Got a Joke??

[WheelEstate USA]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

 

[GrinningPanther]

Jay, I just got letters from the SNHC (Society of Non-Humorous Churchgoers) and the NOPOL (National Organization for the Protection of Old Ladies). They aren't amused.

But here's one for the SSDI crowd:

A guy goes in to apply for Social Security disability.

The clerk helping him with the paperwork asks, "Sir, what's your disability?"

He says, "I've got anal glaucoma."

The clerk looks through her listing of ailments and illnesses, and can't find it. She says, "It's not on the list. What's anal glaucoma?"

The guy says, "I just can't see my ass going to work."


And if I get letters from the NABHDP (National Association for Banning of Humor about Disabled Persons), I'm not even opening them. Straight to the "circular filing cabinet" they go.

 

[Patrick46]

Hmmmmmm.....Ooooooooooo Kayyyyyyyyyy(?)

______________________________________________________


Two little boys were going up & down the isles of a pharmacy, obviously looking for something in particular. (The older pharmacist was watching them from behind the counter.)

They stopped, picked up a box of tampons, talked between themselves, and headed up toward the check-out counter, where they placed them.

"Do you wanna buy these?? Do you know what these are, and what they're used for??" the pharmacist asked, (snickering under his breath).

the slightly older boy spoke up...

"I'm Bobby, and this is my little brother Billy", he said nodding toward his accomplice.

"We saw these on the TV, and it said that if you use these, then you can ride a bicycle and you can go swimming."


"Well...Billy CAN'T DO EITHER OF THOSE!"

 

[WheelEstate USA]

GP...I'm gonna hustle down and apply for that disability.
Fits me to a T.

---

Patrick...glad I can ride a bike and swim

 

[Bela's Mom]

Bindi, OMG I have not stopped laughing!

Good jokes, guys! Good thread!

 

[Zil]

A shipwreck. The man is stranded on a deserted island. It took years. He used the few materials at hand to build two beautiful synagogs. even with such a limited supply of material, these were magnificent. After about 20 years a passing Greenpeace vessel happened to stop at the island. The man was rescued. The captain and crew were amazed at the work the man had done building the synagogs. There could not be more praise for the mans work. But the captain wondered and asked the man, "Why two?"
The man pointed to one synagog and said "I go to this one every week." "But!" he said, I would not be caught dead in that one!"

 

[decodancer]

A fancy female Poodle was searching for a new beau. She asked her three suitors to use the words liver and cheese in a sentence. The Bulldog said in his gruffest voice, "I like liver and cheese". The Dalmatian with his slightly English accent made his attempt with "liver and cheese are my very favorite". The Chihuahua, straight from his Mexican villa chimed in "liver alone, cheese mine". Paws down, they made a cute couple.

Much better when told out loud, can't wait to hear some more.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Both funny ones
This is fun....keep 'em coming folks

DD...Margie and I are still cracking up. Being near the Mexican border, we can relate.

 

[rverscorner]

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

I was visiting my daughter last night when
I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on
Newspapers. Here… use my iPad."


I can tell you this….. That bloody fly never knew what hit him...