General feeling of just existing

[Theadyn]

Anyone else feel this way?

Have been in a funk lately. I am stuck. Stuck in my living situation. Stuck in a job that isn't making me happy. Stuck in this never ending cycle of the same thing, day in, day out, in blah-land. Weeks and month just seem to pass me by. Nothing is really giving me joy right now. I am the only one that can change this, I know.

In some respects I feel like I got the world by the tail. Single (widowed), debt free, paid for decent vehicle and RV. Mon-Fri job that pays decent. Living with someone rent free. Little bit of money saved. Not in to all the consumerism, lives simply.

In some respects I feel like I am drowning. Job is with family and feel severely unappreciated and taken advantage of, and a job I do not enjoy. Living situation is okay, sometimes I feel like I am taking advantage, and sometimes being taken advantage of. Life feels like the same cycle over and over and there's nothing really to look forward to.

What I would like to do it just, honestly, run away. Yep, just take off. Hop in my wheels and go. But that kinda sounds like running away. Away from job and family that seem to want to tell me what to do, even at 43. Away from living with someone that is 'nice' and I get along with, but doesn't light my fire, if you know what I mean. Away from the expected and comfortable and see what is up ahead. Feel like life is going to just pass me by, I'll be 70 and wondering why I didn't.

I know it's fear. Fear of the unknown. How will I earn money? How will my family react? What if I have mechanical troubles as a single female that isn't mechanically inclined. What if I run out of money? Would the things I see and do be enjoyable if experienced just by myself? I know, questions only I know the answers to.

Just wondered if anyone else out there has felt this way. What did you do about it?

Anyways, thanks for listening.

 

[Van-Tramp]

I have and sometimes still do feel that way. Even just this past week, I've been feeling "trapped" with pressure mounting to stay this way. Pressure from my Ex and Society in general to keep working, earning, buying just to feed the machine. You and I are in nearly the exact same situation (no debt, paid for vehicles, cheap living conditions, etc) but it seems I have an end in sight which is keeping me sane.

The only real advice I have; Do what makes you happy. You are right that the clock will keep spinning. You do not have to "run away" per-se, but how about "running to" happiness? What ever makes you happy, go for it. Your family will understand and there is always money to be made. Don't worry too much about all the "what if's".

How about riding along with another traveler as support until you are ready to solo? RTR is in a few months, that is a great opportunity.

 

[caseyc]

Yup, guilty as charged. Makes the three of us. Plenty more I'm sure.

 

[rvwandering]

Yes, I think many potential van and RV dwellers feel that way which is what leads them to this on-edge-of "normal" lifestyle. People following all of the rules of society seem to be content but there are so many people who show their discontentment by excessive drinking, drugs, gambling, shopping binges, all kinds of addictive behavior. This lifestyle is much healthier!

You're halfway there. You have a RV, some money saved, not many possessions, no real commitments, and a desire to change. Try little steps. Talk it over with your friend. Would he be interested in traveling? Do you want him to go along? Could you ask for a month or two break from your job? Don't tell them that it may turn into something permanent until you've tried it out. Check into the type of jobs that you could do as you travel.

Like Van-Tramp says - you're not running away. You're finding what it takes to be happy which isn't necessarily what makes your friends and family happy. Life is short - go for it!

 

[mconlonx]

Sounds familiar. Recently out of debt, vehicle paid for, decent enough job which pays well enough to start saving but not what I'd rather be doing, good living situation. Totally uninterested in a lot of what life has to offer, listless and unmotivated. Also dealing with my mentally disabled adult child and his living situation; currently in the midst of separation/divorce from wife no. 2.

All of which led to depression. And drinking. I let a Dr. know what was going on during an annual checkup and she immediately prescribed a mild SSRI and referred me to counseling.

From past experience, I know that just moving along to a different location doesn't necessarily work. Wherever you go, there you are; you bring your problems with you; baggage is baggage...

First steps in counseling have been somewhat useful. Long term plan is to not be on maintenance anti-depressants. Current diagnosis of depression indicates 8-12 weeks of counseling. I don't like the AA plan, but reporting in honestly to counselor about substance abuse issues is more or less keeping me on the straight and narrow. Never been one for counseling or mental health experts, but willing to give it a try, get a different perspective on where my head's at.

A five day trip south to ride motorcycles in Northern GA which included a road trip there and back with good friends I hadn't seen in a while definitely lifted my spirits. I'm also looking forward to apartment-sitting in Boston for a friend next week. And I have tentative plans to spend a couple months out in SF this winter, either a road trip with the new van in which to dwell while out there, or staying in some temp situation.

I have problems with patience, just want things to be better overnight. With age comes wisdom, and I know this is unrealistic. I'll give drugs and counseling a shot, see where I'm at in a few months, and go from there. Taking life one day at a time at the moment...

 

[cyndi]

Just do it!

Two of the many blogs of older single women out there driving rigs, solo.
http://dewelldesigns.blogspot.com/#axzz3EFitJokv
http://travels-with-emma.blogspot.com/

both have had mechanical and health problems and lived to full time another day, or years as the case might be

 

[Gypsysoul]

I feel that way too. I have plans, but things are dragging along and not moving fast enough for me. I just want to get on the road and start living my life.

 

[highpsiguy]

Mid forties here. Self employed. No bills and notmuch money. Bills are paid. Not enough money to go far. Biz is slow but cant leave area just in case customers need me. Once I had tons of motivation but not now. I look back at all the hard work and risks and cant lay my hands on a single dime from it. I wasted my youth and damaged my health trying to become wealthy. It was just a mirage. I feel blessed and lucky to have what I do, but I ask myself is this it? Is this all there is?
While working my ass off 25 years I lost all the people I cared most about. I thought by getting married 4 years ago I could replace all my lost loved ones. It didnt work at all. In fact it just created more problems.
There isnt anywhere I really want to go. Like post said above. If you run away you will only find yourself again when u get there.
I dont fulltime now, but I have over 12 years fulltiming. I was happiest then. My wife encourage s me to go as often and as far as I wish. Just knowing I can tkes 95 percent of that itch away.
Maybe its a normal mid life crisis.?

 

[Dragonfly]

Long ago..over 30 years ago..we (husband and I) met a man who was feeling like you. Worked to retirement, bought an RV, gonna travel. He retired. His wife died. He was sitting in a 1 bdrm apt wishing he had traveled long before ..feeling life was over.
We couldn't help him. We bought an old RV..worked out our contracted year and headed west..no destination. We lived the life he had dreamed of.
I wish he could have had it too.
We all come up with reasons why we 'can't' be free. Being free is a matter of giving up what you have..walking away, driving away. There's a life out there and if you don't let go, how will you experience it?
Nearly at the end of our travels now..we will go back out whenever we can..as long as we can.
And we had a life. 30 years on the road, off the grid, free. Free.
Get up and go. If you do find yourself out there..you might like the version you find better than the one you leave behind.

 

[akrvbob]

There is a lot of hard scientific research that says that simply re-connecting with nature is as effective (or more effective) than anti-depressants for mild depression (but not for severe depression).

Being a vandwelling boondocker lets me escape the terrible stress of modern life and get into nature every single day. Boondocking has radically altered my life! It's a day-and-night difference. I personally know 4 people who had vandwelling prescribed to them by the counselors and they each said exactly the same thing I did; it saved their life.

Your running away from a horribly dysfunctional society that is destroying your life! Your escaping a death-sentance in a prison!

Totally unrelated to vandwelling but a great book on depression is the "The Depression Cure." It really helped me and getting into nature is a big part of his prescription:
http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-Six-Step-Programme-Without-ebook/dp/B0097DHV94/

That book had such a big impact on me I wrote a blog post about it here:
http://www.cheaprvliving.com/blog/a-cure-for-depression/

Bob

 

[Reducto]

Funny, when I saw the title of this thread I thought it was an expression of joy. Just existing, floating in the wind, taking life as it comes.

I had similar feelings about 8 years ago. I had a house and a well paying job. The problem was I hated the city I was in and hated the job more and more each day. I wound up cashing everything in and doing some international travel. The plan was to continue my career in these other countries but I never quite got around to it. I just floated around for a while, eventually got back to the US and got the van. Now I'm starting a totally different career that allows me to wander.

It's not all rosy - there were some dark times in the middle where I was broke and hopeless. If I were to do it again I'd find the next career before I left the first. If nothing else, it would give me something to tell family other than that I was doing nothing. That would be my recommendation - figure out what you might want to do for a living and start pursuing that. You don't have to commit to it, just have it as something to tell people and something to work at while you wander and figure things out.

 

[sephson]

...figure out what you might want to do for a living and start pursuing that...

I'll second this statement. It is possible to earn a living doing something you enjoy. It can be a struggle getting there; I was in the theatre industry for 10 years before I was able to earn a living at it. It was well worth the effort. I've been in my dream job for 15 years now. The real challenge can be figuring out what exactly you want to do.

It may well be that van dwelling will help you find it. At the very least, you've found a community on this forum that will help guide you if you decide that a life on the road is something you want to pursue.

 

[Reducto]

Oh and when I say what you MIGHT want to do for a living, I mean exactly that. Having very low expenses gives you freedom to try something out, even if it's part time, temporary, intern, low level kind of stuff. Just hop in there and see if you want to go for it. If it turns out to not suit you, suck whatever positive experience you can from it and move on.

 

[Theadyn]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It truly means a lot!

Think my first step will be planning on hitting the RTR this year (woot!! something to look forward to! ). Hopefully, being able to meet with like minded folks will help get me pointed in the right direction. And I'm totally hoping I can peek in to some of your dwellings to get ideas. And who knows, I may just never go back to the 'norm' from AZ haha.

Nature... yes, I miss it sorely! Growing up I was always outside. I do feel sometimes, though, I can not enjoy it much now when with other people. They talk too much, lol. And I like my own pace when exploring. Maybe some ventures alone on some weekends in the next few months is in order. For sure there is some depression going on, and I'm pretty hesitant to take medication, so I might try outdoor therapy first to try to lift the mood. Or, if it is mid-life crisis, where's my sports car?? (or is it just dudes that do that? haha)

Good idea about pursuing now a career path that would let me be on the road. I do have an avenue that would work with it, if I don't mind getting back into that field and it's grueling work schedule. Basically, contract work at 3 month stretches, nurse type traveling. Hesitant because of all the requirements and being tied down to one spot for 3 months and no time to enjoy. Have considered trying Amazon and trying to live the rest of the year off the earnings. Have considered just going where I feel inspired, work when I need to, live cheaply, and go when the mood strikes. Would love to be able to work on the road, just not sure doing what yet.

Took a small step this morning by ordering a few things via Amazon for the future. Folding table, solar oven, drying rack, and mini port electric washer and mini spin dryer. I know, I know.. trust me, I hate spending money and shopping in general. Yet, it doesn't seem too hard to spend on things for my 'future' life. Want to find a decent folding bike, maybe electric. Trying to steer clear of the need for a towed vehicle.

I'm constantly rethinking my wheels, too. Right now my class C has TONS of storage, so much I doubt I could ever fill it. Seriously. Come RTR you'll see. But could go way smaller, one of those little Toyota C's would be a dream! And I'm looking at vans on craigslist constantly. It would be awesome if someone would be willing to trade my bigger rig for an already outfitted van with solar. (yeah, I'll keep dreaming, haha) But for now, mine will have to do with it's not so great gas mileage. Will suffer through it.

*Let's see.. it's 1016 miles to Quartszite from here, 7 miles to the gallon last trip with some generator use, that's about 145 gallons of fuel to get there... say $3.50 a gallon, $508 in gas to get there. Walmart overnight camping while driving, BLM land there, have decent sized fridge and huge pantry, have it stocked so no eating out expenses, fresh water holding tank fill up once there... hanging out with like minded folks and learning stuff: priceless! I am really looking forward to this now.

 

[wagoneer]

That's about the distance for me from San Francisco, last year was a real adventure am not a social guy. I think you just need some fantastic sunrises and a little danger
to spice things up, that milage sucks. I hope to get 19-21 in my bucket. Big 'ol motorhomes do empty yer wallet. You will meet some people with some interesting lives.

 

[Theadyn]

that milage sucks. I hope to get 19-21 in my bucket. Big 'ol motorhomes do empty yer wallet. You will meet some people with some interesting lives.

That they do, for sure. I would really be fine in a van, and would be willing to give up the bigger rig and small SUV I have now. Heck, my dang SUV only gets about 18mpg right now anyways. Hmm... forget the RV and drive my SUV and camp in it. ?? haha.. months of planning, woot!!

 

[GotSmart]

I am hanging out with family, and helping my brother pack to move. Northern California is beautiful right now. The grape harvest is just finishing, and walnuts are starting... Pumpkins in the field... A couple side jobs to help out with cash and in a few weeks ~~~ the adventure starts again. This weekend there is the pear festival and I will be selling shirts at a Splash In. (Vandwellers with Seaplanes.)

If I run out of money, I hang out where my hat is. Behind the wheel of my van. There is always a honest way of filling the tank.

I keep enough food and water to survive.

Right now Quartzsite is just over a tank of gas away.

I am looking forward to being warm this winter after the stupid ice storms in Missouri.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Life doesn't come with any guarantees. I had good health, a good job that I liked and coworkers whom I liked. I wasn't ready to leave it at 65, but the story was different with DH. He's a natural gypsy putterer. He is happy as a clam with this life. I do not have his way of keeping creatively busy. So, for me, it's not all roses, tho I am enjoying much of it.

However, I am looking forward to getting back "home" to Florida next winter so I can go back to work for a while. We don't need the money. I just need to work. He doesn't like the idea, but he'll go along with it. He likes fancy camera equipment and electronic gadgets. The man isn't cheap, but he can be bought.

 

[LeeRevell]

Life has it's ups and downs. You just have to learn to go with it, and do the best you can. I've been so low once I actually considered 'ending it all', but then bucked up - the only way to go was UP and I'm too darned stubborn to just give up! I am now having a great time, just retired (will need to get some income going eventually), health is improved, family life is better, and I have my van and a great bunch of folks here to get inspiration and ideas from. Life is currently good.

 

[Patrick46]

I would really be fine in a van, and would be willing to give up the bigger rig and small SUV I have now. Heck, my dang SUV only gets about 18mpg right now anyways. Hmm... forget the RV and drive my SUV and camp in it.

Ha....you answered your own question right there...

Trade the SUV for a VAN!!!

then you'll have something nice to live in, and something nice to travel in! WIN-WIN!!!