Help, Giving, Accepting and Offering

[corky52]

I have a fair amount of journeyman level skills and often offer to help people, but I myself have trouble accepting or asking for help, guess I'm a bit weird.  I've just been thinking about this whole subject and though I'd ask others here about HELP.

I remember as a kid neighbors often helping each other and it just seemed more natural and easier than it is today.  People today seem much more inclined to be looking for hooks and keeping score.  I even find myself wondering about motives at times, something I'm going to work on.

Corky

 

[Almost There]

I have a fair amount of journeyman level skills and often offer to help people, but I myself have trouble accepting or asking for help, guess I'm a bit weird.  I've just been thinking about this whole subject and though I'd ask others here about HELP.

I remember as a kid neighbors often helping each other and it just seemed more natural and easier than it is today.  People today seem much more inclined to be looking for hooks and keeping score.  I even find myself wondering about motives at times, something I'm going to work on.

Corky

I don't think that's weird at all, but then, that may be self-justification because I too have trouble asking for help when I need it.

For me, it came from years of being the one that everyone turned to when they needed help. Not because I was necessarily so giving but because I was mucho competent. I was raised with a 'can do' attitude and taught to figure out how to do things. The word 'can't'  was a forbidden word and there was no such thing as 'it's too hard, I'll do it for you' from my parents, particularly my Dad.

This past week when I fell really ill with bronchitis and laryngitis, I had to depend on a good friend for everything from picking up my mail to doing shopping for me (they dropped care packages at the door and ran from the germs  ).

Even that was harder than it should be. Asking for help when I need it is something I guess I need to work on.

Maybe instead of trying to understand the future electrical system for the van, I should just ask someone to 'make it be'... ...nah, where's the fun in that!!

 

[SoulRaven]

If it's hard, I do it immediately, if it's impossible, it just takes a little longer.

Normally I have always been the one offering help, but as I get older and some things get more difficult, I have been blessed with an abundance of friends who are quick to offer their help.

I like to think that my past good deeds have led to the present and future, and it is becoming easier for me to accept help from others, perhaps partially because of the good feeling it always gave me to help others, and the thought that if I accept their help, they can experience similar good feelings as well.

I do always offer to pay, and make sure they know how much I appreciate their efforts. Rarely does anyone accept money, but the offer makes me feel better.

 

[GrantRobertson]

I used to always help people as much as I could. I would offer to help people with things and people would ask for my help. I thought it would make them like me. It didn't work.

People almost never offered to help me with anything. I also never asked because A) I can handle most stuff on my own, and B) I would always feel as if I was imposing.

A while back I read an article about social capital. As it turns out, when you do a favor for someone, they subconsciously feel as if they now owe you something and begin to resent that debt. So, doing too much for people without asking them to do stuff back for you ends up making them resent you rather than like you. Who would have thunk it? :-/ 

I guess the best approach is to start small, ask for help for little things, then return the favor within a reasonable period (without mentioning that it is to make you "even"), and build up from there.

As far as learning to ask for help: Just think of it as a way of giving others the opportunity to make friends with you.

 

[masterplumber]

Being the type who likes to do everything myself, I to have this problem. But I'm working on it. A wise old friend once told me "If you don't let anyone help you you're actually denying them a blessing". At first that sounds backward, but then when you think about how you feel when you're really able to help someone with something they couldn't have done themselves, you know it to be true.

 

[mconlonx]

I am one of those people who can be called upon at a moment's notice to help out in a pinch. Excellent providing temporary assistance, I'm a terrible long-term friend.

I've only recently and reluctantly come to reflect that asking for help is not a terrible thing. Especially if one has been collecting help-debt for a while. People are relieved to pay it back to a requesting helper.

Best to lean on each other and keep the slate clean and even... If you incur help-debt, be sure you get it paid off... don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it or accept help from those you'e helped out in the past.