This Is For the Ladies

[owl]

I have been in and out of this lifestyle all my life. Bought a new van in 1972 and lived out of it, while climbing, for a long time. I have been there and done that. I see a trend happening which is causing me a lot of trouble. Women who are on their own and scared. Minimal income and few choices. Folks who are encouraging them to give up everything and assume this lifestyle. I think that is the height of callousness. I care deeply about people and I can't sit by any longer and not issue a word of caution. Lots of ladies have been successful at this way of life, but I fear many more haven't. This is based on personal contacts over time. To the women who are considering this way of life I would ask you to go slowly. Get your information from as many different sources as you can. Take your time. Don't rely on anyone who has an agenda, who can profit from your situation. Be very, very careful of offers to " help " you. Above all do not travel to a place where you have been promised help. Anything you need to learn or know about living this way is available where you are. You can find it, and if not, there are ladies and gentlmen here who are willing to help you find it. Please know there are good people here, and some not so good people. Just like the real world. The problem is trying to figure out which is which. Some of the ladies who are here and know of what I speak will step up and help and they will chime in. PM and email is a good way for that to happen. Please take care, Michael

 

[Lifemagician]

The wise owl has spoken, and I would second every word of it.

For me, the most important thing is my instinct. No matter what, no matter who, if I do not feel comfortable, I will move on. But then, I do not park stealth. Guess in three quarters of a century I must have learned..... something.

Stay safe.

Lifey

 

[Patrick46]

The wise owl has spoken, and I would second every word of it.

AMEN!!

 

[WildTrappist]

Thank you Guys for those words. I am a single lady. I am quite capable! And staying put until I am outfitted and ready to roam. I want to travel all over the place but this time patience wins!

 

[AltTransBikes]

Smart.

Owl is a voice sorely missed.

 

[peacetara]

I would mostly agree with Owl, there are meanies about everywhere in the world. But I wouldn't discount all offers of help straight-away. When I first got into Van Dwelling, Bob (the owner of this forum and totally awesome dude) offered to help me with some things, if I showed up wherever he happened to be. I took him up on his offer. I can't say I wasn't worried he might turn out to be a creeper, or something worse, but I made contingency plans and we met in a parking lot near his campsite first, so I felt safe enough. Of course he turned out to be a wonderful guy, and was and still am very very grateful for his help.

I'd also add, the RTR (at the top of this page under 'Gatherings' for more info) is an amazingly wonderful place to come learn more about the lifestyle, give it a try, etc. I'd definitely encourage women to come to the event, they won't be completely alone, there are lots of women there.

Also, Owl, I would feel incomplete if I didn't mention that your comments here could be taken as patronizing to women. I'm not saying you were trying to be patronizing, and I'm not saying you are patronizing with this post either. I'm just saying some people could take what you said that way from a certain perspective. Why do I say that? Because your writing could come across as a man telling a woman what to do. In general I've found most people (of all genders) don't appreciate being told what to do.

 

[highdesertranger]

youno peacetara I kinda of took it that way too(patronizing) and I am a male. glad I wasn't the only one. basically I believe everybody needs to be cautious male and female. highdesertranger

 

[Theadyn]

Wise advice that can work for male or female, thank you.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Were I to end up on the road alone, I am not sure that I would mind to a bit of patronizing. Women my age (especially widows or recent divorcees) are statistically less savvy about mechanical things or about plumbing, electrical work, or carpentry. We are generally smaller and physically weaker than our male counterparts. Again, statistically, we have a lower income, which makes it harder for us to recover from a financial hit if we make a mistake. Our families are also more likely to give us a hard time about life on the road alone and to react in a judgmental way instead of a supportive way. I think I am OK with a little patronizing attitude as long as there is some helpful action that goes with it.

 

[AltTransBikes]

Smart, real, and pragmatic post jean.

I don't read the OP's words as patronizing. I do read genuine concern.

 

[owl]

I had my email hacked and had to reregister with a different user name and email. I am/was Owl. I don't come here very often anymore because I didn't like the bickering that seemed to pervade. There was an effort, by some, to belittle or criticize every serious post. When a real effort was made to help or share information, the knives came out. I try to think out my positions well and thoughtfully. Sharing what I have learned and has helped me, is one of my greatest pleasures. I have no problem with disagreement, providing it is done with respect. I truly enjoy helping and advising folks. I'm sorry that some of you think I was being patronizing. That was not my intent! I have made some good friends here, people I respect and love. You know who you are. Some of you have said some very nice things about me since I left, I am grateful and humbled. This is a place I know Bob has worked hard to keep civil for everyone and for that I respect him. For those of you who know me, either here or in person, know that I care about you and your life and encourage you to reach out to me if there is ever anything I can do for you. Those of you that don't know me, if I can be of help, don't hesitate.

 

[peacetara]

@buckwilk I'm glad that wasn't your intention; YAY!

 

[Sunny1]

Owl/buckwilk, I long ago lost my resentment toward anyone who offers help, as long as they don't treat me like I am stupid. I, for one, love the idea that I could contact you for advice or help if I ever needed it.

I can't see it happening now, as I'm not on the road by myself, but no one knows what the future holds and I'm glad that you are there.

Thank you.

 

[owl]

Sunny1, you are welcome, anytime. Take care

 

[owl]

As some of you know I operate campgrounds for the F.S. in the summer. Season is winding down now and will be heading for Az. soon. Hope to see folks there.

 

[MrNoodly]

One of the good things about gatherings like Bob's RTR is that there's a lot of good advice and help to be found. One person with a few tools can solve nagging problems. A few shared experiences can ease a lot of burdens. And you can connect with traveling buddies so you're not so alone and your existence is less tenuous. And, if there are jerks or exploiters in the mix, others can warn you away from them.