Been thinkin (Again)

wb8vyn · Oct 15, 2024

It's been a while. You know how thinkin goes. Anyway, creaping up on my 86th and still moving along.
Oh, have to scat back to yearly wellness checkup site, where they do all the stuff that doesn;t matter but keep the pills comming every ninty days.
"They" are trying to trap me into one of those "assisted" living deals. "They'll" have to catch me first. I'm like a fart in a mitt, jumping from finger to finger, doncha know.
Anyway, NEWS, I did catch me a companion of the female varity. We did get along very well for a few months, but, she began to long for familier places and friends and decided she needed 4 walls that stayed put, soooo, we went back to her starting point, found her a place where I parked my rig for a while, till she was settlrd in to what I call humm drumm, then I left for nomad land again. Had one other that lasted 2 weeks (14 days). then she decided she needed more room than my trailer provided. That was over a year ago now. I still stay in trouch with them and stop by now and then. They are happy and so am I.
Now, usual breakdowns and up grades. water pump quit and fixed, bought a propane outdoor water heater, fixed me up an outdoor shwer arrangment with curtains that I don;t need when I'm by myself away from others. Suits me just fine. I don't think anyone would care much either way in any case. Replaced the radiater in my old pickup, stills runs just fine. We look alike but don't care. Neither one of us will win a beauty contest.
Just looked at myself in a piece of a mirror that I have. Time to whack off some of my beard, then be fit for town (sort of). I'd actualy shave but kinda worried what I might find under there. Let sleeping dogs lie is a good Idea
Ken

WinneNomad · Oct 15, 2024

Nice post. Thanks. You're doing great. Congratulations.

Stay out of those Assist Living places. Before you know it you are in Memory Care. Life is miserable in those places. Have two sisters that were talked into it (siblings). One died after a year and another is miserable crying most days. And these were "the best' around.

I've told my wife I will die in my RV. No way will I go into one of those places.

maki2 · Oct 15, 2024

As you get older the length of time that is designated as a “long term relationship” can very greatly. But it does need to be longer than one night sitting around a campfire

Of course even “relationship” gets redefined when reaching the far end of senior years.

wb8vyn · Oct 15, 2024

WinneNomad said:
Nice post. Thanks. You're doing great. Congratulations.

Stay out of those Assist Living places. Before you know it you are in Memory Care. Life is miserable in those places. Have two sisters that were talked into it (siblings). One died after a year and another is miserable crying most days. And these were "the best' around.

I've told my wife I will die in my RV. No way will I go into one of those places.

Thanks for the encouragment. Looked into what my kids want me to do. They don't want me underfoot so assisted living is what they think is best for everyone, Me being close and availabe to visit when they find it convenient to visit and bring the grand kids around to look at the old guy.
To me it would mean giving up my freedom to choose what I eat, when I nap or travel, even give up my own vehicle. Also being given an alowence each month. ($60.00).
Anyway, I know I know I'm going to die one day, I want it to be at a time and place of my choosing.
I've already made my final arrangments no mater where that might be. No fuss, no muss.
Mean while I get to see and do life on my own terms. I keep saying things like what i've yet to do Like smoke a joint or sky dive, and chase wild women.
Heck, none of that is possible in an assistanted living place, well not even in my camper but this way at least I can still dream. cooped up some place, the dream will be dead, with me not far behind.
Just got out my garden rake, shovel and trash bags, going clean up a wooded parking site all trashed by some kluts who gives us all a bad name. Who will do it if I don't. Might even set a good example for some newbe just getting started being a nomad.
Ken

maki2 · Oct 15, 2024

^^**imply if they don’t knock it off instead of going into a nursing home you are going to move in and start sleeping on their couch and eating their food and begging for gas money. The same way adult kids who can’t get a job move back in with their parents.

Humor can be the best persuader to leave that conversational topic alone.
Do not fight them or agree with them. There is an alternative, diversion! if needed tell them you want to move in with them and do not need much space for your few belongings but can your girlfriends do a sleepover now and again?

vanbrat · Oct 17, 2024

This is a subject that is very heavy on my shoulders and heart right now. We are trying to find something for my Mom. Mom and stepdad lived for a couple years in an RV. Living is a long way from what they did. They bought it just as Covid hit. So mostly they parked in a RV parking lot. They did NOT do any traveling. Then he got sick, so they 'lived' in my son's driveway and took over his house until his wife said them or me. They came to my house and took over my life. Mom is not an easy person to live with. They looked for an apartment and we started noticing her mind was really slipping and she start sabotaging all attempts at apartments. Not because she didn't have money they make more in SS then we do. They never paid for anything. I got to work and got them into a senior apartment in the area they wanted. Then my hubby got really sick and we didn't have time or ability to do much for them. Step dad got sick a few times and passed last week. Mom has lost more of her memory and ability. Now we are again scrambling to find a safe comfortable place for her. She is way beyond able to be alone. We (my adult sons and I) have had to rescue her 3 times from some very scary things when she decided to drive and the police got involved.
While this may or may not be what anyone else is dealing with. But if they had done a few of the things they should have done a few years ago it sure would have helped at this stage of things. Some of the assisted living places are also independent living and they could have traveled all they wanted until they got to the point she is now. This has cost me personally several thousands of dollars and the last 2 years of my retirement. With no end in sight. All because they didn't have anything planned.
So again this is not me telling you to go to assisted living it is me telling you to make plans NOW for the time you don't have a choice. Until that time if you have the plans in place then everyone can enjoy things without worrying about it.

bullfrog ! · Oct 17, 2024

Something to take a look at is Escapee’s Care Center in Livingston Texas. We volunteered there 20 years ago and we always thought it might be something we would consider. I imagine it has changed drastically but still I believe the were even dealing with memory loss members then.

wb8vyn · Oct 18, 2024

Been thinkin (again and again)
Thank all of you for your take and experiance with elders.
My son called and talked to me yesterday while I was taking a travel break in the woods, doing some site cleanup.
What he ended up telling me was that he was considering going to court to have me declared incompetent and forced into supervised living due to my age and "odd" living choices.
As for finances, invading his families private living space and time, I do none of that, In fact I have set up funds for their kids educational future if they chose further education, in the past have helped them with down payments when they wanted to buy their present homes with no expectation of repayment.
No, my mind is not as quick as it once once was but I pose no danger to anyone. No accidents, no driving tickets. I still own the home that my wife and I lived in till her death. It is vacant now and will remain so as long as I live. I have it maintained inside and out but no one will live there as long as I live.
Her smell has faded over time so now since she kept her part of the untill death do us part, no it is up to me to keep my part of that promis.
Mean while being free to be me, where and how I choose is what we were and how I still am.
Now because of the implied threat, I am afraid to go see my doctor of the past many years because of what may be lurking in the parking lot or his required report or action due to some obscure law that will strip me of my freedom and put me in some cage of their choosing.
I have heart and thyroide meds on hand to last till the end of the year. Next is license plates due in December which I can renew in November for another year. Trailer plates do not expire but are still in my name. Have to fix that some how.
Talk about your stealth camping!!!
I'll have to give up internet, phone,mail and any other means of contact.

Old guys should just disapear. Don't dream anylonger, just die like they are suppoed to.
Ken

WanderingRose · Oct 18, 2024

wb8vyn said:
What he ended up telling me was that he was considering going to court to have me declared incompetent and forced into supervised living due to my age and "odd" living choices.

Research the laws in your home state about declaring a person unable to make their own decisions, what is required for that, or if the research seems untenable drop into a senior center and ask for some information.

I believe it is a pretty high bar, which may be small comfort if your son is threatening to take away your freedom.

It is not a decision your son can make but a medical professional familiar with you.

I believe the first thing a judge would require if your son were to file a petition is a medical evaluation. I think your long time doctor is probably your best friend in this situation.

Good luck.

vanbrat · Oct 18, 2024

There are laws in place to protect your privacy with your Doc. You may have more arguments in your favor if your doc can say "Yes he is taking care of himself and I am seeing him regularly." If you don't trust that doc find a new one that will listen to YOU.
I have had to start my mom on a new Doc and had to get power of attorney for mom I have been challenged by other family members as to why I waited as long as I have and as long as her hubby was around it was his call. But she is barely able to get through the day without some major problem that she needs help with. The only reason for the new doc is because the old doc. is 3 + hours away and it is to hard for any of us to get there. We are trying to find a place SHE agrees to for her to live out the remaining days in comfort and close enough for the family to get to her. If you can show a plan, it might help ease your sons worries and get him to back down

maki2 · Oct 18, 2024

Get a new phone number.

Best wishes for successfully hiding out as well as finding companionship.

wb8vyn · Oct 19, 2024

still thinkin as usual
the forum members who took the time to respond to my latest post made me feel really good.
Got my last secluded camp site cleaned up and looking good so I found a small town near by to do some needed shopping and decided to learn to send a photo or two with the help of an older lady (79) who saw me struggeling to take pictures with my phone camera. Had to catch my breath while walking across the store parking lot and trying to take pictures and cussing at the same time. Carrying my folding chair, pushing a shopping cart, cussing, taking pictures and unfolding my chair at the same time must have been comical to see.
So, this afternoon, I am going to learn how? to get photos from my phone to my laptop and then attach it, they, them to a message.. Gotta be politicly correct doncha know. Old ladies are valuable. They know a lot of stuff and look pretty good too.
Anyway, I have decided to not dwell on being caged up. Do a little research about the legal stuff about getting old with a lawyer and then just keep on doing what makes me happy.
Today I bought another folding chair and two folding small tables, plus two lamps so I can sit outside after dark if I choose to shot the bull with a neighbor, maybe have a beer or coffee. of course neighbors are in short supply in the woods these days, especily after dark.
Just thinkin a bit more, shooting the bull and having a beer after dark with the female varity of bull shooter is even more rare, I'm going to have to make a fresh pot of coffee and do some thinking on that a bit more. Wal-Mart closes at 10 pm round these parts. And here I put on A clean shirt and sox too.
I am getting old!
Ken

Dirtrider · Oct 19, 2024

wb8vyn said:
Been thinkin (again and again)
Thank all of you for your take and experiance with elders.
My son called and talked to me yesterday while I was taking a travel break in the woods, doing some site cleanup.
What he ended up telling me was that he was considering going to court to have me declared incompetent and forced into supervised living due to my age and "odd" living choices.
As for finances, invading his families private living space and time, I do none of that, In fact I have set up funds for their kids educational future if they chose further education, in the past have helped them with down payments when they wanted to buy their present homes with no expectation of repayment.
No, my mind is not as quick as it once once was but I pose no danger to anyone. No accidents, no driving tickets. I still own the home that my wife and I lived in till her death. It is vacant now and will remain so as long as I live. I have it maintained inside and out but no one will live there as long as I live.
Her smell has faded over time so now since she kept her part of the untill death do us part, no it is up to me to keep my part of that promis.
Mean while being free to be me, where and how I choose is what we were and how I still am.
Now because of the implied threat, I am afraid to go see my doctor of the past many years because of what may be lurking in the parking lot or his required report or action due to some obscure law that will strip me of my freedom and put me in some cage of their choosing.
I have heart and thyroide meds on hand to last till the end of the year. Next is license plates due in December which I can renew in November for another year. Trailer plates do not expire but are still in my name. Have to fix that some how.
Talk about your stealth camping!!!
I'll have to give up internet, phone,mail and any other means of contact.

Old guys should just disapear. Don't dream anylonger, just die like they are suppoed to.
Ken

Ken
I have no idea what his intentions were in calling you and saying that but I'm pretty sure you can (and should) keep living the life that you choose to for now without the worry. What he stated isn't easy to do if he even wanted to. Life's way to short and you deserve to live as you choose. Your post seems very well written & logical to me.
Having taken car of my fater until he was 98 wasn't easy at all but he didn't move into my home. Leaved in his even a bad fall which was the start of his major decline. We now take care of my 96 MIL which is extremely stressful for all of us. This is not something that can be done without major issues on a daily basis.
I truly wish the best for you and hope you'll just stay the course that you want to do. Enjoy all the moments while you can.
God bless you in whatever you choose!

wb8vyn · Oct 19, 2024

than

Dirtrider said:
Ken
I have no idea what his intentions were in calling you and saying that but I'm pretty sure you can (and should) keep living the life that you choose to for now without the worry. What he stated isn't easy to do if he even wanted to. Life's way to short and you deserve to live as you choose. Your post seems very well written & logical to me.
Having taken car of my fater until he was 98 wasn't easy at all but he didn't move into my home. Leaved in his even a bad fall which was the start of his major decline. We now take care of my 96 MIL which is extremely stressful for all of us. This is not something that can be done without major issues on a daily basis.
I truly wish the best for you and hope you'll just stay the course that you want to do. Enjoy all the moments while you can.
God bless you in whatever you choose!

Thank you for the encourgment and compliment about my writting. Finished the 8th grade long ago.
I've decided to learn how to put picturers here to show how I live from time to time.
Over my adult life, from I'd say 15 years old, I've tried to contemplate what I thought were life changing decisions over days or weeks with discusions with elders such my grand dad, my father and mother, also other that had gained my trust and respect.
Getting married was one of those life choices that was carefully done. A promise made for a life time. Done once and done. after that and for the next 62 years, there were other decisions made, some involved far future plans, retirement, savings for after working years needs, Even after life plans. I always thought I'd die first and Linda thought she would die first.
We made plans about buying our home and what we would do at and beyond retirement. So we saved and planned and prepared. for our "adventure time".
So she died first, I was not prepared at all. I was forced to retire on my 80th birthday due to insurance cost for the type of work that I was involved in. Oh how exciting that our plans we happening, and then she had a stroke and died. Now what? I gave up, didn't have any need to live any longer. All those life long plans for the two us were for nothing. I just stopped and waited for my time to expire. Darn neighbors had to check up on me, called the number and they hauled me off to the place with doctors and nurses and needles and head schrinkers.
So here I am having decided to carry on with Linda and I's plans to go on an extended camping trip by myself, and write to her every day, letting her know what this days adventure was about.
So, we had expected some problems but we had planed for ordinary thing like mechanical things or catching cold or having problens with mail, flat tires, getting stuck in the mud somewhere but not getting old, that would be for old people, not us.
Now for this getting old crap. I know I'm getting a pile of numbers stacking up however I'm just an old young guy with ideas and plans and dreams just like I did when I was 19.
It makes me angry to be told what I can and can not do. I'm not the kid here, I'm all growed up now.
Right now I'm not going to give up, got another letter to write to Linda yet and I am going to learn how to get these cussid pictures from this phone to my lap top so I can send them to you and her.
Ken

wb8vyn · Oct 20, 2024

maki2 said:
Get a new phone number.

Best wishes for successfully hiding out as well as finding companionship.

It's 4 in the morning. I'm tucked away on a gravel path in the woods for a few days. No one is likly to come this way. used my garden rake to smooth out my tire tracks plus it rained last night. So stelth mode it is.
Now as for finding compaionship? Not likly.
I do have to say that I did do my usual rest break while walking across the parking lot at the grocery store, have to park far out with my trailer ya know. Anyway, there was one of those electric car charging stations near by. I was fooling with my phone taking pictures and cussing about finding a way to send the fresh ones to my lap top so I could send the new ones on one of these posts. A guy and his wife came in and plugged their car in, the guy took off to the store, his wife stayed with the car, walked over to say hi to me and see what I was doing, so I did get to meet some one and she took my picture near the gas station price sign. One of these days I might learn how to attach a picture to one of these posts.
One thing I have learned is that internet signals are rare in these out of the way places.
Ken

wb8vyn · Oct 21, 2024

vanbrat said:
This is a subject that is very heavy on my shoulders and heart right now. We are trying to find something for my Mom. Mom and stepdad lived for a couple years in an RV. Living is a long way from what they did. They bought it just as Covid hit. So mostly they parked in a RV parking lot. They did NOT do any traveling. Then he got sick, so they 'lived' in my son's driveway and took over his house until his wife said them or me. They came to my house and took over my life. Mom is not an easy person to live with. They looked for an apartment and we started noticing her mind was really slipping and she start sabotaging all attempts at apartments. Not because she didn't have money they make more in SS then we do. They never paid for anything. I got to work and got them into a senior apartment in the area they wanted. Then my hubby got really sick and we didn't have time or ability to do much for them. Step dad got sick a few times and passed last week. Mom has lost more of her memory and ability. Now we are again scrambling to find a safe comfortable place for her. She is way beyond able to be alone. We (my adult sons and I) have had to rescue her 3 times from some very scary things when she decided to drive and the police got involved.
While this may or may not be what anyone else is dealing with. But if they had done a few of the things they should have done a few years ago it sure would have helped at this stage of things. Some of the assisted living places are also independent living and they could have traveled all they wanted until they got to the point she is now. This has cost me personally several thousands of dollars and the last 2 years of my retirement. With no end in sight. All because they didn't have anything planned.
So again this is not me telling you to go to assisted living it is me telling you to make plans NOW for the time you don't have a choice. Until that time if you have the plans in place then everyone can enjoy things without worrying about it.

Your situation

vanbrat said:
This is a subject that is very heavy on my shoulders and heart right now. We are trying to find something for my Mom. Mom and stepdad lived for a couple years in an RV. Living is a long way from what they did. They bought it just as Covid hit. So mostly they parked in a RV parking lot. They did NOT do any traveling. Then he got sick, so they 'lived' in my son's driveway and took over his house until his wife said them or me. They came to my house and took over my life. Mom is not an easy person to live with. They looked for an apartment and we started noticing her mind was really slipping and she start sabotaging all attempts at apartments. Not because she didn't have money they make more in SS then we do. They never paid for anything. I got to work and got them into a senior apartment in the area they wanted. Then my hubby got really sick and we didn't have time or ability to do much for them. Step dad got sick a few times and passed last week. Mom has lost more of her memory and ability. Now we are again scrambling to find a safe comfortable place for her. She is way beyond able to be alone. We (my adult sons and I) have had to rescue her 3 times from some very scary things when she decided to drive and the police got involved.
While this may or may not be what anyone else is dealing with. But if they had done a few of the things they should have done a few years ago it sure would have helped at this stage of things. Some of the assisted living places are also independent living and they could have traveled all they wanted until they got to the point she is now. This has cost me personally several thousands of dollars and the last 2 years of my retirement. With no end in sight. All because they didn't have anything planned.
So again this is not me telling you to go to assisted living it is me telling you to make plans NOW for the time you don't have a choice. Until that time if you have the plans in place then everyone can enjoy things without worrying about it.

vanbrat said:

This is a subject that is very heavy on my shoulders and heart right now. We are trying to find something for my Mom. Mom and stepdad lived for a couple years in an RV. Living is a long way from what they did. They bought it just as Covid hit. So mostly they parked in a RV parking lot. They did NOT do any traveling. Then he got sick, so they 'lived' in my son's driveway and took over his house until his wife said them or me. They came to my house and took over my life. Mom is not an easy person to live with. They looked for an apartment and we started noticing her mind was really slipping and she start sabotaging all attempts at apartments. Not because she didn't have money they make more in SS then we do. They never paid for anything. I got to work and got them into a senior apartment in the area they wanted. Then my hubby got really sick and we didn't have time or ability to do much for them. Step dad got sick a few times and passed last week. Mom has lost more of her memory and ability. Now we are again scrambling to find a safe comfortable place for her. She is way beyond able to be alone. We (my adult sons and I) have had to rescue her 3 times from some very scary things when she decided to drive and the police got involved.
While this may or may not be what anyone else is dealing with. But if they had done a few of the things they should have done a few years ago it sure would have helped at this stage of things. Some of the assisted living places are also independent living and they could have traveled all they wanted until they got to the point she is now. This has cost me personally several thousands of dollars and the last 2 years of my retirement. With no end in sight. All because they didn't have anything planned.
So again this is not me telling you to go to assisted living it is me telling you to make plans NOW for the time you don't have a choice. Until that time if you have the plans in place then everyone can enjoy things without worrying about it.

Click to expand...

Thought about you today.My wife and I spent 15 years doing the "Adult foster care" thing at our home. (6 bedroom house) Both men and women, untill Linda and I could not do the emotional part of loosing lovely people any longer. There was the physical part too what with keeping laundy done a baths and meals and helping all the stuff needed to let everyone live their best life. the men wanted to go ice fishing, others wanted to do mechanics on cars and even drive a little, ladies wanted to do lady stuff such as cooking and helping with shopping and sewing and so on. Keeping everyone happy and safe was a chore and then as years went by and our older men and women yeached their last days and moments, there were just too many tears and wishing we could have just done one more thing, just had one more day or moment.

Anyway there are places like that for you and your loved ones. We did not charge more than our out of pocket costs. We shared our home, We let our guests and their families see our financial books, no secrets. Most of our guests only contributed from $300 to $400 per month, they kept the rest of their SS to use or save or spend as they saw fit. Some times their family members would help them with choices about those things. We just watched to see that they didn't get cheated. Never happened during our time with them.
Anyway, those places are out there. Look into it.
Ken

Been thinkin (Again)

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