We broke up

[Cheli]

I think doing it sooner than later was a wise choice.  I broke off a long term relationship before I hit the road in 2010 and did it a few days before I was due to take off and hitting the road with a fresh breakup wasn't the smartest thing i've ever done.  Much easier hitting the road with a clear conscience, clear mind, and an unbroken heart.  

Agreed and exactly what I was thinking.  We've been going back and forth with this for about two months now.  Kept saying we need to end it now then couldn't do it.  Then he said he wanted to stay together until I left so he could have any possible time left with me.  Then I said this is to hurtful for both of us.  I won't put my heart in my dream as long as I'm hanging on to him and I also said I couldn't let him hang around and watch me pack up and go.  It had to be done.  And I definitely didn't want to hit the road with a fresh breakup, like you say it wouldn't be a smart thing to do.

 

[Cheli]

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments, this really is the best group of people and I'm so happy to have found my new tribe.

I hope to see you all at the RTR, at least on the road someday if I can't get everything done in time to make the RTR but I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen. I need this!!!!!

 

[DannyB1954]

My second wife needed to find herself. She was quite good at it. Not only did she find herself, she found somebody else. You gotta admire talent. I hope it worked out for her. About a year later I took a hippie bus tour of the Western National parks, ( Green Tortoise Tours, http://www.greentortoise.com/adventure.travel.html ) . I remember about the Grand Tetons looking out the window at the mountain passing by and thought Kate would have liked this. Too bad.

I survived, and I am sure she did as well. It was good and I am kinda glad it ended before it got ugly. We were just not meant to be.
Whenever I hear the song Taxi by Harry Chapin I wonder how she ended up. I still wish her well.
Good night Kathleen wherever you are.

 

[user 2252]

hip hip HOORAY!

 

[speedhighway46]

Cheli: always enjoys your posts and comments.

Regarding your recent lifestyle change, you have received so many supporting comments from the Tribe! Keeping it short, from me: you are a brave person and I have high respect for you and doing what's best so you can take your life where it makes you happy.

We should all be so smart as you! Hat's off to you . . .

 

[ArtW]

Cheli, you did the right thing for BOTH of you
no way you could surrender your dream, be with him, and not at some point resent it, and resentment makes us to ugly things to the ones we love
And there's no way he could not have would up resenting you if you followed your dream and 'left him hanging'
sooner or later it had to end or become abusive on one or both sides, and it sounds like it was getting close
Right now you both are hurt, but both of you will get over it, and as I learned trying to hold a dysfunctional marriage together, it's best to just admit it's not working and take the hurt now, than later when it's even worse
this too shall pass

 

[Odyssey]

"People too often forget it is your own choice how you want to spend the rest of your life."

Since you have the guts to trust yourself, I think you'll do just fine. You can always mail back beautiful postcards of places you visit with a simple note.

Mine would likely say, "I saw (this fantastic thing) today. Excited for whatever tomorrow brings! Hope you are well." Which is a nice way of saying, "I'm having a wonderful time, too bad you suck." Or, if you're Southern, "Bless your heart."

 

[MindyLee]

Sorry to hear that Cheli

I'm in a similar situation and so much of what has been said in this thread makes sense to me. I'm at the beginning of the end of a 28-year marriage. My husband is like you said your BF was, he knows I have this dream but doesn't take me seriously on it, for whatever reason. He is not even remotely interested and so it's not something we will ever do together unless he has a major change of heart at some point. As for our relationship, we do have some of that codependency going on (and who wouldn't after this long?) but we have grown into two very different people and really aren't compatible at this point.

In my situation I have to plan carefully and be careful, because we still have 2 minor children together, and I don't feel it would be right (or legal really) for me to just take the kids and start living on the road. So, for the time being I will have to be content with getting a rig and taking them on short camping trips and so on. I'm okay with this, since the experience will both enrich our lives now and help us make more informed choices whenever we do go full-time.

I have to agree with what others have said, it sounds like you were growing into people with very different needs and aspirations and that makes it difficult. Hats off to you on making the right choice for you, even when it's hard.

 

[jimindenver]

Cheli

You did the right thing. I said I'd stay till the first of the year but it's getting harder everyday. I just have to keep telling myself I need the time to pack up and plan properly but I sure would like to throw it all in storage and hit the road today.

 

[Richard]

I can so relate to this thread. It was just about 3 months ago that I bought my van. Just a couple weeks into my journey I ended up needing both dental work and van work and I panicked. I felt it would be better to have some kind of a temporary home base while I took care of those needs and the one that presented itself to me was to stay with an ex-girlfriend from 8 years earlier.

 After we broke-up, we remained good friends; best friends, really. Well, when we saw  each other again, the sparks reignited. We spent the next two-and-a-half months with full disclosure about the polar opposite dreams that we held. I needed to be mobile, and she needed to stay put for the family. Despite our good faith attempts to find some happy medium, neither of us were truly happy. So just a week ago, we broke up, too.

As others have mentioned, hitting the road with a broken heart is no fun. But, I have my dog with me, which is something. And, every day and night that I'm out here alone with my thoughts, the original dream comes back a little clearer. I remember that this is what my soul craves. And so I'll get through it and ultimately I believe I'll be happier for it.

My condolences to everyone else who has gone through or is going through or anticipates going through this kind of situation. And, my thanks to everyone who has shared in this thread. Although the break-up experience itself isn't very pleasant, it's nice to know the tribe is here to cheer us on.

 

[Cheli]

Yes it's a hard situation to be in for any of us. We broke up almost six weeks ago and it does still hurt at times but then I remember that I need to follow my dream, and he wasn't part of that dream. I did what I had to, and even though I tear up at certain moments remembering good times, I know it's what had to be done.

It will be difficult for the next month because we both work at the same haunted house for the month of October and I ran into him at work the other night when walking into the makeup trailer and he walked right by me as though he didn't even know me. I don't know if it's because that's how he needs to deal with it to move on or if it's because he's a cold, heartless bastard. LOL Either way, I can't wait for this month to be over.

I'm sorry for anyone else who has gone through this but yes, it's great to have the support of the tribe here. Those who can truly understand how I need to do this for a fully happy life.

 

[michele0203]

Wow, Cheli....I am amazed by your dedication to following your dreams and making a difficult decision to do so. Major props to you. I'm sure grieving the ending of this relationship will take time. So many of us stay in situations we know aren't good for us simply because it's what we know.

 

[rvpopeye]

Both of you hang in there . It won't be long.
There will be so many new friends to fill those holes once you get out on the road.
I've been there , I've done it and I'll do it again. It's unavoidable...........

 

[ArtW]

Cheli, if your breakup was full of drama, he might be AFRAID to speak to you, or might think you wouldn't WANT him to speak to you
humans are so conflicted, you never know how an ex will respond to 'hi'
There's a reason why remaining friends after a failed relationship is so rare
My ex was an absolute bitch on wheels to me for months after our final breakup.
I guess that's how she needed to handle it
I on the other hand was one of those irritating guys who keeps hoping it's not really over
I got past that, too
then SHE wanted to reconcile, once I finally accepted, and on accepting, realized i was happier alone than i had been with her
what a screwed up mess us humans sometimes are

 

[romeosierrabravo2]

[font=arial, sans-serif]The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure[/font][font=arial, sans-serif]. [/font][font=arial, sans-serif]Who can understand it[/font][font=arial, sans-serif]? Jeremiah 17. [/font]


[font=arial, sans-serif]Life? lol...[/font]

 

[DannyB1954]

when walking into the makeup trailer and he walked right by me as though he didn't even know me.  

Congratulations on the outstanding makeup job.

 

[Cheli]

Congratulations on the outstanding makeup job.

hahaha  I wasn't even in makeup yet.

 

[eDJ_]

Sad to hear this for both of you.   Three years is still some time invested.

I was once into a girl I cared quite a lot for but I was in a situation where I had to move on and say goodbye.
Ultimately it was best for both of us as I had an impossible family situation motivating it. (leaving me no choices in the matter)   She went on to do very well in her career and I'm sure she would say, "better for him,  better for me".  I'm happy and proud of her for pursuing her dream and doing so well with it.   I also wish I had had the good fortune she had,   to not have had the interruptions that came my way career wise.  I'm sure we could have worked well together as a team but it just wasn't to be.

So YOU now have a clean blank tablet before you to restart with.   You may want to start making list now and managing those items by objectives.   You'll be on the road soon enough and getting a new perspective
on life and have your knowledge and experience going for you.