Emotional Baggage - How to deal with things you really don't need anymore

[user 423]

Yep, I've been through quite a few cycles of bricks then the road and always felt good giving my stuff to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Most of the stuff came from there in the first place <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" class="emoticon bbc_img">.<br><br>A Celica hatchback would be good for someone spry and limber enough to easily get in and out of one. The '84 I had was the best car I've ever owned and did live in it for about 3 months.

 

[caseyc]

For me the hardest part is deciding to get rid of something. That sometimes takes months and a few tries. But once I finally get rid of that thing, whatever it may be, I have found I don't even think about it anymore pretty much immediately.&nbsp; So far I haven't regretted any number of many things I've given away or trashed.&nbsp; What I can't stand is having to buy the same thing over and over again, such as a bed. If I lose my apartment&nbsp;dwelling, I end up giving away or discarding a bed even though it cost over a $1000 when I bought it new.&nbsp; I hate having to buy another bed again, which always costs a lot when brand new, but is worth almost nothing used.&nbsp; I've bought many beds over the years, mainly for the reason of having to start over again.&nbsp; No one guy should have to buy as many beds as I have in the same lifetime, haha! I'm referring to beds used for my apartment dwellings.&nbsp; My only consolation now is that the one very nice bed and mattress inside my van will pretty much be a permanent thing, since I own my van and bed, I don't anticipate having to give up that bed.&nbsp; I spent over a $1,000 on a very nice iComfort memory foam mattress and platform bed frame. This thing is now a permanent fixture in my van. &nbsp;

 

[Ballenxj]

Well, I'm still going through this. Trying to get rid of everything is harder than I expected.

 

[wagoneer]

Emotional baggage means something different to me than physical baggage but I understand physical baggage becomes an emotional issue. Setting myself a goal to eliminate small items a few at a time. You carry one item a day into your life thats 365 items per year. Only when you admit your weakness to stuff will the healing begin. I am struggling. I am healing slowly.

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curious thought. when I post a reply I read the initial post and chime in then when I go to read the reply it's totally off subject because the post was post-jacked and the continuity disturbed making the process futile got to get used to that "off topic" stuff EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE thanks.

 

[Sameer]

I let everything go in one day, holding a Saturday Yard sale. What didn't sell I dumped at the Salvation Army. I was so attached to these things, I took pictures of everything. Collections and what at the time was very meaningful and full of memories, these items. Some of it I had hauled around with me for 25 years or longer. I look at the pictures now and think...."It sure was a lot of crap!" I don't miss it at all! Getting rid of all that stuff made me feel free, lighter, unencumbered. "Fast forgotten!" The stuff I thought I couldn't live without! I took the cash and added solar to my van.

 

[Ballenxj]

I guess the hardest part is just doing it.

 

[Sameer]

Yes, It was a hard thing to do. These things were connected to remarkable memories and adventures. But they were the past and I needed all of that to go to create a new future with nothing to hold me back or impede my freedom. I posted my last comment to this subject in November. Since then I have purged my 'need for crap' two more times. All I have now is my Van and the things necessary to set up a camp, my electronics, clothes. I was in the forest above Dolores. Colorado. I simply eliminated everything I didn't need for travel or to live in my Van. Everything! Absolutely Everything! It is freedom...total freedom. I miss nothing...! I am creating new memories and having new adventures without the need for memorabilia as adventures and good memories have become a daily part of my life.

 

[caseyc]

Emotional baggage is negative energy that keeps the good things from entering your life. Get rid of the negative energy and you will have positive things entering your life. I know it all sounds quite zen. But it's also very practical and psychologically good for you. Works for me.

 

[66788]

I grew up in a white collar world, rokguy, so it never occurred to me to pursue one of the skilled trades. "Son, tradesmen are what we hire, not what we became ourselves." But I think I would have been much happier as a stone mason, cabinet maker or similar occupation. I might have made less money and had less social status, but I think I would have been happier. Too bad so many of us don't figure that out sooner. Fortunate for you, though.

I worked 25 years as an attorney and decided I hated that profession. Now I am a tradesman and love it. Money is not everything, being able to sleep at night and be happy is all that matters.

 

[Patrick46]

These things were connected to remarkable memories and adventures. But they were the past and I needed all of that to go to create a new future with nothing to hold me back or impede my freedom.
I am creating new memories and having new adventures without the need for memorabilia as adventures and good memories have become a daily part of my life.

Excellent post!!!

Very profound and insightful!

this, I believe, is the basis of what this forum is all about.

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I was so attached to these things, I took pictures of everything.
Some of it I had hauled around with me for 25 years or longer. I look at the pictures now and think...."It sure was a lot of crap!"

Ha...great idea!

 

[Sameer]

Thank you, Patrick! ! Getting rid of the crap was the hardest part of this whole adventure. It was a wonderful feeling of freedom...Thank you! I am off to find a ghost town near Durango. Hahaha! What a wonderful life! ! !

 

[Canine]

Good topic. I've never owned much and don't worry about losing what I have. When I hit the road in '02, the only concern I had was finding a place for safekeeping old family photos. They were left with one of my sisters but she has failed to follow through on her promise to have them copied. We later had a falling out and she has refused to even let me have them scanned. I'm not sure if I hired a lawyer and filed a civil suit it would do any good.

I've had similar experiences with similar things of sentimental value. What I've noticed is if it has a lot of value to you, and you place that item in the care of a trusted person, that person will then have power over you and use that against you. Human nature. I quit allowing anyone at all have any of my irreplaceable or hard to replace stuff.

One time a roommate had me thrown in jail. She was female and attractive, so I got cuffed and stuffed. I was trespassing. Not sure how I trespassed in my own apartment, but apparently I did. When I bailed out the next day, I had a restraining order against me and couldn't get my stuff without a police escort. That was fine with me, but somehow she was not able to make herself available for the transfer.

I wasn't asking for TV's or anything like that. I didn't own a TV or anything of value. What I wanted were my clothes that fit only me. My driver's license. Family photos. Social security card, birth certificate, etc. Items of little to no monetary value that could not be contested regarding ownership.

After a couple weeks of the runaround, law enforcement said I had to go to civil court in order to get my stuff. Unbelievable. Four weeks later I go to court and less than 5 minutes later the judge said there was nothing that could be done and dismissed my claim. I walked out of there in a mental fog.

30 minutes later I staked out my apartment to wait for her and her boyfriend to leave. I don't know how long I waited, but it was a few hours. As soon as they turned out of sight, I backed my truck up to the apartment, smashed the door in, and stole my stuff. Never heard from the police after that.

FYI: If you ever need to break a door in, it isn't like on TV. It takes effort! Not recommended! Best solution is not to put yourself in a situation like that in the first place. Really, the best solution was to allow her to steal my things. I could've gotten in some serious trouble. I was too immature at the time to accept being victimized. I probably am more immature now, unfortunately! Being older doesn't necessarily mean being wiser.

 

[riffraff]

Canine, Hey you got your stuff back! I don't know what I would have done in that situation but sounds like you did everything through proper channels and got hosed. I don't think anyone would blame you.

 

[LeeRevell]

I always keep a door key hidden outside the house, and NOBODY else knows where it is, or that it exists. Of course the 'other party' could change the locks (often done in a case where the restraining order is used). But I live alone.
I accompanied a friend once to retrieve his stuff when his ex-GF kicked him out. I'm big, 6'4 and then some 240 lbs. She asked if I was 'the muscle' intended to intimidate her. I told her I was there to make sure neither one did anything stupid. My friend got his stuff back.
Did that for my sister when she divorced her first ex. He was an AH of the first order. He refused to allow her to take certain of her items. I rectified that. Dad was with us too. Faced with two angry Big Guys, the ex stood down and she got her stuff back. I was rather hoping he'd try to intervene....... ;-)

 

[BigT]

My system is to place some things I'm pretty sure I'm ready to get rid of in a large, plastic bin and stuff it under the bed (or sometimes right out in the open). If after a couple of months I haven't so much as thought about the items or peeked into the tub, I know I don't really need the items anymore and I get rid of them.
I use this system because in the past I would compulsively get rid of things, only to regret it later. This way I have time to think about it.

 

[akrvbob]

Great idea BigT! Now all I have to do is clear out enough stuff to have room for the empty tote so I can clear out some stuff!
Bob

 

[gypsychic]

It's fascinating to me the power stuff has over me, us. I had the purge thrust upon me. I don't think I would have ever had the courage or presence of mind to get rid of it myself initially. The manner of the purge I'm not wanting to share but I was left with my 2 cats and a small suitcase. I was amazed at how light and free I felt. The whole world seemed to open up as possibilities before me. To feel this way, as a juxtaposition against tragedy that had taken it all away, made me feel crazy. I felt like I should have been more traumatized and because I wasn't I was in 'shock' and not dealing with it. Weeks went by and I still mostly felt unbelievable light. Everything that was important to me was with me. Everything else was repeatable and replaceable. When I did find myself mourning something lost I looked a little deeper and saw that what I was really mourning was the memory of a feeling or a relationship that wasn't as it had been, not the actual physical thing itself. Left a deep impression on me to focus on relationships, feelings, people and experiences. Physical things may make my life more or less comfortable but they do not define me. That I thought they did was my own mental fog. Now I'm much more clear headed.

In the several years since then I'm amazed at what I have accumulated already, although nothing like what I had before. Now as I look ahead at a mobile lifestyle, getting rid of the things I have is really just a nuisance. I'm irritated at myself for spending money, time and resources on something that I now need to find homes for. I'd like to try to recoup some of the money spent, only because my funds are so tight. Otherwise I'd give it all away gladly and willingly will do with everything that doesn't sell .

I hate to buy things again, so there is a little fear mingled in there. But I think for me, the fear is uncomfortable and the things are only a bandaid or analgesic. I find myself searching out camping ads and looking for 'deals' when really I think I'm trying to buy security and comfort to push away the fear of the unseeable future. I have to keep reminding myself that I really don't NEED a lot even if I want a lot. Exchanging used items I no longer am interested in for new or new-to-me items that I am interested in is just jumping back on that hamster wheel again.

So I've stopped looking at most things that cost money for right now. I need to cleanse again. I'm feeling congested, bogged down by all these things, and I didn't even realize it as it was happening. I'm looking forward to that feeling of freedom, clarity, openness. It's the feeling I think of when I think about what it really FEELS like to be alive-aliveness. It sounds so new-agey or zen but I'm not trying to be. It's an almost indescribable feeling that I miss not feeling. I just needed the (internal) reminder to find it again.

Thanks for the thread. It got me to put my thoughts down on 'paper'. Great right before bed.

GypsyChic

 

[Patrick46]

WOW GypsyChic......well said!! ^^^

 

[Ballenxj]

Thanks for the thread.

You are quite welcome, and your post was a good read.
Nowdays when people say; Here, you can have this or that, referring to cool things that I would have usually said sure, I'll take it, I find myself saying no, but thanks, I'm trying to downsize. Sometimes I get funny looks for some of the stuff I turn down.

 

[akrvbob]

Because it's Christmas and our absolute addiction to stuff is so obvious this time of the year, I'm doing posts on it. Today's post is how society brainwashes us to be compulsive spenders and addicted to things. You can find it here:

http://www.cheaprvliving.com/blog/overcoming-consumerism-alternatives-gift-giving-christmas/
Bob