Turned 65 today, completely alone

[Sebringlovr]

Im sorry, if i knew where you where id have brought you a cake. Or at least called.its mothers day and nobody called me. My son should be ashamed but hes not. Happy bday hope you feel better

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[Zizzer_Zazzer_Zuz]

I'm so alone. 

AmieW, I'm not one for platitudes and pointless affirmations so please understand that this is meant with nothing but empathy and compassion.

Asking for help is not weakness. Kindness is not weakness. Refusing help when you need it is foolish. Helping others with no promise of compensation is what the Jews call a mitzvah and is the single highest honor that one can give in G-ds eyes. If you can do it anonymously all the better. I'm not Jewish and I'm not a believer in any way but this is an ideal that I can respect.

Sadness and even depression are not a weakness. Refusing to see them for what they are and not dealing with those issues will often end in disaster. Remember that whole think globally/act locally thing? Apply this to your life. Define your dream. See it in your minds eye. Now, start living it. If you can't do it for real, start pretending. Before I bought my skoolie (I have a shorty school bus not a van. I'm a BIG guy with a fair amount of stuff that I use to make a living) I started driving like I was driving a school bus, doing the speed limit, slowing for tight turns, keeping to the right lane, keeping to the far right of my lane, etc. I moved in to the smallest room of my house. I reduced my cooking pots and pans to a bare minimum. Hell, I've been running an Engel freezer and turned of my fridge. (Engel=common brand fridge freezer popular among RV'ers and vanlifers). Reduce now. Even if only in your head start living in a van. Do everything that you can to save money. Every action and especially ever penny spent needs to be with the goal of the van in mind. Every purchase. Every expense is weighed against "will this get on the bus with me? Will it help me achieve my goal?" and I'm almost free.

ALL relationships are based on reciprocity. ALL relationships are based on an exchange. If someone gives you comfort and companionship then giving them rides isn't a problem. You do ... everyone does ... have something to offer others, even if it's just an ear to listen. If you give does not come back to you from others move on. 

A for instance. Yesterday someone in NC posted looking for help with an electrical install. I sent them an invitaion to help with each others rigs. I don't know this person. They need help and probably moral support more than anything else which is much the same position I'm in. They need help. I need help. Maybe we can help each other. If it turns out they take more than they give then we part ways. 

We all need help sometimes. Now, seems like your time of need. I don't know where you are and so i can't do much to help directly but I would if I could. You deserve love and friendship and compassion. Everyone does. You clearly need some help, both personal and maybe even professionally. Asking for help and accepting it gladly is a hard thing to do. Very hard sometimes. It seems even harder when we need it the most.

I can't buy you a van but I can help teach you to cook and eat on the cheap. I have tools and I'm not afraid to use them ... though I do sometimes make things worse . I have time and would rather help someone reach their goals and dreams than twiddle my thumbs.

This is a great resource. This page I mean. Don't refuse the help of others. It takes a village to do more than raise a child. It takes a village to help those in need, to help the sick to heal, for the elderly to pass with dignity. This may be a big widespread village but it's a village and we are here to help. Even if it's a kick the pants when it's needed.

You can do this. You can be happy and live a life worth living not just existing.

 

[Txjaybird]

  Triple ZZZ that was very well said and also very true.....Oh, I M H O....gotta be po- lit-icly correct when I can...as I rarely am anyways 

Jewelann

 

[CautionToTheWind]

Sometimes the sense of 'grim' is a subtle or not so subtle reality of making a different choice. I find life is fluid (for me). If it's not, a different direction is needed. Set your compass to a new course!

 

[waldenbound]

AmieW,
Me again. About being alone, I make connections with local shopkeepers. I enjoy some friendly banter with the gang when I'm getting cat food and supplies. I got my buds at my local Lowes who watched my van get built from a shell to a camper. The ladies at the local grocery store.
You get the idea. Build community around you.

On the road, ok people will be camping with their family/friends, but I'll try the rv trick of waving to people as they pass buy. If you play guitar, harmonica, bones, it can start a conversation, or a jam session

 

[SoulRaven]

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I get it.  

For about 3 years, my son disappeared.  I knew he was ok, because my daughter would let me know once in a while.  My daughter STILL generally wishes Happy Birthday, Father's Day or Merry Christmas through Facebook.  She will once in a while actually send me a package. 

I learned that there's nothing I can do about it.  So, I might as well move on.  At this time, I'm quite happy with spending holidays by myself.  I've even come to prefer it.  I've got some good friends, and good family, but I basically consider myself to be alone.  It's hard at first, but I got used to it. 

Some good news: after 3 years, my son called and said he was on his ass.  and asked for help.  I set some conditions, regarding work and sobriety.  That was more than 3 years ago.  He has kept his word. But he's now living in another state and has his own life.  He DOES keep up with holidays, though. And keeps me up to date .

 

[AmieW]

'Hey AmieW. I pray you don\'t give up.'

Dee, your video on YouTube is one of my main inspirations! You are an awesome lady! I was watching that video thinking "I could definitely be friend with her. She has that "can do" attitude."  I loved your screen house and have put that on my list. I would never have thought about those insulated grocery bags without your video! What an awesome idea! I have several already I got at Public that I use to carry frozen food from the store (I don't have a car, so even on the bus, sometimes it's a long trip in the heat).

 

[AmieW]

Wow. I do not have time to reply to everyone, but I'll try to answer a few points:

I have been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 23, and will probably get back on them at some point.
As for volunteering, I actually work part time now doing my writing, and that wears me out. I honestly just don't have the energy to do volunteer work on top of that, although I've thought about it. Thought about it today when I was getting some dental work done at a local clinic, and noticed one of their volunteers was not around. Seem she had to have surgery, and will be out for awhile. I may actually offer to fill in for her, if they will have me. It's a great organization, and I could never have afford this dental work without them.

I'm making a very detailed plan on how to get the money for my van. My maintenance man (who I consider a friend) has evidently thought about it too, because when I told him I was thinking of doing it, he was talking about short buses and how you could work for 3 months in a campground here in FL during season. I think I'm going to try to talk to him more about it and see if he'll help me with my build. He's good with electrical and woodworking. and I wouldn't mnd paying him to help, since he has all the tools.

Someone mentioned practicing by living in a small space. I've already thought of that. I'm on a decluttering binge anyway, so I figured that as I clear out that bedroom that is stacked with boxes, I'll set aside things that I can use in the van. I'm sure I have almost everything I need right here. I just have to lay out how it would all fit, so I was going to lay out the square footage and see what I could fit in there, and what I could use that I already have. Once it's all laid out, and I start getting gear (heater, stove, fridge, etc.) I'm going to do exactly what someone else suggested and try living in that space. I have an enclosed courtyard, so I may even pitch a tent out there when it's hot or cold to see how I can survive the temperatures.

I'm going to try to sell as much of what I own as I can, even if I have to sell it very cheaply. Every penny of that money will go into my van fund. If, down the road, I decide van dwelling is not for me, I'll have a nice little emergency fund, something I haven't had in many years.

Again, thanks a lot. You've made me feel a whole lot better.

 

[rvpopeye]

Your new life just began with that plan......

 

[Cammalu]

Amie, you are on your way!!!!!!


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[GHostRiDer]

You go Girl, you CAN do this.

 

[jonthebru]

Keep it simple, That's my suggestion at this point.

 

[Putts]

Do you/can you have a pet? For some, it's a great help with companionship.

 

[AmieW]

Do you/can you have a pet? For some, it's a great help with companionship.

I've always had pets, but I haven't in the last few years due to outrageous pet fees and rents here. I'm going to try to get my doctor to prescribe a companion animal for me, so I won't have to pay those things. I love cats, and would love to have one to take on the road with me. Right now, though, I'm worried about money, so I have to see if I can afford to care for a cat properly before I take one on. In the meantime, my neighbor's cat is my buddy and comes and hangs out with me a lot.

 

[cyndi]

I just deleted some off topic posts. I would have split them from the thread but hepcat was kind enough to redirect the off topic question to the correct forum.

Thanks, hepcat.

Don't be afraid to start a new thread rather that hijack a thread.