How long of a life is long enough?

[Queen]

I've heard many of us here say when we're ready to be done, we'll be done.  That seems at odds with much of the rest of the country.

What brought this up is my brother best friend, we've all been friends since high school, and we've had some great times, we are 56 and 57 respectively.  This friend has Type One diabetes, his health is truly abysmal, loss of vision, multiple skin cancers, kidney transplant, heart issues, and the kidney transplant is now failing.  He is desperately searching for a new kidney donor (living not cadaver).  This amazes me.  First that doctors would think this is a good idea, but also why he is so set on going on.  His life is misery personified (his own claim), so why continue it, it baffles me.  I guess not everyone is okay with the idea of dying, I know my mom was terrified of it, she couldn't understand why I wasn't.

So, my confusion aside: Long enough for me it's as long as I have the capacity and desire for love and happiness.  Many things can grind that away, but it's my personal benchmark.

 

[Optimistic Paranoid]

Is there life after death?

At one time, nearly everyone in the west accepted that there is a heaven and a hell.  Now, many people openly doubt religion.  Many go through life not really thinking about it seriously.  So when you suddenly come face to face with it . . .

 

[slynne]

If you look at the life spans of historical figures, I have lived longer than most of them so in that sense, I have lived long enough or at least received more lifetime. However, I still feel like I have a lot of life left in me!

I think my philosophy on this has been shaped by the four dogs I have had that have died. One on her own, because I waited too long to put her down and the other three because of my decision. Basically, when faced with that decision, I try to consider if they have more good days than bad days. I hope to have the mental capability of making a similar choice for myself but if not, well, I hope they at least give me some good drugs.

 

[DannyB1954]

I may need some more heart work done in the near future, (had a heart attack 12 years ago at 50 years old). I've been having some symptoms which cause concern. I do a nuclear stress test next week. My dog will be well taken care of if things don't go well, and that is the only living thing that depends on me. Neptune Society will take care of the carcass. 12 Years ago I had stents put in, and there was a chance that a blood vessel would burst and not enough time to do anything about it. I was OK with whatever way it went. I remember the nurse saying there is no need to worry, but if things don't go well, what do you want done with the body. Real confidence inspiring. Doctor said 95 out of a 100 people do well. I asked him how the last 95 did. He didn't see the humor.

Too early to say if I have a real problem or because of my past I am a bit paranoid. The way I see operations is I will either eventually feel much better, or I will never feel any worse. I do believe in an afterlife, and I think that I will be just fine there.

 

[LeeRevell]

With my own health declining, and a certain incurable progressive but nonfatal malady, borderline Type 2 Diabetes, lung and heart damage from a problem ocurring four years ago, and having watched Mom and Dad lying their last month or more in a hospital bed as they steadily died, I have been considering this too. I am 60 this March. Both parents died at 80.
I am not irreligious, but am not a "good Christian" though that is the basis of my core beliefs. I decided awhile back that I will NOT spend my final time in bad, an invalid just waiting to die. If the time comes I can no longer get around and care for myself, I will end this existence on my own terms.
I am in the process of getting my "ducks in a row", legally, a Will, etc.
I do hope and intend to be around a few more good years though.

 

[SoulRaven]

Definitely not a "one size fits all". It is my hope to just use myself up as I move from 62 beyond. I am not the kind of person that can be "sick" and not the person that can wither slowly away on the shelf. My Grandpa, way back in the early 1960s had two heart attacks and was told it was time to sit on the porch and take a break. That was not Grandpa and he had the 3rd one working in the yard doing what he enjoyed at the age of 72. I was very young then, but after seeing so many older people and what their lives are like now, two thumbs Grandpa. I get it!

I don't understand what makes someone who is suffering so much want to continue with treatments that make them suffer more and offer no real end to the suffering. I have seen it. When I saw it though, the family was pushing the individual to try everything not wanting to let the person "go" and the person who is suffering not wanting to let the family down.

I have no fear of death, but I do appreciate life, and it will be sad to leave my children some day along with all the beauty in nature. I have my own set of beliefs derived from years of study and observation of the world around us that give me peace feeling that we all continue on indefinitely.

 

[Queen]

... I don't understand what makes someone who is suffering so much want to continue with treatments that make them suffer more and offer no real end to the suffering.  I have seen it.  When I saw it though, the family was pushing the individual to try everything not wanting to let the person "go" and the person who is suffering not wanting to let the family down.

This is what stops me cold.  My mom was in full kidney failure and on dialysis, her heart surgery had left her with lost balance so she could no longer drive and needed help with everything, then they found stage IV cancer in her jaw and sinus region.  She actually wanted to pursue the horrific surgery where they take away half of your face followed by burning painful radiation, even after the doc said it wouldn't cure her but only buy her some time.  When  I asked her why she would do that she replied "it's the only option, what choice do I have?".  Thankfully (and I truly mean that) she died before they could make her suffer even more.

Seems there's fear of death, all mixed up with the idea that we're SUPPOSED to gut it out until the bitter end, no matter what.

 

[MrNoodly]

One week back in my late 20s there were a couple of stories in the news about people with terrible injuries who fought back from the brink of death. I wondered at the time whether I would fight to live if I were in the same situation. I still wonder it. Now that I'm 65, with fewer likely years ahead of me (even if I die of "natural causes") I think, "Go through all the pain, trouble and expense just so I can die a little later? No thank you." I feel that way because I'm content with my life. And because I don't think there's anything after death to fear. I just don't want to die slowly, painfully. I don't want to outlive my brain's ability to function properly. If you're content with your life, then however long or briefly you live is long enough.

 

[Gary68]

because it has been proven that if you go down fighting tooth and nail you might just end up with the win
[video=youtube]

there are many people with terminal diseases that chose not to terminate

 

[Queen]

I'm not a sports person so you lost me, win what?

 

[poncho62]

I've heard many of us here say when we're ready to be done, we'll be done.  That seems at odds with much of the rest of the country.

What brought this up is my brother best friend, we've all been friends since high school, and we've had some great times, we are 56 and 57 respectively.  This friend has Type One diabetes, his health is truly abysmal, loss of vision, multiple skin cancers, kidney transplant, heart issues, and the kidney transplant is now failing.  He is desperately searching for a new kidney donor (living not cadaver).  This amazes me.  First that doctors would think this is a good idea, but also why he is so set on going on.  His life is misery personified (his own claim), so why continue it, it baffles me.  I guess not everyone is okay with the idea of dying, I know my mom was terrified of it, she couldn't understand why I wasn't.

So, my confusion aside: Long enough for me it's as long as I have the capacity and desire for love and happiness.  Many things can grind that away, but it's my personal benchmark.

Just a guess here, but I think that maybe you are a believer in life after death, whereas your friend is not.......In his mind, death is final, so he will fight to stretch it out. You are not so afraid, as you feel it is not the end.
I am not a believer. I think that once you are dead, thats it.......I cant help the way I feel and as I get older, I kind of envy people that believe, although in my mind, they are just being silly.

BTW.....Why a live kidney donor rather than a cadaver one?

 

[Queen]

It's actually a 180 from there, I'm a non believer and he is still a believer.

Apparently live donor transplants have higher success rates. I never knew that before.

 

[poncho62]

It's actually a 180 from there, I'm a non believer and he is still a believer.

Apparently live donor transplants have higher success rates. I never knew that before.

Got me stumped then.......lol

 

[SoulRaven]

I think some believers tend to believe in their head, but not their hearts and souls, maybe.

I was talking to another resident here in the RV park whose father was just given 3 months to live. He has 3 brain tumors and it is causing physical issues being on both sides of the brain. They have an experimental chemo that he is going to take in order to try that would/might extend his life for 18 months. I guess in this case, if he understands he is a sort of guinea pig and might advance treatment for others in the future, it might make sense to give a shot. I do think there are times when patients hear something that really isn't being said by the medical staff, more what they want to hear than what is being said.

Since I have gotten older, death seems like not that big deal. We took Grandma to a lot of funerals, lots of old relatives! Everyone was accepting of death back then or so it seemed. It was just a part of life. I think that probably had an impact on me, seeing no fear and everyone comfortable with death. It wasn't and isn't so much "believer" (God in my case) but that it was/is just the cycle of life.

Across the board, I have no idea how to explain the choices that people make these days, just no idea!

 

[gapper2]

I am getting older and have a few more health problems like most people.  I want a quality of life not a quantity.

And I very much believe there is nothing to fear after death.

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

I've thought a lot about death, probably more than most 36 year olds as I had a very debilitating bout of Lyme Disease that literally put me in a chair 24/7 for over a year, lost 60 lbs, all my muscles and couldn't move very much of anything. Dr's couldn't figure it out and had no positive test results to point them in any particular direction. I was told my body was shutting down and probably wouldn't make it 5 years. Pain scale was a 9 on my good days, past ten most others. And through all that, if some divine being said you could move on peacefully or keep going in pain I would have kept going. Prior to living through it first hand, had I saw someone else in my condition I would have said why hang on? I now consider life worth living no matter how bad it gets. And i'm def not scared of dying, it's going to happen to all of us. But if I have a say in the matter, I think i just assume keep going. I always planned on living to 100 and that's still my goal.

My Dad died at 58 and I at least intend on beating him. He made me promise him that if he ever got so bad he'd have to live out his days in a nursing home to pull the plug and I pulled the plug on him the night before he was due to go to a nursing home. Dr called and said if he didn't get some IV meds his organs would start to fail and he'd die before morning. I asked what the other options were and he said an iv full of pain killers and let nature take it's course. So that's the option I took. He was no longer in control of himself, no control of his body. He got cancer at 55 and had a pretty quick decline the next 3 years. He was perfectly at peace with his diagnosis and decided to not fight it. I respect him for that. I think I'd do the same when I know the time is the time. But man, I sure do miss him.

 

[DannyB1954]

 I kind of envy people that believe, although in my mind, they are just being silly.

I think everybody believes, they just don't know it. I will try to prove that to you. 

Everybody has hopes for something. A million people may have a million different hopes, but they all got some. Maybe it is to get a companion, maybe for better health, maybe more income, on and on.

So here is the question. If there is no power in the universe greater than you, who are you talking to when you hope? Are you talking to yourself? What good is that supposed to do? It is OK to not know what that greater being is that you wish manifests a better future for you. In other words hope is another word for prayer. When in trouble we hope, (pray), that something will change to get us out of that trouble. Get a traffic ticket, hope the Officer doesn't show up for court. Is talking to yourself going to cause that to happen?

God is like a mirror in that everyone who looks sees something different. The mirror never changes.   Problems come when one group feels they have the only good mirror.

 

[TooManyDogs]

Your proof didn't work. Sorry, not convinced. I believe in free will and self-determination and not some deity to "make the cop not appear in court". I'm certainly not praying for any such thing.

 

[Ticklebellly]

Long enough to have a life with meaning!   Once the lights are out, that's all folks!!!    The meaning and purpose of my life is seen in what I leave behind.

 

[PathofAsha]

I don't understand what makes someone who is suffering so much want to continue with treatments that make them suffer more and offer no real end to the suffering.  I have seen it.  When I saw it though, the family was pushing the individual to try everything not wanting to let the person "go" and the person who is suffering not wanting to let the family down.

I have no fear of death, but I do appreciate life, and it will be sad to leave my children some day along with all the beauty in nature.  I have my own set of beliefs derived from years of study and observation of the world around us that give me peace feeling that we all continue on indefinitely.

Couldn't have said it better.