My Main Fear

[Rainy]

Hi Everyone,

Please be mindful that I'm brave enough to talk about my biggest fear.  It may sound silly, but it's real to me.  I'm looking for someone to relate so please no belittling or hate.  I'd love to know about how some of you have been able to deal with or overcome this kind of fear.  

I've been trying to get a solo female nomad to help me to understand how to deal with my main fear about finally jumping into this lifestyle.  I've searched most everything I could find on fear and I don't have any of the fears most people talk about.  Not afraid of what people will think, not afraid of being physically hurt, a bit afraid of breaking down some place remote but I can deal with that, no budget worries, etc.

My biggest fear has to do with boondocking.  I, like most people, cannot afford to pay to park every night.  I see all these videos of people in these remote spaces that look like they have no cell service and not another person for miles.  As a solo female, I can't imagine I could feel anything but terror in that situation.  I hear people say things like you're as safe as you'd be in a sticks and bricks home, but that's not true in my mind.  Definitely anything could happen any place but how could you possibly defend yourself when there is no one around to help you in the worst case scenario?  For me that would be people looking to do harm that would happen to see a vehicle parked in the middle of no where.  I imagine myself getting terrorized, shot, raped, beaten, etc.  I could care less about getting robbed, you can always replace stuff, but someone doing harm to me, that I am not okay with.

Please do not dismiss my fears.  If you can't relate, I'm so happy for you.  I've overcome a lot in my life, but since I was a child I've always been terrified of "the boogyman".  I was very safe as a child, have always met challenges head on, but I feel that it must be something buried deep in my psyche that I can't unravel.  

Thank you in advance if you have anything to contribute, I really appreciate it!

 

[rvwandering]

You may want to start out by joining one of the caravans - https://www.cheaprvliving.com/caravans/  Then try boondocking at one of the more popular places where there are always other people boondocking. Some areas of the country have free campgrounds that are really nice where you can camp for free and have neighbors close by for help if you need them.

 So you can boondock and not put yourself in a situation where you are terrified. Your fears may pass as you get more comfortable boondocking but if they don't you still have the option of boondocking with close neighbors rather than off by yourself.

 

[Rainy]

tonyandkaren,

Thank you so much for your great recommendation! That makes a lot of sense and my biggest hope is that I can get over the fear when I become comfortable with being out there.
Take good care.

 

[Wabbit]

Hi Rainy and welcome. Your fear seems to be a rational one to me. I have been full time on the road now for 2+ years and I still have nights where the bumps in the night get me outta bed to run a perimeter check. I do this with a flashlight most times, but I have also grabbed my handy machete a time or two. I think some people side step this rational fear of humans with either guns or gods. If that makes sense. Maybe a lil bit of both is the answer. A lil bit of God and a lil bit of self protection. A third option might be a whole lotta crazy and just not give a ****. Best of luck with this, would love to have an update someday if you find something that works for you.

 

[Srae29]

Hi Rainy,
I too, as an older female, 60 yo, have the same apprehensions to be on an isolated campsite I've lived in Chicago for over 40 yrs; I have been in the face of very dangerous situations due to my profession and I remain to be guarded and allow my thoughts to wonder on ALL the "what ifs", so I understand you. I think it's one way of self preservation, to think about the what its. Idk. What helped me to live in Chicago was I was around people all the time. There is safety in numbers! We even practised the 'buddy' system, religiously. People walked together to and fro train stations, bus stops, and always had someone from point A to point B know our location ect. This was primarily for late night/wee mornings-- not in daylight unless certain areas.
I am embarking on a solo adventure this yr too, and the thought of not having a "buddy" system has become a daunting thought. I only know the city way of life...a big city!
I will practice my courage of solo camping with small excursions. I will attempt to travel with others until I become acquainted with isolation camping.
Dont worry, you're not alone with your fears. Stay encouraged that you'll use your instincts, past experiences, and meet others who are in the same situation. Many travelers have dogs to help them feel protected and for companionship. Mace, or a bull horn, a loud whistle or meditation can help fears.
Best to you on your travels!
Cheers!

 

[Rainy]

Hi Rainy and welcome. Your fear seems to be a rational one to me. I have been full time on the road now for 2+ years and I still have nights where the bumps in the night get me outta bed to run a perimeter check. I do this with a flashlight most times, but I have also grabbed my handy machete a time or two. I think some people side step this rational fear of humans with either guns or gods. If that makes sense. Maybe a lil bit of both is the answer. A lil bit of God and a lil bit of self protection. A third option might be a whole lotta crazy and just not give a ****. Best of luck with this, would love to have an update someday if you find something that works for you.

I hope I'm answering this correctly.  Thanks so much Wabbit for your feedback.  I have such mixed feelings about weapons, still trying to figure that out.  I can't stop thinking about getting out there, from a sense of peace & adventure and also out of financial necessity.   Hope we can meet at some point.

 

[Rainy]

Hi Rainy,
I too, as an older female, 60 yo, have the same apprehensions to be on an isolated campsite  I've lived in Chicago for over 40 yrs; I have been in the face of very dangerous situations due to my profession and I remain to be guarded and allow my thoughts to wonder on ALL the "what ifs", so I understand you. I think it's one way of self preservation, to think about the what its. Idk. What helped me to live in Chicago was I was around people all the time. There is safety in numbers! We even practised the 'buddy' system, religiously. People walked together to and fro train stations,  bus stops, and always had someone from point A to point B know our location ect. This was primarily for late night/wee mornings-- not in daylight unless certain areas.
I am embarking on a solo adventure this yr too, and the thought of not having a "buddy" system has become a daunting thought. I only know the city way of life...a big city!
I will practice my courage of solo camping with small excursions. I will attempt to travel with others until I become acquainted with isolation camping.
Dont worry, you're not alone with your fears. Stay encouraged that you'll use your instincts, past experiences, and meet others who are in the same situation. Many travelers have dogs to help them feel protected and for companionship. Mace, or a bull horn, a loud whistle or meditation can help fears.
Best to you on your travels!
Cheers!

Hi Srae29!  Thanks so much for your reply.  This all makes so much sense to me.  I SO get what you say about feeling safe in the city, safety in numbers.  I feel the same way.
This fear I have is so intense.  I remember sleeping at a friends grandparents home when I was in my late 20's.  It was out in the woods and I was up all night terrified.  My friend was sleeping right next to me and her grandparents were close by.  I'm no longer that intensely fearful.  I've traveled alone for business both domestically and internationally and have been fine.    My hope is that I will become more comfortable with time and experience.
I have considered a dog quite seriously!  I've never had a dog and I want to be responsible in taking on a pet.  I do love dogs and that's a great option.  
I wish the best to you and hope we may meet up one day!

 

[lenny flank]

Fear of the unknown is a very human thing.

The way to overcome it is to make the "unknown", known.

I've taken a lot of newbie backpackers into the woods for their first time. It's not unusual for them to be afraid of bears, snakes, getting lost, or whatever. But after a while in the woods, where they can see for themselves that nothing will happen, they lose their fears. The "unknown" becomes known and familiar.

I suggest a few short trips with an already-experienced boondocker. You'll see for yourself that most of our human fears are wasted.

 

[PODebbie]

I am 61.  I have traveled around the US solo or with my kids for over 30 years.  I live a normal life in a house, but I love to travel and explore.  My husband plays drums for a hobby so he would use his vacation time to play gigs.  I used mine to travel.  I  have been freightened many times, but I don't allow it to stop me from doing what I love.  Some of my tips.  I try to camp in national parks, etc a few sites down from others.  When I hike, I try to allow 5-20 mins, then follow someone else on a trail.  I have slept in my car on so many occasions. I go to bathroom at one rest area, then the next one, I stop and sleep.  If I feel "uneasy", I move along.  

I used to ride my bicycle work 30 miles in the dark, along a park that only had 2 lights.  Now, I know this sounds strange, but after feeling vulnerable too many times (nothing happened,of course).  I bought a mens suit at Salvation Army and wore it under my biking clothes.  I put on a mustache with glue.  It was wonderful. People thought I was a guy.  My husband was happy.  He did not like me riding my bike at night.  Now, 5 miles from home, no problem, but once you get 20 miles away on a bicycle, you start to fell a little timid.  So.... last time, I drove to Florida by myself, I took my men's clothes and baseball hat.  I did not have to wear them, but I felt comfortable knowing I could disguise myself.  Now, if someone is really looking, I'm sure they could tell I was a female.  But I do wear hiking books and have short hair so from a distance I can pull it off.

This past Christmas, my husband went to Florida with me. We boondocked in our new to us Ford van with a high-top.  It was wonderful to be able to read books at night, and stay in the same place.  These are things I can't do by myself. I have tried to read by lamp light in Walmart parking lots, etc,  I get stares and feel uncomfertable like people are watching me and I am homeless.   I have make sure I don't follow any routines.  I may go to a bar and dance, but then I'll drive 10 miles away to sleep.  I'll go on a 50 mile bike ride on a deserted rail-trail, but then I drive elsewhere to sleep. I don't sleep at the trail head.  I go kayaking by myself.  I live my life.  When I go moutain biking 20 miles into the forest by myself, I take bear spray for animals and people.  With the amount of activities I do solo, I should be comfortable, but I always have my guard up.   It is great getting old, I don't get too many looks nowadays, but we were taught there always wierdos around, and it is probably true.  I hope they go for the younger stuff.  Why steal an old jalopy, when you can steal a sports car.  If you are going to spend time in prison for theft (or rape) you might as well get something good.  That is what I am counting on, I am no longer desireable to the creeps.

I would join a caravan, but the above tips are to help you get there.  Good luck.

 

[mpruet]

The idea of joining a caravan is a good one.  You can meet several kindred folks that might be able to help you overcome your fear.  The good news is that the caravans are continuing for the next few months and that there is a women only caravan as well.  If you were to join one of these for a while, you might be able to overcome your fear and/or learn defensive actions that you can take so that you will not be a vulnerable.

 

[Rainy]

Fear of the unknown is a very human thing.

The way to overcome it is to make the "unknown", known.

I've taken a lot of newbie backpackers into the woods for their first time. It's not unusual for them to be afraid of bears, snakes, getting lost, or whatever. But after a while in the woods, where they can see for themselves that nothing will happen, they lose their fears. The "unknown" becomes known and familiar.

I suggest a few short trips with an already-experienced boondocker. You'll see for yourself that most of our human fears are wasted.

Hi Lenny Frank   It's really kind of you to take people under your wing and help them to relieve their fears.  Fear is so interesting; I have no fear of so many things like snakes, bears, etc.  And I so agree with familiarity and how that eases fear.

Starting out with experienced boondockers makes so much sense.  Hopefully I can find someone with your spirit who will be willing to help.  Hope to see you out there!

 

[Rainy]

I am 61.  I have traveled around the US solo or with my kids for over 30 years.  I live a normal life in a house, but I love to travel and explore.  My husband plays drums for a hobby so he would use his vacation time to play gigs.  I used mine to travel.  I  have been freightened many times, but I don't allow it to stop me from doing what I love.  Some of my tips.  I try to camp in national parks, etc a few sites down from others.  When I hike, I try to allow 5-20 mins, then follow someone else on a trail.  I have slept in my car on so many occasions. I go to bathroom at one rest area, then the next one, I stop and sleep.  If I feel "uneasy", I move along.  

I used to ride my bicycle work 30 miles in the dark, along a park that only had 2 lights.  Now, I know this sounds strange, but after feeling vulnerable too many times (nothing happened,of course).  I bought a mens suit at Salvation Army and wore it under my biking clothes.  I put on a mustache with glue.  It was wonderful. People thought I was a guy.  My husband was happy.  He did not like me riding my bike at night.  Now, 5 miles from home, no problem, but once you get 20 miles away on a bicycle, you start to fell a little timid.  So.... last time, I drove to Florida by myself, I took my men's clothes and baseball hat.  I did not have to wear them, but I felt comfortable knowing I could disguise myself.  Now, if someone is really looking, I'm sure they could tell I was a female.  But I do wear hiking books and have short hair so from a distance I can pull it off.

This past Christmas, my husband went to Florida with me. We boondocked in our new to us Ford van with a high-top.  It was wonderful to be able to read books at night, and stay in the same place.  These are things I can't do by myself. I have tried to read by lamp light in Walmart parking lots, etc,  I get stares and feel uncomfertable like people are watching me and I am homeless.   I have make sure I don't follow any routines.  I may go to a bar and dance, but then I'll drive 10 miles away to sleep.  I'll go on a 50 mile bike ride on a deserted rail-trail, but then I drive elsewhere to sleep. I don't sleep at the trail head.  I go kayaking by myself.  I live my life.  When I go moutain biking 20 miles into the forest by myself, I take bear spray for animals and people.  With the amount of activities I do solo, I should be comfortable, but I always have my guard up.   It is great getting old, I don't get too many looks nowadays, but we were taught there always wierdos around, and it is probably true.  I hope they go for the younger stuff.  Why steal an old jalopy, when you can steal a sports car.  If you are going to spend time in prison for theft (or rape) you might as well get something good.  That is what I am counting on, I am no longer desirable to the creeps.

I would join a caravan, but the above tips are to help you get there.  Good luck.,

Dear PODebbie,  You have a great sense of humor!  I'm not far behind you in age & I have some fairly serious health related issues which I do not allow to stop me from doing what I want to do.  I have to be smart about that, know my limits and take really good care of myself.  I think I need to use the same sense when it comes from my fears.
I've been getting a lot of advice to join a caravan which is a great idea!  I admire your courage, 30 mile bike ride in the dark..wow!  I love the idea of dressing as a man, especially when driving.  I don't think how one looks has much to do with why they are attacked.  People who are really dangerous are more about power than attraction.  So looking like a man balances things a bit.  Perhaps a hair cut is in my future .
Take good care and I hope to see you out there one day!

 

[Rainy]

The idea of joining a caravan is a good one.  You can meet several kindred folks that might be able to help you overcome your fear.  The good news is that the caravans are continuing for the next few months and that there is a women only caravan as well.  If you were to join one of these for a while, you might be able to overcome your fear and/or learn defensive actions that you can take so that you will not be a vulnerable.

Thank you so much for your reply!  I've received the same suggestion for others and I think it's a great one.  I really feel it's my "ticket" to getting out there.  Take good care and hope to see you out there one day!

 

[WanderingRose]

What lenny flank said.

Personally, however, alone but for my faithful dog, I don’t go out to isolated areas and boondock.

It’s not a matter of fear, but of practicality in case of an emergency, when I would not want my dog to be without care.

 

[Rainy]

What lenny flank said.

Personally, however, alone but for my faithful dog, I don’t go out to isolated areas and boondock.

It’s not a matter of fear, but of practicality in case of an emergency, when I would not want my dog to be without care.

Thanks so much WanderingRose!  I'm curious, do you still boondock (to me that means parking for a night without paying) and if so, where?  Or maybe you stick close to people.  I guess if you live in a van you can be stealth and park in a more urban area.

 

[mayble]

I'm a fan of free and cheap campgrounds and overnight parking at places like Walmart, when I'm not driveway surfing with friends and family.
Before I started, I imagined enjoying the solitude of the boonies.  Turns out, I'm a little more civilized than I thought.  I don't mind seeing other people, at a reasonable distance.  I like the convenience of a hot shower, fresh water and a dumpster, and hiking trails, historic sites and other fun stuff within walking distance.
I'm enjoying New Mexico's state parks this winter.  $225/year for camping is about as good as it gets, particularly since i never have to drive to shower, get water or dump trash. That's cheap living.
There are a thousand different ways to live on wheels.  You can make it whatever you want it to be, and change it whenever you need.

 

[Srae29]

I am 61.  I have traveled around the US solo or with my kids for over 30 years.  I live a normal life in a house, but I love to travel and explore.  My husband plays drums for a hobby so he would use his vacation time to play gigs.  I used mine to travel.  I  have been freightened many times, but I don't allow it to stop me from doing what I love.  Some of my tips.  I try to camp in national parks, etc a few sites down from others.  When I hike, I try to allow 5-20 mins, then follow someone else on a trail.  I have slept in my car on so many occasions. I go to bathroom at one rest area, then the next one, I stop and sleep.  If I feel "uneasy", I move along.  

I used to ride my bicycle work 30 miles in the dark, along a park that only had 2 lights.  Now, I know this sounds strange, but after feeling vulnerable too many times (nothing happened,of course).  I bought a mens suit at Salvation Army and wore it under my biking clothes.  I put on a mustache with glue.  It was wonderful. People thought I was a guy.  My husband was happy.  He did not like me riding my bike at night.  Now, 5 miles from home, no problem, but once you get 20 miles away on a bicycle, you start to fell a little timid.  So.... last time, I drove to Florida by myself, I took my men's clothes and baseball hat.  I did not have to wear them, but I felt comfortable knowing I could disguise myself.  Now, if someone is really looking, I'm sure they could tell I was a female.  But I do wear hiking books and have short hair so from a distance I can pull it off.

This past Christmas, my husband went to Florida with me. We boondocked in our new to us Ford van with a high-top.  It was wonderful to be able to read books at night, and stay in the same place.  These are things I can't do by myself. I have tried to read by lamp light in Walmart parking lots, etc,  I get stares and feel uncomfertable like people are watching me and I am homeless.   I have make sure I don't follow any routines.  I may go to a bar and dance, but then I'll drive 10 miles away to sleep.  I'll go on a 50 mile bike ride on a deserted rail-trail, but then I drive elsewhere to sleep. I don't sleep at the trail head.  I go kayaking by myself.  I live my life.  When I go moutain biking 20 miles into the forest by myself, I take bear spray for animals and people.  With the amount of activities I do solo, I should be comfortable, but I always have my guard up.   It is great getting old, I don't get too many looks nowadays, but we were taught there always wierdos around, and it is probably true.  I hope they go for the younger stuff.  Why steal an old jalopy, when you can steal a sports car.  If you are going to spend time in prison for theft (or rape) you might as well get something good.  That is what I am counting on, I am no longer desireable to the creeps.

I would join a caravan, but the above tips are to help you get there.  Good luck.

You sound like an adventurous person. Way to live your life!

 

[mayble]

It’s not a matter of fear, but of practicality in case of an emergency, when I would not want my dog to be without care.

This.  I recently had a neighbor in the the campground stop by to check on me, because I hadn't been seen outside all day.  Once upon a time, that would have totally creeped me out but in this case I was relieved to know that if something happened to me, my dog wouldn't have to feed on my corpse to survive
A couple laps around the campground and you've got your "waving neighbors" and folks become familiar.  That's exactly enough human interaction for me

 

[WanderingRose]

I still boondocks/dry camp, and am right now doing so, but I am never far off the beaten path, even if we are the only ones at a given spot.

I suggest you try some baby steps, before jumping in full time, if you are able.

Spend some overnights, and try this all out.

 

[MrNoodly]

I was skittish and nervous the first few times I boondocked alone. Part of me was thinking, "It's okay. There's no one else around." But another part of me was thinking, "Not now, but what about later? When you're asleep? What if some bored, drunk, criminally inclined local dudes find me here?" The theme from "Deliverance" kept creeping into my head. But nothing happened and I eventually got used to being alone in the boonies. If I hadn't, I probably would've found another boondocker or two to camp with.