Seriously considering leaving before things get worse, not sure how to hide plans

[NeedAnEscape]

I'm 19, and currently living with my parents and in collage, but wanting to get away from them. My biggest concern is hiding my plans from until they wake up the next morning and find a note, saying that I have left.

I think the biggest problem is getting a van without raising any red flags. I'm obviously not able just take one of their cars when I leave, and I go places so rarely (literally just 1 time a week for class) that buying any vehicle would just seem odd. She would also not be accepting of me trying to get a job right now either. I just feel trapped in my current situation and it's just getting worse.

My biggest fear right now is her taking my computers (which would basically make it impossible for me to prepare leave) or forcing me to let her access them, which would reveal the hidden money, how I got it, me looking at $1200 vans, trucks, step vans, rvs, etc on craigslist, etc. That is likely what she is going to try to go after next, once she realizes taking the PS3 (because "I spend all my time on it", when there isn't much else to do when you are forced to spend all your time at home) just will make me spend more time on the computer. I'd rather destroy my 2 computers than let her access them. Refusing to let her access my computers would just make dad take them and he would be able to force his way in.

Things I have that could help me:
camping gear, suitable for the local weather, even in the winter.
$410 cash and $200 in a bank account they have access to
$2,500 in an ad network account+$200 in a paypal account. It would be hard to get to this offline without them being able to see it. (but I need to keep it above $200 to pay the bills for the website)
Approx $150/month profit from running the website.

I think I would be able to buy a $1200 van from craigslist, but I don't know how to hide it from them or how I'd manage to inspect and pick it up without them knowing. Mom's work schedule is unpredictable (sometimes she is only gone for 10 minutes!) and she works from home 2 of the 4 days she works. I have access to a car (even when both of them are at work), but it's not mine and what good is it when I don't know how long she will be gone?

I have no friends that can help. I don't know of anywhere I could leave a van if I bought one, how I'd be able to go inspect it before I bought it or how i'd access the money to buy the van without them finding out.

 

[GotSmart]

I am not sure how to answer this, or if this is even the right forum to ask the question.

Try this one.

http://www.laborlawtalk.com/forum.php

I have worked on it, and they will be able to answer your questions in a legal way so there is no questions about your rights.

Be prepared to be quizzed on the sources and your reasonings. Your answers make the difference in how you are advised.

Good luck.

GS. (You can say I recommended you go there and ask.)

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I am not sure how to answer this, or if this is even the right forum to ask the question.

Try this one.

http://www.laborlawtalk.com/forum.php

I have worked on it, and they will be able to answer your questions in a legal way so there is no questions about your rights.

Be prepared to be quizzed on the sources and your reasonings. Your answers make the difference in how you are advised.

Good luck.

GS. (You can say I recommended you go there and ask.)

I'm confused as to how that would help, or what I would be asking there.

 

[GotSmart]

About your rights, and how you can legally go about doing things while still living at home.

The same questions asked here. They have access to many legal websites, books, and even some lawyers work there for free. You might be able to talk your way into getting the van, computers, and time to fix things up while still having a roof over your head.

You do know how to erase your on line tracks I hope.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

You are over 18 and have rights, but I'm not qualified to speak.
GS gave you about the best advice....tell a legal adviser your story.

Good luck.

 

[BC Guy]

To stop them from seeing that you have been looking at ads, delete the history every time before you shut the computer down. If you are running PC's, Ccleaner is good and free. http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner/download
If you have links/files that you do not want seen, put them on a USB stick and keep it in your pocket.

 

[Blue]

ok so a "go for broke" plan... (and again, this is assuming your a legal legit adult)

1) use some money and follow the directions on the other topics for setting up a new address, get new mail (from the banks card companies etc) delivered there.

2) dont use your computers at home, go to a college or library and use the computers there. create new email accounts to hide your search history and keep it seperate from your current google accounts etc.

3) if your 18 go ahead and apply for the college debit/credit cards, I forget what their called but every credit card company has them, you open a bank account and apply for the cards, they have about 1,000.00 overdraft protection (you dont need verifyable income to qualify) if you can open four different bank accounts (400 bucks in your wallet) and get 4 different credit/debit cards with the overdraft protection, go to some place that sells money orders and use your cards to get money orders that you can sign over to buy your van/supplies. More than enough money to get a well outfited van and sail away, you WILL be responsible for paying the debt or the interest on the cards.

4) payday advance, if you've consistantly earned 150 bucks a month off a website, you can get a payday advance loan based on that. it will be about 30% interest due in a month or two but at least you might be able to get 300-600 bucks out of it.

5) go to the department of social services and set an apointment to talk with a social worker there, explain that you are homeless (but staying with family right now but will be on the streets soon) you might qualify for emergency assistance (about 150.00 a week) will qualify for food stamps (about 500 bucks a month for groceries) and will get lots of great advice on how to save money in other ways. (one way would be food banks, and there is a good thread on how food banks work on this site)

with all that... you should have a fully outfited van, plenty of grocieries (food bank), some expectation for later income you can use for gas money (between your website and the EAP money 300 bucks a month can get ya far away) a private address, and new email accounts that have not been monitored.

say hi to freedom for me, tell her I'll see her soon...

http://www.tonkecampers.nl/us/travel/collection

 

[One Awesome Inch]

Another thing you can do is download a separate browser like Opera and bury it in some random folder. Obviously use no shortcuts or desktop icons. You can use that browser for your covert stuff and firefox or whatever you regularly use for your day to day stuff.

Is there anyway to open a chequing/savings account at a bank so that your parents wouldn't know? You could also take what cash you have and get a locker at a bus or train station to stash it.

Will your parents let you get a job? If so, that would be a reason to leave the house, look for the van etc. Once you buy the van, insure it right away and park it on a city street where there are no parking restrictions... that is if you are urban.

Another idea is once you have your affairs in order grab your stuff and split for good. You say you have camping gear so go camp at a site near a bus stop and spend a week solid and hunt down a van.

If possible you could rent space at one of those storage facilities and slowly put stuff in it... one backpack load at a time.

Most important thing is that you need to get a job before you split so that you have a steady source of income. Without a source of income you will be in deep trouble faster than you know it. You definitely dont want to be on the street with your money all gone. If you dont have an address and a place to keep hygenic it might be difficult to get a job if they think you are homeless.

Best of luck.

 

[Zil]

Find a trusted adviser or faculty at your college. Get some direct advice and help with your difficulties.

 

[Donedirtcheap]

I cant imagine that your parents are doing anything other than trying to see that you are successful in life. You are 19, you are an adult, if you dont like living by their rules hit the road right now, just pack up and split. On the other hand maybe you are wrong and behaving in an immature way. I'm not saying anything about you but there is a very high probability of a young person doing the wrong thing. Not because they are bad but because they are inexperienced. In today's job market you need to get a skill or higher education to ever be able to have a good life. I always say that its not that a person has to be born a genius to be very successful, they need to learn from those who have gone before them. Yes, the basic assumption IS being made that of 7 BILLION people on the earth, your parents are the two who care about you.
After the age of 18 you become a guest in your parents house. Maybe you should look at what they are offering in a completely opposite way and embrace it so as to reach a high set of educational and career goals. Put yourself in their shoes, when the old man rolls in the driveway does he see a lawn that has been mowed, a driveway that has been shoveled, a sink full of dirt dishes, clothes and junk laying all over the bedroom that hes letting you use? Do unto others as you want them to do unto you. That's not from the bible, its common sense.

 

[rvwandering]

Your situation seems unusual for a 19 year old. Is there a good reason that your parents need to maintain so much control over you? If possible put your other concerns aside for a bit and try to get out of the house everyday. Get them used to you having your own life. Since you already have camping equipment that would be a good place to start. Maybe join a group like Meetup. Volunteer at the animal shelter or the soup kitchen. Do anything to give yourself a little freedom and hopefully you can progress from there.

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

[Patrick46]

I know about oppressive parents all too well.

It's a tough gig.

So you're in college? Is it a state university, or a community college? Reason I ask is a community college is alot easier to leave and come back to then a state university would be.
Are you working towards a degree at this point, or just a general ed?
You say they won't let you get a job. Is it so you can stay focused in your schoolwork?
(my wife's parents forbade her from buying a car, or getting a job, well into her adult years. Very controlling overly-religious people...at least until I came along!)

There's a few things you need to ask yourself...
have you ever been away from them for any length of time? If so, how & why?
What kinds of jobs do you HONESTLY think you could get at this time? Do you have any skills to bring to the job market??
Have you ever been in a position where you had to take full care of yourself...WITHOUT any imput from your folks?
What about money...are you fairly good with your money, or does it filter through your fingers like water??

YES, I AM a parent, and YES I CAN relate to what you may be going through. I simply want you to understand that if you do get yourself a van to live in, and you do make that big leap toward freedom....then THAT'S where the hard work begins...not where it ends! (not to mention the emotions that are gonna surface between you and your parents. THAT is gonna be way tougher then you can imagine, and feelings ARE going to be hurt...on both sides!!!)

Read the threads on this forum. Vandwelling is NOT an easy life. Why do you think so many folks are on here asking so many questions as to what's the best way to approach this? Alotta people out there treat vandwellers like homeless people...are you prepared for that?? Even something as simple as finding a place to park can turn into a huge dilemma.
And these questions are coming from adults who've owned cars, owned their own homes, had careers, and raised their children. These are people with real life experiences. At 19, you're at a minimum in those.


but if simply getting away is of the utmost, then it might be time to fill a backpack and hit the road...van or no van. (btw...alotta folks live in cars too.)

I would agree with the others on here who say to keep all your internet activity on a thumbdrive, or do it all at the library.

Good luck friend!! Take your time. Big changes are best not rushed.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

I too know about oppressive parents (step dad).

Back then the Navy was my best option at 18. It taught me a lot and furthered my education and travel...with pay and room/board/medical/etc. I came out able to handle about anything, with money in pocket, benefits, etc. A do-over today and I think I'd go Coast Guard if anything, way too old tho

Look, people here are trying to offer some good words and advice.
Since you opened this can of worms, how about discussing some of this.
People seem to care and your participation might help you come to a smooth solution.

 

[GotSmart]

Which is why I suggested the legal forum. CYA in a legal way. We can tell you how to get the best build, but when it comes to advice on leaving home~~~ I had three kids, and I was able to have a safe place for them to go just in case.

My oldest ran away with someone with multiple felonies... I had a friend 2,000 miles away contact her and arrange to give her a safe place to get away from him to.

You just might be able to talk to your parents. I honestly don't know then... Do you have any brothers or sisters?

 

[cyndi]

Do yourself a favor! Do not, under any circumstances, get a payday loan or credit cards.

 

[GotSmart]

I agree.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

GS, I agree with the legal part, but experienced advice might help with other logistics of a smooth transition as a young adult.

 

[caseyc]

When I was 19, I got my first full time job, and been working full time ever since. As soon as I got a full time job at 19, I also moved out of my parents place and got my own apartment. I was also going to college for my bachelor degree in business in the evenings after work. Took my a freakin 9 years to graduate, but I completed it. If I can do it, others can too. Just takes dogged persistence and a plan that you stick to. Good luck to you on whatever you decide.

 

[VanLifeCrisis]

I'm confused, why the secrecy? They can't actually stop you from leaving, working, having and spending money (unless its thiers).

Anyway, your school is the outlet to check out the van, withdraw mpney etc. Skip a class or go before after or between classes. As others mentioned, use school computers with seperate gmail you never use with anything at home.

Could say you have a research project and have to come home late etc

 

[GotSmart]

GS, I agree with the legal part, but experienced advice might help with other logistics of a smooth transition as a young adult.

I am friends with the people on that site. Both sites is what I am recommending. Plenty of experience, and many of them are in Human Resources which can give him an insight on how to find work in today's employment situation during and after college.

At his age, I wish I had these resources for advice!.