Anxiety-Fear-Depression and the Civilized Mind

[mconlonx]

Never been a drug person but the "civilized drug of choice" alcohol. Been 5 days clean and will continue without leaving a trail of destruction.

I missed this when you posted it, but I hope things have continued along this path. Good luck!

46 days sober today...

 

[rvpopeye]

Dragonfly
I don't think what you did is running away at all.
You just relocated to a far better environment !
Let them call it whatever they want to , they don't control you anymore!
We will be your family now , no problemo.. :angel:
Enjoy your new life.

 

[SoulRaven]

Bob has been doing this for so long he seems to have a good insight as to why people seek out the road. A lot of what he wrote seemed like he was speaking to me. I have PTSD, diagnosed with it in 1985 when the VA first acknowledged it. I don't have a fear of people but I do have a fear, or extreme discomfort  being around people. I had planned on going to this past RTR until I found out how many people would be there. Chickened out. Sat in my apartment and sold my van. Odd thing is that the couple that bought my van lived nearby and the lady called and asked if I would sell it for her, her husband had had a stroke. I just gave her their money back, so it(the van) just sits while I decide what to do. They had had it less than 3 weeks.

 Those who deal with some form of PTSD or whatever one calls it know how difficult change is. In some ways I may be a bit more fortunate than some as money is not an issue but getting off my ass and doing something is. I can,and do, make up a million reasons why I am just peachy hiding out in my little apt. doing little or nothing. My companion, a 20 something year old cat, had to be euthanize d April 27th. I miss him. 

 Got the new air conditioner for the van, along with a new refrigerator  and except for making sure they work have done squat with them. I am thinking there may be a small gathering of folks and venture out, or sell the van.. Hate to see it just sit. Anyone find a small gathering let me know..

 

[SoulRaven]

Got Smart (I love your username)

Thanks for your kindness. Even the RTR set up would not work. You know doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is a bit silly. I had to learn the hard way... I'd love to go, it sounds like so much fun and as you say getting to meet the person on the other side of the keyboard would be great.

I can't complain, I did a lot of fun stuff in my life, however it needed to be adjusted in the last 10 years or so. I'm still managing fun stuff it's just different from what it was. I'm grateful for every good day coming my way.

This treat is not about me, it's about Steve, I just thought of something, you say that you're anxiety seem to happened more in the morning. Have you considered that caffeine could be the cause? I might be totally off base but it's worth a look.

All the best.

No, I don't think it is caffeine. I only drink one cup of decaf coffee in the morning, and that is after I get up and after I get myself ready for the day. It is always right before I wake up. sort of like a rush. I usually can overcome it by using the cognitive technique of just looking at the feeling non objectively. And it will usually melt away after a few times of doing that. But sometimes I will loose control of it and become very panicked and even become nauseated. Scary. Thank you for your suggestions and understanding.

 

[SoulRaven]

Vandella,

Good to know that you found what works for you. Me, I have to avoid too much socializing, attending the RTR would sent me into a downward spiral that would last for several days. Some people respond well to medications, some don't. It's not a one solution fits all unfortunately.

I compare mental illness to diabetes a lot because my sister is diabetic and to be honest with you I wish I could, like her, have a daily test that would show me what chemicals I have to adjust that day to have a better life. It infuriates me when my mind takes off on a tangent that I can't control. It frustrates me no end because from the outside I have a prefect life. There is absolutely no reason for me to go into these dark places. I wish I could quiet this other side of me. I too do not respond to medications. That doesn't mean that Steve will not. Steve you own it to yourself to check it out. You might be one of the lucky ones.

I also sometimes envy my mom's sister who had a lobotomy. She went from being tortured mentally to being happy like a child. It's drastic and should not be done anymore but I envy the simple happiness that she lived after the procedure. Having a choose I would not do it but she was so happy.

I better stop before I trigger something unpleasant.

Take care

Nicole

Dark places.....yes, that describes what I sometimes enter exactly. You know what I am talking about. I have people around me that say, "Why can't you just be happy" . That is what I wonder also. But if they were in my skin they would understand why it is not all that simple. But I do try.

 

[SoulRaven]

Bob has been doing this for so long he seems to have a good insight as to why people seek out the road. A lot of what he wrote seemed like he was speaking to me. I have PTSD, diagnosed with it in 1985 when the VA first acknowledged it. I don't have a fear of people but I do have a fear, or extreme discomfort  being around people. I had planned on going to this past RTR until I found out how many people would be there. Chickened out. Sat in my apartment and sold my van. Odd thing is that the couple that bought my van lived nearby and the lady called and asked if I would sell it for her, her husband had had a stroke. I just gave her their money back, so it(the van) just sits while I decide what to do. They had had it less than 3 weeks.

 Those who deal with some form of PTSD or whatever one calls it know how difficult change is. In some ways I may be a bit more fortunate than some as money is not an issue but getting off my ass and doing something is. I can,and do, make up a million reasons why I am just peachy hiding out in my little apt. doing little or nothing. My companion, a 20 something year old cat, had to be euthanize d April 27th. I miss him. 

 Got the new air conditioner for the van, along with a new refrigerator  and except for making sure they work have done squat with them. I am thinking there may be a small gathering of folks and venture out, or sell the van.. Hate to see it just sit. Anyone find a small gathering let me know..

I am going through the same thing. I have done lots of work on my little camper trailer and have it set up pretty good, and am ready to go. But then I have to do just one more thing again and again. But I am very close to getting on with moving on.

 

[SoulRaven]

I appreciate everyone's advise and input along with you sharing your experiences of some of your difficulties also. It let's me know that I am not alone in all this. I am inspired and some of the difficulties I have been experiencing, especially on getting myself moving and procrastinating are improving. I am planning on getting on the road within this next week. I am wanting to start out of Florida and head toward the Natchez Trace highway National park. I have been wanting to travel that for a while now. Thanks to everyone.

 

[ilovemyvan]

Steve

I hope you find what you're looking for on the road but above all, peace of mind where ever you are.

-Nicole

 

[akrvbob]

There is an old saying in the self-help community that says "Wherever you go, there you are." I agree completely with the basic idea that you can't run away from your internal problems, you have to confront them wherever you are.

However, when you go into nature, you are going into something totally new and different that can actually bring healing all by itself. There has been a great deal of hard scientific studies that verify that nature is itself healing. In fact, for people with mild depression it is every bit as healing as anything else--severe, continuous depression usually points to a biological problem and medication is usually called for. But even then, nature can often be a help and reduce or even eliminate the dosage.

A good book that compiles many studies is "Your Brain on Nature" showing that a nature connection is very good for you, and a lack of nature is very bad for you. Highly recommended!
Bob

 

[HarmonicaBruce]

The science is conclusive, it isn't a problem with America, it's our separation from nature. We evolved to spend 100% of our time in nature and by constantly increasing our separation from it we have been on a steady decline. Now that our disconnect from nature is extreme, our misery is extreme. We've declared war on nature, and we are the main victim.  

I don't think it is separation from nature; there are plenty of people who are separated from nature and not depressed, and there are plenty who are close to nature and are depressed.  I believe the main reason for depression is too much free time.  When it took all day, every day, just to survive, people didn't have time to think about how much their mother didn't breast feed them as a child.  

The keys to combating depression:
1) Exercise
2) Exposure to sunlight
3) Sleep deprivation  

Personally, I stopped trying to be happy years ago.  Now I just try to have fun, and I have a lot of fun.

Try it, it really works.

 

[offroad]

Bruce - smart again. Lol.

 

[SoulRaven]

Steve

I hope you find what you're looking for on the road but above all, peace of mind where ever you are.

-Nicole

Thank you Nicole for your well wishes. I am looking forward to my road trip and at the same time a little apprehensive at the same time. This will be a little different because I will be taking the little Runaway trailer and some things I don't normally take. But I am sure after I get on the road my anxieties will melt away with the adventure taking its place.
Steve

 

[Sameer]

I agree with HarmonicaBruce!!!...It is not enough just to live out in the Forest or Desert. You have to immerse yourself in it. Exercise and do things. Let it be your playground. Get out of your van and walk around or sit in the shade and look and think beyond your self. Develop routines and get busy!...this life is a full time job.. It is like Bob says, "We are disconnected from Nature!", so get out in the Forest or Desert and LIVE! Life is too short to dwell on the negative...it is a waste of time.

 

[SoulRaven]

The difference, for me with regard to anxiety and depression and my agoraphobia, when I am living on the road as opposed to in a house is like night and day.

Yes,when I am on the road, I do have some anxiety. Generally the anxiety can be tied to moving locations. Once I am on the road it dissipates. It's much easier for me to deal with and work through than when I am tied to a house.

As for medications? Been there, done that. The doctors turned me into a zombie to the point that I could not advocate for myself. I'm anti-depressant free, now. I still deal with depression and anxiety but I've learned to manage it on my own. Being outdoors, living life makes that possible.

Steve, my unprofessional advice is to make a plan to attend the RTR and meet the many people who deal with these problems and live this life. You'll see the possibilities, first hand.

I am going to try to attend the RTR. I have been wanting to do that. Thanks for your sharing of some of your experiences. You are kind of handling things like I am. I too tried the meds and they were definitely not for me. Like you I have the bad times but I am trying to rewire my brain to get through those. Nature does help me tremendously.

 

[SoulRaven]

I agree with HarmonicaBruce!!!...It is not enough just to live out in the Forest or Desert.  You have to immerse yourself in it.  Exercise and do things.  Let it be your playground.  Get out of your van and walk around or sit in the shade and look and think beyond your self.  Develop routines and get busy!...this life is a full time job..  It is like Bob says, "We are disconnected from Nature!", so get out in the Forest or Desert and LIVE!  Life is too short to dwell on the negative...it is a waste of time.

You are right Sameer, doing things and nature does make the depression melt away. I just have to be more of a self starter. I used to be very good at doing that. I don't exactly know what pulled me down into where I am, but I am working very hard on getting back up. Thanks for your support and words of wisdom. They hit home for me.

 

[rvpopeye]

The simple life is pretty easy.
On your body and mind.
Lots of people here are doing it.
You can do it too.
All you have to do is try.
Plenty of info here on how!

 

[SoulRaven]

Steve,

I felt a lot the way you describe. I don't know you so I can really only speak for my experience and relate that way, but maybe it can help someone.
 
I am what's called a highly sensitive person.
-----------

You may be right on this. I looked over the information you linked to and found that I do fit most of the HSP characteristics. I am easily overwhelmed and avoid crowds and avoid upsetting and overwhelming situations. Thank you for sharing that with me. It all helps in helping discover more about this depression and anxiety I experience way too often as of recent times mostly. But I have always had that nagging uneasiness throughout my life that has caused me grief and difficulties. I am just now coming to the realization that something has to change in my life to get to a happier and more meanful life. Beter late than never I guess.

 

[Vantastic]

Good thread...rare vulnerability...like sitting in an "anonymous" group share.  
I will offer a blog I put together as I worked and am working through a lot of
my issues... 'eat the melon, spit out the seeds'
Heal Inner Shame

I have come to believe so many external projections are simply a way to deal with the
internal chaos...and the root is the master hidden emotion called shame.  You cannot
gloss through the site I posted.  This is not about gaining knowledge, but wisdom.

If you ever wanted to understand the "logic behind the chaos' this might be the key
to unlock it all, and your family roots.  Shame is multi-generational!

It takes a lot of courage to look honestly at your life and family roots...it can be very
painful.  If you are the 'sensitive' one or 'black sheep' in the family, this will really connect
the dots.

Just an offer...

 

[Canine]

I've been taking generic Paxil for a couple of years now and saw an article on the net about Smith/Kline falsifying the test results back in the early 2000s.Probably be a bunch of lawsuits.Anyway,this might explain why I sometimes have big mood swings.Maybe time for a drug change.

 

[NomadMike]

This is a very good, and beneficial discussion! For me i am very ill, and short tempered alot of the time, also have some boughts of anxiety. I have never been treated for any of it mind you, maybe i need to, i dont know. I think our capitalistic society, contributes to alot of our problems, at least for some. I always felt like i never quite fit in to the, be a good worker bee and keep your mouth shut, and do what your told, hive mentallity (I was too independent). The problem is we define every one on what job they do. What do we do after we greet a stranger? The first question is usually, so what do you do for a living? We never look at the human side anymore, it's always what you can contribute too the system, that your judged on for your self worth. Its sad that we have discounted human value, for human $$ value only. We are finally becoming a product of our society, and that product is not very pretty IMHO!