Capricci Continued

Capricci · Dec 22, 2017

I'm broken.

My van is broken. My marriage is broken. My life is broken.

My heart is broken.

I have decided to allow myself this one forum only, for the next sixty days, at least, while I hole up in this damn "apartment" my family wants me to "stay safe" in, and try to throw off my addiction to the one who kicked me to the curb and left me bewildered on the corner, hopelessly circling through the honking traffic, looking for the one truck that will never come back.

I WILL fix my van. I WILL find my own road. I WILL escape this hell. My departure is long overdue.

This week I will clear out the things he left behind, throw away my "memories"and try to find the money to fix Capricci.

Van Man Dave · Dec 22, 2017

The world is your pearl sister. Stay strong and you will succeed!!!

VMD

Capricci · Dec 25, 2017

I don't know what to do now. I'm frozen with pain and indecision. All I want to do is run away, or die. Neither is an option because of my children. I can't hurt them. I just can't. But the hole in my heart is bigger than I am. Thirty-two years of my life is just gone... Like smoke in the wind. I can't even imagine what I will feel like when the papers are signed and the divorce is finalized and I'm officially put away. Forever. The only thing that makes me feel better is Capricci. Just sitting in her makes me feel safer. But my family doesn't see it that way. And my youngest child needs me. I've lost a husband and a helpmate, but she has lost her father. I feel like to keep talking about it reflects ill on me and mine, but I also need to tell my story. Can my old, beautiful, comfortable, sweet minivan, herself in the last stages of her life, somehow help me to do that?

Motrukdriver · Dec 25, 2017

Wounds will heal and parts can be replaced. The present may look bleak but the future is bright and beautiful. Lets start by you posting what all is wrong with the van and why it is broken. Also, post a picture of your ride. Lots of very intelligent folks in here and maybe they can help you find the most cost expedient way to make repairs. Get that ride rolling again.... Pictures!!! We want to see pictures!!!

export · Dec 25, 2017

What the heck is going on here? You're scaring me. I reviewed a few of your posts and I see that your life is in rough waters, but don't you quit...don't you EVER give in...and dying and death will come in its time. No need to hurry that! Your spouse, Capricci and all the other material things of this world are not our saviors. Look...this is Christmas Day, the recognized birthday of our true Savior, and he has heard your sorrow. Now take stock in yourself and all that is yours, discard interferences, prioritize your needs and work towards their fruition for this is the beginning of a new life. As Motrukdriver and Van Man Dave said, stay strong, your new life is bright and with promise. IJN,A.

Capricci · Dec 25, 2017

Your post made me cry. Thank you. IJN, I will keep trying. I will also try to put up some pix of Capricci up, soon. Right now Im trying to sell what's left of a shared life to come up with repair money for motor mounts and a power steering leak.

Capricci · Dec 26, 2017

I can't sell his tools. Letting go of his things feels like losing him all over again. I will have to find another way to come up with the repair money. The mechanic says I have probably six months before theres danger of the mount causing more damage. I'm just freaking out because it's Capricci, and she means so much to me. But I can't sell his tools, I just can't. It feels faithless. It would hurt him. I can't hurt him. I'll just put my furnishings back in Capricci, drive her less and save up for the repairs. Every decision I make feels wrong, but this decision feels less wrong than the rest.