Question for the girl's room.

[SternWake]

Last night, I had company very much unaccustomed to Non flush toilets , and she needed to tinkle, and I had no real options but to recommend a dark private enough bush nearby, or my sterile 3.5 gallon 'emergency' bucket with the Gamma screw top lid while I offered to wait outside, but she chose the bush and came back in very cold and not quite as 'in the mood' as before, and she wound up leaving much before I would have liked in the morning, as there was no way the bush was an option in daylight.

Myself, I hang Mr Happy into a black painted gallon jug of widemouth gatorade bottle which is easy to keep clean and sterile and felt horrible for not having an easy clean non embarrassing option for her number 1 requirements.

But, what would be best products/methods/techniques for such situations?

 Sterile Transmission funnel with clean unused bottle just for her? 
 How much privacy do I offer?  Leave the Van entirely?
 Anyway to pull this off gentlemanly so that she will not shudder on remembering having to step outside her comfort zone?

Thanks for your input.

 

[cyndi]

The funnel takes practice. Keep a 3(ish) lb. Folger coffee can (it's got a handle for ease of use) Offer privacy and and maybe even empty it for her. At least until she's a little less green.

 

[BradKW]

If your date isn't accustomed to alternate toilet methods, I just don't see how you're going to win this one...Cyndi's suggestion of offering to empty the coffee can for her made me lol

I only see three options for Mr. Happy having a happy time here: 1) hotel room, 2) portable toilet, or 3) start dating men, they aren't so picky...

 

[TooManyDogs]

SternWake:

You've been a wealth of knowledge and been much appreciated. Thank you also for this post and "Mr Happy". Lol!

I think any woman who knows that you live in a van should expect that she'll have to do things a little unconventionally. The coffee can idea is good, or you can setup a portapotty, or maybe get something like a pstyle (a female stand to pee device).

 

[TMG51]

The missing ingredient is charisma in your sales pitch. If you present your options as poor accommodations, they will be received as such. My experience is that most girls can be talked into peeing in a funnel!

Alternatively, park near public bathrooms that stay open at night.

 

[jimindenver]

start dating men, they aren't so picky...

Okay, now that made me laugh

 

[WriterMs]

I have a different theory than cyndi (unusual as I usually agree on things with her).

I suspect one reason she did not want the indoor option is that she knew then YOU would have to be dealing with whatever bodily fluids she left in whatever receptical. How many women want a new lover to have to be dealing with her pee? LOL

The best quick idea I came up with is to keep a few WAGBAGS or maybe better the Travel John brand of toilet bags. Each have a powder that makes a rather leakproof gel when the urine goes in the heavy duty bag.

Before I had my rig, when my partner and I took long roadtrips (on backroad motorcycle routes for him), I always carried both the urinal and poo versions of the travel john bags. The one for urine has a support/rigid oval when opened. It is easy for a woman to hold against her "undercarriage" and use standing up or sitting down.

But for your situation, the beauty is that she then only has to use built-in ziplock closure to fully seal the bag. It will be easy to show her in seconds how to use it, and then she can throw the fully sealed pouch in with your trash. She does not have to worry that you need to see or deal with it.

In answer to the privacy thing.. YES, you go outside to give her complete privacy until SHE feels comfortable enough to indicate you do not need to do it.

Here is a link to the Travel John product on Amazon (tho I did not go through Bob's search box). I think some outdoors shops and some Walmarts carry these, too. Just make sure what you get has that rigid oval for easy use. (I think the poo bags could easily be used with your bucket and, again, she can seal it up after use without the embarrassment of you having to deal with it.)

https://www.amazon.com/TravelJohn-Disposable-Vomit-Children-Adults/dp/B003IW8IXI

 

[TrainChaser]

1. Get a 2- or 3-gallon bucket.
2. Cover the edge with a piece of that gray foam pipe insulation (the kind that is pre-cut) for comfort.
3. Line with a plastic bag.
4. Add 2 or 3" of sawdust, cat litterbox pellets, or regular cat litter.
5. Provide TP.
6. Tell her to just tie a knot in the bag, leave it in the bucket, and you'll take care of it.
7. If she's staying, dispose of it, and repeat all above.

Extra points for having it ready beforehand. More extra points for leaving the van -- assuming is not a good thing with women.

 

[jimindenver]

Could always get a bed pan and use a liner.

 

[wagoneer]

Most of my fe-male friends are adjusted to basic body functions and in tune with my off-road lifestyle, hey we all do it,perhaps the hippie life style had some benefits. try peat moss it has an earthy aroma
and will arouse the primal instinct to "do it" always use a gamma lid. love ye, I am a guy

 

[SternWake]

Hey, Thanks all for the helpful and humorous replies.  

I do have a plastic handled large coffee carriers/container, but it is not currently empty of coffee. I wish I thought of it as I could have transferred it to a large Zip lock.   Later disposal of her number 1 is not a deal breaker, for me, but I understand if it is for her, so the disposable kits which turn into  gel are nice, but pricey, but would have been worth it this morning for sure.  Morning came much too quick.

The Pstyle and other similar products look like a good option to be able to present as well.

I think in the future, I will just present the gamma lid sawdust option, coffee can (with sawdust?), and the pStyle or similar, next time and see how that goes over. The Gamma lid 3.5 gallon bucket option would have required me lifting the back portion of the hinged bed platform, or going outside to open back doors, neither of which was a desirable option at the time.


The purple "specially designed" female  silicone funnels look easier to direct into a tighter sealing bottle than the Pstyle.   Is directing one of these into a clean bottle just another cringe worthy step for the unaccustomed?

How about if I was again woefully unprepared for the possibility of company, and there was only Mr happy's Gatorade bottle? 
 'Hey baby, why don't you use My Stinky P bottle? ' I think this one might have run screaming from the van on the first Whiff. 


Now some other questions/ considerations......  

Me hanging Mr Happy into Gatorade bottle while she is in back on bed........ 
 Shall I hide the look of pleasure on my face on relieving myself incase it is too similar to another face I might have made? ;0

And what about the morning wood urination issue, where I usually have to lay face down on bed and double check my aim.  Would she Be OK with me rolling her to the other side of the bed so there is room for me to lay my upper body?

These of course are only a partially serious questions 

About the privacy.  How about if the coffee can or other urine receptacle/ method , was in the space between front seats.  The front windows all have very tightly fitting reflectix panels for blocking of 99.5% of light.  Very private, and I have a thick curtain behind front two seats which hangs to floor.  Could I remain in bed in the back?  My head would not be in line of sight of curtain, there is a cabinet in the way.  I could turn up fans to high speed to make white noise.  Pretend to start snoring........

I really did not want to get out of bed and leave the van, it was a chilly morning, and that pesky morning wood might have scared some passers by....... but certainly would of if it meant she would have climbed back under covers for a few more hours.

 

[Stargazer]

Oh, Wow.  This is something I never considered.  It is so dependent on the lady's upbringing, experiences, cultural beliefs, personal attitudes about her body and romantic notions.  What would be acceptable to some may be absolutely a deal breaker for others!  I was a hospital nurse for many years and am well aware of these differences.

I would suggest you assume the lady is most comfortable with as much privacy as you can provide.  I like the idea of the between the front seats with a curtain providing a visual barrier.  White noise -- maybe soft music?  And urine can have an odor, too, so maybe a lightly scented candle or lavender in a cup of warm water or ?  And don't forget something for personal cleanliness (some sort of wipes? Be careful here, chemicals can call a fast halt to the evening), not just toilet paper.  

The attitude you take is all important. How can I say this? Ladies don't like to admit to gentlemen that "dirty" things occur so close to where you're going.  Some want it to be pristinely clean and odor free, a difficult accomplishment under the best of circumstances.  So you may need to adopt an attitude of denial.  Next time, be prepared.  And make it as romantic as possible.  Maybe while she is occupied, you do something unrelated -- make a cup of tea, or a beverage or snack?  DO something so you're not just "waiting" while she is doing her business.  Straighten up the bed.  Change the music, check your battery levels,  anything that shows you aren't thinking about the elephant in the room.  Pretend you don't know what she's doing (Her:  "I'm going to freshen up a bit.").  Consider this an opportunity for you to do the same, btw.

This can be complicated because it should be ready in advance, yet you don't want to appear to be a frequent player.  Or have attitudes changed in recent years?

"Romance" can cover up a lot of practical aspects of life.  Use it.  And I don't mean "love".  Think of it as a stage setting.

This is difficult to explain and some may disagree.  But when I see a gentleman has put some thought into my comfort, it advances progress.

Best wishes!  Sigh.

 

[Queen]

Sternwake, be advised, stand-to-pee things like the p-style take a bit of practice. It would kill the mood pretty quickly if she ended up with socks and shoes full of squishy warm pee. Trust me on this.

 

[cyndi]

Ditto what Queen said. And some never get the hang of it. Pee on her pants leg is going to turn her off much faster than having to go outside in the cold.

A folgers coffee can will hold around 24 hours woth of urine. No need to empty it right away

I do like the sound of that gel stuff.

 

[Cheli]

Yes this is a tough predicament for a woman who isn't used to camping or the wilderness lifestyle in general.

As already mentioned above, I wouldn't suggest the stand-to-pee gadgets as they aren't for a newbie. I like the gel bag idea but if they're pricey then maybe only keep a couple on hand for the gal that isn't as adventurous to use a bucket? I don't know, just a thought.

I like the idea of the bucket up front with the curtain in between. Most girls are shy to the thought of a potential lover hearing them pee so white noise or maybe turn on a radio would go a long way for her comfort.

Or might I suggest you just stat keeping an eye out for the more wild and rugged girl to begin with and this is sure to not be an issue. hahaha Just kidding.

Being the girl who will be living in a van and men aren't as shy I'm sure I will never have this issue. But I feel for you guys who have to deal with this. I've always been and outdoorsy, camper, rugged kind of girl so this would never be an issue with me.

 

[steamjam1]

Pooping in the woods is the one thing I really hate doing.

 

[SternWake]

Good input again. Thank you.

I highly doubt this particular woman will be making a return, Not my type and I most certainly am not hers, not even clo$e, but there was alcohol involved and she couldn't keep her hands off of my shoulders, the Van was close, and private, and it has been a long while for me.

Really in starting this thread I was putting an eye to the future to minimize the 'culture shock' if another woman, hopefully one more outdoorsy, and not one sloshed with white wine, wants to spend the night and hopefully stick around for the morning session too.

So the stand to pee contraptions are out, and it appears the large coffee container or the bucket with Gamma lid behind the front curtain with white noise is the leading method, should this situation occur again. I'll likely acquire the gelling packs and stand to pee just to have as options to present should the need arise again.

Honestly for me, regarding the midnight/ early morning tinkle, The coffee can method behind front curtain would be most convenient for me. In general the air intake fan is in back by the bed and the exhaust fan in ceiling just above curtained partition. So these should provide white noise and keep any urine smells from affronting the senses.

 

[Cheli]

Sounds like a good plan Stan.....errr uhm I mean Stern. Get it? See what I did there? hahaha I crack myself up, I'm gonna be just fine on the road by myself. LOL

 

[TMG51]

if another woman, hopefully one more outdoorsy, and not one sloshed with white wine

Well there's your problem right there, next time you've gotta pick up a beer drinker. Girls that drink beer know how to pee.

 

[Phantom Blooper]

Good advice from ALL!

As long as "Mr. Happy" is happy and she is happy that's all that counts!