Anyone here looked at assisted li-...I mean nurinsg homes?

[JD GUMBEE]

What a trip.
Where's the "assisted living" facility for fat bikers?

Try touring the freaking place and they got all torqued up over a doobie lite up as we toured the gardens.
(Guess a few stealth plants would be out of the question.)

As we all decline, either quick ends or the drawn out kind hit us all.
I cannot imagine sharing a room with someone not my own partner.

Anyone else left these "advanced facilities" only more sure of driving to one of the self-death-legal states and drinking the sleepytime-juice??
When life becomes one of those poor people I saw moaning, smelling like...oy vey. Bad stuff.
Some of them had the whole 'TV in bed' thing working in private rooms, but I think I'd rather skip that, thanks.

There are "stay-at-home" programs here, but income/asset limits make them out of reach.

Who else has toured one of these facilities with the 4200 dollar a month efficiencies?

"That does not include any coverage. You get billed for that based on a per-use basis."

($165 for a "fall and cant get up."   ("Nursing" interventions cost more...after your call is evaluated.)


I was having a hard time not laughing.


There is one in CT I remember well that was very different.
McClean Home. (Used to be called that, anyway.)

Totally not-bad old folks digs.

Besides that...where do those who do not fit in the mainstream spend their years of decline?

If Mrs G passed and I was on my own, I think I might have a better retirement hiring Slabbers than what I saw today.
(Dead serious about this ^^^^^)

Have any of you thought about the end?
Where you will go, what is in place?

At a bare minimum, do you have a Guardian chosen and signed on the dotted line all legal like?
Are you aware what would happen if picked up by medics in public?

 

[maki2]

The Escapees has an assisted living RV park.
https://www.aarp.org/personal-growth/transitions/info-06-2010/retired_rvs.html

There is a long term rental plan for assisted living at an RV park in Quartzsite
http://www.alsrvpark.com/easy-living-plans.php

Here is another one in Montana
https://www.openplacement.com/assisted-living-forest-park-mobile-home-and-rv-park-MT

 

[Ticklebellly]

If my Quality of Life declines to the point I need a Nursing Home, I wont be going.

 

[B and C]

Hope I die a sudden death. Assisted living not to bad but a nursing home? They are two different things. I don't want to go to a nursing home because I would have to give up all my bad vices. They want you to be healthy. Crap on that. If I made it there I would want it to be over as quickly as possible. How many smokes can I smoke and how much booze could I drink? Very limited ice cream? Anyone want to go out deprived of what makes you happy? It may not take an eternity to die in one but it would sure seem that way.

 

[RoamerRV428]

being close to 60 now I just don't think that far in depth. I am kinda whatever the heck goes down, goes down. hopefully kid will help make decisions and see what is available and what type of indignity I might have to endure but heck I could croak well before that, hubby might live longer than I think and I might be gone and he has to make his own decisions? truly I don't know and don't go there really. I live life daily and just am in the present, with a 'small thought' to those decisions.

mom is 91 and in fine health. still driving a bit to close stores (non dangerous traffic areas etc) and all is good and she is in her home doing great. us kids help her all the time, give our time to make it work but again, she IS healthy and all so......I hope I get that or go fast.

again just too far down the road for me to worry or think too hard on it. I dread when it does all go down.

 

[travelaround]

@Maki2 - Thanks for posting those links - I didn't know there were parks like that available! I'd probably have trouble coming up with 800 a month, though, at that point when part time working is not an option. Not sure how that would work out as so much of my social security is already taken for health insurance.

I figure if it comes to assisted living, something will work out and I won't know what it will be until then. I can't spend my life worrying about the future.

 

[WalkaboutTed]

Like many seniors with inadequate savings and/or income, suicide is my plan. I will not have my kids wipe my sh***y a**.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/10/health/assisted-living-costs-elderly.html
Article in NYT about the fact that most Americans can't afford their coming care. If you look at the comments, there are many with the same plan as mine.

 

[QuirkyBar8]

Make sure you detail those plans. Sometimes when you need a train it never comes.

 

[WalkaboutTed]

And, make sure your family members are aware of your preferences. Advanced directives, living will, DNR, etc.

And yes, I have the means, method and plan for when that day comes. The important thing is to not wait until it's too late.
Ted

 

[GraceinMotion]

I have been a CNA in a nursing home back in the 90s and Long-Term Care Ombudsman (investigating complaints in high- and low-end facilities) until about 5 years ago. The situation is dire my friends and will not improve.  The only bright spot I have seen is in "Eden" homes, but they are a drop in the bucket. I will NEVER be warehoused and neglected, especially after living so freely on my own terms. Being eaten by my own dog or a wild animal after I expire is on par with the horrors in some facilities, but at least it's free and I won't suffer cuz I'm already dead.

 

[bullfrog]

I'm 68 and my mom is 91. She still lives on the land she was born on and refuses to leave. My oldest son lives with her as has my daughter. They both work in the medical field and like living in the area with many friends and family close by fortunately. She is not very happy as she is unable to do the things she used to do physically and as the youngest of 11 had to watch her brothers and sisters grow old and pass. Most of whom lost their possessions and freedoms in order to get medical care. We did get her on an airplane last year to see two of her great grand children she had never seen under protest as she was worried about her house the whole time she was gone. My daughter in law works at a facility that has assisted living as well as nursing home services. Once you accept the fact you have limitations these can work for you if you have plenty of money to afford the services and these are plush nice places. Many would happily live there if they could afford it. I would gladly do that rather than become a burden on friends and family after seeing my mother grow disgruntled and depressed, stubbornly determined to die on the land she was born on. Fortunately I won't have that option as the money I had set aside to do that has gone to support my mother's wishes. I am a veteran and there are still homes and benefits that I can use, even my spouse will qualify for some benefits which many spouses and vets don't know about and should ask. Escapees is another possibility although only as assisted living. I recently rented a lot in an RV park that has several older residents in their 80's and 90's and while dumping my portable sewage tank met another resident that informed me he did that for several of the residents that could no longer do that and many had pot luck dinners to make sure everyone was fed, they also had a open bar that everyone went to at 4:30 PM that if you didn't show someone would come knock on your door to check on you. He also told me that if a truck alarm went off that was the community signal help was needed. This is something that might work for a while for some.

 

[maki2]

@Maki2 - Thanks for posting those links - I didn't know there were parks like that available! I'd probably have trouble coming up with 800 a month, though, at that point when part time working is not an option. Not sure how that would work out as so much of my social security is already taken for health insurance.

I figure if it comes to assisted living, something will work out and I won't know what it will be until then. I can't spend my life worrying about the future.

Some RV and trailer parks where they offer long term living do qualify for low income housing assistance which could offset some of the cost.  But every state has its own plans so other than my saying it MIGHT be available to some people at some of the places you will have to do your own investigation of that situation.

 

[Matlock]

Like many seniors with inadequate savings and/or income, suicide is my plan.  I will not have my kids wipe my sh***y a**.

Because that is exactly what can happen when it's attempted to go the " home care" route cause it's the cheaper approach.

And, make sure your family members are aware of your preferences. Advanced directives, living will, DNR, etc.
^^^ Agreed. Contact an Elder Care Attorney. Phone call is free and they will mail/email you the list of items that you need to provide to qualify for assistance. They specialize in every requirement in their state that you must fulfill to be eligible for State and Federal dollars.  
The important thing is to not wait until it's too late.
Ted

It can and often is a living nightmare trying to get Mom or Dad into a facility that will care for them all the while, you are the primary caregiver.

Do it for yourself and name your contacts but, do use the right kind of attorney. Unless you / your folks have NaDa, Nothing and are ok with a court dragging everything out for years.... which can and does happen, then shoot... Yep that's the right word, no I meant shucks...

JD, I visited 19 different homes for elderly. Most are not fit for man nor beast. The better one's with excellent 24 hr care run $10K a month. Medicare paid all but $1450.

As for me, I just hope I have the mental and physical ability to end myself when the time comes. Worst fear is I get all mangled in a wreck and spend 20 years in a MRDD ward with tubes stuck everywhere. MRDD = Mentally Retarded Developmental Disabled. (IE a veggie for the duration)

 

[travelaround]

I have a friend in the low income senior independent living apartment building where I am now (for seniors 55+) in Idaho. My friend is in very bad health at this point. He's in his 70's with advanced Parkinson's Disease. I noticed he's got a companion coming from the state's in-home care program to help him. I would not be surprised if he died soon... but yesterday I talked to him as he was out walking. Another senior here is in a wheelchair and very sick with cancer.

So long as they can get people in here to help them, they can stay in low income independent living until they pass away. This building is only about 6 to 7 years old and already there have been several deaths in the apartments. As I understand it there are options for low income assisted living but they're not nearly as nice as the assisted living homes for people with a lot of money.

My mother moved herself from her small mobile home in a Rockport, Texas trailer park to a local assisted living home when she was 85, in 2016. She did most of the moving herself in her car! I visited her there in January 2017 - it was very nice, but she hated it and told me she wanted to die. She had a stroke 3 weeks after I left and they transferred her to the hospital and then the nursing home next door to her assisted living home, for hospice care before she passed away a week after the stroke.

She lived in Rockport about 20 years. Seven months after she passed away, the town was destroyed by Hurricane Harvey and the assisted living home she was in was heavily damaged. I will go back to Rockport when I am traveling... at least, that is my hope and intention.

 

[Gr8ful]

I wish all state had a "Die with Dignity" program. y wife had a butcher with the mesh surgery & 2 months later we found out it was recalled & he never let her know as he'd have to fix it free so it was 3 years & grew into several organs. Then she had the biggest tumor the oncolagist had ever seen. First they said cancerous then not. Nor she has the kind of cancer they are saying round up caused. So she's having a 3rd mesh surgery fix & dealing with the cancer. I broke my back almost 11 years ago & need to be in a wheelchair, now I find I have ALS. We were never people who went to the doctors because we always drew the bottom of the deck. Healthcare is like any other job that maybe 5% are great & the rest are there to get a check. I have the ambo ready but have to wait till she gets done. They have that saying about sliding into home base wore out all over. That was funny till you can see home base coming up fast. I'm not afraid of dying, I see it as a new adventure but not to many worse ways to go than ALS. 11 years ago I could ride a bike 100 miles any day I chose, bench 400# & leg press 650#, today I can hardly wobble to the kitchen for coffee & can only stand or walk 20 minutes a day. Have a great farm, cabin, stocked pond, fantastic 1880s 8 BR 5 bath house we use about 10% of, 3 airstrips, a shooting range were selling. It's just too cold here & I can't do steps anymore. I've been an adrenalin junky & done all I want except fly a DC-3 which I hope to & travel a bit. Death is just part of life so enjoy every day, don't work so hard & don't count on doing it later. I tell all the young people to not miss an adventure & buy long term disability insurance. Check out Death with Dignaty. I never had a back issue or a doctor & was 49 when I blew out my back & had kidded about retiring at 50 which I did but not the way I wanter. So everyone go skydiving today, you'll love it! I still have my rig & scuba gear & the float plne I was building. My 1938 plane is now in Brazil & my Bonanza was 20 ser#s from the one Buddy Holly died in. Which reminds me of a story supposed to be true. An old geiser went to an airport where a guy gave rides in an antique biplane, so he told the pilot he flew for years so the pilot gave him the ride of his life, loops rolls hannerheads etc. Many old biplanes the pilot flies front seat so he handed got out asking how he liked the ride & the old man was gone, he'd unhooked his harness sometime. True or not I can't say but what a way to go!

 

[JD GUMBEE]

At least the apartments have privacy. Thats a big thing.
(If they are lucky enough not to have a young disabled vet in their complex that likes to crank "Danzig" to ear-bleeding levels for ten hours a day.) LOL

The stay at home programs are great, but damned tough to access with a VIN for an address.

I wonder if any of the slabbers have obtained home care while living there?

As for the end of self care being a precursor to self snuff, I strongly disagree.

There are many with pretty severe physical limitations that still live a good life.

It's when you are laying there without anyone or anything to do that life becomes worthless.

This is as often a choice as a predicament.

 

[travelaround]

I don't consider my independent living apartment a facility or institution of any kind. It is just a very nice apartment building - built only about 7 years ago. These apartments with rents based on income are being built in other states too. I have a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment with double pane windows and all energy efficient appliances... in an apartment building with all older residents who are very considerate of the needs of others. I live on the third floor (there's an elevator or stairs) and have a great view of the Bitterroot Mountains (Northern Rockies) on the other side of Coeur d'Alene and to the north, the southern end of the Selkirk Mountains. It will be hard to give it up but I want to travel and I was blessed to be able to buy a good van, so I need to travel now as I'm not getting any younger. True, there are a few people in this building waiting to die, but I am not one of them.

 

[StarEcho]

When my mom was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's she wanted to die and threatened every other day. The worst thing for her was the series of losses...lose the ability to drive, lose the ability to live alone, etc. It made her mean and hateful. And I totally got it. If I could have, I would have handed her the death cocktail.

Now she lives in a non-profit Alzheimer's facility that accepts medicaid and wonder of wonders is really pretty, beautiful grounds, and staff that understand how to deal with someone with dementia. There is dignity there. More so than when she lived with me and I did my impression of a helicopter daughter. They have that place set up so that living occurs in the center and sleeping occurs in bedrooms on the periphery. No one is forced to do anything. Lots of cajoling but no forcing. Totally impressed with the place and I used to work in long term care and hated the thought. My point is that good places do exist even for Medicaid patients.

Now, I'm kinda revising my thoughts on a worthwhile life. She seems happy now that she is on the right meds and it appears that she enjoys company and the activities. Is her life worth living? Sure she doesn't know me half the time, and she still lives in a delusional world....but the delusions are benign for the most part and no one rubs her nose in it....because of how she seems to me I couldn't imagine handing her a death cocktail now.

Now that said, there will be no lifesaving measures taken. If she breaks a hip that will be the beginning of the end. I owe her the easy out if it presents itself. Not sure how I will feel when/if she is bed bound and unable to speak. Is that when life becomes not worthwhile?

For myself, I've made my wishes known to my family about taking care of me at home... (don't) and now I'm torn about what I would do if I'm ever given a fatal diagnosis. One thing I am doing is traveling as much as I can while I can and when my mom passes I'll be on the road at least half the year. She is my cautionary tale.

 

[JD GUMBEE]

I would leave for a month at a time and hang on to that apartment. Shhhhh!

 

[travelaround]

I have a nice van but a low income. I'm not sure I want to keep putting my money into an apartment I rarely use. I'll probably stay in it this year, and after that, well, we'll see. I'd rather put my money into my gas tank and other travel expenses.