Just need to vent, woman to women...

[sunnyslife]

I keep saying that the reason I am not on the road yet is because "life happens" but, I finally realized that it is because I keep screwing my life up myself...

16 years of marriage and my ex-husband then decided to tell me that my dreams were just that, my dreams - that he had no interest in traveling with me...now, a year and a half into a relationship, I finally figured out that my boyfriend lied to me and has no intentions of going on the road with me...

Now, I have my truck and am ready to start the slide-in camper build and the truck breaks down yesterday...couple that with the fact that I am moving out of this home in October and that I get SSI as my only source of income - money is going to hold me back once again.

I am so depressed today over this whole "life happens" crap but, I refuse to give up - I will be on the road one day and I look forward to meeting up with other women (and men) that share my visions and dreams.

Thanks you for listening to my ranting - hoping you all have safe and enjoyable travels.

 

[WanderingRose]

I’m sorry.

Sometimes negative events just pile up on us.

I tell myself it’s a test, to see how much I can handle.

Leave the men to the side for now, do some hard thinking and soul searching about your decisions, to try to identify what you may have missed.

Consider reaching out to your local mental health center to speak with a therapist about where you find yourself now, and why.

Tomorrow is another day, so get up, put one foot ahead of the other, and do your part.

Good luck to you.

 

[JeanInaBox]

Every time something holds me back I say to myself...”Everything happens for a reason and God is in control of the season”.

Have faith that you’ll fulfill your dreams at the perfect time. You may think that your being held back... but God is in control. He has your best interest in his hands.

 

[jacqueg]

[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]So are you saying that sometime in October[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif], you will be homeless?[/font]

[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]I don't know what life is like in your area, but in mine, that would put you at the top of the list for various housing programs.[/font]

[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]And don't forget about HOWA. 
[/font]
You can do this. Just keep your intention clearly in front of you and do something every day to make it real. Vent here any time you feel the need.

[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]And don't forget about HOWA. [/font]

 

[maki2]

My plans for leaving by the first of November just took a hit. I am still working on the build with lots to do and most things require two good hands. But I just fractured my wrist so that plan is out the window. Plus I will need to pay someone to help with task that require heavy tools as it will be months before I heal enough for that.

So of course I have been struggling with some depression over it. Did I screw up and not look down and then my foot slipped so I fell and landed on my hand? I sure did, it is no one elses fault. My helper is busy with his own life stuff including his business work which has to come before mine. That is also very frustrating and adds to the delay. But it is not his "fault", he has customers who drive that situation. In the long run it makes zero difference who or what is to blame, a delay is just a delay. I am not going to take it out on myself or my friends.

I remind myself that frustration can lead to feeling depressed. I remind myself that a physical injury leads to lack of sleep and to excess cortisol production and that naturally also leads to feeling depressed.

The point is you have to accept that those feelings are a natural reaction and do your best to just accept it and keep on moving through it instead of letting it rule you. Keep up with your anti oxidants to combat that cortisol. Take some chromium, it is mother nature's best natural antidepressant and you don't need a prescription for it. If you feel too tired and draggy and upset to do any work then make yourself go and take a 10 minute walk. That too is a great natural antidepressant and it increases energy instead of depleting it. The professional psychologist studies have found it to be more effective than taking a nap.

Be kind to yourself, don't blame yourself and don't blame others, that is an emotionally exhausting thing to do. If you can't stop dwelling on the bad stuff put a rubber band on your wrist. When you get onto that hamster wheel where you can't stop the thoughts then gently snap the band and say the word "STOP". That is called behavior modification, it will help you retrain your brain to get off that hampster wheel of bad thoughts that lead to feeling even more depressed, frustrated and powerless.

 

[RoamerRV428]

HI and sorry you are going through hard times.

Best thing is you know that life happens and yea you have every right to feel a bit depressed about the BS that holds us back from the path we want.

Just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking straight toward what you want. Sure detours are gonna happen, but you know this, so just put down your head and barrel forward You got this and you will be on the road and you will get onto that path you want.

best of luck to you!! Let us know how things progress for you.

 

[sunnyslife]

Thank you all for your kind words and inspiration. I am feeling much better about my situation today. Though I am sure I will have more "self-pity" moments along the way, I still remain positive and determined to live out my dreams.

No, I won't be homeless (yet) as my ex-son-in-law is having me move into his home for a while - there I will have full use of the house and a garage where I can work through the winter on my build - first of spring all I should have left to do is the (poor man's) fiberglass on exterior and the painting on the interior - being in Ohio, you can't really do that in the winter.

Anyway, thanks again for all the kind words - it truly is nice to have "like-minded" women to share with and turn to for that.

 

[WanderingRose]

You see, there is already something positive to report.

A port in your storm, a safe place to stay while working on your rig.

 

[PODebbie]

I so admire the people that can make up their mind to do something and then do it. I have to think, and plan and plan. And of course, very few of the plans happen. I started wanting to do long trips about a year ago. It took several months to buy a van. I knowingly spent too much om the purchase. I tried to do the build. I messed up everything. My husband is slow, when he is interested, and pretty much non-moving when I'm on his butt. So, after putting in a bed and securing a desk, sewing table (sink) and plastic drawers, the build is done.

I drove it to Florida 2 times from Michigan. I miss the grand kids and my husband after about 3 weeks. So, that is 2 times failing at a 6 month trip. Then we arranged for someone to cut the grass, take care of the mail etc. so we could go to Alaska. I had complications from a surgery that made us return home after Glacier National Park.

Next, I went to northern Michigan with family and tried to stay for the rest of the summer. My husband's cousin died, I had to return home. The next trip, after a week my 43 year old son-in-law had to be hospitalized for a stent and I had to return to babysit the grand kids. The last trip, I had to return home because my husband's brother-in-law, who was like a father to him, passed away. So, I am home again with medical complications.

My husband told me he would quit his job and travel with me. That has not happened. My next trip will probably be to the desert. Who knows, I'm sure I'll be solo. And this is just about a year after I started planning. I have the finances, so I don't have the additional problems you have, but you have to keep moving forward. Inch by inch toward your goal.

 

[travelaround]

Waiting is part of life and it strengthens us. I'm waiting too, at the moment. But little by little it will all come together.

So glad to hear you have lodging and a van workspace for the winter.

 

[Wondering]

I agree that sometimes things can be a struggle.

i found out that when things go bad it is how you look at it.  Embrace the fact that the truck ..gave out before you left.  It would have been 100 times worse if you were stranded in the middle of nowhere having to worry about coming up with the money for a long distance tow.  
embrace the fact that you are going to have to be creative in finding a way to reach your goal.
embrace the fact that you have a forum of women that will support you and listen to your venting.  get help if your emotions are too much to reel in.  But stay connected.  A year ago I posted my failure to be a nomad.  I just posted again that I am trying again.  I figure the first failure was just a practice and perhaps with the women’s help in the forum I will be on the right track.  If not I just need more practice!

 

[SheketEchad]

It was seven years ago that I started dreaming of this, and just last week I went on my FIRST excursion. It may take time. Life may get in the way. Health may get in the way. But never, ever stop dreaming! Hope is what keeps us all going

 

[travelaround]

So glad to read you people are not giving up on your dreams of vandwelling. I'm only a few months into this. Started July 2. There are so many challenges and some I'd go ahead and call bad times. It isn't easy to adjust to all aspects of vandwelling.

I think I'd find it easier if I had a completely built out camping van but like many women I'm not starting out with the perfect setup and many things aren't going according to plan. But it is real life, close to the earth... not insulated so well as it was when I was in the apartment... and I'm not talking about insulation.

I gave up a comfortable 2 bedroom apartment for this and I'm determined to work through the hard times and stay the course. I know now, it isn't easy. Maybe "easy" isn't what we've been longing for.

 

[SheketEchad]

You know TA, I think you may have a point here, regarding 'easy'. I have always sought out challenges to increase my flexibility, improve my perspective, and learn new things - but that only came into my life after being hit by a tornado 13 years ago. My mom (at 80) thinks I have lost my mind. To her, my age is when you have finally achieved all those things you want and you surround yourself with ease, all the material comforts you want, and you just coast until death. She cannot fathom having only five outfits to choose from and washing your clothes under a running spigot and hanging them out to dry on a tree. She finds no value in sitting by a river an hour before sunrise, having made coffee on your camp stove and listening to the rush of water and the call of a pair of barred owls as they hunt, or watching the living colors of the sky come to life surrounded by all of the rustlings and movements of hidden life in the underbrush at that time when the world is hushed and holding its breath for the promise of a new day. She is so fearful, that she worries daily that I will be chopped up into bits and no one will know where I was.

In the ten years I have been widowed, I have bought a homestead, started on it, lost it (well, I still own it but cannot live there), lived on people's couches, lived in a teeny tiny apartment, lived in an RV, bought a 100+ year old house with no heat, running water or hot water, or a/c and now I've added the van living to my repertoire. While I am not mechanically inclined, I have learned a lot about what life is about, how much we really have and do not know it, how things that everyone in the US takes for granted are really actually luxuries we didn't know we had until we face living without them. I have learned to appreciate things that I always took for granted and discovered that we humans are really pretty adaptable. I have learned to find value and beauty in very simple things.

I want to ingest life, not let it pass me by. We only get one life, and if we do not go for the rings that have appeal for us, how will we know what is really out there? I currently have the best of both worlds, a home that I own that costs me nearly nothing to keep, a van to go and sleep in the woods when I want to, or to see new places, and a little old car that takes me where I need to go.

I still have my job, which I can do anywhere that I have electricity and wi-fi, so I do have to work all day even when I am in the van. I just got back from a short week trip, and I can say I did NOT want to come back home. But I had to, this time. But there are three more trips planned in the next two months and I leave again on Friday for the first one.

Some people get it, and some don't. Some people are happy with what our culture presents as success and they become numb to what living really is. I've been at the top of the food chain, and I've been at the bottom and most of the time somewhere in the middle. But I am most alive when I am in nature, when walls do not surround me, when I must remain with eyes open and heart expanded, and give thanks for every day that I wake up to have new experiences yet again. I'm thankful everyone DOES NOT get it, because then there would be no more wild places, no spots in tiny little riverside parks, and we'd all succumb to the numbness.

We're not coasters, we are ring grabbers, and grabbing the ring is never easy - but you damn sure know you're alive and you're building flexibility and adaptability while everyone else is glued to their TV sets or game boxes or whatnot.

 

[JeanInaBox]

@ She

Well said! ^5

 

[VyckieG]

Be gentle with yourself. Most of our troubles are not actually of our own making or choosing.

 

[Element Gypsy]

"We're not coasters, we are ring grabbers, and grabbing the ring is never easy - but you damn sure know you're alive"

Yeah. When I was really sick for 3 years and friends disapeared I got so tired of the tv, internet and my bedroom I swore to myself when I got better I was going to go see the things I always wanted to.
It was not easy, I left the unsupportive lieing man, downsized...but I did a heck of a lot the past 2, 3 years!
I felt so alive in so many places.
Top of the rockies, Yosemite, Baja, front row at Keith urban, tooling around Santa Barbara, Venice, saw the redwoods.
I am tired and broke now. Waiting on income based housing. The lists are years long. I keep trying to stay strong and explore but I want an apartment again. My health is up and down and i need stability to get better again.

I am glad I jumped in, the first sign my health started improving I made plans and got the heck out. I explored and traveled.

 

[Lmpaden]

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate all you've gone thru that has brought you to this point in time. Keep following your truth!

 

[SheketEchad]

Even though I have to work full time while out here and so miss out on many of the daytime activities, I have not one single regret. Great people, amazing vistas, beautiful night skies and soothing scenery.  The wind can make things a tad interesting, but otherwise, come out when you can - everything is just fine   :heart:

 

[outermostsoul]

How are you doing original poster?