caseyc
Well-known member
VanTramp, dang, that's the craziest story I've read in awhile. Sorry to hear. Thanks for sharing.
Marriage advice requested. Divorce or stay for the kids?
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GrinningPanther
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Van-Tramp, wow... I'm glad you weren't the one the cops decided to "convict" in the moment, but it could easily have gone that way if they decided to believe her, or to interpret events in a way that looked bad for you--heck, even if one of them had an emotional response of protectiveness toward her. And, as you point out, even though she was wrong in that case, she really wasn't a threat, and nobody at the house really needed to be arrested or persecuted by the system.
In any case, it points up what most of us with some life experience, including you I'm sure, have sadly concluded: The law is not necessarily what's right or moral or noble. It's what some people in the position of power and influence--and for a mixture of reasons, smart and stupid, noble and self-interested--have decided should be the law. And, at its best, the law is very unwieldy, and in many cases will be applied indiscriminately...and therefore unjustly.
And while there are many wonderful women who would never initiate violence or unfairly call the police on their man, I certainly can't blame you for being wary of any further live-in domestic partners. The "do-gooders" in advocacy groups and legislatures have made marriage or live-in mating, and parenting, into very hazardous endeavors where one can be easily accused of abuse, and one's life ruined, very quickly.
'Glad you ducked that one.
GP
In any case, it points up what most of us with some life experience, including you I'm sure, have sadly concluded: The law is not necessarily what's right or moral or noble. It's what some people in the position of power and influence--and for a mixture of reasons, smart and stupid, noble and self-interested--have decided should be the law. And, at its best, the law is very unwieldy, and in many cases will be applied indiscriminately...and therefore unjustly.
And while there are many wonderful women who would never initiate violence or unfairly call the police on their man, I certainly can't blame you for being wary of any further live-in domestic partners. The "do-gooders" in advocacy groups and legislatures have made marriage or live-in mating, and parenting, into very hazardous endeavors where one can be easily accused of abuse, and one's life ruined, very quickly.
'Glad you ducked that one.
GP
Patrick46
Well-known member
My wife's co-worker went through almost that exact same experience.
SHE called the cops, but HE got arrested, even though SHE was the one who got physically abusive...and their 2 teenaged kids BOTH backed up his story, there with the cops, and later with the judge.
HE was the one who had to move out, had to get anger management counseling, and ended up with limited supervised visitation, to his 2 kids, whom he was extremely close to. He also now has a permanent felony conviction record, so no more hunting for him (can't own firearms anymore.)
SHE had to do NOTHING!
There were both very Christian church-going folks, and he still is.
Years later, the kids are both grown adults, and STILL completely back up his story. He has tried to get the felony conviction expunged...but the courts won't listen.
she died 3 years ago from a meth overdose. (seriously)
SHE called the cops, but HE got arrested, even though SHE was the one who got physically abusive...and their 2 teenaged kids BOTH backed up his story, there with the cops, and later with the judge.
HE was the one who had to move out, had to get anger management counseling, and ended up with limited supervised visitation, to his 2 kids, whom he was extremely close to. He also now has a permanent felony conviction record, so no more hunting for him (can't own firearms anymore.)
SHE had to do NOTHING!
There were both very Christian church-going folks, and he still is.
Years later, the kids are both grown adults, and STILL completely back up his story. He has tried to get the felony conviction expunged...but the courts won't listen.
she died 3 years ago from a meth overdose. (seriously)
Van-Tramp
Well-known member
Yep, I realize just how lucky I got that night.
I've met a lot of guys that went through that same story Patrick. Scary s**t
I've met a lot of guys that went through that same story Patrick. Scary s**t
GotSmart
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In CA the attitude was similar. Break up a domestic by arresting someone. In the mid 80's, my friend and his wife were going at it, and someone called the LEO's. He had the biggest mouth, so they ran him first. He spent the night in jail for "Fishing without a license". He said it was the most humiliating night of his life. (Here I was in jail with gang members, armed robbers, and one guy who tried to kill three cops! They kept after me to tell what I had done!!!)
The next fight they had, he was quiet and they hauled her off for parking tickets.
The situations I was in, I always was "yes sir" and "no sir" and when she got abusive, I left. That is why I ended up with full custody.
The next fight they had, he was quiet and they hauled her off for parking tickets.
The situations I was in, I always was "yes sir" and "no sir" and when she got abusive, I left. That is why I ended up with full custody.
caseyc
Well-known member
After reading the horror stories from you guys, I now realize how extra lucky I am. I've dodged multiple bullets in my life over the years.
Okay, since we're all sharing for guy bonding, here's my past sob story. It was with my ex wife some 25 years ago. While home one evening, either she or her parents called the cops. She was the one who pulled a knife on me after a heated argument over trivial sh!t.
I ended up spending one night in a county jail. No charges were pressed, and the ex ended up driving me home from jail the next morning. I somehow got persuaded into entering an anger management course even though it was her that had anger issues, not me. She made my life miserable, and I was frustrated and depressed. She ended up leaving me cuz I didn't want to have kids with her.
Fast forward 25 years later, one day the same ex ended up calling me out of the blues after she somehow found my phone number from a relative. It turns out the guy she married and had 2 kids with was a pot-head and he committed suicide by blowing his head off with a shotgun. I told my ex I would have done the same thing if I stayed married with her! The ex actually tried to get back together with me after not being in contact with her for many years! Unbelievable.
Ahhhh, the sweet smell of karma! I tell that story to my buddies and we all get a good laugh out of it! By the week, that anger management course I had enrolled many years ago, I ended up dropping out after the 3rd week when it was suppose to last a couple months. Why? Cuz at some point during the course, I had realized it was HER fault for being nuts and violent. Not me, I'm the sane one. I've never had a problem like that ever again.
Edit for grammar: "By the way"...
Okay, since we're all sharing for guy bonding, here's my past sob story. It was with my ex wife some 25 years ago. While home one evening, either she or her parents called the cops. She was the one who pulled a knife on me after a heated argument over trivial sh!t.
I ended up spending one night in a county jail. No charges were pressed, and the ex ended up driving me home from jail the next morning. I somehow got persuaded into entering an anger management course even though it was her that had anger issues, not me. She made my life miserable, and I was frustrated and depressed. She ended up leaving me cuz I didn't want to have kids with her.
Fast forward 25 years later, one day the same ex ended up calling me out of the blues after she somehow found my phone number from a relative. It turns out the guy she married and had 2 kids with was a pot-head and he committed suicide by blowing his head off with a shotgun. I told my ex I would have done the same thing if I stayed married with her! The ex actually tried to get back together with me after not being in contact with her for many years! Unbelievable.
Ahhhh, the sweet smell of karma! I tell that story to my buddies and we all get a good laugh out of it! By the week, that anger management course I had enrolled many years ago, I ended up dropping out after the 3rd week when it was suppose to last a couple months. Why? Cuz at some point during the course, I had realized it was HER fault for being nuts and violent. Not me, I'm the sane one. I've never had a problem like that ever again.
Edit for grammar: "By the way"...
