jimindenver said:Thank you all, I appreciate the compassion. For those that have felt the pain, I feel for your loss too.
I am worried about the last schnauzer. She has been close enough a few times and I even considered it again yesterday. They have been together since they were weaned, the boy was a week younger and the girls litter mates. People thought we were nuts for getting three at once but there is nothing like having your own schnauzer herd. As hard as the last few years have been, through all of the vet visits, money, lost work, ruined carpets, yards and even not being able to take a real vacation for years because one of them was always too sick, I can't look back on having them and not have this overwhelming feeling of joy, love , purpose. I never saw any of it as a sacrifice at the time or looking back. It was just what needed to be done and a pittance to pay for what money simply can't buy.
It is that joy that helps along with being prepared by going thru the battle with him. We lost the last one so fast that simply taking the remaining two for a walk and having it hot me all of a sudden that I would never again walk my three headed demon dog and I just lost it. This morning I knew he wouldn't meet me at the gate wiggling with excitement. I knew I was making one breakfast and was fine seeing the empty bowl. It was when I opened the gate to go to the office and Shorty went running in that I realized I'd never hear the Schnauzer Thunder again. They never went anywhere alone and were never quiet about it.
Flops was energy and excitement bottled. He did everything full speed ahead to the end. H e didn't walk, he ran. He didn't sit, he was either on his feet moving or sleeping. While the girls were snugglers, he was my boy. Lets play ball, wrestle, tug of war, etc. That's not to say he wouldn't wash your face if you let him. I just can't think of that and not smile even now.
The last one Shorty. She went to the vet just from the stress of me going home for a week. After the first one died they searched and searched for weeks, and then did it again when we used the camper the first time after. Seeing them go out the door and turn waiting for her to come out was heart wrenching. They were not to thrilled to go for a ride with daddy for a while either.
A friend said it was because they didn't know what happened and I should have let them see the body. So we took Shorty yesterday but she knew before we left that when he laid down that last time that he wasn't getting up. She didn't want to go with us, didn't want to go in the vets and didn't want to see his body afterwards. On the way home she sat in my lap with her head on my chest, she has been a depressed lump since. I hope it's not too much, else wise I will regret not doing it yesterday. We put the last two down at the same time after 15 years. It was easier on them and us.
I know this is too long, I apologize. The last thing is the only good thing about not going to our vet was NOT hearing how if we would just let them run some test, admit the dog and get a IV in, maybe a MRI... It is what I heard as they put flops sister down that maybe we could have years more with her, they could regrow her liver from just a few cells. All I could think was of my poor baby sick, alone and frightened, wondering what she ever did that daddy would abandon her to die alone. The last two, one had skin cancer and the other was blind, deaf and could barely walk, same guilt trip. The damn decision is hard enough, why make it harder.
We've lost 3 boxers and 3 cats within the last 2 years and it never gets any easier. I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that you did the right thing for Flops and that it helped him cross the bridge with you being beside him.
