and hit the road and see what works for you. Best wishes in whatever you ultimately decide.

Yes, this is where I'm at...working on making enough changes that I can live with my life now.  Paying $875/month rent gets my goat!  When I'm only here to sleep, shower, and watch TV or get on the Web for a few hours before it starts over the next day.  No thanks!!!  If my housing expenses decrease significantly, my income can also decrease significantly, leaving me time for what matters most...relationships.  I can find a job helping people at an agency that actually cares for people more than money

 

[masterplumber]

Just read your replies - definitely sounds like it's time for a major change. I've been there, and it's when I started making changes. I had a good paying job that I could have theoretically retired from. But when it got to the point that I got to work angry pretty much every day - it was time to go. I hope you can make it to RTR - would love to meet you, and you'll meet many other of us "weirdos" there. I't a great place to figure out what you need to actually live a mobile life from many of the "old timers" and many others of us come prepared with tools etc ready to help you transform your mobile abode into whatever your dream is.

 

[highdesertranger]

you don't need to be self contained at RTR. if you are referring to when I said "you must be self contained". that was for the LTVA areas and certain other places. self contained means you have holding tanks as far as what I was talking about. but don't be afraid many of us go without ever having holding tanks. highdesertranger

 

[michele0203]

Just read your replies - definitely sounds like it's time for a major change. I've been there, and it's when I started making changes. I had a good paying job that I could have theoretically retired from. But when it got to the point that I got to work angry pretty much every day - it was time to go. I hope you can make it to RTR - would love to meet you, and you'll meet many other of us "weirdos" there. I't a great place to figure out what you need to actually live a mobile life from many of the "old timers" and many others of us come prepared with tools etc ready to help you transform your mobile abode into whatever your dream is.

Thank you!  I'd love to meet you, too!  It's nice to know that people are willing to help.  Can't wait to find my 'weirdos'!

Yes, it is time to make a change.  I need to shit or get off the pot.  It's become Ground Hog Day.  

I'm getting closer to turning in my letter of resignation /requesting a demotion.  One minute I'm thrilled by the prospect the next I'm terrified.  But I'm pretty sure taking the leap and working past my fear will be exhilarating!

 

[michele0203]

 if you are referring to when I said "you must be self contained".  that was for the LTVA areas and certain other places.   self contained means you have holding tanks as far as what I was talking about. 

Thanks for explaining what self contained meant...I sorta figured as much but wasn't sure. Actually, I was replying to what yogi dog had mentioned earlier in this thread.

 

[Yogidog]

Excellant we are tripping over ourselves to help u I was just going to say what self contained is I appreciate that some of us forum members don't want to push this on anyone, and for those that are ready and know they are ready, they go full steam ahead, yay u!