I almost killed myself today.

[Chancebond]

Ok, so hear goes. Today, I spilled something. Btw I'm 16. It was family night, and my mom brought in my nachos. They looked awesome. Now, I'm no where close to suicidal, but I seriously considered it. All my life, I've known I never fit in. Whether it be at sports, school, or home, I just knew it. As I'm writing this im crying. :'( :'( :'(. I've always had a different opinion than most.

I spilled something. It was a bunch of Nachos. I went to tell my mom, and she just started yelling at me. (This isn't a suicide note, I just want to tell people how close I came today). So, I went to go get Zout™ to clean up the mess. After I did that, I went to go get the vacuum. I didn't know it didn't work. So then, my mom came over, and started yelling at me. She started cussing and yelling and everything, saying Zout is f-ing not for f-ing carpets because it will -fing discolor it mothers-er. Then I went on here to type this up. After I started this, my mom came into my room to say she was sorry. At first I didn't believe her, but now I do. I accept her apology. I need help! What is wrong with me? Did I act un-rationally to hate her just a little for all the years she's verbally abused me? Or did I stay within reason. I can't believe I came this close to taking my own life! Can somebody out there please say that they look be me?

 

[SoulRaven]

if you actually even considered harming yourself PLEASE call a crisis line or confide in someone you trust. There is nothing worth hurting yourself, you have good qualities and are concerned enough to ask people on a forum for their thoughts. That shows intelligence and reason.

I don't know where you live but there is a toll free number for someone to talk to, google it and call. The teen years are tough, even tougher now than when I was a teen but trust me, you can get through it. 

Whatever you do, do not act in haste. Stuff that may seem major now may blow over and be of no matter. I wish you well. Make that call and don't do anything that is irreversible. 

Message back anytime, there are always folks somewhere that will try and help.  Bob J.

 

[bcbullet]

There is an old saying: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Read this a number of times....

 

[SternWake]

Parents are not perfect, and sometimes they need to vent. Usually this venting will be unwarranted on the person onto whom they are venting, the offense blown all out of proportion, and possibly combined with every offense that ever occurred in the last decade, an embellished as well into a spewing tirade all out of proportion to the offense which triggered it.

At least she apologized and was only verbally abusive, and not physically so.

I dealt with plenty of verbal abuse from both mom and dad, and my elder sister. I learned to confront it with sound logic and then just leave while they cooled down. Dad respected logic, it just infuriated Mom and sister and made them more cruel which to this day is their standard reaction whenever they are displeased about anything, whose ever fault it might be, usually theirs, but their sharp tongues and fingers need to lash out.

Kind of pathetic really. Just like your mom's tirade. She should be ashamed and embarrassed.

I found When somebody goes into a verbally abusive tirade, and do not get an emotionally fuelled response back, it blows their minds.

But they still need to vent.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Don't do anything rash. Everything is temporary, except suicide.

 

[eapvan]

I had similar problems with my mother, Chance. The good news is that I survived and got to leave as soon as I was legally able to. You don't have too long to go, and you'll be free as well. Just keep looking forward, make your plans, get a job as soon as possible, and you'll be fine.

Don't cut your life short before you even get a chance to start it. Keep your eye on the prize, and your time will come soon.

 

[gcal]

Get professional counseling. No one can help you, here. If this becomes a pattern, it won't be a good one. People around you will become more and more irritated and bored by this behavior. They will start pushing you away and you will escalate it in order to keep their attention. The harsh truth is that few people have much patience with either teenage drama or with perpetually needy "downers" who emotionally suck others dry.

 

[Jana]

The fact that you are here is amazing. At your age, I was totally caught up in the "need this kind of job, need this kind of education, need this kind of car" bs that controlled the first half (I hope!) of my life. You're already looking at the world asking, "What all is out there? How many ways are there to live? Which fits ME best NOW?" That curiosity and alive-ness makes it harder to fit in and roll with the punches sometimes, but it gives immediacy and authenticity to your life. Keep gathering not only information but stories, like you do from forums like these. Our stories are how wisdom has been passed down throughout human history.

I was a stressed out mother and yelled at my kid far too much. I loved him dearly, but my capacity for loving others was limited by my difficulty loving myself and I took out way too much of my frustration with life on him. I will regret it to my dying day. Very often, people's bad behavior doesn't actually have anything to do with the person who is the target of it. That does not make it right. In fact, that not only makes it wrong, it makes it stupid.

Being a teenager is so hard. Hang on, learn as much as you can, enjoy everything you can, and make memories to treasure your whole life. Do at least one kind thing every day, even if nobody notices. Especially if nobody notices. A smile or compliment may pull someone else back from the brink.

You are a valued and unique being. Dream big and keep working on making your dreams come true. Keep reaching out.

 

[mockturtle]

As you seem to acknowledge, the problem lies with you, not with your mother [not to condone your mother's behavior]. You need to seek help before something tragic happens. God bless!

 

[Baloo]

What to say? Ok here it goes, way back in the day when I was around your age I attempted to kill my self, I came from a broken family of four siblings being raised by a single mother. My mother did not always invite "choice" men into her life. Things happened to me that should not ever happen to a teenager. I could not mentally calculate how to deal with the emotional pain. Since I could not rationally predict a happy future I chose to end what I considered to be a terrible life. Thankfully I was found before it was too late. Years of counseling and suicide contracts later. I was able to get a medical waver and join the Army to get away. Everything was looking better, but I occasionally still needed a mental tune up to help me take a different perspective on situations in my life. I am now 37 years old and still seek professional help from time to time for issues I had 22 years ago. Please go talk to a professional, it is not an instant process, but it will get better! I promise, it really does get better.

 

[Patrick46]

Chance...

from these postings above, you can see that indeed, You are NOT ALONE.

No, this is not an easy thing to deal with, but hang in there, and keep your cool. Your Mom sounds like she's having a hard time dealing with something that's inside her, and she's venting and projecting it onto you. (this is why she felt guilty and came back to apologize to you...after the incident)

When things calm down, maybe you could talk to her and ask what's going on...and maybe there's a way you could help. This will do you both some good. She'll know how much you really do care for her, and it may give her a chance to reflect on how she's treating you (and likely others as well.) By talking it over and ventilating things being locked inside, healing will come...hopefully for you both.

You don't need to take drastic measures, like you suggested. I learned to go for long, LONG walks by myself. (often lasting several hours) Walking gave me a place to be by myself, and to get some fresh air and walk through all the negative energy I was feeling inside. I too felt misunderstood by everyone around me, and often times, I still do. But that doesn't mean I want the ride to end...it just means I have things I still need to learn. We ALL do.

Try not to worry too much...You'll get through this.

Be Well.

 

[GotSmart]

I raised three teenage daughters on my own.. Do you want to talk about stress?  I had to learn how to stop the situation from escalating.  This happened by taking ownership of the problem.  (I screwed up)  apologizing, and then expressing your love for your mother.  

Just remember that the problem was compounded by the stress your mother is feeling at having to take responsibility for your responsibility.   

Your solution to the problem is a simple one.  Time.  It takes time for the crazy things your body is doing to start to settle down. You are not that different from everyone else. You are not alone.  Find someone to talk to.  A minister, school counselor, sibling, or even your mother. 

I solved my crazyness problem by telling my kids that they could talk to me about any problem, and I would not get mad for them being honest.  just do not lie to me and say what they think I want to hear.  I have done things they do not know about, and would never think about doing. 

Just try having this kind of talk with her.  You will be shocked at the results.  She is scared to be completely honest with you, as parents forget their children are just little version of themself.  They feel they have to be perfect, but forget the stresses of the teenage world. 

Best of luck.

 

[GypsyDogs]

And why does 'nature' decide it is a good idea for teenagers and middle-aged-women to live in the same household?

I clearly remember my mother, who had me a bit later than typical, being unpredictable while I was growing up.
She would have crazy mood swings, rages, and even occasionally become violent.
Looking back now, I realize she was heading into Menopause... and the light dawns.

Couple that with a verbally abusive misogynistic father - and you have wonderful childhood memories...

So, I can totally understand where you are coming from. But realize also, that your mother is coming from somewhere also.