If all goes well, I'll be heading out in about 5 days.
I'm most worried about the temps, and more so because of the dog than myself. She's a spoiled dog, having spent years now in a temperature controlled apartment. Also worried about keeping up with the cost of gas to keep the ol' van a movin. Guessing I'll be getting about 10 mpg, maybe 12 on the highway if I'm lucky.
All in all, I imagine I am doing a few things "right" and a few things the "wrong" way as I take this leap of faith. But part of this journey for me is to evolve and get back into alignment with what right and wrong are for me anyway.
To put that another way, what matters most is that I'm actually DOING this. Of course it'll be awkward. But I know myself well enough to know that I could have lingered in the land of analysis-paralysis until my dying days, and after you start losing people you love way too early, you really get to understand that there's absolutely nothing to wait for in life. It's all right here, right now.
Speaking of right now - as I write, it's not even 8 am where I live now, and there's been some sort of circular saw in use, off and on, nearby outside for at least half an hour. This is the noisiest place I've ever lived. Construction, trucks, trains, fire department next door. Somehow, it didn't bother me for the first few years. I think I was just too numb and stressed for it to make a difference. Now, however, it drives me nuts.
But this post isn't about noise. It's about change. I know I need it. I believe that overall, this will be a great change for me. But it's still producing a whole lotta anxiety. Thankfully, the excitement to get on the road is outweighing the fear.
While I've figured a lot out, I know I'll be learning so much every day. Keep reminding myself - "It's a process. Get out of your head. Learn to live a little."
Still feels like there's way too much to do to actually wrap up this apartment thing, and get out on the road, but I am definitely 100% reaching escape velocity. The count down is on. Just days to go.
What I like the most about how this is turning out is that I'm not committing to a place or a timeline. Whatever comes next could happen in increments of days, weeks, months, or years... where I am, how long I stay, etc... that's the freedom that I am craving. Even if it means settling down again someplace - whether soon or way down the road, I'd like to do that from a place of feeling free.
When you have a lease that ends on an apartment, like I have now, there's so much pressure to just sign another lease someplace. It's so hard to break free from the cycle.
And the social ramifications are interesting to watch, to say the least.
Some of the people I encounter who seem the most stable and successful can end up being the most supportive or happy for me. It's like a part of them really wants to be free too, and they're in a good enough place to be able to feel it.
Then there are some who are struggling who can only see through that lens and are scared for me, and feel sad.
Thankfully, I have a few friends who seem to able to cross the chasm of understanding to just accept this as a part of my life without projecting their own "good/bad" narrative on top.
Heck, even I struggle in that department, oscillating between "I'm a failure" and "Sweet! I'm free!".
Truth is, life is life. Wherever I go, there I'll be. And I have a great deal of work ahead of me, although it's not entirely clear to me yet what that work is. I know it will become much clearer soon.
For now, this is about letting go of a lot of my stuff -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It's still a daily process.
Creating space on the inside and heading to where there's a whole lot more space on the outside.
Wish me luck.
- Bought a 2003 Dodge Ram 3500 Cargo Van. Even though I'm in the midwest, the van is a Cali van. Started life as a police van. It's in great shape. Has just over 150K miles on it.
- Someone before me did the insulation, blocked the windows, and installed a ceiling vent.
- Inside is a bed platform too big for my tastes, but I'm running out of time to tweak things too much now. It'll do just fine, I think.
- Will be traveling with my dog. She's a 9 year old, 50 pound beagle-hound mix. Sweet dog. Typically very quiet but can emit a surprisingly ferocious sounding bark when needed
- Heading to the Southwest - hopefully to spend a fair amount of time in New Mexico.
I'm most worried about the temps, and more so because of the dog than myself. She's a spoiled dog, having spent years now in a temperature controlled apartment. Also worried about keeping up with the cost of gas to keep the ol' van a movin. Guessing I'll be getting about 10 mpg, maybe 12 on the highway if I'm lucky.
All in all, I imagine I am doing a few things "right" and a few things the "wrong" way as I take this leap of faith. But part of this journey for me is to evolve and get back into alignment with what right and wrong are for me anyway.
To put that another way, what matters most is that I'm actually DOING this. Of course it'll be awkward. But I know myself well enough to know that I could have lingered in the land of analysis-paralysis until my dying days, and after you start losing people you love way too early, you really get to understand that there's absolutely nothing to wait for in life. It's all right here, right now.
Speaking of right now - as I write, it's not even 8 am where I live now, and there's been some sort of circular saw in use, off and on, nearby outside for at least half an hour. This is the noisiest place I've ever lived. Construction, trucks, trains, fire department next door. Somehow, it didn't bother me for the first few years. I think I was just too numb and stressed for it to make a difference. Now, however, it drives me nuts.
But this post isn't about noise. It's about change. I know I need it. I believe that overall, this will be a great change for me. But it's still producing a whole lotta anxiety. Thankfully, the excitement to get on the road is outweighing the fear.
While I've figured a lot out, I know I'll be learning so much every day. Keep reminding myself - "It's a process. Get out of your head. Learn to live a little."
Still feels like there's way too much to do to actually wrap up this apartment thing, and get out on the road, but I am definitely 100% reaching escape velocity. The count down is on. Just days to go.
What I like the most about how this is turning out is that I'm not committing to a place or a timeline. Whatever comes next could happen in increments of days, weeks, months, or years... where I am, how long I stay, etc... that's the freedom that I am craving. Even if it means settling down again someplace - whether soon or way down the road, I'd like to do that from a place of feeling free.
When you have a lease that ends on an apartment, like I have now, there's so much pressure to just sign another lease someplace. It's so hard to break free from the cycle.
And the social ramifications are interesting to watch, to say the least.
Some of the people I encounter who seem the most stable and successful can end up being the most supportive or happy for me. It's like a part of them really wants to be free too, and they're in a good enough place to be able to feel it.
Then there are some who are struggling who can only see through that lens and are scared for me, and feel sad.
Thankfully, I have a few friends who seem to able to cross the chasm of understanding to just accept this as a part of my life without projecting their own "good/bad" narrative on top.
Heck, even I struggle in that department, oscillating between "I'm a failure" and "Sweet! I'm free!".
Truth is, life is life. Wherever I go, there I'll be. And I have a great deal of work ahead of me, although it's not entirely clear to me yet what that work is. I know it will become much clearer soon.
For now, this is about letting go of a lot of my stuff -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It's still a daily process.
Creating space on the inside and heading to where there's a whole lot more space on the outside.
Wish me luck.
