What is going wrong?

[Theme57]

Hello All,

I don't know where quite to turn to, but I just need to let it out. 

Since late November, my father, our dog and have been hopping from motel to motel and living in our cars. My father wasn't able to keep up with rent due to being sick for a few weeks and I was going to school at the time. We canceled our lease 2 months early and $5,500 is now on my credit from bill collectors. We first stayed in a cheap motel in the worst part of town due to financial reasons. The smell of weed, cigs and crack was all you could smell in the hall. My dad tried to work and so did I, but we got complaints of our dog barking. Due to the dog my decided to stay home since it would also save gas too. We had a small business with housecleaning and I would work about 10 - 12 hours total a day plus driving. We had to jump from motel 6 to motel 6 and that ate up most of our budget. a $5 sandwich would be our meal for the day. We eventually found an RV to live in for $1000 a month in a bad area, but they wouldn't allow the dog to stay alone. We tried to find someone, but no one would help. Not even the local temple was a member of. My dad didn't want to get rid of the dog because he had raised him as a pup for 11 years. My 23rd birthday was spent crying o the side of the street because I didn't know if spending an extra $5 for a birthday meal would cause us to be homeless. Against our better judgment we tried to work with someone who promised to watch the dog as long as we helped support her and her kids in a small apartment. We got sick of her real quick and found out she was lazy. I borrowed $200 from a close friend and we slept in our cars along the Malibu PCH. It was pretty nice and we felt free, saving a lot of money as well. However every 3 or so weeks the cops would kick us out of our spot and the anxiety came around. We didn’t have much money to setup our vehicles right and it was hard saving up due to storage fees, gas and loosing clients since it was difficult to keep professionally clean. We left to Seattle to live closer to family and due to there being more work. Also I began to experience chronic fatigue and after just 30 minutes of labor I felt as if I had ran a 10 mile marathon. My dad took over while I recovered and watched the dog in a very nice motel at a good price. We liked Seattle despite the motel fluctuating costs. There were cheaper motels, but reports of people stalking and that it was much further would cause more issues than it would help. I began searching for an apartment, but issues of credit and deposit required too much from us unless it was in the worst areas. I searched for a room share and found a decent lady who would let us come in without deposit and paid utilities. The day we moved into a cheaper AirBNB she says she needs us to sign on the lease for $42 per person due to her roommate leaving asking. She offered to have us stay for 3 weeks rent free until July 1st when we would pay for the oncoming month since June had already been paid. The lady turned out to be a drunkard and her friend moving a total slop who thought a litterbox should be cleaned once every 2 weeks to save money and placed on the kitchen floor. Due to the lady staying losing her job we secretly looked for another place. We helped partially with utilities and cleaned up after their mess in the kitchen, bathrooms and living room. I found a place and just yesterday morning they came up to me while I was cooking and told me I have to leave because it isn’t working. That I had five minutes before they called the police. They wouldn’t allow me to finish cooking nor were they reasonable in us packing our stuff. They ultimate called the police, 4 undercover cars and 8 cops showing up, to get us to leave. The cops asked us questions and had the ladies leave the area while we packed up. They questioned the call they got because our dog was reported in a negative way when he is a really nice dog that the cops even liked. The place I got allowed us to stay early. The room was a basement room separate from laundry and a common area down here. They are nice people who respect our personal space, but I feel a bit uneasy. I know people have said to either abandon my dad or give away the dog, but I can’t but help think if I have done anything to deserve this or what did I do wrong? My dad is confident we can use this place to save money to move into a place of our own again, but it feels like a non-stop battle. If not for the dog and my dad I would have used the money to hookup my Prius correctly and left on the road working small jobs while going to school online.

 

[John61CT]

Nothing more important than family, if your Dad's done his best with you and still trying to hold up his end, you gotta stick with him. In fact as a team you're both better off, being alone in this world with no real strong connection will wear you down lose hope faster than anything else.

I'd say bag the dog, but if he's that important to your Dad, your Dad's important to you so you guys will figure it out together.

Every decision you make big and even small is a turning point to a different future. Do your best to be strong, make the right decisions according to your deepest true center and you'll both work your ways back to a better situation.

Build up other friendships too, avoid the aholes, be a great support for the positive and kind people you find. Worst thing you guys can do is crawl into the cave and isolate; build yourselves as good a little network as you can in these tough times.

Don't be too proud to ask for help, food pantries, soup kitchens, free clothes, that's what they're there for, and good people appreciate the chance to help out, you're doing them a favor and will be in a position soon to pay it forward in other ways.

Sounds trite, but think of all the things to be grateful for, all the ways things could be worse, some probably will happen too down the road, but you just gotta deal, hang in there.

 

[ChickadeeJP]

You've been through a lot and have had a lot of negative people come your way. Start with changing your mindset and really looking at your fears and anxieties. Think of the cheapest ways to do things and always expect the best from the people you encounter from here on out. Instead of a $5 sandwich, grab a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and some bananas for $5. Look on the free sections on craigslist, find the local freecycle group, and join the nextdoor app for your area. Ask for what it is you need and it will start appearing for you. (For instance, I needed a bike rack for my car so I asked on nextdoor for a free or cheap one and was given one for free.) The worst thing that will happen if you put it out there and ask is a simple no. But you keep asking and focusing on what you need and want. A morning pages journal might help you with your anxieties and getting out your stress. It is simply handwriting 3 pages of train of thought every morning. It doesn't have to make sense and isn't meant to be read by anyone, even you. Just word vomit onto the page and move on with your day. Then the rest of the day you can focus on making things happen how you want and need them to. It sounds like you are in a good stable living situation for now and can find work. Maybe you and your dad can work on alternating shifts so as to not leave the dog alone for too long a time. You can do this and you will be okay.

 

[rvpopeye]

Welcome aboard !
Just keep hope that things will get better.
Try to do one thing a day to change your situation and eventually it will all add up and things will be brighter for you.

MMMMMMMM peanut butter and banana sandwiches , that makes me hungry !

 

[John61CT]

Actually good point on the **extremely** helpful benefits of frugality in this context.

I get a reasonable income, at least by historical and worldwide standards, but right around the poverty line in the modern USA.

But my family eats very well at low cost, because we hardly ever eat foods prepared outside the home, I buy raw ingredients by what's on sale and in season and cook as if for a dozen at a time, freezing "leftovers" for meals when I'm tired or don't have time.

I let the kids choose one meal out per month as a special treat, sometimes it's Chinese, Thai, Brazilian or Indian, sometimes sushi from the supermarket, etc. We never buy cold drinks or snacks on the road, instead get a big pack or 2 liters from the dollar store.

Over a month this is easily like getting an extra $500 income, plus we eat much healthier for it.

Yes takes a bit of time and energy to learn to cook, but it's a creative thing, easy to learn to enjoy once you get used to it.

 

[Theme57]

Thank you everyone. Last night we setup about 20 rat traps since one snuck in. I sleep on the floor and didn't seem to have an issue as of yet. There is the smell of rotting wood, but my dad feels settled enough to be able to work and save up enough money to get us in a better spot. We are thinking in about 3 - 6 months we would have items some important items paid off and would be able to save enough for another place. He enjoys traveling and his main concern is a place he could comfortably leave me at while I attend school. Based upon the work here he estimates between 2800 - 4500 a month working daily. He prefers to work 6 - 7 day weeks and really dislikes the feeling of not working (his own work ethic). This was our initial figure per person if we both worked hence the issue of the dog. Back in LA due to motels being so expensive, distance and client issues only allowed us to make around 1500 - 2000 on average.

You are correct, getting smaller items did help. We found that PB&J + Bananas were great for weight loss, but lacked the energy for how often we would work. Food banks believe it or not give mostly cakes, donuts, moldy bread and other items you can't really live off of. The food you could actually survive on is only about 25% of what they give you for the month and that barely lasts a week. In fact, during the harsh rainstorms of CA, we were outside on the beach cooking on rocks at a campsite since that was the only place we could cook food really.

You are right, I do feel anxious and stressed because of recent events and from sleep too. I have to keep looking up and keeping positive. The place we are in is about 8 days off from an actual room we can stay in rather than the living room section of the basement. I am helping the people here with a flyer and some video editing then from there just mind my own business and make the best of things until we are in a different place. I am sure things will get better, it has just been a hairy few days.

 

[TrainChaser]

You'll never get ahead living in motels. Seattle is the tenth most expensive city in the U.S. If you can find a place for $45/day for rent, you're spending $1,350/mo.

Some possible suggestions: You said you have family there -- would someone let you put up a tent in their yard and let you use water from the hose? -- ask for a tent and camp stove on FreeCycle. If there is a good supply of small dead branches nearby, make a stove from a commercial-size food can, or a new gallon paint can (burn off that lining): [http://makezine.com/projects/tin-can-cooker/] Get bedding from thrift shops. Fast food is wasted money (as mentioned above).

If someone is generous enough to let you stay on their property, don't encroach on their home w/o a specfic invitation every time. You DON'T need to use their bathroom and shower, you DON'T need to use their kitchen, you DON'T need to use their electricity. If you push yourselves on them, you WILL be invited to leave. If their yard isn't fenced, keep the dog on a long tether.

Bathing: you can bathe in a quart of warm water with a spoonful of baking soda mixed in. It cuts through the body oils, cleans and deodorizes, no need to rinse. Find for all body parts except eyes. You can use the same mix to wash hair.

Don't spend money on anything you don't have to -- SAVE. And don't keep it on your person or in the tent -- check out a credit union for holding your savings, rather than a bank.

If you don't save your money, what's your plan for winter in Seattle, when it gets cold (a LOT colder than SoCal). Seattle got 42" of rain this past winter (thats 4 1/2 FEET), averages 6" of snow, and temps hang around the 30s. Plan ahead.

Good luck! But you'll have better luck if you stop and think about how to do things in the simplest and cheapest way possible. It can be done. Lots of people on this website have been doing it every day for a long time.

 

[John61CT]

Agree about motels, total moneypit, nice weather lets you bank a lot more toward a van or trailer.

There are local-specific food banks, in a decent population center should be several per week. When I needed it, yes lots of starches, but we got whole turkeys for holidays, lots of canned goods, fresh local grown veggies, if all you need to buy is some proteins couple times a week helps a lot.

 

[CautionToTheWind]

Look on craigslist for "gigs." (daily or future job leads) Wide variety.

 

[OutdoorFT]

Since you are about as frugal as frugal gets, why not look into tenting for a while? Not ideal, but you can get free campsites, dog would have fresher air and you won't have potentially bad people to deal with.

Just an idea.

 

[ChickadeeJP]

My example of the pb and fruit is to counter the buying of a $5 sandwich. A good meal of beans and rice with fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables is filling and cheap. Corn tortillas are also cheap and easy to do a million things with. Fruit and Vegetable smoothies can pack a punch and will help with your energy. I am on food stamps and am on a restrictive diet for medical reasons and I know how hard it is to eat well on almost nothing. I had a roommate go to a food bank once and she got a ham, ramen noodles, bread, and yogurt. Yeh, not a lot but it was something. Seek out what might be able to help supplement the food you buy and utilize it how you can. So if you are given a big ham, buy som vegetables and cook it up to share with your hosts. I also keep a notebook of my grocery receipts, and compare some of the common items I buy regularly from different stores. That way I can see the trends of what items are cheapest where. I think the site I found some good budgeting info on is called don't waste the crumbs.

 

[John61CT]

Yes once you have a freezer, a big ham bought cheap (sometimes 59¢ a pound) can make many dozens of meals, freeze all the sliced meat in portioned ziplocs, render the fat, make a couple gallons of stock from the scraps and bones.

Fry lots of garlic and onions in the fat with pepper, few cans of spinach and a bit of the meat makes a great base: filling with cheese for omelettes or tortilla, add to any soup or stew, bit of cream/cheese as a pasta sauce, over or with potatoes, add to fried rice.

When a ham's too expensive, can do the same with a rasher of bacon.

Some people believe pork fat's bad for you, but get past that BS, adds great taste and mouth-feel, just a little really stretches the meat portions and lets the meal really fill you up for a long stretch of hard work.

 

[XFILE36]

You are correct, getting smaller items did help. We found that PB&J + Bananas were great for weight loss, but lacked the energy for how often we would work. Food banks believe it or not give mostly cakes, donuts, moldy bread and other items you can't really live off of. The food you could actually survive on is only about 25% of what they give you for the month and that barely lasts a week. In fact, during the harsh rainstorms of CA, we were outside on the beach cooking on rocks at a campsite since that was the only place we could cook food really.

I live in L.A. and had to go to the food bank once.  (I used to donate money to them.)  I got two large bags of food which even included steak and stuff from Trader Joe's.  You went to the wrong food bank.  I don't know if you have to be in a certain zip code though.

Beans, rice, whole wheat tortillas or corn tortillas, and shredded (shred your own) cheese will go a long way, like ChickadeeJP said, and will give you lots of energy.  You can even add eggs and make it a breakfast burrito.  Buy cartons of eggs for cheap protein.  You can do many things with eggs.  The 99 Cents Only store and Dollar Tree can keep you going for a long time.  I had to use food stamps for about a year and a half, so I know you can do it.

 P.S. If I ate PB & J and bananas, and regular bread, I would be GAINING weight.  That's full of carbs which can give you lots of inexpensive energy.  Don't forget to buy some real butter or coconut oil (or other fat of choice).  Fat keeps you feeling full for a long time.  So, eat some eggs with a couple Tablespoons of butter for breakfast along with some toast and jelly and or peanut butter and I guarantee you will stay full for a while.  Also, buy a bag of apples or other fruit.  I do the Ketogenic diet most times which keeps you feeling full all the time.  You consume fat in the highest percentage of your diet, then protein, then carbs.  Youtube has lots of vids on the subject.  Are you on food stamps?  What are you studying in college and will it lead you to a good job/profession?

 

[Theme57]

Thank you everyone for your support. Good news on my side.

The rats have cleared up and haven't seen them since we put traps out. It looks like it must have ran out because there have been absolutely no signs of it; no sounds, feces or the like. My dad has opted to work with animals local to our location and is much better than he was before. I happened to be a tad sick when writing the OP and that usually tends to set my baseline astray with tons of needless worry. The people here are very nice and accommodating as well. We are two days until we move into the main room which is about 2x bigger than what we are in; the room is the size of a Motel 6 room. I am almost better from being sick and am feeling a lot better than before. I think being kicked out by the two women along with living in the cars the way we did put my mind in a place that wasn't exactly optimal.

My dad and I joke around about how we should have left for Washington when he originally came back from S. Korea with my sister rather than try to make it work in Central Cal, then So Cal. If we could go back and redo anything we did, it would have been opting for setting up our cars to live in and then car camp until we saved enough to move into a new place along with a gym membership and propane stove. Sadly we weren't of that mentality at the time and things were a lot different. We really grew a lot and are very happy to be somewhere that's a lot better.

As far as school goes, I have a bit of time until I am a resident for college here in WA. My degree is Biology in regards to research with a minor in resource management. I am weighing on if online vs campus is the best overall option at the Bachelors level. Starting wage in this field is around 45 starting and 70 - 80 medium.

To answer a few questions in the mean time:

The amount of work I was doing prior was intensive enough to feel sore enough to barely walk and burn more calories than I was able to consume over the day. At one point my dad and I were dropping weight even with eating 6 PB&J's a day. This could also be attributed to our families genetics as well. We weren't on food stamps just assistance from the food bank although it was hard to keep it fresh due to no fridge and cooler.

 

[ChickadeeJP]

Do you now have fridge space? If not, maybe find something that can work in a building and in a car so you can have it for both purposes. As for online or in person, you won't be able to do all of it online as a lot of science and math are in person only. I think I would meet with an advisor at the school you want to go to to plan it out.