People Wanting To "Help" You

[Iggy]

As a vandweller, do you sometimes get advice from or offers of help from Stationairies? People who worry about your lifestyle or just want to fix you? I've been getting that a lot. My family keeps trying to get me to go back to doing construction and developing work so I can recoup the hundreds of thousands that I've lost in the last five years. Even though I lost my shirt doing that kind of work. My friends keep telling me about cheap rooms that I could rent, though most are in sketchy neighborhoods. Some keep saying that I really need to step up to an rv so I can have more conveniences. Even though I don't want the extra upkeep, extra expenses, and lack of maneuverability. Some tell me I have to have a high top van. Others think that I should get a regular job and contribute to society again. When it's cold, some women worry I'm going to freeze to death and invite me to stay with them. That seldom goes well. I'm amazed at how many women have to sleep with the temperature up high, the TV going all night, and who have insomnia. I never get a good night's sleep with them.
I could go on with instances of well-meaning folks wanting me to be different than I am. But really, I'm fine! How about you, any stories similar to mine?

 

[cyndi]

I was asked a couple of times, last year, while traveling in my car. I think it's great that there are people out there looking to help others so it doesn't offend me, at all.

I explained I was fine, living out of my car by choice. I don't think they believed me and I'm ok with that, too.

I don't think our dominant society understands true minimalism.

 

[akrvbob]

I've been doing this so long I don't have any "Normal" friends anymore; they are all wierdos just like me! ")

Except for my mom, and she actually loves me enough to just be glad I'm happy!

Bob

 

[Gypsysoul]

Hey Bob,

I think you are the normal one and the rest are weirdos. hehe

 

[Cherokee]

I'm not even on the road yet and I'm already hearing it. (I do, however, have one friend who understands and has been very helpful). I understand and appreciate the concerns of my friends but sometimes they get a little carried away with it. The "oh, you poor girl" looks drive me crazy and I've found that no amount of explaining seems to help. Now, anytime someone sees me modifying my truck and asks, I just tell them that I like to camp a lot. That seems to keep the questions/advice down to a minimum.

 

[MikeRuth]

For the time being the little white lie, "I'm going to be doing a lot of camping" shuts it down for me.
I'm not out yet, still working on the Van, so for now, I'd rather keep doing what I'm doing then stop and spend an hour "discussing it"

 

[akrvbob]

Hey Bob,

I think you are the normal one and the rest are weirdos. hehe

I couldn't agree more!!!!
Bob

 

[akrvbob]

Now, anytime someone sees me modifying my truck and asks, I just tell them that I like to camp a lot. That seems to keep the questions/advice down to a minimum.

It'a amazing how many people love to camp, but then when they find out you are going to do it every day for the rest of your life they either react with horror or envy. Mostly horror!
Bob

 

[Cherokee]

It'a amazing how many people love to camp, but then when they find out you are going to do it every day for the rest of your life they either react with horror or envy. Mostly horror!
Bob

Exactly, Bob!

 

[mockturtle]

Well, I admit my kids and grandkids aren't thrilled with my lifestyle and my mother, while encouraging, thinks it's a bit dangerous. But overall, friends and family think it's exciting and adventurous and wish they were 'brave' enough to do it. And even if they didn't, I would continue to live my life the way I want to. After all, I'm a big girl now.

 

[Spirituallifetime]

There are people in this world when they come across people who have risen to a higher level of existence they seem to want to pull them back down to a mind numbing working and paying bills and no hope of any light at the end of the tunnel existance.

 

[LeeRevell]

The main problem seems to be that these folks are so ingrained to believe one must live in a big fixed 'home, they see anyone living in a vehicle fulltime as 'homeless', not realizing the vandwellers simply have 'mobile' homes!

 

[Suanne]

Because I live out of my Prius, even some of my fellow travelers (RV'ers & vandwellers) want to "save me" from sleeping in my car. At my insistence, my house-dwelling friends and family have mostly given up trying to put me up when I visit. They don't get me, but love me anyways ... and me them. Introducing them to my mobile lifestyle via my travel blog has helped, I think. In the blog I've made it a point to address their questions and worries (safety, where I sleep, bathroom accommodations, etc.) But, more than that, they can read of my experiences, adventures and joy of being on the road.

Suanne ... prepping to snowbird in the desert sw

 

[karl]

I don't feel the pressure I once did to conform to others beliefs. It is easy to tell concerned parties that I have done my research, planned for contingencies, practiced, use logic and common sense and the rest is up to a higher power. It has become easy to thank them for their offers of lodging, showers, meals, whatever advise/concerns, and accept or decline with no guilt.

There are people who visit my "home"- a 14x28' cabin- and are astounded that dog and I "live in such a cramped space".....they are never going to be convinced that I am actually more comfortable in my van. Haven't really asked Dog's opinion, she does seem to like new scenery though.

"I like to camp a lot " , and "I work out of town a lot" seems to calm some of them.

Those closest to me understand that I have chosen to live the way I do and will likely continue until I choose otherwise......it took some years for some of them to accept that...
Change is harder for some than for others, as is accepting that each has her/his own life to live.

 

[LucyImHome]

Very few know how I live. Need to know basis, and I can't think of who would need to know.
Truly, it's not about you. The concern/judgement they show is more about their feelings, how they think they'd feel in a similar situation. They can't step outside themselves to think of how someone else thinks or feels. If I do share, I don't have anything invested in their response. My life, my choices, my freedom. The folks that give you grief are just scared of anything that's different than what they think is "normal". I feel sorry for them, and hope they eventually wake up.
The only person that cares about me living in an old TT is my adult son. He's also living in the same old TT! LOL

 

[akrvbob]

Truly, it's not about you. The concern/judgement they show is more about their feelings, how they think they'd feel in a similar situation. They can't step outside themselves to think of how someone else thinks or feels.

This is incredibly wise and true!

Best advice I ever got was not to take things personally because other peoples actions and words almost never have anything to do with me, it's all about them,

When I am at my best I realize that's equally true of myself and I make a huge effort and actually try to make things about others and not about myself. Very, very hard thing to do!

Bob

 

[Iggy]

Well, I'm leaving the well intentioned friends behind and hitting the road again finally! Heading for SoCal this weekend after seven months of being mostly stationary in Oregon. Let's see how sorry they feel for me when I mention the warm beach I'm laying on at Christmas time. While they are shivering in the snow and rain. Woohoo, can't wait to see life on the road again!

 

[Tinman74]

Many many years ago while staying in our truck camper at an antique car show it began to rain. Some of our non camping friends from the local area
offered us a room in there home for the night being concerned we would get wet in the camper.
Well intentioned, they just had no idea. The wife and I had a good laugh over it.
Bob

 

[mockturtle]

Sounds good, Iggy!

 

[Gypsysoul]

I am not on the road yet, but I am preparing. I am not being offered help, but criticism from my twenty something know everything son. He wants me to get low income housing. I choose not to do that. I was unhappy in my former living situation for many years. This won't happen again. In the future if I don't like the view or my neighbors, I can change it. The point being it is my decision, not his or anyone else's.