Am I ready to do it?

[wagoneer]

Ok got the vehicle runs great new tires ready to roll. Full of flea market stuff missed "q" by a couple of weeks still working 2 teens at home mortgage bills and a non working relationship with no one helping with the finance. 65 years and will be getting $1270 PM direct deposit(almost covers the mortgage). My partner and I are speaking but thats about it. Not interested in another relationship but this one is stuck in the past. Just can't pull the trigger. I'm afraid to be alone, San Francisco has a cosy comfort aspect that sucks me in. Thinking about starting small 2 week trips and see how I react emotionally.&nbsp;<br><br>&nbsp; &nbsp; Whom here have been in this position.

 

[katelyn]

Starting off slow sounds like a good idea, take a week or two to be by yourself and clear your mind, time alone is good for the soul, good luck!

 

[anorfotr]

Taking a break by yourself is a great idea.&nbsp; I'd go for it!

 

[offroad]

there are many books about being solo and doing well.&nbsp; Many hermits are hidden and doing good for themselves

 

[Ballenxj]

The fresh air will probably do you good. Go for it. <br>-Bruce

 

[rvwandering]

I think that should take short trips right now but I'm wondering how you could take longer ones considering your family and financial situation. The money coming in isn't enough to support the kids who will need that support until they're on their own. You may have to hold off for a few more years. Just keep planning,saving and taking short trips in the meantime.

 

[Seraphim]

We know too little about the situation to answer your question.

Does your partner work, or is capable of working? Are the 'teens' minors, or older teens (18+) who can work and contribute to expenses? Or are they minors you have an obligation to support for a few more years? If that $1270 will be the only income, and it doesn't cover the mortgage, then you're not ready to split...

 

[wagoneer]

My 21 year old is working part time the 19 year old is stoned most of the time and the partner is like a non rent paying housemate. I agree short trips with a keen eye on the bills.

 

[Ballenxj]

Sounds like "you" need a break. Also, that 19 yo needs a good talking to. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/frown.gif" class="emoticon bbc_img"> As far as your live in mate, you're on you own there, however if it were me, I'd also have a good heart to heart talk with that one. <br>-Bruce

 

[Terry]

I have a wife that I have nothing in common with. The thing is that I believe I made/allowed her to become the person she is today. She has always been whatever I needed her to be. I can't abandon her at this stage in her life. Even if she weren't bed ridden, she can't function and/or take care of herself and anyone that is willing to help her are only willing to do so to get control of her small disability check and her medications. I have already caught one of them stealing her meds and refuse to allow them to come around anymore. I now enough about her family to know that the few that are willing to take her in are only interested in using her.&nbsp; I guess I did use her most of our lives but I won't abandon her no matter how long I have to give up my life to care for her. I do have a conscience that bothers me about every bad action I've done in my life and will not have any more negatives that I can avoid when it comes time to answer for my life, even if it's only answering to my own conscience.<br><br>PS<br>&nbsp; There is one thing we do have in common and that is we do care for each other but we can't even have a conversation about anything because we are that much different.

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

You are doing the 19 year old no good if he isn't contributing. &nbsp;If he can buy dope, then he needs to kick in to help. You are doing none of them any good by letting them use you. You aren't a servent.&nbsp;Sounds like the 21 yo is getting it together and showing responsibility. My parents kicked me out at 18 for being useless and doing&nbsp; drugs. When I was 17 they hauled my then worthless butt into to police station with some hash. It was the best thing for me and I never resented them for it and they were't there to serve me.<BR>Diane

 

[Kevin H]

Sorry for your pain. &nbsp;My simple but very effective life's motto is "Take care of #1 first. &nbsp;Also - Treat everyone the way I would want to be treated."<br><br>Excuse my stepping on your toes, but you are doing yourself a very serious disservice by staying in a situation as toxic as this. &nbsp; Scared - Heck yeah!! &nbsp;Stepping outside familiar boundaries is really scary - but the rewards can be great.<br><br>As to the kids - they are adults. &nbsp;Believe me, you are not doing them a favor by coddling.<br><br>Case in point - my parents coddled me all through life. &nbsp;No responsibilities, did poor in school, trouble etc. &nbsp; FINALLY my father had enough. &nbsp;At 19 he said - "I'm done. &nbsp;You're and adult. &nbsp;You're on your own."<br><br>Scared - you can't believe how scared I was (and he was too, come to find out!!)<br><br>Anyway - I enlisted in the Marines and had a ball and made some significant life's choices. &nbsp;I am sure I would not have done it had my father continued to coddle me. &nbsp;I told him many times over the years that the best thing he ever did for me was to kick me out and make me stand on my own two feet. &nbsp; He said that keeping his end, and not coddling me was one of the hardest things he ever did.<br><br>To this day I thank God that he gave my father the strength to stop being my "friend" and be a Father.<br><br>That also freed my father up quite a bit so he could pursue happier things in his life.<br><br>Just something to think about.....<br><br>Good Luck and Happy Trails!!

 

[Ballenxj]

Kevin, GREAT STORY, and WELCOME to the forum. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" class="emoticon bbc_img"> <br>-Bruce

 

[wagoneer]

Yes I hear you well. Giving 2 week notice ( at my job ) in July. This is painful to me and I know things need to change and soon.... Thanks for letting me cry a little.

 

[highdesertranger]

kevin great story we need more of this in this day and age.&nbsp; thank you for your service&nbsp; to our country.&nbsp; &nbsp;highdesertranger

 

[caseyc]

Hi Adrian,<br><br>I hear ya! &nbsp;I've been there and done that when it comes to relationships. &nbsp;As others have said, you need to look out for number one, that means yourself, because it doesn't appear anyone else will. &nbsp;Sounds like you've been miserable for awhile now. &nbsp;Why continue the misery? &nbsp;The hardest part will be the beginning. But after that, it gets easier and easier. &nbsp;After awhile, say a couple to a few months or so, you're going to ask yourself the question "why didn't I do this earlier??". &nbsp;Of course, only you can make the final decision, but it sounds like you already have one foot out the door. &nbsp;Just takes another nudge to get that other foot moving too.<br><br>Cheers!<br>Casey