having issues being alone

[Fisher473]

Hi Guys,

I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same issues as I do. I live in my Van and I really miss someone around me. I lived with my girlfriend for over 4 years, we are still together but I felt like I needed to change my life a little and decide to go off the grid in my van.

I'm fine throughout the week as I have to work, but I am pretty lonely over the weekends. I am so use to being with her that its hard for me to take road trips by my self, now I have a free weekend where my trip to Germany got canceled and my girlfriend already made plans.

Last time I took a trip by my self I was pretty lonely and dont think I enjoyed it as much as I would with someone else.

Anyone having the same issues...perhaps because I'm fresh off the grid so I need to get over certain things.

 

[cyndi]

If you let others know where you are there may be full timers near by to hang with

 

[caseyc]

Same thing happened to me last summer. I was going to take a roadtrip vacation with my GF for a week. But at the last minute, something urgent came up for her so she had to cancel. Since I already had a week off for vacation, I decided to simply go out on my own. I ended up travelling several hours from home and hung out at fishing lakes to learn fishing. I had a bunch of newly purchased fishing gear at the time, and that was my goal to learn how to fish. I ended up spending my days with other fishermen who were friendly with their advice, and simply hung out with them as they teached me the basics of fishing. During the evenings, I hung out at Starbucks and felt comfortable being with others sitting by themselves all wrapped up with their laptops and earphones. The next day, I would get up and do it all over again, hanging out with fisherman by day and Starbucks by evening. Somewhere in between I'd go out for dinner somewhere and then walk around to explore. I did this for a total of 9 days and actually enjoyed myself. It's nice to have a GF to accompany you, but it's also good to spend "alone" time on your own every so often. Give yourself a chance to miss each other by being away.

 

[PastTense]

There are all kinds of local events listings online. For example maybe you can find a county fair 50 miles away...

 

[mconlonx]

Currently splitting from the future ex- and am more and more enjoying time alone as I ease into vandwelling life. Two months sleeping in the van and I find myself spending less time inside, more time in the van. Also not minding being alone at the old house without her.

I can definitely see where the OP is coming from, been there. Takes a bit of time and emotion to adjust to a different living situation. Find stuff to do -- I'm a reader, read books all through our relationship, but now I have even more time to read and am taking advantage of it. What floats your boat that you can do more of?

Time also has an opportunity cost. What could you rather be doing when she's not around...?

 

[Suanne]

I do like being alone. But, I especially like being alone with other people who like being alone. Earlier this year, when I was in the US dessert SW among other vandwellers (camping many yards apart from each other) someone called us a "gathering of introverts." I thought that was an apt description. Humans are by nature social creatures; so, it makes sense that most of us need contact. For some, interacting online is enough. Others need the face-to-face.

Sometimes when I'm truly alone and need company, I seek out my own. Writing is a good way to get to know yourself.

Suanne

 

[Lucky mike]

the nice part of being alone......you can really find yourself!! Take time everyday to take a walk with yourself and answer or work on your questions.

concentrate on nature and it will concentrate on you.........I know this sounds like a speech , but you have allowed yourself to become co-dependent and have really lost touch with yourself.....take time for you and it will all work out

 

[Drifted_Cowboy]

I can relate to you a great deal.

Much of my isolation was and is self imposed. Partly as an escape from the chaos of the world and partly because it's just who I am. But i often get lost on my path and lost in my mind. Having a wife and kids around eases some of the pain but the biggest emptiness is a lack of intellectual conversation. I'm alone in a crowded room. I always have been and am trying to accept I always will be. To unload a million thoughts and have someone bounce the world back to me would be my first wish from the wishing tree. I live in a crowded cavernous mind. But don't we all crave people?

That being said if you have not spent a considerable amount of time alone I would very strongly suggest doing so. For many cultures throughout history it has been remarkably important for young men to be alone for extended periods of time. You're not going on a vision quest but maybe you are.

Perhaps filling your day with a schedule and a routine would keep you company. Plan interesting day trips to neat locations that involve people. Or you could find opportunity in volunteering your time. You could find interesting lectures, historical speeches, or other things and walk around and listen to them. You could get a pet. My dog is pretty good company. She is also busy on weekends though. I used to volunteer at a historical restoration type of project and that was pretty awesome to me.

You can always wander around a park and pretend your from the past. Interesting things will happen to you.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Being alone isn't so bad if you like yourself.
Still, one needs to have a life. Surely, you have activities you enjoy. If not, I recommend you explore some options. Find things or groups who are active that interest you. Read those books you've always thought of reading. Go fishing, or whatever.

Margie and I are together a lot, but there are times we're thankful for time to follow our own paths.

---

BTW...If she sees you having a great time and bragging about the fun you're having maybe she will wanna be around more often.


`

 

[decodancer]

I'm never alone, my dogs are the best company a woman could ever ask for.

 

[GrinningPanther]

Hey, Fisher473, I've never felt intensely lonely since getting a dog a number of years ago. In fact, sometimes I need to get away from my dog so I can feel some solitude. So put me down as one more vote for a dog solving the problem of loneliness...for me.

But...people are different in terms of how much alone time they like. One of the best-researched personality variables is extroversion vs. introversion.
Some people need others around a lot, and some people need an extraordinary amount of solitude...and some people are somewhere in the middle. My advice is to listen to what your own mind, heart, and spirit--and your past experience with yourself--are telling you about how much company and solitude are good for you. Don't measure yourself by what works for others and therefore assume that you should be able to learn to be comfortable doing what certain others do.

My guess is that among van-dwellers (as opposed to those in large RVs, where there's often easy room for more than one person) there's a higher percentage of introverts than there is in the overall population...but it's also clear that some van dwellers, including some on this forum, are quite extroverted.

The good news for extroverts is that most people like company, and there are always places to go to interact with people.

Good luck,
GP

 

[wayne49]

OP-

The trick is to not "feel lonely" when alone. Realizing that "I am a whole complete person." That doesn't mean being a hermit or living in solitary.

Suggestions (not to be taken literally):
1. Join a cult or other group where you never 24x7 with others. When you have had enough togetherness, then embrace the joy of solitude.

2. Get into a relationship with a control freak. Enjoy doing simple tasks in your own way without constant feedback.

Real suggestion:
Get out of the van, look around, go for a walk, observe. Breathe. Process the loss of relationship. Move on. Repeat as necessary.

-Wayne

 

[GypsySilver]

To unload a million thoughts and have someone bounce the world back to me would be my first wish from the wishing tree.

yes. very well said...

 

[mockturtle]

I'm never alone, my dogs are the best company a woman could ever ask for.

X2, decodancer!

 

[StarEcho]

I do like being alone. But, I especially like being alone with other people who like being alone. Earlier this year, when I was in the US dessert SW among other vandwellers (camping many yards apart from each other) someone called us a "gathering of introverts." I thought that was an apt description. Humans are by nature social creatures; so, it makes sense that most of us need contact. For some, interacting online is enough. Others need the face-to-face.

Sometimes when I'm truly alone and need company, I seek out my own. Writing is a good way to get to know yourself.

Suanne

I second this wholeheartedly. I only like being with other people if they leave me alone!

It also reminded me of a t-shirt I saw on ThinkGeek

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/c9ba/

 

[jeanontheroad]

There's another side to this. Sometimes,I would like to be alone. I like my own company. Although mostly this lifestyle is good, but there can be too much togetherness. When we eventually get back to Florida, I am going back to work for a while.

---

Wolf is a social butterfly. I am more of a hermit. If he is out socializing, he will come and drag me away from whatever I am happily doing to join the group. I enjoy talking to people, just not every bloody waking hour.

If he needs to go to Napa Auto, he wants me to come along. If I am going to Walmart to buy socks, he wants to come along. Without his workshop and his neighbor buddies, he wants me to amuse him. There are times when it is a very good thing that I don't know where he put his gun.

 

[HarmonicaBruce]

Ham radio is a great way to not be lonely. You're talking with people, and you do it when you want to.

 

[wagoneer]

In 19th century English If a person was well endowed/ wealthy and a land owner the custom was to hire a hermit and to establish him/her in a small hamlet. After tea and crumpets would offer a horse ride through my LAND. Discover the Hermit and be invited in for tea, I had no idea these people were living on my land? Gotta job?

 

[anm]

Maybe it's to do with getting older, but I savor the times I'm alone. I'm a recluse, but I'm not a total recluse. I enjoy the company of people, just not too much company...

 

[NomadforNature]

I've been full-timing for 12-years. I have spent a lot of that time traveling with someone, but in the past few years I've spent a lot of time on my own. Months on end at times (I'm usually around people in the day time when I'm in one location for a while when working a job) and because I boondock 98% of the time, I don't have people around me, like you would camping in a campground. I've learned to make the most of this time alone... let's face it, when you're alone things are much simpler. You can go where you want, when you want, do things how you want to etc. If you want to sit for hours and wait for a Great Horned Owl to wake up at the end of the day, you can. There is no pressure to go, do, see, eat, and so on. I can be totally selfish without offending anyone. However, there are times I miss companionship; sometimes being alone limits my recreation to relatively 'safe' hiking (no technical slot canyons when I'm on my own)... and those 14 1/2 hour nights in winter.... yes, they can be long and lonely. What works for me best is to have a full schedule during the day. Visit everything you can, hike every trail you can, move around a lot (even if its only 2-miles to a different spot, with a different view, different wildlife), and when night comes around, have a fire if you can and play music...the kind that helps to lift the spirit. If you're out in the middle of nowhere, with no one around, you can dance as dorky or as wild as you like, because there is no one to see you. These things really help to keep my mind focused on the amazing world surrounding my rig, rather than my loneliness. The campfire is a great mood lifter, along with the music, I try for one every two or three nights in winter... sometimes the campfire become my best friend.