Rat in a cage

[wdchapman69]

Maybe I am having a mid-life crisis, but I recently turned 50 and just bought a new home and am now saddled with a $2000k house payment for the next 30 years....

I have been expressing my fear of this to my wife (who actually loves the house and wants to die there) and she doesn't want to hear about my dream of just dropping everything and hitting the road.  I am of the belief that stuff causes stress. The more stuff you own, the more stress you have.  The stress of keeping up the house, keeping my high paying job, etc....

I have told her that within 15 years I will want to sell the house, quit working and live the free life.  She doesn't want to hear it.....so if I can even make it that far, I might one day have to set out on my own without her.  I just know that I do not want to be in my 70's and have a $2000 mortgage hanging over my head.  I also want to retire by the time I am 65.  For now though, I just need to keep my crazy ass job, build my 401k, and build equity in my new home. 

Maybe one day I will be free, but for now I am just a rat in a cage.

Dave in Texas.

 

[Elbear1]

Maybe give it 5 years for some equity and in the mean time use it to do trial runs.

 

[wdchapman69]

In five years, I will still need to be working.  The earliest I can claim SS is 62, and if I wait a few years, I will get even more, assuming it hasn't gone broke by then.  Also, I cannot take money out of my 401k until I am 60 or 62 without penalty, so io io, off to work i go!!

 

[wdchapman69]

I just saw this and it gives me a little hope...

"The IRS Rule of 55 allows an employee who is laid off, fired, or who quits a job between the ages of 55 and 59 1/2 to pull money out of his 401(k) or 403(b) plan without penalty. This applies to workers who leave their jobs anytime during or after the year of their 55th birthdays."

So in the next 5 years, grow my 401k, get some equity in the house, and keep working on my wife to join me or let me go....

 

[highdesertranger]

Welcome Dave to the CRVL forums! To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips, Tricks and Rules" post lists some helpful information to get you started.

Most of our rules boil down to two simple over-riding principles: 1) What you post should provide good information (like your introductory post), and 2) Any response to someone else's post should make them feel glad they are part of this forum community.

We look forward to hearing more from you.

highdesertranger

 

[jeanmarie]

Wow. That's not good. Really, not good.

 

[wdchapman69]

I know right....but that is my reality...and as long as I stay married (she makes about the same $$$ I do), and keep my high paying job, then I get to live in a nice house, drive newer type cars, and save money.  But should anything break in that chain, I am screwed.

 

[jeanmarie]

Well, if you can afford the car you want, make yours a van. Set it up. See a lawyer and protect yourself as much as you can. Take long weekends and vacation trips. Before you make any major decisions you can't walk back from, make sure you like van living. An awful lot of people get in and then out in a year a or less. It is more work than you think. It is more uncomfortable than you think. Once the "new" wears off, it becomes more mundane than you think. It becomes just the way you live.

 

[Parkedinavan]

Above all, let her know you plan on leaving, be fair as its her life as well. Don't string her along just to leave, that's not right.

 

[maki2]

Blowing up your life with a youth crisis when you are in your twenties is easy enough to recover from, doing such a thing in your 50s might well create a life of ongoing financial crisis because you don't have enough recovery time left.

 

[annabell]

You're in a spot, for sure. 

The first thing that jumps out to me is when you said you "just bought a new home."  I don't know what the time line was, but I have to assume it was within the last few months. Is that right?

I get that you are not happy now with the house purchase, but it isn't really fair to completely lay the blame of the mortgage at your wife's feet, since it was recent. You agreed to buy the house.

Were you having thoughts of living on the road before, and if so, had you told your wife before, and why buy an expensive home if that was your dream before? 

Whatever your thought process was going up to the home purchase, it's just going to be what do you want to do now. It sounds like your wife is not on board with going on the road, and I don't blame her for being shocked (which I assume she is) since you just bought the house.


Maybe take a few months to think about it, get used to your situation, and give your wife time to get used to your dream of going on the road. That is only fair to her. (I assume you have never expressed this to her previously.)

 

[wdchapman69]

Yes...buying the house was originally my idea....im just gonna bide my time and keep working. My next vehicle will be a truck...then I might try getting a camper on it... I have just recently had these thoughts about rv'ing, so maybe they will pass...i still have a few more good years working so I guess that's what I will do and maybe try to make some baby steps.

 

[geogentry]

Perhaps it would be easier to start with taking weekend trips with your wife. She may be afraid of the whole concept. You have the time, so introduce both of you to the whole idea. Get your feet wet. I don't know where you are but try to find gatherings of people who are doing this fulltime. This will give both of you exposure to what it is like. The idea has just come to you. When you find out more you may not like it after all. Or you both may realize you love the idea.

Baby steps is the way to do things at this point. You are really not in need of rushing.

Sent from my SM-J727V using Tapatalk

 

[PECVD2]

Dave, I have to ask....


What makes a 50. Something couple go out an saddle themselves with a $700000 plus mortgage?

I ask because I have friends and in-laws who have recently done that.

My industry (defense) is getting rid of us old geezers as fast as they can and a mortgage like that would just kill me ....unless of course I knew I could sell the house in a few years for a mega buck.

Hopefully that is where you are at!

 

[wdchapman69]

We only borrowed 230k...but realize you pay back at least twice that much. We bought the house because we were tired of paying rent. Seemed like logical step. It is in a growing suburban area 30 mi north of Dallas with high growth potential. So the house will be an asset. We may try to pay it off sooner and just live out out lives here. We have time to figure it out, and a rash decision I will not be making.

 

[GypsyJan]

Meanwhile, getting a vehicle to sleep in for road trips (or even renting a camper) can save your sanity and give you skills for full-timing it in the future.

 

[RoamerRV428]

Sounds like the financial part of your life unnerved you a bit and now you are wanting that freedom off of that financial trip. I get it.

Don't panic.

Go research and buy a small rv or van or truck camper down the road and start taking as much time off from work as you can with vacations and such and weekends and hit the road a bit. Get out there doing what you are dreaming of doing....ditching it all without ditching it all LOL

Only way you know if you are super unhappy with your situation is to go chase a dream you have and see if that dream is really what might help you and then take small steps to change your life as you need.

Best of luck to you!! Everyone goes thru this phase at some point in their life when they know they need some type of change and can find many many ways to make some changes in their current life that are not too dramatic and that works for them. You make a few changes and see where they lead you. Get out and camp when you can. See if it is what you are looking for!

 

[txmnjim]

We only borrowed 230k...but realize you pay back at least twice that much. We bought the house because we were tired of paying rent. Seemed like logical step. It is in a growing suburban area 30 mi north of Dallas with high growth potential. So the house will be an asset. We may try to pay it off sooner and just live out out lives here. We have time to figure it out, and a rash decision I will not be making.

welcome to the forum! my father-in-law is just getting ready to sell his house in Flower Mound  
the great news is your relatively young and should be doing well for your 65 target retirement! with
two workers making bank i would just SAVE as much as possible and make your plans. things change
and situations change, and you never know what the future holds...peace and buena fortuna.
jim

 

[wdchapman69]

Thank you to all who posted replies. This forum is a great resource, not only for those living the RV life, but also for those who are uncertain of things but dream of what it might be like. So from what I gathered of the responses, this is what I got:

1. Don't make any extreme decisions, especially under duress...
2. Maybe start out micro-camping. Rent an RV and go on small trips during time off from work.
3. Save money like there is no tomorrow, because although money might not buy you happiness, it does buy freedom.


Again, thanks all for posting such good advice.

 

[Kaylee]

Excellent recap! Posting that demonstrates real potential.

My savings rule of thumb is to figure out how much of your income is required expenses (taxes, mortgage, utilities, insurance, food-stamp-budget food, etc), and how much is leftover, then save at least half of the leftovers. Ideally, save a lot more.

Full-timing sounds great, but isn't for most folks.
Your wife's reaction sounds reasonable, and if you scale back your expectations, she'll likely be more supportive & enthusiastic.

Yes, take your time.
Duress is stressful.
Careful planning & experimentation is fun.
Could you "car camp" using one of your current vehicles?
The cheaper you start, the easier & less stressful it will be, and you'll learn what your needs & wants really are.