Memories~~~ Embarrassing the children.

[GotSmart]

Does anyone have any good stories about how they dealt with the problems raising children bring?  I had three daughters, 2 years apart in age,  and got full custody of them when the oldest was 14.  I found the basis for this online, and modified it to use in a speech class.   Somehow copies ended up circulating the high school my daughters went to.   :angel:



[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter[/font]

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule One[/font]

My daughters are my reasons for living. I will make sure that they are ready for dating before I will allow them to go out on one. You may think that dating is a regular part of teenage life. You are an idiot. My girls do not date idiots. They will be going to college and obtaining a degree in their chosen field. They will not date until I say they can. The law is on my side.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Two[/font]

I will meet your parents first. I will also run a criminal check on your entire family. I have ways of getting things done. Never, ever lie to me or her! The man she will marry will be a godly man. He will also at least be the equal of her father in education.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Three[/font]
I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with opportunities to date other girls. This is not fine with me or my daughter. Once you've gone out with my little girl you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry harder.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Four [/font]
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a pizza because you're sure not picking anything up. EVER You will be a perfect gentleman at all times. You will come to the door and ring ONCE. You will have a small bouquet of flowers for my daughter, and a large one for my wife.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Five[/font]
As you stand in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, putting on make-up, or whatever; a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car. You will wait patiently, and quietly for my daughter to make her appearance.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Six[/font]
Current thinking is that in order for you and me to get to know each other, we should talk politics, sports, and other issues. Do not do this. Your ignorance and stupidity will only serve to anger me. The only information I require of you is when you will have my daughter home. To this end, you only need two words: "early" and "sir."

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Seven[/font]

Do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her adoringly, so long as you do not peer at anything below the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter I will remove them. If you ever strike her, you will vanish. I'm sure you've been told that sex in today's world without a "barrier device" can kill you. Let me elaborate: I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Anything more than a goodnight kiss on the cheek is out.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Eight[/font]
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. If you show up at my home with your pants falling down I will be forced to ensure that they do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter by taking my
pneumatic nail gun and fastening the pants directly to your waist. You will be dressed properly for a date with my daughter.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Nine[/font]
[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif] [/font]You will only take her to an approved place for your date. The following places are not appropriate places to take my daughter: places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool - places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight - places that are dark or poorly lit - places where there is dancing, holding hands, or excessive happiness - places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Hockey games are okay, old folks homes are better, my church is best. You may picnic at my gun club.

[font='Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif]Rule Ten[/font]
Do not ever lie to me. I may appear to someone like you, to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
 
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a sand dune in Afghanistan. When my PTSD starts kicking in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean guns and knives as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Note the camouflaged face in the window is mine. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, return to your car. Then leave.

 

[Patrick46]

Hahaha!!! That's Awesome!!!


My neice (an extremely pretty girl, who lived with us in her senior HS year), had a fellow who came to pick her up. His pants were dragging badly, and he had an old fisherman's hat pulled so low that I couldn't see his eyes...at all!!!

She came outside when she heard his car, and asked me where he went.

"He had somewhere else he had to be" I told her. (she finally saw the light.)


Thanx to my size, my long hair & beard, my tattoos, the big ass chopper parked in my driveway, and the very negative & aggressive vibe I gave off...ALL the boys my daughters brought home called me "Sir"!

 

[GotSmart]

I was a substitute teacher, and a full time student at the local University.  I was much older than most of the other teachers and parents.  

I had a way of looking at the boys and not saying a word~~~     They soon found out I was fair and reasonable...  Just behave! My second Daughters husband still will not speak when I am around.  I wonder if he knows about the deal I made with the DA when he got arrested.  (No mercy!)    He never got another ticket since then.  

 

[ryegal]

You men are awesome !!!!. In my line of work I hired young people and most were either friends of friends or relatives and because of my standards  they were pre - interviewed by my staff No droopy pants , good manners and you better  show up for your shifts.LOL it was funny but being I was most times there  first job I wanted to teach them how to get a job, how important work ethics were and how to leave a job right. One young man said to a fellow friend how do I tell her I'am leaving??? the other guy said  write out a 2 weeks notice ask for time with her give it to her and tell her it was a pleasure working here.  and most important  is work the 2 weeks notice you gave. when this was related back to me I was pleased. I always liked helping them learn the values.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

I raised a boy and my standards were not much different for his dating.

 

[highdesertranger]

I salute all of you. highdesertranger