Associating with the homeless

[SoulRaven]

I feel it's a tricky catch-22 because I've been in the position of refusing "help" when there was a need because the "help" would cause more problems than it solved. For this reason I find I have to do a lot of "public relations" work regarding how I present myself. I have even occasionally accepted "help" that was ultimately detrimental solely to maintain a reputation as someone happy to accept offers of assistance. Because I genuinely need help, and if I can take the loss I'd rather suffer for it and remain in good standing than be branded one of "those" people.

Since a lot of those matters have drastic medical consequences, I opt to try to conceal my needs as much as possible, keep my head down, and try to find solutions on my own. People don't tend to believe my health requirements are as widespread and severe as they are, so I've learned the hard way to only share as much as absolutely necessary to explain why I have to turn down whatever the thing is, and then disengage before they can offer up something else that doesn't work because it almost inevitably leads to "well you just don't want solutions".

I'm writing this from the perspective of the homeless because I do consider myself homeless. Being unable to work (multiple attempts down various avenues, however still too ill to even volunteer) really slices out a lot of options. Someday when I'm vandwelling by choice I'll no longer consider myself homeless, but until that day I'm one breakdown away from being on foot and that's not a pleasant thought. I've encountered a lot of people who want to help me, most are hoping for a simple solution to just spring me from this and unfortunately that's not how it works. If there was a simple solution, it would have been found by now.

For me personally, the most helpful individuals and communities have been people willing and able to treat me as an equal, let my problems be as casual as their problems, and if they want to help simply keep offering it without judgment if I don't take them up on it. I'm working hard to pull myself out of this and will naturally utilize whatever is available to me that I feel safe leaning on. With people--and communities--sometimes all it takes is enough time to figure out whether I really can trust them, or whether it's all going to come crashing down on my head again.

I get really annoyed when I see the cardboard signs that read "Anything Helps". No...when life is this intense a struggle for survival anything that's not directly helpful becomes baggage loading you down. 'Anything' does not help. Select things--known only to that individual--are an immense help.

 

[Iggy]

I was homeless for 8 months a couple years ago and am so grateful to be in a van now, due to a small inheritance and picking up some work occasionally. I also have some emergency money but it would take little to wipe that out. I've also dealt with a couple addictions in the past and had psychological issues. Not having much money or possessions has actually helped me get a handle on my problems, knock on wood.
So I do relate with most homeless folk but I'm also aware that I can't really help them much. I do keep an eye out for people that are new to homelessness or really struggling, and do what I can, as a friend. That's all I can do.

 

[VanLifeCrisis]

when they say anything, they mean any amount.

Ive been thanked with tears, songs, seashells, and curses. I rarely offer cash (tho i have once or twice), ive offered food, shelter (in my minivan, paid for rooms, given rooms), and other necessities, even some luxuries.

Ive been homeless when i was 12 with my mom, and i think twice since. ive never been addicted to anything or mentally ill. I know that things arent anywhere near clear cut. There are scammers, but ill take 10 screaming jerks if it leads me to one person in need.

That said, i trust my intuition and use common sense. But ultimately i do what i feel is right, i cant help what they do after.

 

[GotSmart]

For me personally, the most helpful individuals and communities have been people willing and able to treat me as an equal, let my problems be as casual as their problems, and if they want to help simply keep offering it without judgment if I don't take them up on it. I'm working hard to pull myself out of this and will naturally utilize whatever is available to me that I feel safe leaning on. With people--and communities--sometimes all it takes is enough time to figure out whether I really can trust them, or whether it's all going to come crashing down on my head again.

One of the worst things is to become someones pet "good deed."  

They feel they own you. 

I prefer to give a "pass it on" favor.  Someone helped me, so now I am passing it on.  Sometime you help someone else out.  Pass it on.  Nobody has an obligation to another directly. Perhaps what I am doing for you is payback for something you did for someone else.  Just enjoy the blessing and have a better day.

 

[GrantRobertson]

I eat at Wendy's every day before work. When I was working and saving to get out of Tucson, I ate lunch at Wendy's every day. Wendy's must have a policy of being relatively tolerant of one or two homeless people hanging out on a regular basis because, in each situation, I noticed that there were one or two homeless people who were there just as often as I was. In both situations, I eventually started visiting with these people. Both were/are very nice.

The older man in Tucson had some addiction problems but never tried to scam me. When I was downsizing, I gave him some spare clothes. And I would leave my uneaten fries and empty soda cup for him. I'm sure the employees knew what I was doing but never complained. He knew I was saving to get outta Tucson and so never asked for any money. He told me the clothes were very valuable to him because jeans wear out fast, living in the desert.

The woman I know, here in Austin is also very nice. She has mental health problems but has done the work necessary to get her prescriptions for free. Her issues make her unemployable but she has not quite been able to get SSDI. I give her the rest of my fries but she doesn't drink soda unless she is really starving. I just finished talking to her a few minutes before I started working on this post.

I have visited with both of them about what it is like being homeless. They say it sucks but they have kind of gotten used to it. Neither are homeless "by choice," though the man could have avoided addictive drugs. I imagine some people resort to drugs just to try to make the pain of living go away. I have told them that I have been very near to homelessness so I can definitely empathize.

Some of the comments in this thread seem to show, let us say, a bit less empathy than I would hope to see. Especially in a forum of this nature. Whether we chose vandwelling out of a desire to travel/ramble, or we were forced into it for financial reasons, we have to always remember that most of the rest of society thinks of us as merely on the top surface of the same rung of the ladder as homeless poeple. Homeless people are NOT a different type of person. They are exactly like us, just with a different bag of luck and, perhaps, bad decisions.

Lots of recent research shows that the primary difference between the very successful and regular people is nothing more than luck. Luck in birth family. Luck in attractiveness. Even luck in how many months before the start of the school year one was born. Very little has to do with their actual business acumen. Other people with better skills fail every day but we don't hear about them

But luck is a two-edged sword.

My birthday was just a few days after the cutoff for starting school but my mom talked them into letting me start anyway, because I was so smart. I was small as it was, but that one act doomed me to be so small and underdeveloped physically and socially compared to my classmates that I was bullied incessantly for twelve years. Over the years, that created a feedback loop that ended in the depression I suffer from today. The ONLY way I have survived at all is because of that same intellect that got me into all of this mess to begin with. But that leaves me with almost no brain energy to spare. I can't but think that if I were only a few IQ point shy, or if I had met someone who introduced me to drugs to ease my pain, or if my mom's alcoholism hadn't played itself out in the lamest of fashions at just the right time to turn me off to over-drinking, that I might have easily been one of those depressed, addicted, old, homeless men.

No, there is no such thing as The Homeless. There is just Us. People, spead all along this vast number line of luck. The Homeless don't do thus and such to survive. People do. We all do what we must to survive the situations we find ourselves in. If we found ourselves in the same, exact situation as those we call The Homeless: Same life. Same bag of luck. I can't but think any one of us would do the same things to survive. Because we are all just people.

It stands to reason that, if we didn't learn to do all those things that The Homeless do, we would not survive for anyone to complain or ponder about at all.

 

[ilovemyvan]

Grant,

I congratulate you for giving your time and extra food to people that need it. This is something I could not do on a regular basis. Other than giving extra change occasionally and giving the food that I carry in a little white box coming out of restaurants, I can not get involve. I don't want to expand on the reason but it's a valid one. However this doesn't mean that I don't help others. So please don't judge us too severely

Cheers

Nicole

 

[dhawktx]

Indeed. I'm not naturally judging people, including the Un-Homed. I'm a born sucker, and I've learned over many years to be protectively crusty in self-defense from 'regular' people, not just the ones that openly ask for favors/money/stuff/time. At stop lights, parking lots, etc, it hurts to have to turn away from the grifters, but I know that, for the most part, those who are worthy of a hand up are not in plain sight. They hide around the fringes, because they don't really want to be lumped in with the much more visible grifters.

And the most valuable gift to the Un-Homed that is rarely in any Blessing Bag? Fresh socks.

 

[GrantRobertson]

Fresh socks.

Yes, the guy in Tucson did mention that. He said he doesn't care if they are used or not. As long as they don't already have holes in them and they have been washed.

 

[Phantom Blooper]

I am an advocate for homeless veterans and homelessness in general.

I would suggest if you do make packages up to hand out consider to make up three types.

One for male

One for female in addition to things already mentioned put in some feminine products.

And alas one of the biggest concerns in homelessness is children/families.

A small token for the kids.

A smile on a kids face is priceless......

 

[Oberneldon]

TMG51, Yes I'm from New England and often spend time in VT. Lots of great breweries/brews

Brent

 

[USExplorer]

Back when I attended a large urban college in New Jersey, I would get panhandled all the time, mainly for small amounts. I generally gave them the money they asked for.

Later, I discovered a paved footpath between a river and an expressway that was the local hangout and home for the homeless. This was my first real world experience outside cushy halls of college and wealthy subdivisions. I got to talking to a part time resident. The homeless were organized, they would collect and leave bags of trash by the road for the trash man, they would run security patrols, they even fed the dozen stray cats that lived near the railroad bridge. Most were alcoholics who retreated to the shelter in cold weather. Access by college students was strongly discouraged (the access footbridge was perpetually padlocked closed) but the cops left everyone alone. There was a very active graffiti culture along the trail as well. (More info) I never had a problem interacting with the homeless there, but they weren't the panhandling type.

Most of the places I've traveled in the past year, with one exception, were too off the beaten path to be frequented by homeless people. The exception was Warren Ohio, where I was stranded in my SUV back in May, dipping into my emergency fund, looking for a job. There was a vandwelling encampment in the Walmart parking lot, a few homeless guys camped in a secluded site by a creek and fished all day, many stayed in the local shelter, others hung around the downtown square all day, yet others spent their waking hours in the library. The unwritten rule was no panhandling and no downtown sleeping, no active police harassment. The local churches all offered community meals, and the library was where everyone stopped for the WiFi. I didn't have a problem hanging out with the down and outers, they treated me as one of their own.

I've been helped out so many times by strangers without even asking, I am in no position to look down upon the less fortunate. I give rides to hitchhikers, and give money to those who I determine will put it to good use. I do not fall for sob stories, but I sometimes do feel bad about not helping someone out that obviously needs help.

 

[GotSmart]

The Albuquerque thread was closed, but this fits here as well
A clue has been seen by the leadership.

http://www.upworthy.com/the-mayor-o...ith-a-will-work-sign-it-gave-him-a-great-idea

[font='Avenir Next', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif]The city of Albuquerque, New Mexico, used to ticket people for panhandling. Now they're trying something new — something that's got a lot of locals excited.[/font]

 

[WheelEstate USA]

More cities need to adopt programs like Abq.
Many cities have simply slacked off and allow "cardboard fliers" to hang on corners.
I see them as enabling, not fixing the problem.

 

[mockturtle]

Great idea!

 

[66788]

mockturtle you don't know how much I can relate to that.  back in the mid 2000's when I was working construction.  on one job we got off the freeway one day and there was a guy with a sign that said  "ran out of gas please help"  he also had a gas can.  well the next day same off ramp there he is again with the same sign and gas can.  this time we stopped at the stop light right next to him.  I said to him "boy you run out of gas at the same spot everyday"  wow that guy went off as if I said his mother was a such and such.  he started yelling and screaming at me and I had 3 other big ole construction workers in my truck.  he came right up to my window and called me every name in the book and was so pissed off he was spitting on the side of my truck as he yelled.  he never did answer my question about running out of gas at the same spot everyday.  this guy was obviously a scammer.  highdesertranger

One of the local TV stations did an expose on panhandlers.   The money they receive is tax free as it is a gift and not work for pay or other form of income.

They followed one "homeless man" from a distance and filmed him getting into a newer Mercedes Benz and driving to an upscale house after his day of panhandling.   They figured that he makes at least $300.00 per day standing at the intersection with a sign.

There is a fair amount of scamming going on with the panhandlers.

 

[GrantRobertson]

They figured that he makes at least $300.00 per day standing at the intersection with a sign.

There was a guy in KC who pulled in $60k in the early 80s. However, those jerks are the exception NOT the rule. They might as well be stealing money directly from the homeless people who really need it.

The homeless people I know, personally, say they barely make enough, panhandling, to eat for the day. They know I can't give them any money, so they have no real reason to lie to me.

 

[GotSmart]

From what I have observed, if someone was running a "homeless" scam The real homeless would take care of the problem.  Most places have at least one LEO assigned to keep track of the situation. 

98% of what you see are people in need.  

My "extra" goes to the Salvation Army.  They have the best track record (from the people who have been there.)  

In North Columbia MO there is a busy intersection near a WM.  I have recognized several people in the same location.  Others are there with "Traveling through, need gas" signs for one day only.  They might get a 5 or 10 from me. 

I have been there, stuck until my check came through.   I waited, as I find it impossible to hit up random strangers.  I had an out, I could wait.  If you are really in need, LEO should know of a local travelers aid.   We are lucky as we have the means to keep moving.

 

[WildTrappist]

I believe there was a Mormon group posting ideas on Pinterest for what they call "Blessings Bags."  The idea is to fill a gallon Ziploc bag with some basic needs and treats. When you are at an intersection, for instance, with a homeless person panhandling, you hand that person a Blessings Bag instead of money.

Items in the large Ziploc bag can include:
Snacks such a granola bars, peanut butter crackers, etc.
Baby wipes packet and/or small bar of soap (unused hotel size works well)
Toothbrush and small toothpaste
Chapstick
Comb
Chewing gum
Tissue packet
Band aids
Small antibiotic ointment
Coins (for phone or snack of their choosing)

AND... a printed list of social services in the area with addresses and phone numbers (soup kitchen, shelter, etc.)

Almost nobody thinks of feminine hygiene items. There is a serious need for these things among the homeless.

That being said, I frequently give money no judgement. Not long ago a woman approached my van at an intersection and asked for money, she said outright that she was dopesick. I gave her a $10. I feel its a gift and once given its up to the recipient to decide what to do with it.

I have had many occasions to be grateful for the kindness of strangers.

 

[gcal]

We do not run into many homeless people. Maybe it is just our particular way of traveling. So, I guess my main way of helping consists of supporting official government programs. I do run into the odd hobo camp in the desert around Tucson, which I avoid. They are usually surrounded by beer cans. The hobos, themselves, are at their day jobs at intersections. The same onès go to the same places. These people are not so much homeless as they are having chosen an alternative lifestyle. Even when they do get jobs, they quit and move on with the seasons.