Men and their feelings or lack there of

rruff · Dec 16, 2024

twomountainlions said:
Most career pursuits are merely attemps to gain money, status or notoriety to attract women

Big George used to say that "if it wasn't for women, we'd all be living in caves".

I was speaking about drives that we need to keep in check in order to having a functioning society. Specifically, the need for men to be very aggressive when fighting is necessary, while most of the time it must be repressed. Most drives are very functional at any time and do not need to be repressed... doing things in order to impress the opposite gender would be in this category I think.

eDJ_ · Dec 16, 2024

All of us have feelings, it's more of a question of how in touch we allow ourselves to be with them. When we are single and seeking to connect with a potential partner (like during the holiday parties & events) we often "flirt" being able to express our feelings in doing this important.

Men may choose to state them in terms of what they think, where women state them more openly as "feelings" as it's come to be a woman's prerogative to do so. Perhaps a societal or cultural thing.

But being able to talk about what we feel is a life skill and "mental health" wise, a function of one's emotional intelligence. It is even a function of our being able to communicate with each other in a way we are believable or authentic to those listening to us. Unfortunately some see this as a weakness and refrain from expressing themselves in such a manner or discouraging others from doing the same.

In this a lot of people find themselves in over their heads with their emotions/feelings, especially during the holiday season, (or perhaps in the solitude of nomad life) or just feeling empty where life is meaningless. (just about day to day survival while dying of loneliness) Many of us may have encountered this or know someone who has.

A closer look in this article:

Psyche - Feeling nothing can be as devastating as feeling too much

As for flirting, it is best to be sincere and not coquettish if you are a woman

Flirting Personality Test (Women)

Flirting Personality Test (Men)

eDJ_ · Dec 17, 2024

The study of Men and their feelings isn't something that occasionally comes up like during the holidays. It has become a more serious study in past years as the plight of men will influence young men to come. It also isn't an indictment of men living in the present times.

This podcast "The Gray Area" examines it: (Why is it so hard to talk about masculinity ?)

Are men okay? Our modern masculinity problem, explained.

INTJohn · Dec 17, 2024

rruff said:
Big George used to say that "if it wasn't for women, we'd all be living in caves".

I do live in a cave. It just has more than 1 entrance & exit and has 4 tires……..

sayin
bch bum jonny

INTJohn · Dec 17, 2024

Feelings?! Rah-EEE-ly?

Gee let me add that to my “man rules list”:

- Don't ask for directions; real men have an internal GPS
- Never admit you like rom-coms; that's for softies
- Avoid using emojis; they're for kids.
- Don't say "please" or "thank you" too often; it shows weakness.
- Never take selfies; leave that to the influencers.
- Don't ever read the instructions; just figure it out on your own.
- Avoid crying at movies; even if it's "The Lion King."
- Never ask for help carrying heavy stuff; you're supposed to be Hercules incarnate.
- Don't admit to enjoying cooking; it's not a "manly" hobby.
- Never use a fanny pack; fill those pockets .
- Don't wear sunscreen; only for people who care about their skin.
- Never admit you're wrong; confidence is key, even when it's misplaced.
- Avoid discussing feelings; these are your kryptonite.

[end list]
ciao,
bch bum jon is moovin on (part 2 when i find it)

INTJohn · Dec 17, 2024

Part 2 (as promised)

I do think that there needs to be more of an embrace of traditional positive values of masculinity:

Be competent. Knowing how to do stuff is a sign of being an adult. There are some physical tasks that are associated with men because we are usually bigger and stronger.
Don't complain. This is good and bad. Men long ago realized that no one cares to hear about whatever thing has gone wrong. Just be competent and fix it.
Care for others. Check in with people to see if they are o.k. Protect and provide. If you're having troubles, hopefully someone will check in with you.
Corollary to #2. Don't talk too much. Let your actions speak for you. Don't tell people you're tough or manly or whatever, just be what it is that you are & want to be.
Don't dye your beard, etc or try to talk in a deeper voice. (this is especially meant for football coaches)

hugs & kisses (did I do that right)
ciao

bch bum jon the van man vagabon

twomountainlions · Friday at 9:31 AM

rruff said:
Big George used to say that "if it wasn't for women, we'd all be living in caves".

Recirculating shower thread on here seems to confirm this

twomountainlions · Friday at 9:36 AM

INTJohn said:
Feelings?! Rah-EEE-ly?

Gee let me add that to my “man rules list”:

- Don't ask for directions; real men have an internal GPS
- Never admit you like rom-coms; that's for softies
- Avoid using emojis; they're for kids.
- Don't say "please" or "thank you" too often; it shows weakness.
- Never take selfies; leave that to the influencers.
- Don't ever read the instructions; just figure it out on your own.
- Avoid crying at movies; even if it's "The Lion King."
- Never ask for help carrying heavy stuff; you're supposed to be Hercules incarnate.
- Don't admit to enjoying cooking; it's not a "manly" hobby.
- Never use a fanny pack; fill those pockets .
- Don't wear sunscreen; only for people who care about their skin.
- Never admit you're wrong; confidence is key, even when it's misplaced.
- Avoid discussing feelings; these are your kryptonite.

[end list]
ciao,
bch bum jon is moovin on (part 2 when i find it)

Good sarcasm

twomountainlions · Friday at 9:37 AM

rruff said:
I was speaking about drives that we need to keep in check in order to having a functioning society. Specifically, the need for men to be very aggressive when fighting is necessary, while most of the time it must be repressed. Most drives are very functional at any time and do not need to be repressed... doing things in order to impress the opposite gender would be in this category I think.

Women face the same dilemma with aggression, though. If you are not aggressive you get spit on and walked over.

rruff · Friday at 1:41 PM

twomountainlions said:
Women face the same dilemma with aggression, though. If you are not aggressive you get spit on and walked over.

Not the same at all... in fact you are kinda making my point. Women can certainly get away with being verbally aggressive with men or even hitting them, but that is only because the great majority of guys won't hit them back. In other words they are constraining their natural urges, big time.

You may consider a different tactic that would likely yield better results...

eDJ_ · Friday at 2:26 PM

This is one point where men definitely have to hold back on their feelings.....as we are taught from boyhood that boys don't hit girls....even hit them back if they strike them. And....any guy tends to know that even if a girl/woman physically abuses and he strikes back there will be plenty of guys who come to the females rescue. (often called white knights)

Guys learn that this is a double standard in the females favor.

With that said, females often learn early that the verbal abuse is a tool & weapon in their arsenal and playing "innocents abused" or "bliss ninny" can push guys buttons too. (topping from the bottom) The wise females generally know how far they can go with this because THEY know guys have feelings only too well but they have been taught to repress them if not try to deny them to themselves. (guys learn early that to show or express "feelings" is gurly)

Men don't seek to learn of other men's feelings.....but leave that up to women. (and some women play men like a Rubik's Cube to learn of their feelings and all but make sport of it)

twomountainlions · Friday at 4:36 PM

Nop

rruff said:
Not the same at all... in fact you are kinda making my point. Women can certainly get away with being verbally aggressive with men or even hitting them, but that is only because the great majority of guys won't hit them back. In other words they are constraining their natural urges, big time.

You may consider a different tactic that would likely yield better results...

Oh, nope, I wont kiss your people's a***ss. May be its you who should stop being aggressive and you will stop feeling so repressed by society

Also: dont tell me what to do and I wont tell ya where to go.

Also, I will defend myself against violence with equal violenceand have full capacity and preparedness for that, you men have no problem being violent against women and hitting them, thats how you always been, so I call your resonse total BS. But you are misogynist individual, clearly

twomountainlions · Friday at 4:45 PM

eDJ_ said:
This is one point where men definitely have to hold back on their feelings.....as we are taught from boyhood that boys don't hit girls....even hit them back if they strike them. And....any guy tends to know that even if a girl/woman physically abuses and he strikes back there will be plenty of guys who come to the females rescue. (often called white knights)

Guys learn that this is a double standard in the females favor.

With that said, females often learn early that the verbal abuse is a tool & weapon in their arsenal and playing "innocents abused" or "bliss ninny" can push guys buttons too. (topping from the bottom) The wise females generally know how far they can go with this because THEY know guys have feelings only too well but they have been taught to repress them if not try to deny them to themselves. (guys learn early that to show or express "feelings" is gurly)

Men don't seek to learn of other men's feelings.....but leave that up to women. (and some women play men like a Rubik's Cube to learn of their feelings and all but make sport of it)

Oh no, poor men. Women bad, very bad. You are living in imaginary world and you are so full of misogyny, haha, done with ya two. Adult men in America are like big crybabies now, they got it all going their way, most privileged and lucky people on Earth, yet they bish about women, no wonder women gave up on them

twomountainlions · Friday at 4:49 PM

May be jusy try to stop being misogynist and be a human for once, two legs, two arms, a human ya know, and realise world in general doesnt give a rats tail about anyone's "feelings", only close family members and your dog do and even that's not always.

eDJ_ · Friday at 5:24 PM

It isn't about the world or any others caring about one person's feelings/mental health, it's about each man caring about his own and learning to handle them in a constructive way for himself. I've seen too many men trying to fake their own identity by trying to act like Elvis, or John Wayne, or Reagan, or Trump for that matter. They aren't even in touch with who they are and live their lives secluded and disconnected. It's no way to go thru life. The holiday season seems to brig this out each year.

rpmhart333 · Saturday at 12:03 PM

Nature certainly plays a part in this, but my thot is that Nurture's more to blame for the Engrain. (but admittedly this is from a guy who was a stay-at-home dad since his career woman wife was way more financially-able. you know the kind: a war vet turned wimp.) (thaz a joke, son! according to Foghorn Leghorn...or Senator Claghorne, who originated the character Mel Blanc based that rooster on.)

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