Associating with the homeless

[Iggy]

I don't know how much the rest of you are around homeless people, but I'm curious how you interact with them. I refer mainly to those that sleep under bridges, on beaches, in doorways, etc. Though many are in vehicles too. I tend to be in their company often, because I generally sleep at Walmarts, inner cities, and by beaches. Sometimes I'll eat at soup kitchens if my budget is tight.
My modus operandi is to be polite and cautiously friendly when chatting with them. If they ask for money, are rude, or overly curious about my van, I tend to disengage. If they are obviously tweakers or drunks, I will avoid them. I do meet some interesting characters though and often get useful info about the area from them. I feel extra sorry for homeless women, especially with children, and have helped a few on occasion, with rides, some food, or helpful advice. But rarely money. I hate to be tight with money but I never know all the facts of their situation. Besides I'm skating on the edge financially myself. Many of them have more money coming in than I do, from SSI, food stamps begging, stealing, dealing, etc. But I see addictions ( alcohol, smoking, drugs, gambling, coffee, etc) consuming nearly all of their money.
How about the rest of you out there? Do you encounter them much? Talk to them? Dress down to eat at soup kitchens, to fit in better? Try to help them? Treat them as equals or dismiss as unredeemable?
I have lots of stories about ones I've met, some quite positive. But I'd rather hear from you right now.

 

[SoulRaven]

Starting a little over a year ago, I've been volunteering working with Mobile Ministries building camper vans and other structures for the homeless. Due to this, I have been having quite a lot of interactions with homeless people.

Like you noted, they come in all sorts of varieties. While I try to be polite and cordial to all, I tend to expend my efforts on those that I think are redeemable. Basically those who are not homeless by choice, and with a hand up can return to a more normal life.

That being said, we offer shelters on a first come, first served basis, with no discrimination what so ever.

 

[Queen]

I probably have a bit of a different perspective as I worked as a mental health clinician with mentally ill homeless people for about 15 years, my work kept me in shelters and under bridges much of the time.

Your way of interacting is a very healthy one, polite and cautiously friendly is a way that will allow you to engage or disengage as needed. If anyone is homeless for any length of time they become masters at getting their basic needs met, without the benefits non homeless people enjoy. Most of us do this with the money and connections we have from our jobs and our families and social lives, homeless people do this by managing (you'll notice I don't say manipulating) available systems and people they encounter. We all want the same things, we just go about obtaining them in different ways.

For me personally, I tend to maintain a clinical distance when I interact with homeless people, give myself time to assess the situation to see if I'm safe, then may choose to offer a more personal interaction. I do keep some pretty significant boundaries in place, being a woman I would never offer a ride in my own vehicle, I do however, occasionally offer some money or food.

 

[ilovemyvan]

I volunteered for over a year at a Toronto downtown drop in center for teens. There were 2 of us. We mainly played cards and talked with them. The center closed at 9PM so we'd take some of the kids to a restaurant for coffee. Once I witness a cop getting out of his way to try to push one of the kid to punched him. I stood between the 2 asking the cop the reason for this harassment, it diffused the situation. The kid later told me that he knew something about the cop. Not too long after that the kid was back in jail. Some times I'd give rides to the ones I felt I could trust. At one point one of the couple had a baby and somehow manage to rent a small room. They were so proud, they invited me to supper. When I took the baby in my arm he was crying in a strange way. I found out later that the baby had a broken arm, broken by the father. There was one guy that seemed very determined to turned his life around. He found a job and kept it for quite a while. I told him that if he got back to school I'd reimbursed his tuition and books after he successfully past. He was very enthusiasts, less than a week later he was back in jail.

I quit after a year, I was getting very depressed. I think that this experience set the tone for me. I know I can't help them so I just ignore them. It's harsh I know.

 

[TMG51]

You know, I actually made a conscious decision that as I go about my travels I would help those sorts of people if I could, perhaps with a ride to the next town or something else they need to get by. But so far I haven't found anyone I could help like that. They all just ask for money. And like you guys, I'm not going to hand out money to all of them.

Although I did once give a Heady Topper to a homeless chap I found rooting through trash for cans. It appeared to make his week.

 

[mockturtle]

Yes, I treat them as equals--which they are--and assist them when it seems appropriate. 'Homeless' people are as varied as the rest of the population and I tend to see them as individuals rather than as a homogeneous group.

 

[Iggy]

I was at an Union Gospel Mission recently, where they usually have a sermon that you must listen to before eating. The speaker said he had been preaching there once a month for three years and noticed that 75% of the crowd was the same as when he started. He talked about all the programs available and employment help offered, that was being ignored by those always there at the mission. He said that it all came down to the desire to change your circumstances, which apparently few have. It was too easy for them to eat three meals a day at the mission(all you can eat) or at local churches, sleep at the mission or in the woods nearby, beg at intersections and stores; in short getting everything with zero effort. He gave quite a tongue-lashing!
I agreed with him, to a point. It's still not easy being homeless; being out in bad weather, being looked down on or ignored by the public, protecting the few possessions you do have from each other and police, having to walk everywhere, the constant struggle to stay clean or find available bathrooms, being rousted by police for sitting in a sidewalk or sleeping on a park bench, and much more. Not to mention problems because of being mentally ill, having a criminal record, addiction problems, or all three.
It seems like many, if not most, have given up and just live from day to day. No planning for or expectation of a better future. They make the best of what they have and live by the law of the (urban) jungle. Sad, but true. I live in close proximity to them so I will do my best to coexist peacefully and help a few that are truly desperate and desire a change.

 

[dhawktx]

I'm pretty much on the same page as everyone else. I avoid the ones that are obviously 'professional homeless', truly manipulating the system with an almost sociopathic disregard for anyone else. If that's how their lives work for them, fine, but I'm not going to subsidize it.

I was homeless myself for a very short time, just three weeks, and luckily I was able to stay in a motel (city paid for two weeks and I paid for one week). After that I got into a Section 8 apartment, which I'm trying to get free of now.

 

[WriterMs]

I believe there was a Mormon group posting ideas on Pinterest for what they call "Blessings Bags." The idea is to fill a gallon Ziploc bag with some basic needs and treats. When you are at an intersection, for instance, with a homeless person panhandling, you hand that person a Blessings Bag instead of money.

Items in the large Ziploc bag can include:
Snacks such a granola bars, peanut butter crackers, etc.
Baby wipes packet and/or small bar of soap (unused hotel size works well)
Toothbrush and small toothpaste
Chapstick
Comb
Chewing gum
Tissue packet
Band aids
Small antibiotic ointment
Coins (for phone or snack of their choosing)

AND... a printed list of social services in the area with addresses and phone numbers (soup kitchen, shelter, etc.)

 

[SoulRaven]

I tend to avoid as much as possible places the homeless hang out, but when I have to I'm cautiously friendly before politely disengaging. I know I can't help, even though I happen to be in a better position than most of them I'm only barely so. Occasionally I'll hand a nutrition bar to someone on the street who moves me, and the other day at the food bank I made sure to inform the staff of the kindly man who traded numbers with me when he saw how much I was struggling to walk, allowing me to get in sooner. I asked them to please reward him however they could since I couldn't.

 

[ilovemyvan]

I believe there was a Mormon group posting ideas on Pinterest for what they call "Blessings Bags."  The idea is to fill a gallon Ziploc bag with some basic needs and treats. When you are at an intersection, for instance, with a homeless person panhandling, you hand that person a Blessings Bag instead of money.

Items in the large Ziploc bag can include:
Snacks such a granola bars, peanut butter crackers, etc.
Baby wipes packet and/or small bar of soap (unused hotel size works well)
Toothbrush and small toothpaste
Chapstick
Comb
Chewing gum
Tissue packet
Band aids
Small antibiotic ointment
Coins (for phone or snack of their choosing)

AND... a printed list of social services in the area with addresses and phone numbers (soup kitchen, shelter, etc.)

WriterMs

That's an interesting concept. Did you ever try or know of someone who has?

Nicole

 

[mockturtle]

Most homeless people are NOT panhandlers!  I ignore the people with the signs.  For most of those it's a racket.  Recently I saw a man by an old truck by the roadside.  Sign said, 'Out of gas.  Need help'.  Well, how convenient that he happened to have a large piece of cardboard and a black marker with him when he 'ran out of gas'.  :dodgy:

 

[Oberneldon]

TMG51, giving someone a Heady Topper is a prize regardless of them being homeless. You are a kind person.

 

[Oberneldon]

The older I get the more socially conscious I have become. I met a woman living out if her car last winter on my travels. She had lost her job and then couldn't afford a place to live and the downward spiraling continued. A mother vandweller and I have both financially helped her and after a year she has a job and is on track to independence. I couldn't be happier for her and I can't imagine what she went through during this time.

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

I enjoyed making coffee and handing out donuts when I was boondocking on the Atlantic. I found I needed to get extra creamer, I guess if you don't have much, the coffee adds calories with lots of creamer. I handed the coffee out my camper door.

 

[highdesertranger]

mockturtle you don't know how much I can relate to that. back in the mid 2000's when I was working construction. on one job we got off the freeway one day and there was a guy with a sign that said "ran out of gas please help" he also had a gas can. well the next day same off ramp there he is again with the same sign and gas can. this time we stopped at the stop light right next to him. I said to him "boy you run out of gas at the same spot everyday" wow that guy went off as if I said his mother was a such and such. he started yelling and screaming at me and I had 3 other big ole construction workers in my truck. he came right up to my window and called me every name in the book and was so pissed off he was spitting on the side of my truck as he yelled. he never did answer my question about running out of gas at the same spot everyday. this guy was obviously a scammer. highdesertranger

 

[GotSmart]

Last January / February there was a guy at the roundabout off of I 10 in Ehrenberg. He had a puppy with him, and I am sure a number of members remember him. His camp was the reason the campers at the first state owned area was raided and cleaned out. They got a whole full size dumpster from his spot alone. When the sheriff came by my camp, he told me that everyone had three days to move. I told him my engine was torn apart, and I might need more time to finish it. He looked at my spotless area, and said "No problem" I was able to get it together and moved to the BLM land

Due to the help I received from the members here, I am the first to offer a hand up, but I have learned the hard way that a hand out will not really help.

Sometimes we all need a hand. Be it advice or a little gas money, or even some help fixing things. Just throwing money at a problem is seldom the solution. You have to have a desire to get the problem fixed, and do it yourself.

If someone is unable to do it them self for some reason, all you can do is point them in the right direction, and let them have the dignity of a small victory of facing their demons. It is up to you to make the decision whether you are an enabler or a person who is genuinely helping. Either way we do not know if we will be there some day.

Things happen.

 

[SternWake]

I generally avoid them. My 'crazy and unstable' radar is fairly acute. People with cardboard signs get ignored, and those who hang out near fast food joints, well one of them wanted my taco, and I gave them a green banana, and he said thank you, one other time the banana was rejected and I was cursed out, and my door kicked..

Sometimes they ask for water, and I give them that, but I don't want them hanging around or have any reason to remember my Van. This is all hanging out next to the ocean. I've seen some just waiting to see if surfers hide their keys so they can go ransack, perhaps steal the vehicle. They move on when stared at and I bring a phone to my ear.

I'm sure everywhere has its mentally ill whack jobs, but California takes the cake in my opinion.
I feel bad for the few who are victims, but so many are victims of their own addictions that they started voluntarily.

 

[TMG51]

TMG51,  giving someone a Heady Topper is a prize regardless of them being homeless.  You are a kind person.

He looked like he was going to enjoy it more than I was. By his reaction I was right. Are you from the Northeast, to recognize the Topper brand?

 

[WriterMs]

That's an interesting concept. Did you ever try or know of someone who has?

Nicole

I have not tried the bags -- I put that idea on one of my own Pinterest boards because I liked the general idea of it. But since then I have been delayed in my small, rather rural hometown with family stuff -- and here I would have to go search out homeless folks to see them. I have handed bottled water to some who seemed truly needy when in ABQ and at intersections. (Not the ones who become regulars as several have pointed out.)

Like SternWake's green banana, if they are not interested then they probably aren't really need. One of women who originally pinned the idea said her friend and her mother had given out the Blessing Bags.