Not one of ours

[TrainChaser]

Well, it wasn't me. I've been through Mtn. Home, but never stopped. Besides, yesterday I was loading trash into the pickup to go to the dump. One more step in the right direction....

 

[Stargazer]

A while back, I (a solo 64 yr old female, 5'3", 135#) wrote a post about men approaching me while I was living/traveling in my van.  It was deleted by the mods because it was perceived as male bashing, NOT my intention.  But guys, you know how we ladies are taught from a very young age to be careful of strangers?  Yep!  Men have approached me in parking lots and asked to see the inside of my van.  I have been invited into their vehicles.  Total strangers.  I'm never outright rude but neither do I encourage that kind of close contact without getting to know a person first.  This is my home!  Would you (male OR female) walk up to someone's house front door and ask, "Can I come in and see your home?"  Really?!

I no longer live in my van, in fact I sold it a few months ago and live in a fifth wheel now in an RV park where I know everybody.  But right now, as I write this, I am traveling in a rented Roadtrek (it is beautiful!).  Two days ago, a thunderstorm blew up, raining sideways, flooding intersections.  I pulled off the road into a parking lot in a commercial area of a city, waited it out.  When the rain let up, I got out to have a smoke and a car drove by me, stopped in front of me, a man got out, walked towards me, I put out the cigarette and started to get back in the van.  He shook his head no, pointed at me, and approached me asking if he could see the inside of the van.  He was about my size and I figured I could take him down if I had to.  So I opened the rear door.  No way he could've gotten in because the sofa runs across the back but he could just see over it.  Was I afraid?  No, but I was cautious and maintained more than an arm's length distance and a strong stance.  I may have been less defensive with a woman, who may have been just as much of a threat, but there is a physical strength factor there.

Does this mean I never speak to strangers?  Not at all. But my radar is always on.  And the great folks I have met far outweigh the few iffys.

There are a number of reasons why the woman was rude to you, OP.  But I write this because we all should respect others' spaces and keep in mind an uninvited approach, especially in a parking lot, may be perceived as a threat.

Btw, this Roadtrek, 2014 210 Popular, is luxury, for sure.  Had a number of RV's in my lifetime and this one is solidly built, well thought out floor plan, and as easy to drive as my old E-150, so far.  I rented this to take my seven year old grand daughter on her first "camping" trip.  This is more like glamping.  It also gives me a chance to consider whether I would buy one of these (an older model) because I live by KISS and this doesn't qualify but it has AC.  So far, we've stayed in RV parks on our way to my favorite primitive place high in the Rockies.  We'll see how my little city girl companion manages without her phone and tablet and all that jazz. Wish me luck on that

Best wishes to all!

 

[Queen]

Well said, Stargazer. As a 56 year old woman who used to be incredibly strong and capable, but isn't any longer, I am very wary of men who approach me, especially in places like parking lots and rest areas. I am aware of my vulnerability,and am put in the position of having to determine whether or not I am safe in any given situation... it's not about hating or bashing men, it's about the power imbalance.

So, unless you approach someone like Popeye does, with a shared experience/camaraderie, don't be offended if they don't welcome the interaction.

 

[DannyB1954]

Maybe she is just a pac rat hoarder, and took offence to you noticing it. We can only guess, so no point in trying to come to a conclusion. The two of you just did not click.

 

[Wanderer]

lol I don't know why, but this made me think of the bible tracts and other nonsense that gets tucked under windshield wipers and handed out in crowds.
Maybe we should have some "CRVL" pamphlets to share with folks like these (from a safe distance, if necessary) to let them know about this wonderful community and its resources.
"Excuse me, ma'am, have you heard the good news about mobile living?"

OK, that's a good one...  

But I too am seeing people who are "Probably" living out of their vehicles and the passenger area is filled with bags...so this is a "Signal" you're NOT welcome" and back off...

 

[Yogidog]

Thank u howette for posting this and being willing to try u helped me change my perspective totally, now I see u guys coming toward my vehicle instead of perp ready. To do me in, still take precautions but have had some great conversations and now I ask if on clrv we never know who we are helping, maybe not her but me!

 

[TrainChaser]

OP: "I thought I'd be cordial and asked if she was full timing."

What she probably 'heard' was, "Oh, half a step from living under an overpass, eh?"

Next time, just smile, say hello, and walk away.  If you want to say something when you return, maybe ask if they're traveling, or on vacation.  You don't really need to go straight for the throat.

Many people who live in their cars aren't proud of it, and they get defensive.

Many people who live in their cars don't have a computer, a cell phone or the internet. They don't know that CRVL exists, or anything like it.  Their world has been condensed down to basic survival.

People who live in their cars, esp women, are often frightened.  They never thought this could happen to them, and tomorrow is likely to be just as scary.  And next week, next month, and next year, if they're still alive.

 

[Benjamin Dejo]

Lot's of mentally ill people in this lifestyle, that's a fact. I keep to myself and don't risk a bad encounter. I've tried to be friendly, but that has bitten me in the a$$ a few times in the past.

You've got your problems, I've got mine. Let's just keep it that way in passing.

 

[vsession]

Lot's of mentally ill people in this lifestyle, that's a fact.

Good point and they're probably more introvert people doing that lifestyle too. You don’t approach an introvert the same way you talk to an extrovert. The same person in a different environment may have been welcome you differently. My opinion is to always put yourself in the situation of the person you want to approach, how will it be perceived and to be as friendly as possible.

If interested to learn more

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_impression_(psychology)

 

[Cheli]

There is a girl that works in my office who is a true hoarder, it's bad. If you didn't know her and saw her truck you would also assume she is "full timing" but no, her truck is just filled to the rim with crap she won't/can't get rid of. Back seat, passenger seat, back of pickup under cab, everywhere except the driver seat. So maybe the woman you saw is just a hoarder and was offended with your assumption.

Or maybe she's is a full timer and is simply weary of strange men approaching her and letting them know she lives in her vehicle. It would make her feel like an easy target.

Or maybe she just isn't an outgoing person who takes up conversations with strangers.

Who knows.

 

[Wanderer]

OP: "I thought I'd be cordial and asked if she was full timing."

What she probably 'heard' was, "Oh, half a step from living under an overpass, eh?"

People who live in their cars, esp women, are often frightened.  They never thought this could happen to them, and tomorrow is likely to be just as scary.  And next week, next month, and next year, if they're still alive.

Knew 2 who lived that fear for 6-11 months till they got an apartment.

Spoke with others and those who stayed at the rest stops (Oregon/Washington) and I am STUNNED with the amount of males trying to "Snare" females by various ungentlemanly tactics.

 

[Headache]

...and I am STUNNED with the amount of males trying to "Snare" females by various ungentlemanly tactics.

This right here. ^^^   What I'm about to post is not man bashing, it's fact as far as being a woman is concerned:

I drove big rigs for 15 years and I don't have enough digits to count the amount of times I was approached by aggressive males when I was a truck driver.  There literally were/are men out there that believed women drove trucks because they wanted to "get some" easier and a few made no bones about trying to help themselves enough that I got into physical confrontations a couple of times.  Another couple of times it was at my place of employment and I lost my job, not the aggressor.  Unfortunately even though it's been a decade or so it still happens.  However, this isn't to say that women are safer as some are not.  In an industry where 1 in 6 work related fatalities is a truck driver and the occupation with the most non-fatal injuries and illnesses of every job in the U.S. is a truck driver we have enough stress to deal with.

As far as the mental health issues don't judge a book by it's cover.  I have serious mental health issues but you wouldn't know it most of the time because I'm not delusional or dangerous and I'm not on medication because I can't afford them.  I'm not unapproachable but as I've described above I'm cautious no matter the surroundings.  If someone seems overly friendly my radar goes off waiting for the uninvited fondle.  Sorry guys, there are some jerkoffs that ruined it for the rest of you!  Once I get to know you though I'm good and when I'm triggered and/or need alone time and/or others are telling me I'm overly emotional about something I go to my rig and busy myself with something until I've settled down.

You can't imagine how unsettling, scary and ashamed we can feel when the realization hits we've acted out in this way.  It's one thing to have an injured body part, most often that will heal.  It's quite another to have something wrong with you that you have little hope of improving because the majority of society sweeps you under the rug all the time and you can't get the care and meds you need.