The ugly truth. Here goes.
I was MIA for a little while. Truth is, I was in rehab for drinking. I wasn't handling things very well and tried to drown some feelings I didn't want to deal with. Part of it was feeling like I was trapped again in that cycle of 'normal', with the house thing, selling the van, and then anniversary dates of hubby's anniversary, birthday, death. Was a lot to deal with, so tried not to in a not so good way.
I had got hired again as an xray tech in a town a little ways away, and in retrospect, it caused more worries. Worry about my wrist not being to handle the physical aspect, the drive back and forth 30 miles each way in my car that isn't doing so great and winter coming added up to, you guessed it, more drinking.
Bottom was 90 days ago. My mom came over 2 days prior and insisted I come stay with her. I warned her it wouldn't be fun, as I was trying to detox myself to start upcoming job. Well, 2 days later, I had an alcoholic seizure right in front of my parents. They both thought I died right in front of them, that part hurts soooo much, and I can't take that back. That was followed with an ER visit, mediflight to bigger city, 4 days in hospital with the fear being put into me, then detox for 11 days, then 45 days in rehab.
The bad: Needless to say, I did not start that job. Honestly, I am relieved.
The good: I have been home for a month now. Got to be in the room while my daughter gave me my first grandbaby. Got to celebrate Christmas with my whole family who was there with me through it all. I still have my home, health, and zero legal issues hanging over me. I know I am extremely fortunate. I can not mess that up!!! Have been going to AA meetings, really like my group. Got to figure out who sober me is, haha.
So although I would have LOVED to have gone to the RTR, right now it probably wasn't the best place for me. Maybe next time it's here I'll have some more sober days under my belt.
In the mean time, I have started back to college. Specifically, into Health Information Management to get into medical billing and coding, which can be done remotely. See, I still have my goals! ; Haven't been in college in years, have more of the prereq's, but will still take me 2 years, so be it. Also, in the mean time, my car is on it's way out. It's running, but will be needing to find something else soon, within the year. So for now, I'm researching converting minivans so it can be my driver and part time camper until things change later on.
There's my admission. Feel better getting it off my chest. If you have read thus far, thank you. Sure wish I coulda been there with you guys at the RTR!!! Next time.
I was MIA for a little while. Truth is, I was in rehab for drinking. I wasn't handling things very well and tried to drown some feelings I didn't want to deal with. Part of it was feeling like I was trapped again in that cycle of 'normal', with the house thing, selling the van, and then anniversary dates of hubby's anniversary, birthday, death. Was a lot to deal with, so tried not to in a not so good way.
I had got hired again as an xray tech in a town a little ways away, and in retrospect, it caused more worries. Worry about my wrist not being to handle the physical aspect, the drive back and forth 30 miles each way in my car that isn't doing so great and winter coming added up to, you guessed it, more drinking.
Bottom was 90 days ago. My mom came over 2 days prior and insisted I come stay with her. I warned her it wouldn't be fun, as I was trying to detox myself to start upcoming job. Well, 2 days later, I had an alcoholic seizure right in front of my parents. They both thought I died right in front of them, that part hurts soooo much, and I can't take that back. That was followed with an ER visit, mediflight to bigger city, 4 days in hospital with the fear being put into me, then detox for 11 days, then 45 days in rehab.
The bad: Needless to say, I did not start that job. Honestly, I am relieved.
The good: I have been home for a month now. Got to be in the room while my daughter gave me my first grandbaby. Got to celebrate Christmas with my whole family who was there with me through it all. I still have my home, health, and zero legal issues hanging over me. I know I am extremely fortunate. I can not mess that up!!! Have been going to AA meetings, really like my group. Got to figure out who sober me is, haha.
So although I would have LOVED to have gone to the RTR, right now it probably wasn't the best place for me. Maybe next time it's here I'll have some more sober days under my belt.
In the mean time, I have started back to college. Specifically, into Health Information Management to get into medical billing and coding, which can be done remotely. See, I still have my goals! ;
Haven't been in college in years, have more of the prereq's, but will still take me 2 years, so be it. Also, in the mean time, my car is on it's way out. It's running, but will be needing to find something else soon, within the year. So for now, I'm researching converting minivans so it can be my driver and part time camper until things change later on. There's my admission. Feel better getting it off my chest. If you have read thus far, thank you. Sure wish I coulda been there with you guys at the RTR!!! Next time.
