Don't do this...

[mconlonx]

DEAR ANNIE: My cousin is 53 years old and is in and out of jobs. He has no place to go and parked his van on my property...

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Summary: Nationally syndicated advice column receives query from someone who allowed their cousin to park in their driveway and connect to electricity short term; now regretting the situation, calling the cousin a squatter after overstaying by months, and receiving complaints from neighbors.

Not the best vandwelling ambassador...

 

[Donedirtcheap]

Dear squatted on: Give this link to your cousin.

http://freecampsites.net/#

 

[highdesertranger]

why would they move when they get free electricity. highdesertranger

 

[jeepbri]

Doesn't sound like vandwelling, sounds more like freeloading.

 

[Vic.]

Bummer.

There's always a moocher in the family.

 

[offroad]

That's a hard call. Moocher relative. Did he-she ever join the military? Ever go to trade school or community college ? Ever try to find a union job ? Ever figure out that no relative wants a squatter?

Tough love time. Most can't handle tough love. Thus our society is crap.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Change the locks if he has a key. Lock the doors. Turn off the breaker that leads to his plug. Put a lock on the outside spigots. If you find that he has broken in, then call the cops and have him charged. Let him know the free ride is over and you are serious about getting rid of him. You say the neighbors have called the cops. Have you?

I have a brother who is a walking sponge. He wanted to park some derelict trucks and other junk in our back yard, and had our parents in a rage when I told him "no." They knew the junk would end up in their yard if they couldn't get us to take it.

He thinks he's a genius and he can't hold a job because he doesn't like being told what to do - like showing up on time and getting his work done and not trying to supervise everyone else. If you give these people an inch, they will take a mile.

---

As soon as he leaves the driveway - which he will have to do if he can't get water, food, or a bathroom from you- have a neighbor who stays at home put their car into the driveway and block it.

 

[jeanontheroad]

One more thought. Now, you know why communities have laws restricting sleeping in cars, especially in residential areas. The homeowners, for some reason, have been unable to get this moocher off their own property and unhooked from their utilities, and the neighbors are creeped out by him.

 

[offroad]

Jean - wow. No wonder we get zoning laws and covenant laws for groups of houses in neighborhoods. It's hard to break some people of a culture of dependency on relatives. 18 to 29 they have to find their own way and leave the family nest.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Offroad - this situation of family moochers pushes so many of my buttons that I can hardly keep from foaming at the mouth. My own family seems to have more than its fair share of people who are determined to have other people take care of them. It makes for a great deal of hostility and anger as relatives who have been manipulated and suckered finally have enough of it and try to unload the moocher onto someone else. Somehow, it doesn't seem to occur to relatives to just throw out an able bodied moocher who is perfectly capable of working or going to school, but who just doesn't want to do it. The moocher is somehow accepted as a family burden that must be shouldered. If you refuse to go along with the script and won't take your turn hosting the moocher, you are derided as cold hearted and selfish by the very people who the moocher has victimized in the past and who were frantic to be rid of him. It's a crazy dynamic, but it is what it is.

 

[offroad]

Jean. - can understand. My son was going down that path. Working the minimal part time jobs to get by. Literally starving himself, but still managed to find cigarettes. Finally forced him to get a full time job and find a cheap apartment. He rides a bicycle to work now. Looks more healthy. Is busy but he gets it. Trying to have him find a career job now. Something with training and lots of overtime. Harder to find unless you are real aggressive. He is not.

Bottom line is this passive aggressive stuff with relatives of every sort and flavor has to stop. Waiting for life to improve is never the right path.

 

[Patrick46]

that's one of the beauty of living the VanDweller's lifestyle.

you own practically nothing...so there's nothing for these bums to take, or to free-load off yas!!

 

[akrvbob]

I generally agree with everything said here, but I would like to give one word of warning.

Sometimes the problem isn't lack of character, it's mental illness. And if it's mental illness it's easy for tough love to result in suicide.

I'm agreed that it's almost always lack of character, but if you have the tragedy of it being mental illness you could be making a mistake that you will regret every moment of every day for the rest of your life.

Generally, if it's mental illness their will be other other signs that make you wonder about that person's mental health, but I don't know if they will always be there.

Schizophrenia in particular starts to expose itself in young men in their early 20s, just when it is easiest to confuse with young stupid behavior. Especially if they've turned to drugs and alcohol to self-medicate their abnormal brains.

Once they've blown their brains out, you can't put them back in.
Bob

 

[offroad]

Bob - understood. Medical anxiety issues run in my family. That causes a real blockade for getting out and taking risks and tackling the world. In our society there is a real lack of getting proper diagnosis. As it will carry a stigma. It's a real disability too. But not recognized for SS disability support. Unless you are a complete mental health basket case. Try getting declared disabled because of mental health. Might take you three to five years of court battles. Even if you have a great doctor.

 

[jeanontheroad]

One of my aunts founded a colony of cats. They prowl at night and come home pregnant. Sometimed the fathers are known, sometimes not. The young are cute when they are little and get taken into the homes of other relatives to raise. Trouble is, you can't neuter them. Once they hit puberty, they want to prowl. Then, whoever took them in has a bigger problem than they bargained for.

Four generations, so far.

 

[highdesertranger]

good analogy jean. I take it you are not talking cats. highdesertranger

 

[jeanontheroad]

"not talking cats"

Not the 4 legged kind.