It's time.....

[Cheli]

So I've been talking about wanting to throw in the towel of the daily life of living day by day working in the cube farm of corporate life since my divorce three years ago.  I have no debt, no children, nothing holding me back other than a good job and family.

Long story short, I discovered the possibility of van dwelling and traveling the country and have been talking about it for a year......but I'm tired of talking and not doing.  Something in my mind is holding me back and I don't know what.  Maybe the fear of the unknown, maybe getting rid of everything I own to find a year later it doesn't work and I have to start all over again?  I don't know, but I need to figure it out.

Well a couple of weeks ago my sister invited me over for Easter dinner with her and her kids, I politely declined and said that I really just felt like staying home and chilling.  It wasn't a big deal, I wasn't trying to be rude or anti social, I just don't really get into the holidays anymore like I used to and she was fine with that and understood.  Then a week ago my boyfriends mother invited me over for dinner with them, again I politely declined.  Apparently this isn't normal and she kept asking me if I was ok and if everything was alright.  I guess it's not normal for a girl to not go over with her boyfriend to his family's for Easter dinner?  I don't see the big deal, and it shouldn't turned into this big "oh no what's wrong with Cheli" moment.  I said to my boyfriend that I already declined my sisters invite so it wouldn't be right to then go somewhere else.

Long story short, I'm sitting here home alone on Easter and I'm totally fine with it.  I do feel a little guilty because everyone else feels that I've blown them off, but that's' not what it is.  And I feel bad that my boyfriend probably feels uncomfortable with everyone asking where I am.  But I realized that it's time, I really need to go full force into this plan and make it happen.......I no longer fit into the "norm" of society anymore.

So it's time to post everything I own to sell, save up as much money as I can and do this.......I MUST do this.

Do any of you have any stories of your ah ha moment when you decided that it was time and how you made it happen?

 

[rvpopeye]

Cheli
I was sitting in my wood shop surrounded by kitchen cabinets and speaker enclosures and the phone rang......."Hi , I'm the owner of a regional sound company and I heard about your speakers.....would you be interested in going on a short tour and mixing monitors for "the legend of the north country" from Asbury Park NJ ?"
A day later I knew what I wanted to do and did for over 20 years , now I don't know or have any desire to know what living what some people (none of MY friends) call a normal life is like !

 

[Patd4u2]

Never a good idea to burn your bridges, Might look into getting your sister or a storage unit to store your most treasured items or furniture while you try the van dwelling life style. You can always sell them later if you decide that is the life for you. If not you still have them to use. That is MHO.

 

[Almost There]

Do any of you have any stories of your ah ha moment when you decided that it was time and how you made it happen?

I had that ah ha moment just over a year ago. This isn't going to be short so bear with me.

I had come off the road and moved back to Canada to be a 'responsible daughter' 9 years ago. Each year was getting harder and harder to take. I was finally working a job I liked and making great money but I was past the age where I could retire and was just plain old getting tired of working. I also hate winter weather with a passion!! The only thing holding me back was doing my share of looking after my mother.

Mom has been in failing health for years now and absolutely refused to do things that were good for her health, depending entirely on the medical profession and prescriptions for propping her up. Exercise was a 4 letter word, her favorite phrase was 'I can't' and her diet consisted of snack foods and 2 nutrition drinks a day.

We collided over her attitude every time we talked or I was there doing things for her, yes, I was probably nagging her, I admit it but it was painful to see her in her failing condition. Finally one day she threatened to replace me with hired help if I didn't like the way she lived her life.

On my 2 hour drive home, I was a total mess. Crying, sobbing and stressed to the point where I thought I was going to end up in hospital with a heart attack...that's how much stress I was under dealing with her issues and her blind indifference to them. Much of the stress was in not knowing how long it was going to be before I could be completely free to live my life my way!!

Lights came on, I came to the sudden realization that, indeed, she could replace me with professional help. Someone else could do her absolutely gross laundry (she was refusing to change her UI undergarments often enough), her grocery shopping was minimal except for picking up monthly orders of her UI supplies and her nutrition drinks and she'd probably be better off with someone who was paid to clean her apartment.

It was like a very large weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I kept it all to myself for a couple of months to make absolutely sure that it was what I wanted to do. Then I planned out my future!

I already had bought the van, planning on making it in to the camper I wanted. I had planned on using it for camping on weekends and for local travelling.

I just adjusted the timetable - it had been a 'when the timing is right' thing but now the time was NOW!!

Mom was okay with it at first but then started with the 'but I'll miss you' and telling my brother that she thought I was deserting her. Bro and his wife have turned completely against me to the point where they're not speaking to me...oh well!!

I timed my retirements from the two sales jobs I had and started planning on emptying my apartment at the same time that I got serious about finishing the inside of the van.

In the end it turned out that I would have been free this fall anyways. Mom collapsed less than a week before I was leaving for the winter. She was hospitalized for severe dehydration, malnutrition, bedsores, urinary rashes and a bladder infection. The doctors made no bones about it, she was incapable of living independantly and would require long term care facilities. All the things that I had nagged about were finally being dealt with by professionals.

Mom is in a long term care home and I look forward to seeing her again in a few weeks. She's brighter than she's  been in years, actually eats three good meals a day and is getting supervised exercise!!

I'm happier than I've been in years!! Life is good!

 

[lterry]

I grew up poor...not just financially poor, but raised by a "poor" parent. Meaning, my mother had backward priorities and was often passively neglectful and a few times actively neglectful. I wanted a better life, and I thought that would only happen if I made more money, had a better education. Not long after I started college, I got pregnant and did the dutiful thing and married. After having my second daughter, I "knew" I had to go back to college so that I could 1. Get the education that would enable me to make the money I supposedly needed for the better life, and 2. be a good example of an educated, successful woman to my two daughters.
I'm still not positive if spending all that time and money on a college degree was the right thing for me, but I know that the reason behind getting my degree was the wrong one. I'm done with society's idea of what I'm supposed to do.
I am finally doing what I want to do. I still want to be a good example of a woman for my 17 and 19 year old daughters, but that example has morphed now. I am interested in showing them how to simplify happiness. Make your own measuring stick to gauge success and happiness - don't depend on society's propaganda.
I never had an exact "aha" moment that made me realize this. The knowledge just slowly seeped in.

 

[Cheli]

I had that ah ha moment just over a year ago. This isn't going to be short so bear with me.

Thank you for sharing.  I'm sorry about the circumstances but sometimes those are what give us that ah ha moment.  My sister always tells me that I need to stop worrying about everyone else and start doing what I want and need for me.  Even though she's the one I help most, she pushes me to stop helping everyone and neglecting my needs.

 

[Almost There]

Thank you for sharing.  I'm sorry about the circumstances but sometimes those are what give us that ah ha moment.  My sister always tells me that I need to stop worrying about everyone else and start doing what I want and need for me.  Even though she's the one I help most, she pushes me to stop helping everyone and neglecting my needs.

If you've ever flown you know what the emergency procedures are for the oxygen masks....yours' first, then help someone else.

The same rule needs to apply to every day life as well. If you're neglecting your own needs in favor of someone elses', then it's time to reassess!

It's very easy to slip into ways that are not healthy, both physically and emotionally. I did, you apparently are, time to rearrange ones' priorities.

 

[nobodyG17]

Don't worry about where you "fit".  

Work on finding how you can be content and reach a point where you are not bothered by society.   You can't change society but you can find peace within it.

Best of luck with everything.  Glad you reached a tipping point.

 

[WanderLoveJosh]

Just do it, Exploring helps the soul

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

If you're in the position to do so, I'd buy a van first before selling everything and uprooting your life. Then you can sleep in it in the driveway as you build out the inside, then venture into a few overnights, and then a few week long trips and if all feels right after that, go all in.

 

[Cheli]

If you're in the position to do so, I'd buy a van first before selling everything and uprooting your life. Then you can sleep in it in the driveway as you build out the inside, then venture into a few overnights, and then a few week long trips and if all feels right after that, go all in.

Actually, that is exactly what I was thinking.  I need to save enough to buy a van then get rid of my car and that payment.  Then I can take the time I need to customize it and do some test runs.

The hardest thing will be leaving my secure and well paying job to take the leap of faith.  But the way I see it is sure, I make good money but I spend $1k+ a month on rent, another couple hundred on utilities......so I may make less on the road but won't need as much either.  My ultimate goal would be to get rid of my apartment and stay with family/friend for another couple of months to really pocket some money for security.  I know it will all work out in the end.