Seriously considering leaving before things get worse, not sure how to hide plans

[Simran]

We all have rules for our houses & their occupants; I am no exception. I have 6 kids; I had a 19 year old in my house only a year and a half ago that wouldn't live by those rules. He had to leave because he wouldn't live by those rules. BUT . . .there was no hard feelings. He had a job. Rented his own place and now comes out to visit once in awhile. In fact we had dinner over at his house yesterday.

All that said your parents have a dream for you; it is THEIR dream not yours. I had a dream for my son too but it wasn't his dream and he told us so. He had the b@!!s to tell us. I told him that if he didn't want to go to school he needed to get a job; so he did. He turns 21 in July. A couple weeks ago he told me he paid taxes on 39,000 dollars in 2013. Not bad for a 20 year old kid. He is not living the dream his daddy had for him but his daddy is proud of him none-the-less.

All we can hope for is for our children to live up to their own definition of success; whatever that is. As long as they are happy so am I.

I leave you with a quote from Kahlil Gibran on children.

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
― Kahlil Gabran

Good Luck young man!

 

[jeanontheroad]

Are you a girl or a boy? It sounds like you are probably a girl. Boys are not usually kept under such tight control - unless there is a good reason. Do you have medical or other issues that make your parents restrict your actions? What are you majoring in? If you stick it out for a couple more years, can you get a job that pays enough to give you options? One time out a week for classes. doesn't sound like enough to carry a fulltime class schedule, but maybe I have just not moved with the times.

We don't have much informationabout you, just that you feel penned in and want out.

 

[Lucky mike]

I am a Father also..........sometimes the rules are tough for a reason , but think about it....are you paying your way , food at the table and all the things that are being supplied.

I also just went thru this with my son who was having major problems with his mom ....I talked to my brother and he let my son move there after we sat down and talked....at 19 you are your own person , We all felt the way you do in that era of our life.

My son is going to MIT in the fall on a Full scholarship....this is every parents dream , and I know he does not understand the value of the gift and also doesnt understand that I protect him from walking my path , just as your parents do for you......every generation life changes and none of us want to see our children do what we did!........carefully look over your actions before you do them. Be fair about your decisions ....these are the years of your life that will form the rest of it and you cannot turn back time....4 years is a long time for you......I on the other hand, I feel like 4 years ago I was your age and Im 54......time will accelerate so fast, think and use it wisely , only you can make your final choices and map your dreams into reality....but everything needs give and take...life is not free

 

[Simran]

I've got 3 girls & 3 boys. Matters not what the sex is. This person is poised to be an adult; by the age of 19 there isn't much you can teach them as parents. They will continue to learn from peers, mentors and the school of hard knocks but all we can do at this point is give advise. They either take it or leave it. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, and the only one I can think of would be mental problems, the parents need to learn to let go. I don't say this lightly; I buried my oldest son way to young because of a dumb kid mistake. We are not all guaranteed to make it to old age. Some of us will die because of dumb mistakes; either our own or someone else's.
We do, however, need to be parents as they grow and mature. We are their primary teachers in life. learning doesn't end at the school door. I have a daughter that is a senior in high school. Tonight she changed out the power control module in the 1995 Buick that she bought with money she earned selling rabbits, chickens and waiting tables in town. I walked her through it over the phone. This girl holds her head high everywhere she goes. There is no reason the OP should not have the same opportunity. The OP has got a lot going for them I can tell. Kripes they have a website that is in the black already. I'd say the OP has "Seriously Considered" a few other things already at this young age.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

At 19 you are an adult and no one should be accessing your information without your permission. Good advise from BC Guy, I keep all sensitive data on a separate drive in case I ever need to take the machine to the shop. Don't use automatic passwords. Don't post your plans on social media.

I have pretty much decided that I won't let them access my computers. Last night have them set to require passwords to boot (full disk encryption) and auto lock after 10 minutes of inactivity. I typically have been manually locking them when I walk away too.

Put together a bug-out-bag just in case you need to bail in a hurry. I have one now, one never knows. Gives one a little comfort to know you can grab a pack and in a second have everything you need to get by for awhile.

I'll prepare one tomorrow while Mom is at work. They won't even suspect anything if they see it, because it'll just be with my camping gear in the garage.

ok so a "go for broke" plan... (and again, this is assuming your a legal legit adult)

3) if your 18 go ahead and apply for the college debit/credit cards, I forget what their called but every credit card company has them, you open a bank account and apply for the cards, they have about 1,000.00 overdraft protection (you dont need verifyable income to qualify) if you can open four different bank accounts (400 bucks in your wallet) and get 4 different credit/debit cards with the overdraft protection, go to some place that sells money orders and use your cards to get money orders that you can sign over to buy your van/supplies. More than enough money to get a well outfited van and sail away, you WILL be responsible for paying the debt or the interest on the cards.

4) payday advance, if you've consistantly earned 150 bucks a month off a website, you can get a payday advance loan based on that. it will be about 30% interest due in a month or two but at least you might be able to get 300-600 bucks out of it.

I'd prefer not to go into debt. It just costs more in the long run and would add unneeded stress in an already bad situation. I already have around $3,000 and $150 a month, as long as I retain access to a computer with internet.

5) go to the department of social services and set an apointment to talk with a social worker there, explain that you are homeless (but staying with family right now but will be on the streets soon) you might qualify for emergency assistance (about 150.00 a week) will qualify for food stamps (about 500 bucks a month for groceries) and will get lots of great advice on how to save money in other ways. (one way would be food banks, and there is a good thread on how food banks work on this site)

with all that... you should have a fully outfited van, plenty of grocieries (food bank), some expectation for later income you can use for gas money (between your website and the EAP money 300 bucks a month can get ya far away) a private address, and new email accounts that have not been monitored.

say hi to freedom for me, tell her I'll see her soon...

http://www.tonkecampers.nl/us/travel/collection

I will keep that in mind. Is there a website that would tell me what I could qualify for in north carolina? Getting out the house is hard as I only have 3 hours one time a week that they expect me to be gone.

 

[GotSmart]

Google questions, as well as ask on the legal site I posted.

 

[Simran]

This would more than likely be a county office; handled on the county level.

Needanescape said,"Is there a website that would tell me what I could qualify for in north carolina? Getting out the house is hard as I only have 3 hours one time a week that they expect me to be gone"

 

[compassrose]

3 links and you get banned. That's what got me banned.

Here's my 2 cents... FIRST STEP: GET A JOB! you need to be able to support yourself. At 19, even in NC (former resident), you do not need permission. Gives you a reason to have your van and gets you out of the house while you get your ducks in a row. If you are making money with computers, then you need to set your computers up to be mobile. Pay your parents a bit of rent starting with your first paycheck. This gives you rights. Stop using your parents as maids, etc. Act like you are renting the room in a stranger's house. If this is too hard, check to see about renting a room someplace. Look on craigslist. If you have the money for the van, buy it. And get a job. That will explain everything. Store your camping gear in your van and go camping every chance you get. It will give you experience in living in your van. Fix your van up for "camping". You can "really love camping". When you are finished fixing up the van... move out. Stay "closer to work" at a local RV park (monthly rates, utilities includes, often free wifi). I say this because you may need to have a "real address". you need to learn if you can live in the van or if you will need to buy a tiny cheap used travel trailer. I don't know where in NC you are but Chattanooga is very friendly to the folks who work while living fulltime in the local campgrounds. We (2 adults, 2 homeschooled kids - now adults, 1 dog & 1 cat) bounced around the area campgrounds (county & state parks then private at monthly rate... cheaper than public) for 18 months in a hard-sided vintage pop-up before buying our LAST house (no more houses!). No one in Chatt thought our lifestyle was unusual. Places like Dollartree, Family Dollar, Dollar General (get the picture?) will transfer you to other stores within their system. You can do what I do and get your paycheck direct deposited to a WalMart Moneycard debit card ($3 fee if you don't direct deposit $1000 per month). I withdraw funds by using the "cash back" feature at cash registers. My kids learned "portable" jobs. For one it was waitressing and working front desk at a hotel. For the other it was a cashier (she's now an assistant manager which makes it difficult to just pick up and leave). Those jobs are available in almost any town you go to. Front desk clerks have a high turn over rate. Waitressing (a GOOD waitress) has the ability to make the most money but is also the most demanding job (you need really good shoes - trail hiking sneakers good with Dr Scholls athletic inserts to protect your feet from the pounding you will get on concrete floors). So get a job so that you can support yourself with. Chances are it will be parttime too. So you will need your computer money as well.

Check out local RV parks to see what monthly rates are and what they include. Start your expected budget there. Figure on spending this summer in a local RV park and then leave before winter sets in.

PS: I had a controlling mother. So bad she tried to take our kids from us while we were living in the campgrounds.

 

[akrvbob]

Administrator Note:

Let me interrupt the thread for just a second and explain about spammers. Every website on the net is at war with Spammers and it literally is to the death. If left uncontrolled the spammers will destroy your web site.

That is especially true of a popular forum like this one because of the high level of traffic.

Fortunately, we are winning the war and for the most part you readers are unaware of the war going on all around you. But getting banned for too many links is one of the few ways you are inconvenienced. That safety factor is written into the forum software and is something we have nothing to do with.

It's a necessary part of the battle strategy so I hope you will all be patient with it.
Bob

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I am just going to look into getting a job soon and then use that and camping as a excuse for getting a van .

I'm confused, why the secrecy? They can't actually stop you from leaving, working, having and spending money (unless its thiers).

Mainly because they can stop letting me use their cars and internet.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Use alternative transportation, such as, bike, bus, friends, etc till you get your own.
A wifi hotspot device will solve your problems with internet.

I'm starting to think you're not ready to tackle the big world quite yet.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

Use alternative transportation, such as, bike, bus, friends, etc till you get your own.

There isn't any buses here, mom would be mad if she knew I was riding a bike on the roads here (curvy and hilly, with city level traffic) and I don't have any friends because I have spent so much time at home.

 

[GotSmart]

Where are you at?

 

[WheelEstate USA]

If you're not capable of thinking for yourself I can understand why mom thinks for you. Living out here takes some backbone and thought.
You're stuck in a loop of objections, not solutions. Without mom to do your thinking you're a lost child and I'm sorry for that...I blame that on parenting.

I'm guessing you're female, but whatever the case, you gotta have a "pair of brass ones" in the big corral.

So...as they say on Shark Tank...I'm out. I have nothing constructive to offer that might possibly benefit you at this time.

 

[Stargazer]

It has been my experience that if a person wants something badly enough, they will find a way to do it, no matter what the sacrifice.

Good Luck!

 

[ccbreder]

Worth repeating from a few other posters. Start with an adviser or trusted teacher at your school. Get some real advice.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Try to be realistic about how awful your situation really is, whether you might be responsible for some of your parents's tough rules, and how you will live if you strike out on your own, now. Ten years from now, when you are flipping burgers at BurgerKing or doing mindless data entry in a corporate cubie, you might wish you had stuck it out to get that degree and/or worked harder to get your parents' trust.

 

[owl]

When I was 13 I ran away from home in Alaska. Found a job at a hotel in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory. Lasted five months until the RCMPs caught up with me and sent me home. I had no idea what I did to my parents, it very nearly killed them. Parents and kids always have issues. Try to communicate with them, if you haven't already, before you make a move.

I'm with Stargazer here, you want something bad enough you'll find a way. I hope you find what you need and want. I would be interested in how things turn out for you as I'm sure others here would also. Please take care, be careful and smart.

 

[Blue]

This guy is 19, not 13, I don't know anything about his situation (maybe the parents are abusive, maybe just control freaks or nut jobs, who can guess) but if he wants to get out, he can form a plan, make it happen, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with calling mom on the phone one evening and saying "I decided to take a job out of state, won't be home for dinner"

Follow your dreams, live the life you love and love the life you live, everything else should be secondary to that.

 

[sephson]

Throughout college, and for a few years after I lived with my mother.

Off hand I'd say that my situation was a bit different than yours. I worked both part time and freelance jobs while in college, got scholarships, grants and loans, paid my way through college with only $6000 in student loan debt. Providing a roof over my head was the only assistance my mother was able to provide me through my college years. I was treated more as a roommate than a house guest, but I was still expected to follow a few household rules: 1. Keep my mess out of the common areas. 2. Help out with household chores and maintenance. 3. Call if I was going to be home late or not at all. 4. Check in when I came home.

These "rules" were more an issue of common courtesy rather than formal household rules. Number 1 simply meant that I needed to have respect for the rights of others living in the house to not have to deal with my dirty dishes and clothes all over the house. In short, I had to pick up after myself. 2 is pretty much self explanatory. I would wash my dishes, do my own laundry, mop the occasional floor. If something needed to be fixed and I knew how to do the repair, I would fix it. 3 and 4 go together. Those two rules allowed my mom to get a decent night's sleep because she didn't have to worry about whether or not I was dead in a ditch at the side of the road somewhere. Most of the time, when I would pop my head in and tell my mom I was home, she wouldn't even wake up, but I knew she slept better having heard my voice tell her I was home and safe.

I would hope that at the very least, you can come up with a similar arrangement with your parents while you're living in their house. Regardless of any formal household rules, you should follow the first two anyplace you live. You'll find sharing living space much more pleasant if you do.

Now all that said, none of us here can live your life for you. Ultimately you have to make your own decisions on the course you want your life to take. It may be that moving into a van and getting out of your parent's house at 19 is the worst mistake you could possibly make, or it could be that it's exactly what you need to do. Just give any decision you make careful consideration before diving in head first.