Many Conflicting Thoughts

[waverider1987]

Not running away from anything. More like running towards something.

Why live a life you aren't passionate about? Travel isn't just something you do for 2 weeks out of the year, on your vacation time. Travel can be a lifestyle, and a sustainable and comfortable one at that. You don't need lots of money to live a life of adventure and freedom.

I wish more people could understand.

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I do understand. It's worth it. You have to Dave yourself before you can help others

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[free2enjoy]

Not running away from anything.  More like running towards something.

Why live a life you aren't passionate about?  Travel isn't just something you do for 2 weeks out of the year, on your vacation time.  Travel can be a lifestyle, and a sustainable and comfortable one at that.  You don't need lots of money to live a life of adventure and freedom.

I wish more people could understand.

You're definitely not running away, but running towards your own authenticity!  

Almost everyone is so far from that.   It's a journey to "self".

I just joined the forum and haven't read all the pages on this thread.  I just wanted to say, "in your absolute freedom to be yourself, who do you want to be with?"  In that freedom, will you move away from a person or towards a person?   If I lose freedom to be with the other, then for me, I am not with my true best friend.  

I want my freedom more than anything else.  Second, I want a companion that is my best buddy where we both are still completely free to be together and to be apart.  Not that it's that utopic but that both of us are settled into our own beings to be interdependent, not codependent.

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

Thank you

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[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I agree after 2 marriages and raised 7 kids to adulthood.. I feel I've spent enough time being a parent now it's time for me to do the things I like and made me happy. Having friends to do it with is just a bonus.

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[free2enjoy]

My sons are 22 and 20 and amazing kids, but I'm ready to be free from being a parent and enjoy that they are nearly off the payroll!  The decades long self-sacrifice especially within a system (school, culture, gov't, economy) that really takes over the kid's life and the parent's life was exhausting and stifling.  I really resented that the school calendar ran my life and that the schools themselves were so bad that I ended up sending the kids to private school from K-12.

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I understand when I became a parent I gave it 100 percent dedication I gave up friends I gave up going to the movies I gave up going out to eat i focused all my attention on making sure my kids had the best chance in life now they're going to college there be coming nurse and there doing good so yeah it's time for me to enjoy life before I get to old. The hardest part was actually getting in the car and going once I started moving after a couple days on the road I realized this is for me some people call it nomatic I call it a sabbatical.

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[waverider1987]

Thank you everyone who has posted on here and been encouraging and thoughtful.

It's been 2 years in the relationship now and this past year has been very rough back and forth. Now these past two weeks is like a tidal wave has hit and I don't know if there's chance of recovery this time. I may be trying to sabotage the relationship for freedom. I told myself I would give it a go, and only after I did would I be ok taking off to try the life I've dreamed of for so long.

I think I can do it now.

The plus side of staying put these past 2 years is I've managed to accrue some savings. I can basically manage to budget $500 a month for 10 months and have some savings left over. The plan would be to find seasonal work eventually but I wouldn't want to work for the first few months.

I know this is a possible lifestyle or at least, adventure, for me. It's just hard to let go of someone to set off into the unknown. I've taken more trips solo these past 2 years as well, and that's helped me to get a feel for things. My van is NOWHERE near what I want it to be. It's bascially just a shell with some camping stuff in it at this point. I have zero building skills and I hope I can just jerry rig it up to be comfortable enough or one day find someone kind enough to help me build something decent inside of it.

Who knows. I'm just tired of wondering...want to start wandering instead <3

 

[waverider1987]

I think Brad nailed it with his advice, but if you want to stay in the relationship can you find a happy middle ground you can both live with?  Travel weekends with her or you travel on your own part of the year and spend other part with her or any combo of a compromise you two both think could work.

I've been trying this.  Problem is, I work for myself and have more free time and she's been complaining about this and jealous about it.  She is upset she has to work so much that I feel guilty doing any trips without her. But I'm starting to realize I shouldn't feel bad for the path I chose in life, to work for myself.  Albeit I can't work for myself on the road, what I do requires a stationary place, but the point is, whenever I do anything without her, I feel like it's not fair to her.  So I don't know if I should either settle into her restrictive schedule and become resentful, or if I should just cut the ties and be free.  Still working it out.

 

[waverider1987]

I won't be much help with advice here because I recently broke up with my bf of three years because we don't have the same dream.  I needed to break free for the good of both of us because I couldn't give him what he wants by "settling down" with him and if I did I would just resent him later and still want to travel.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to to.

That's what I'm starting to come to.  She has way less freedom with her job than I do and I don't feel it's fair for me to go off and have all these adventures when she can't come along.  We do take trips together but anytime I even spend a day by myself at the beach without her she gets jealous and I feel bad.

 

[waverider1987]

Most relationships have a 'shiny and new' period that lasts 3-6 months, then you start seeing the warts
Give it time, if you feel that strongly right now, but build out your van anyway, take trips with or without her, and get everything set up how you like it
if in 6 months you don't still feel that 'shiny' about the relationship, you'll be ready to fly
I do think it can't work, long term, unless you are free to come and go, or there will be resentment, and anger, and a nasty ending as like as not

Yes, I think the jealousy and guilt trips whenever I even spend a day alone are all signs that I have to travel alone because she can't come with me.

 

[rm.w/aview]

Your last three posts have this distant & unattached observer seeing a difficult road to happiness for you two. It seems that continuing as each of you are that there will be a growing bitterness that in the end has the makings of an ugly separation, which may have you living as you want to now. It appears that a lot of grief can be avoided to wind up back where you started.

 

[waverider1987]

I bit the bullet and made a difficult but much needed decision.

I chose freedom over love.....for now.

In a way, I'm still not sure it was the right choice. The only justification I can give is that, I gave the relationship time while putting the desire to fly on the backburner. The desire to be free, however, only grew stronger over the last couple of years. Now, at times, it did fade away, and I thought I could follow the pattern of; relationship, work, house, occasional vacation, repeat. But, no. Always, the feeling of anxiety and distress over how I was living my life would come back. At 31, I find myself saying, I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep lying to myself for the sake of other people and how they perceive life, including my life, should be lived.

However, it is hard. There's still the fear of loneliness, isolation, depression, not having someone there, etc. But, I have hope. I feel that my inner compass is pointing me in the right direction, I just hope I'm not wrong.

I'll see ya'll at the rtr.

 

[SondraRose]

I’m 55 and your thread has been very helpful in supporting my decision to travel during the Tucson summers, whether or not my husband will join me.

If your travels bring you close to Tucson, message me and I can show you around/or join you for a couple of days boondocking in a wilderness area nearby.  

You aren’t alone!  There are so many of us out here. 

 

[waverider1987]

^
Thank you.  I've thought about deleting it many times but it helped me too, keeping it up for the last 2 years, going back and re-reading my thoughts and seeing the same patterns.

I hope to find more like me out there.  That's been what's held me back a lot, is not knowing anyone else who wants to travel full time.  I hope to meet more soon.

 

[Sylvan Secrets]

While I've never been in your situation, I have moved to a large city (ugh) following my boyfriend at the time. This was long before I'd even heard of van dwelling. I ended up feeling trapped. Afterwards, I told myself that I'd never do that again, that I would put my own dreams first. Nowadays I'm a vandweller, but not really a nomad. So maybe this doesn't apply to your situation.

 

[dawnann7]

So I don't know if I should either settle into her restrictive schedule and become resentful, or if I should just cut the ties and be free.  Still working it out.

A third option would be to just follow your own bliss and let her work out how she feels about that. This would force her to "own" her own feelings and actions. She will either adapt to your lifestyle or choose to move on herself. Just a thought...

 

[waverider1987]

I have tried that, it leads to resentment and jealousy.  She wants someone more stable, who can stay, go with her flow, etc.  I get it.  

I am going to not post anymore on this thread but I do hope that by leaving it up it might help a soul or two who are also struggling with their sense of freedom whilst being in a relationship.  I do believe you can have both but only with the right person.  It just takes finding that special someone.  I have hopes that this person is out there, maybe a fellow nomad.  One can only hope.