Death of a dear friend and member

[dragonflyinthesky]

This is a very sad post for me. Lori Hicks passed away in Flagstaff hospital a few evenings ago. She is survived by her 16 year old son Russell and dogs Kalee and River. I don't know where the dogs are. I assume Russell is with children's services until his aunt can get custody papers. I feel lost and sad and like I should have done more.

Lori and I were texting back and for.th She was going to move her camp to mine so she could watch it and my dogs for a few days. She said she had a bad migraine. I offered to bring a friend over who could help her but Lori is fiercely independent and said no. I should have followed my heart and gone anyway. She may have been having a stroke. I don't even know why she died. I do know she had a very bad heart and had two strokes in her fourties and had trouble processing sometimes. She didn't wave her problems and health like a flag. The first few meals I invited them to, she declined. She finally said when she got paid she would come when she could contribute. That's who she was.

In the evening she texted me to call 911, I told her to call, I wasn't sure where her camp was. I asked if I should come to the hospital and she said no, so I didn't. An ambulance took her in, I heard once again from her then nothing. I thought maybe her phone wasn't charged.

There was so much more to Lori than most knew. She allowed me in to be her friend and I let her down. Knowing how independent she was should not have stopped me from going out to check on her. I think this post is as much about me as it is her. Please don't ever make a mistake of inactivity like I did.

I will be admonishing myself for a while, I certainly don't want any Pat  on the back for doing what i I did, it wasn't enough and I will live with it.

If Lori's sister ever contacts me I will post. 

I will say, Lori lived on her own terms and she lived free. Most people will never know what that means but we do here. 

Dragonfly

 

[CautionToTheWind]

I'm so sorry! Take care of yourself during this time!  :heart: (one of my brothers is quite stubborn and almost cost him his life...he doesn't want to be perceived as weak)

 

[AbuelaLoca]

Very sorry to hear about Lori! You gave a great explanation of her life! You and her family are in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[SoulRaven]

I am sorry to read of her passing. I didn't know her or anything about her but from your post it seems she died doing something she enjoyed. We should all be so fortunate.

My condolences.

 

[rvpopeye]

Very sorry to hear about your friend Lori.

Don't beat yourself up .
It will be a wake up call to us all to keep track of each other better.
So something good will come of this...
She was doing what she loved on her own terms.
We should all be so lucky.

 

[highdesertranger]

so sorry to hear this news Diane. take care of yourself. highdesertranger

 

[Ballenxj]

So sorry to hear this about your friend Lori.  
I too have been losing friends on a semi regular basis, so I have an idea of how you might be feeling.
My condolences to you and her family.

 

[Richard]

This is a very sad post for me. Lori Hicks passed away in Flagstaff hospital a few evenings ago.
...
I will be admonishing myself for a while, I certainly don't want any Pat  on the back for doing what i I did, it wasn't enough and I will live with it.
...
I will say, Lori lived on her own terms and she lived free. Most people will never know what that means but we do here. 

Condolences to you.

As you work through your self-admonishment, take care to remind yourself that hindsight is often 20/20. It's only in light of how the situation unfolded that you can see, looking back, that there was a 'better' course of action. In the moment, you took into account what you knew, to the best of your understanding at the time, and did what you felt appropriate. No one can fault you for that, nor should you take on that role toward yourself.

I know it's tough to lose a friend. I lost one last year and though we only knew each other a couple years, I felt the loss deeply. I know it's harder to put into practice than it is to say it to someone else, but for what it's worth, cut yourself some slack. Like you described about you, I also see things in hindsight that I wish I'd done before my friend died. And, like you, I do still get flare-ups of angry/sad feelings. Allow those feelings to come, and feel them for all they're worth, and just as simply, allow them to pass. Each time you give that feeling it's time and place, you grieve. And, in grieving, you recover/heal a little bit more. It will get easier, if you allow it to run its course.

As for freedom, I agree with you. It's a subject that often gets a lot of lip service but without any real depth of understanding. Lori's life was an example, and you were a beneficiary of her example. In that sense, and in no way intended to minimize her departure or your sense of loss, I think you're a fortunate soul.

Wishing you well, always and in all ways.

Richard

 

[Queen]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Please be gentle with yourself as I suspect, from your description of her, this is what Lori would have wanted for you.

 

[tx2sturgis]

So sorry to hear this. I did not know her but if she was a member, and a friend of a member, there is a loss felt just the same.



R.I.P Lori Hicks.

 

[waldenbound]

I am very sorry also. Don't be hard on yourself, I know I'm the fiercely independent type, and it's hard for me to ask for help a lot. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to ask for help.
My condolences.

 

[Dennis]

That's sad, Dianne, and hate to hear it. Sometimes there is really not much a person can do to change an outcome.

My condolences to all and hope the best for her son.

 

[gapper2]

I will say, Lori lived on her own terms and she lived free. Most people will never know what that means but we do here. 

Dragonfly


Dragonfly,  I'm sorry for our loss.  Haven't met anyone here yet but I believe quite a few of us here are fiercely independent and I did not know Lori but I believe from what you've said about her that she would not want you to feel sad.  She lived her life on her terms and I'm sure she regarded you as a true friend.  We should all be so lucky.

  Gapper2

 

[Damian Rolling]

I am very sorry to hear about this. 

I’m struggling for better words.

I’ll just second what Queen wrote as I think she is on the mark.

Damian

 

[Txjaybird]

I'm sorry that you've lost such a good friend.  When you mentioned her son's age I thought I may have seen some post's of her's here.  What was her nom de plume on the forums?

I know nothing I can say will remove any of your pain from your loss.  Please don't be hard on yourself.

Jewellann

 

[Almost There]

Oh Diane, I'm so sorry for your pain.

Know that you did what seemed right at the time and quit trying to second guess yourself. Hindsight is 20/20, foresight never is nor will it ever be.

 

[akrvbob]

I've shared many meals with Lori and Russel and always did all I could to be of help to them (although it was never enough). Diane, I will be forever grateful to you for being there for them and doing all you reasonably could.

As awful as the last hours of her life probably were, I'm sure she found tremendous comfort having the hope and certainty that if she won her fight and got out of the hospital, she knew she could count on you to be there in her time of need. While you couldn't be there, your wonderful heart was with her and bringing her comfort and hope. You have my deepest admiration.

 

[jimindenver]

Diane, I am so sorry to hear it. My time in camp was so brief but I enjoyed spending time with both of them. You can't beat yourself up, you do more than anyone for so many. Let me know if there is anything to be done to help.

 

[rvwandering]

Diane, I'm so sorry to hear this. I met Lori and Russel at one of the RTRs but did not get to know them because they were camped far away. We always think that we should have done more so please be easy on yourself.

 

[cyndi]

Dear Diane, I and many others know who you are. Your the person who does what she feels to be right. No excuses, no explanations.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your good friend and a loved forum member. Thanks for letting us know. If you find Russel needs anything please don't hesitate to let me know.