Anti-social much (venting)

[Blue]

heh the title makes me think of the Anthrax song... anyhoo

Recently on another thread someone kind of tried to take me down a peg, and I started thinking "do I really think I'm right about all my opinions and all counter opinions are always wrong?"

my answer was... yes and that caused more deep introspection and self examination.

I dunno, my best friend since I was 10 and the person I was closest to in life died in 2000, and my old punk band members at the time were shooting heroine and dying from overdoses...

I decided I wanted to save the world and became a therapist and drug/alcohol counselor. 8 years of working in various totally corrupt systems with people who were mostly just extremely frustrating and thankless changed me.

Though I actually had saved some people's lives (by my direct actions in some cases), at some point I gave up on trying to save the world or anybody else for that matter. Then both my parrents got really sick, and got very little help from other family members (other than me) or the governement they had supported all their lives as die hard republicans...

I gave up on society, civilization, religions, politics, causes, most of my so/so friends and people in general.

I started taking low paying night jobs that were easy to get, and made sure both durring the day and night I would have minimum contact with other people, and my philosophy changed from I guess you could call it hopefull optimism to passive nihilism.

Though I was in my mid 40's I reverted a little closer to the old punk rocker I used to be... I got oppositionally defiant, I started resenting all athority, I stopped fully trusting anybody. I stopped caring if my personal views offended anyone and started voicing them more and more.

Now I want to finish my van build and head out on the road solo to likely get away from cities, people, and groups for a while completely. That old saying "god save us from people with good intentions" comes to mind...

I dunno, I think I've just had enough of other people's BS, I need to escape and get somewhere quiet and alone... Dr. Manhattan summed it up pretty well for how I'm feeling right now... "I prefer the stillness here. I am tired of Earth. These people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives."

 

[Wander Woman]

It sounds to me like you know what you need. I find I'm generally happiest alone in nature, and when feeling low am frequently treated to something special... a family of coyotes crossing my path with lots of pups, or a hawk with prey. And once it was a lesson I'll never forget - I was sitting outside feeling sorry for myself, don't remember why, and a three-legged coyote came through my yard. It looked healthy and seemed to be getting along just fine, but it sure stopped me feeling sorry for myself.

Other people can really get a person down, especially if you try to make sense of the world or to change it. Getting away helps. I've found a path that has helped me make my peace with the world and letting it be what it is and accepting myself for who I am. You will to, it takes time and thought and your instincts will take you where you need to go to find your peace. (It was hard, but I had to give up trying to explain anything about myself to others, they just couldn't understand).
Kathleen

 

[Blue]

wow, yeah lol... ya know I've also found when your down and feeling low, doing something a little $tupid and a little dangerous can make all that sad go away pretty darn quick. I was feeling similarly, and walked out into the woods of sitka island (still a noob to Alaska) all alone. I found a nice clearing to eat my lunch, sat down on a log, and got out my crappy sandwich... I noticed the grass all around the log was matted down for some reason, and all over the place there were these big cow patty sized piles of gray gook that smelled like rotting fish.... then I realized... Sitka had one bear for every square mile of island, it was salmon season when all the bears head towards the streams, and I had wandered into the bear's bedroom.... I didnt have my gun, my bear repellant, or even a frigging bear bell, then I heard something really big in the nearby bushes move... I forgot all about how down I was feeling lol.

 

[Terry]

Welcome to the REAL world. Very few people will commit themselves as a real friend, or even a real caring relative. Most do gooders want to be a do gooder at their convenience, under their terms, and want to make a decent living at it. I have even gotten to the point of being glad that I have no grand children so I won't have to worry about the world they will inherit. there are kids in my sons family that I am concerned for but they have fathers and grandfathers that take better financial care of them than I could come close to so I don't worry too much about them. I worry about the little (15 years old) girl being she is a "princess" but she shows signs of caring about people that aren't throwing gifts and/or money at her and my son is pretty down to earth so hopefully she will be a decent human being when it all gets said and done. I've decided to live what is left of my life on my terms, while being respectful of the rights of others. Not the "I got mine so f**k everyone else" type of life on my terms since I still believe that one should do no harm, intentionally or carelessly, just to satisfy one's own greed. Sure, I'll probably spend the rest of my life alone, not that I want to, but I just don't see many attractive women with the traits I could live with. Yes, I am probably a heel needing for anyone sharing my life to be attractive, but, with my wife, I always gave as much, or more than I got in return. I am a widower, not a heel that would leave a person when they need me most after giving a lifetime of love to me.

I do ramble on I guess.

 

[Donedirtcheap]

wow, yeah lol... ya know I've also found when your down and feeling low, doing something a little $tupid and a little dangerous can make all that sad go away pretty darn quick. I was feeling similarly, and walked out into the woods of sitka island (still a noob to Alaska) all alone. I found a nice clearing to eat my lunch, sat down on a log, and got out my crappy sandwich... I noticed the grass all around the log was matted down for some reason, and all over the place there were these big cow patty sized piles of gray gook that smelled like rotting fish.... then I realized... Sitka had one bear for every square mile of island, it was salmon season when all the bears head towards the streams, and I had wandered into the bear's bedroom.... I didnt have my gun, my bear repellant, or even a frigging bear bell, then I heard something really big in the nearby bushes move... I forgot all about how down I was feeling lol.

Wow. That's scary. I can relate to it in this respect. If I'm distracted by something or by my attitude it could cause me great grief. I'm going to keep this short but I had an attitude about some "rules" and in the end the lawyer ended up costing me $3500.00 Yeah honey I did have to take a few bucks out of the checking account. At times I have to stop and set myself straight or I can make things worse for myself.
After reading what you posted I thought yeah, people suck because many people basically DO suck but that does not mean the majority suck. You have experienced some profound things and have the ability to share with other young people and change their lives. Will you reach them all? Heck no, you wont even reach a small percentage, but you should try. You should try to give back and help because you can, because you care and because you are not perfect but are basically good. Good is good and needs to spread good.
Don't get too pissed at the system and don't poke the cyclops in the eye too much because when he lashes out, he will mess you up.

Younger folks don't know because they have not been there, so how could they know. I often tell them that success doesn't come because you are born wealthy, or lucky or born with an amazing IQ, it comes from doing the right things, having direction, setting goals and working hard.

Oh and since I'm an a - - - - - -, I will say this, quit smoking. You're wasting money and setting a bad example. I support everyone's RIGHT to smoke but you are just helping the man and the system. Sorry but I had to say it. Screw them and their cigarettes. Then they go and demonize smokers and tax the crap out of them and YET pot is illegal. The irony will drive you crazy. No I'm not smoking pot. Some people believe that if you stand up for peoples rights that you are a pot head or a dope head.
Good talking to you Blue, now go strap that gun on.

 

[spd2918]

I always try to remember that opinions are developed by life experiences. That means someone can be dead wrong about something, but it is true to them due to their specific life experiences. Hopefully we can read and research our opinions from various sources instead of leaning too much on our episodic experiences. That kind of thinking leads to false prejudice, like assuming things about a person of a particular race, religion, or job.

 

[Patrick46]

I hear ya DTF

I've gotten really discouraged with the way folks treat each other, and the idea of friends who've REALLY got your back is an extreme rarity.

When I was younger, I thought M/C's offered 'true' brotherhood...but sadly learned what a joke that really is. (military war service probably creates a true brotherhood, but that's because your life is in someone else's hands, and vice-versa, so that's different.)

But I think most vandwellers are probably loners. It's not that we don't want to be around anyone else, it's just that society in general looks down on the non-conformists, and we certaintly fit under that heading.

Having the newest car or biggest house on the block is not what inspires me.

Living simply, within our own means, and to the best of our abilities...even at the sacrifice of comfort or convience...to me, now this makes sense!!

 

[Stargazer]

I am not good at expressing myself so I hope this conveys the message.

Three statements that struck home for me (I don't recall the sources):

1) It's okay to feel sad/lonely/depressed. You don't have to do something to fix it. Be patient, accepting, and wait it out. It will go away (unless you have a diagnosable mental illness).

2) The cure for stuck is still.

3) You never go wrong doing the right thing.

Once I accepted that all feelings wax and wane, and that's okay, and I don't have to fix it, and I just wait it out, I found peace. No trying to figure out the whys or wherefores; they don't matter. No explanations required.

What others believe or say is theirs, I don't need to make it mine. As long as I do what I know is the right thing for me to do, I will have no regrets. If I help someone who doesn't "appreciate" it, or who has scammed me, my conscience is clear. Their motives are theirs to live with.

Peace.

 

[flying kurbmaster]

Wherever you go, there you are, there are two rules in life don't sweat the small stuff and there is no big stuff, I get in trouble when I take myself too serious.

 

[akrvbob]

One thing I've learned is there are no human beings worse than me. None

As long as I remember that, things go pretty well for me.

As soon as I forget, my life goes to hell.
Bob

 

[Blue]

Lol wow I think we need a forum section on life lessons or philosophy. Some really good stuff here and I want to respond to everyone but I'm I bit short on time right now. I will say through my life never went more wrong than when I listened to the advice of "experts" and "professionals" and have found the real world advice of those living in it to be much more valuable and trustworthy.

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

Blue, I didn't read what you are talking about and don't need to or want to. Anyone on here is bound to take offense or be offensive at sometime. I've been one or the other many times. I've seen apologies here and fights here that were broken up.
Still a good community of diverse people. Thanks for sharing and venting, I think this is one reason this forum exists, to serve us who have never cared to swim the right way.

Dragonfly