Women Only WOMEN ONLY: Life Has Become Mundane, Can You Identify??

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outdoorcamogirl

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OK....here it goes...baring my soul....I have been a lurker on this forum and following Bob Wells for years.....
I admire those of you who have known down to the core of your being that living in a car, van or RV was what you wanted for yourself...either by choice or because life forced you to choose it....I understand that it offers freedom that one cannot truly understand until you actually experience it for yourself....

I am one of the "Drones" of society....I have always been grounded and responsible....always been a business owner...managed to buy a modest doublewide on a few acres in the country in southwest Arizona- spent many years living the dream of animals and all the material things that one tends to accumulate that suggest you "Have arrived" at the threshold of success.....I am 54 have lived here for 23 years....am now debt free....have been divorced for years....never had any kids...Lost both of my parents in separate unexpected incidents in 2005 and 2008- we were very close and I was devastated....such a crippling time and many years to work through, but by the grace of God I managed to keep it together....I have two brothers who live in the area but they are both married, have families and are running like hell chasing the American dream....I feel like an untethered soul....I have had the same business for years but am totally bored with it....though I love my home I am SOOOO burned out on these dreadful desert summers....the desert used to speak to me....I had enthusiasm for life....now that I am older, have done most of the things on my bucket list and my parents are gone I feel lost....I have no idea what I want....a relationship is not the answer since I tend to be more of a free spirit and a loner- I get along great with people but prefer company on my terms...I am growing fatigued with work...and upkeep of my home...I find myself so irritated by increasing taxes on the home I live in...and it is really too big anyway....do I really need all of this stuff that one accumulates with the sticks and bricks life?? I am beginning to wonder.....

I have a Ford Powerstroke and a vintage off grid travel trailer that I love taking anywhere there are pine trees... I have 2 wonderful hiking dogs...I love to camp and have all the comforts of home but the thought of not having the security of a home base terrifies me...but the only way I could quit my job(close my business) is to sell everything and live off the proceeds, which would be a decent chunk of cash....I am at a point where I don't want to do anything...I don't want to HAVE to DO ANYTHING....I have worked so hard my whole life, been responsible and paid everything off....today is my birthday and I just realized I have lost my sizzle....I am just trudging through life, feeling like "SIGH....Is this Freakin" it??"....I am not miserable, but good God, a pretty boring thought that this could easily be what the next 20+ years of my life could look like....I do feel blessed...but I think I may be ready for a change....I have always been a homebody and loved my home...but I am not sure I want the responsibility anymore- I don't want to work anymore, at least not at what I am currently doing....I feel a little spark of excitement at the idea of having a life that is light and free with far less responsibility...I don't want to start a YouTube channel...and I don't want to feel like I HAVE to do anything...at least not for a while....If I sell everything I will have a decent chunk of money to live frugally with but that though terrifies me, that cash won't last forever....the thought of not having "A Place",  a piece of dirt of my own....what happens when your rig breaks down....is that lifestyle really only for the rich people....for me, I would need some sort of RV that has some room for me and my 2 medium dogs to move around, even if it is older....will I regret selling my home...will I freeze in winter....If I choose to "Work Camp"...will I be giving up my business only to be cleaning bathrooms or some other grunt work for minimum wage?? Is there really a community of like minded people....people like me that have experienced the same things I am noting here?? Though I can be somewhat of a loner, If I give it all up I don't want to be lonely...I feel the pull....I feel the desire for change in my life and I truly admire all of you free spirits that have no issues selling it all for life on the road.... Although I am a very confident and capable individual I have always been the "Homebody"....the "Stable" one that loves security....but now, I am not so sure that same mind set serves me any longer....I am bored...my life has lost it's sizzle....and I have lost my "Mojo"....Do any of the ladies connect with anything I have said....can you give me a bit of input on the positives of this life that might make things seem a little less scary?? I would hate to give it all up only to regret it....but the though of another summer in the desert makes me want to run and hide-I would appreciate any input! Thanks
 
Sure I can identify :) I think a ton of us can easily just put a few different words into your post and call it our own.

Thing is you are making it all or nothing. It doesn't have to be that way. Big change, big like selling a home and biz and walking away from your life IS VERY hard to do for a lot of people. You must have the kinda deep down, wanna be free from it all, wanderer feeling in your soul to easily walk forward in this path.

So don't do it just yet :) Take your time a bit. Everything doesn't have to change overnight for it to be all good :)

Can you somehow put your biz on hold? Get a manager to work it or??? whatever you can do to hit the road for a long 2-3 week sabbatical? Just shore up and lock down your home, get into your trailer you have with your pets and hit the road. Have a destination kind of area in mind, have some state parks or national forest campgrounds on your radar and just freaking go for it.

That time on the road will tell you a lot of things about yourself.
It will be a massive draw or it will be more of a 'hmmm, maybe if I change this or that in my life I will be more content and might follow some new paths that don't involve selling it all.

A lot of us had a hard long road walking into a wandering lifestyle. But if you truly want it, you do what you can to prepare for it and grab it as soon as you can. I am SO close LOL but I got to get a kid thru this year and 3 more years of high school, settled into college and THEN hubby and I have our total free time for us as we want.....but in these years we have been downsizing, doing this and that getting it all ready for our departure.

Plus on the road many have found other new land to purchase and use as a base camp because they love the new area they explored while free on the road. You can't rule out you won't ever have a home base property again.

So baby step it a bit. We all get bogged down and want big change but don't really know what that involves. We think chucking it all is cool but it might not truly suit your needs. That is something you have to truly find out.

Is there ever enough money? LOL LOL We sold farm land and tractors and have a good bank roll....I am always worried there ain't enough HAHA but the thing is on the road you can spend what you see fit on how to live your life on the road. You can spend $1,500 a month or you can spend $3K per month. It is for you to decide how your living expenses will effect your money in the bank. Unforeseen happen, like repairs etc and they cost what they will but you also have a big hand in how fast money is spent...so...at some point if you say you will live on XYZ per month, figure how many years that takes ya til social security etc and see how it works. We will do very well (early retirees here in mid 50s) unless something monster happens but then again, I can't prepare for every darn disaster that might come our way...some point ya take the leap like we did. You won't have to clean toilets as a camp host if you don't want. You also want to be sure 'some of that money' is set aside and never touched FOR a permanent home if needed or wanted by you. (if you are inclined to see yourself off the road someday on your own property). When we sell our home that money goes into the bank never to be touched. That money will fund our next home purchase if wanted down the line. Exit strategy for when way older or med troubles force you off the road etc. You can only prepare so much tho. Best any of us can do.

best of luck, let us know what you do to change up your life. Don't have to go crazy big at first, just start changing situations like taking a very long road trip and see how you feel about it all.
 
Wow... I’m feeling EXACTLY the same way. You put in words how I’ve been feeling for months.
 
You’ve been running your own business forever so you are more than adept at running another - perhaps a small business from the road? I’ve met a lot of people doing just that.

Since you are already in AZ I’d like to invite you into my camp and you can stay with us and see how others are living. It might give you some idea if that’s what you really want.

We will be in Quartzsite in about a month probably but my camp mates have already began to start thinking about drifting in.

PM me if you’d like to join us
 
Outdoorcamogirl,

Yep.  I get exactly what you are saying. Could've written it myself a few years ago.  I did the van/travel thing and after a year, went back to a home base.

My brother is two years younger; we are both retired.  We have this conversation frequently.  Never want to HAVE to do anything again!  "I CAN do this *project* myself but I don't WANT to do it" has become almost a mantra.

We have both done many challenging and exciting (some may say "crazy") things in our lives.  Been there done that, "NOW what?"  There was a time when I wanted to skydive but the excitement of that will be like the excitement of all those other things I did -- temporary.  When you have the ability to meet challenges with success, there is a satisfaction in meeting that challenge.  Yet that in itself becomes mundane because you know you can do whatever you set out to do.

I have no answer for this.  I begin to sort of  understand the aging process.  Maybe.  I look around at what younger others are doing and think, yeah, that was fun.  I smile inside.  But it's like watching the same movie over and over.  You know how it ends.  Meh.

The thing that makes living still exciting but in a different way for us is to keep learning.  Keep your brain busy.  My bro is teaching himself Latin, along with other intellectual pursuits.  I study period authors and their times in history (what was happening when they wrote that and how or did it change the world?).  To me, it's a study in human nature.  We both just stumbled onto this.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Best wishes!
 
I can hear it coming through in your words ... that yearning for something more meaningful. For me it was like a magnet drawing me forward, there were times all I could do was follow the yearning even though I had no idea where it was leading me. 

SO many women are feeling this! I've been on the road 2 years full-time in a mini-van, and see more and more of us!

YES there is community out there and it is amazing! 

YES there is a portion of discomfort and uncertainty on the road, but as women we discover how strong we are, the ability we have to create the comfort we need, and how we can tolerate some discomfort as it arises. My personal opinion is that there's a price paid for the comfort and security living behind stationary four walls in this society ... we trade in a sense of freedom and living an authentic life for the illusion of security. I say illusion because nothing is ever guaranteed, whether staying behind four walls or out on the road.  Not to say nomadism is the only authentic way to live, but if we're drawn to it, it can be an amazing path.

I can only speak for myself, but it's been my experience that I've been able to solve any problem that comes up, and so will you! I've received unconditional support from the nomad community ... had a major breakdown and was gifted with financial help from fellow nomads ... it radically changed my entire outlook on giving and receiving, but that's another story lol. 

Fear is such a factor, I was filled with fear before I made this leap (as someone mentioned here) but fear just wants to keep us in the status quo. It doesn't care about our dreams, it only feeds us fearful scenarios to keep us from making radical changes. Nothing is permanent here on this earth anyway ... why not live the way we want to for the short time we're here? There's nothing to stop you from going back if you change your mind!

It sounds like you spoke your truth at the end of your post ....another summer in the desert makes you want to run and hide ... even if it's not the nomad life you're looking for your self is ready for change! Life cycles of change always start with the dissolving of the old life ... a scary feeling for sure ... but seeing your dreams fulfilled is worth riding out the dissolving!

Oh and by the way ... it's not just a rich person's lifestyle. It can be lived very frugally. Full disclosure, I'm on Social Security disability, if I had to pay rent I'd be stuck in one place. 

Mary Ellen ~
 
"....Do any of the ladies connect with anything I have said....can you give me a bit of input on the positives of this life that might make things seem a little less scary?? I would hate to give it all up only to regret it....but the though of another summer in the desert makes me want to run and hide-I would appreciate any input! Thanks"

Outdoorcamogirl.....

You are EXACTLY in the space that I and a number of other successful women I know have experienced and are experiencing.... Its scary and exciting...and it's perfectly OK. You've got this!

You want to shake things up and experience new things after years and years of "been there, done that", always having worked hard to get where you are and now saying "Hey, what is it that I want next?"  You are asking yourself all the right questions to get ready for a new chapter in your life. Everything you've done and built to this point will serve you and your next adventure. Without thinking too hard about it, you can trust that your knowledge and your life experience will keep you safe and secure.

You express yourself exceptionally well!  We[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] can hear you loud and clear and many of us feel a very [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]strong[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] connection to your words and truly do understand what you are reaching for. Feel free to PM those of us whom you want to connect with.

For me personally, you hit the nail on the head, I don't want to HAVE to do anything! I've found that feeling of freedom out here for the last 1 1/2 years.  What is so wonderful about this life is that we each find our very own way to do it, and not one of us do it EXACTLY the same. Most of us didn't sell everything and hit the road all at once, although some of us did!  Many of us have many different versions of a home base (or Plan B) ...and many of us don't!  Trust yourself and dip your toe in, you don't have to figure it all out at once...gather info, stories and experience from all of us. Join a caravan, go to RTR, post on here to see if anyone is in your area and visit them. I guarantee you, something will "click" inside and you will discover YOUR path.  [/font]

[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]
Very excited to be a part of your journey, girl!  Keep us updated  :) [/font]
 
Thanks so much to everyone for all of the input....is sure feels great to know that I am not alone....and that the support is there if I need it.....this is new territory for me....I have navigated most of my life independently.....and now I think my lesson(one of the many) is to learn how to reach out and grab on to an extended hand when I need help....contrary to what I have always believed, nobody is an island....boo-hoo….very humbling....thank you all!![/font][/size][/color]
 
if it is possible just sell the too big place and find a smaller homebase that could even possibly be rented out for income so that you have some money for traveling. Then if it does not suit you that homebase can become your home again. Buy it in a location you would enjoy more than the desert. The Oregon Coast while it does get morning fog has moderate year round temperatures. Not sizzling hot and not extreme cold. The area around Brookings has a unique micro climate with more sun and warmer in winter than other sections of the coast. It has to do with how the terrain of the nearby hills (mountains) are shaped, that is what creates the micro climate effect. Small town but lots of art related culture which modifies things making it not so much a red neck lumber camp town. Also the Redwoods habitat extend into that area so the nearby forest land is very nice and of course it has that coastal vibe. Makes for a nice homebase area that can be retreated to when needed.

Instead of just sitting there wondering hop in the car and take a road trip. Getting out of where you are even for a week or two will blow out some of those cobwebs.

And do get some chromium supplement from the drug store. That is mother nature's best natural antidepressant and it works very quickly, in fact take it one day and you wake up feeling content and much happier the next morning. It can chase those blah blues and weepy blues away without changing anything else in your life. Having them gone gives you the ability to get up and take more action for positive change. As we get older we don't absorb essential minerals as easily as when we were younger. We also can be more prone to blood sugar issues and chromium helps regulate blood sugar which is very helpful as well as being a precursor to endorphin production. But if you are on diabetes medication you don't want to take it without first consulting your doctor as it can effect the dosage of your prescription.
 
Thanks for the advice....the chromium suggestion was a good one....

I have had rental properties in the past and would rather have a hot needle in my eye than have renters...they don't take care of anything and the heartache just was never worth the rent....so that idea won't work for me....being in the toolies of southern AZ has it's advantages...mild winter climate....but it is one of those "Cheaper" places to live....while my property has certainly appreciated, I would never be able to live anywhere like Oregon without assuming another mortgage...even if I went with a smaller home...I so don't want to throw myself into debt again....I worked so hard to become debt free....but I sure appreciate all of the input....I know I've got a lot of exploring to do.....
 
The only thing scarier than going on the road was NOT going on the road. I was suffocating.

My dad died at 61. I was widowed at 36. My sister died at 53. The thought of wasting the rest of my life on the mundane was terrifying. My kids were done (baked to 325°), I kicked 'em out and sold the house. Getting rid of all the stuff and selling the house took forever. I finally left Hubby to finish the job and took off. I was afraid I was gonna die if I didn't get out of there. That swimming in molasses feeling was horrid. That was October 2017. Best thing that I've ever done.

Starting to prep for the third winter on the road. I'm tired of sweating, though I spent most of the last 2-3 months at elevation. If you take hormones, don't think you can just go off of them upon moving in. The temperature variations play havoc on your body thermostat.
Best wishes,
Ted
 
I know renting out your place is not something you want to do, but I know there are renters that are clean, responsible. I was always a great tennant. You can get background checks done, get lots of references.
please don't dismiss that idea if you sell , close your business and want to test the traveling waters.
Having that saftey net to go back to....I know many people who sold, moved to a new place and rented and either hated it or couldn't get decent employment and then we're really lost as what to do next. Had they rented out their place they would at least have it to go back to so they could regroup and come up with a new plan.
I can relate to so much you have said. All these existential questions we have.
 
I started looking at this lifestyle seven years ago, three years after my husband died suddenly at 40. Now, I am actually doing it. I am keeping my S&B for a while, maybe always. It is cheap for me to do so and I have good neighbors who keep an eye on the place.

My take on what we feel is the last kick of enlivening, before we atrophy into whatever it is culture tells us we should be doing to achieve what is defined as 'success' and drop dead of sheer boredom or lose our minds (of course, my family thinks me doing this is a sign that I've already lost mine, can't win 'em all, lol) If we don't pay heed to that stirring in our deepest self, for me, I felt I'd lose that self - the one I really like.

As others have said, it does not have to be done in all one swoop. Try it. You may find you really, really, really like it :) Or, you might not. Since you're debt free, there is wiggle room for you, albeit offset by the fact that you own a business. Every day I am thankful that I have a job that I can do anywhere I have electricity and a wi-fi connection, and I carry my own solar so I always have electric, just sometimes not enough, lol.

I'm fairly certain that every woman here felt some or all aspects of what you articulated. It's called living. Find your life, and live it. You'll be among a really good group of people out here :)

Carpe diem!
 
Thanks so much....how this all warms my soul....you all KNOW how I am feeling.....like trying to find my way out of the house of glass....with my hands extended in front of me....just figuring things out!!! Thank you...THANK YOU....for the wonderful support and encouragement!
 
Maybe it is time for you to camp during the summer season, just go north and see how you feel.
 
I'm in the same boat, I think.  Once I get my van how do I meet up with others?  Do people gather periodically in different places? One day I'm all excited about this adventure, the next I'm worrying about being too old, and how will I learn everything I need to know....solar, electric, how to repair something, etc., on and on.  I've been "listening" for over a year now, I think.  I've even emailed Bob Wells about how to get started and so forth and I was thrilled he answered!  (He said baby steps).  I go tomorrow to see if a dealership has found a van I want, they assure me they'll find one for me.  I have all these thoughts jumbled up in my mind and frankly, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time....just fear, a lot of fear.  I'm pretty much packed up and stored almost everything, and I think I have a buyer for this house.  The thought keeps running through my mind, just get that van, throw in my sleeping bag, my dogs, some food and just go!  What's the worse that could happen??  I don't know, another fear. I think sometimes, I'm already in my 70's, I've been in this house for 20 years, the neighborhood has deteriorated terribly so why is it so hard to make that move??  The neighborhood is also a problem, it really gets me down so much.....on one side is a man who keeps "hitting" on me, and he's married!  On the other side is a young kid who continually works on his truck all night long, and I mean ALL night.  No satisfactory response from police.  So what am I still doing here?!  I'm sorry, I'm just rambling on, I get this way sometimes.  I just needed to get this out.  I'm so sorry.
 
Coachontheroad: I'm so sorry, somehow I got my message under your name. I don't know how I do these things, not good on computer. So sorry. Gertie

I fixed it for you Gertie. Mod rvwandering
 
Gertie, everything you are feeling is perfectly normal when making a major change in your life. Just like anything you will have good days, bad days, so-so daysm days that are stressful and days that feel like a wonderful miracle. Days when you have regrets, days when you are so glad you have made the change, days when situations make you feel uncomfortable. That is part of being human and also part of being a woman.

Even if the home you are in comes with all kinds of issues after 20 years it is still the "comfort" zone you are used to. Therefore it is predictable to a certain extent but moving into a van brings many unknowns so of course you are hesitant. Those feelings are there to help protect us but they can also inhibit us from making changes we desire. It is a road block to get past.

I wish there was some magic mantra or way to make all those feelings disappear. Some people do use mantras for it, others use prayer as in asking God to lift their worries and fears. But in the long run it is self talk where you tell yourself you want to make the change and knowing that you will adapt to the change is going to be what gets you through the day be it in the form of a mantra, prayer, quotes posted on the wall, daily inspirational readings of just plain old positive thinking and reinforcement of your goals. If you truly want to make the change then you will have the ability to adapt to a new environment and to make news friends as well.

As to do people on the road gather together in places. Some do and last year there was a women only caravan. But at present due to Covid 19 there are not any formal caravans related to the CheapRVliving groups active. But don't let that hold you back. Keep on track with your plans, things will change and you will find traveling companions. Look for some facebook groups of solo women campers, there are quite a few of them who are currently busy chatting with each other. Some of them are regional groups of women who might be close by to your location.
 
A big baby step is learning to enjoy doing things by yourself. While it is fun to gather with like-minded others, that is not always an option. The next time your neighborhood gets you down, use that as an excuse to practice van life...even if only for a short excursion. This gives you the chance to learn by trail and error what works and does not work with your set up.

It might be something as simple as taking a nap in a Walmart parking lot, but it gives you choices and an alternate lifestyle. Things that seem scary at first become routine with practice.
 
OK....here it goes...baring my soul....I have been a lurker on this forum and following Bob Wells for years.....
I admire those of you who have known down to the core of your being that living in a car, van or RV was what you wanted for yourself...either by choice or because life forced you to choose it....I understand that it offers freedom that one cannot truly understand until you actually experience it for yourself....

I am one of the "Drones" of society....I have always been grounded and responsible....always been a business owner...managed to buy a modest doublewide on a few acres in the country in southwest Arizona- spent many years living the dream of animals and all the material things that one tends to accumulate that suggest you "Have arrived" at the threshold of success.....I am 54 have lived here for 23 years....am now debt free....have been divorced for years....never had any kids...Lost both of my parents in separate unexpected incidents in 2005 and 2008- we were very close and I was devastated....such a crippling time and many years to work through, but by the grace of God I managed to keep it together....I have two brothers who live in the area but they are both married, have families and are running like hell chasing the American dream....I feel like an untethered soul....I have had the same business for years but am totally bored with it....though I love my home I am SOOOO burned out on these dreadful desert summers....the desert used to speak to me....I had enthusiasm for life....now that I am older, have done most of the things on my bucket list and my parents are gone I feel lost....I have no idea what I want....a relationship is not the answer since I tend to be more of a free spirit and a loner- I get along great with people but prefer company on my terms...I am growing fatigued with work...and upkeep of my home...I find myself so irritated by increasing taxes on the home I live in...and it is really too big anyway....do I really need all of this stuff that one accumulates with the sticks and bricks life?? I am beginning to wonder.....

I have a Ford Powerstroke and a vintage off grid travel trailer that I love taking anywhere there are pine trees... I have 2 wonderful hiking dogs...I love to camp and have all the comforts of home but the thought of not having the security of a home base terrifies me...but the only way I could quit my job(close my business) is to sell everything and live off the proceeds, which would be a decent chunk of cash....I am at a point where I don't want to do anything...I don't want to HAVE to DO ANYTHING....I have worked so hard my whole life, been responsible and paid everything off....today is my birthday and I just realized I have lost my sizzle....I am just trudging through life, feeling like "SIGH....Is this Freakin" it??"....I am not miserable, but good God, a pretty boring thought that this could easily be what the next 20+ years of my life could look like....I do feel blessed...but I think I may be ready for a change....I have always been a homebody and loved my home...but I am not sure I want the responsibility anymore- I don't want to work anymore, at least not at what I am currently doing....I feel a little spark of excitement at the idea of having a life that is light and free with far less responsibility...I don't want to start a YouTube channel...and I don't want to feel like I HAVE to do anything...at least not for a while....If I sell everything I will have a decent chunk of money to live frugally with but that though terrifies me, that cash won't last forever....the thought of not having "A Place", a piece of dirt of my own....what happens when your rig breaks down....is that lifestyle really only for the rich people....for me, I would need some sort of RV that has some room for me and my 2 medium dogs to move around, even if it is older....will I regret selling my home...will I freeze in winter....If I choose to "Work Camp"...will I be giving up my business only to be cleaning bathrooms or some other grunt work for minimum wage?? Is there really a community of like minded people....people like me that have experienced the same things I am noting here?? Though I can be somewhat of a loner, If I give it all up I don't want to be lonely...I feel the pull....I feel the desire for change in my life and I truly admire all of you free spirits that have no issues selling it all for life on the road.... Although I am a very confident and capable individual I have always been the "Homebody"....the "Stable" one that loves security....but now, I am not so sure that same mind set serves me any longer....I am bored...my life has lost it's sizzle....and I have lost my "Mojo"....Do any of the ladies connect with anything I have said....can you give me a bit of input on the positives of this life that might make things seem a little less scary?? I would hate to give it all up only to regret it....but the though of another summer in the desert makes me want to run and hide-I would appreciate any input! Thanks
I'm right there with you! I just spent 3 months on the Bolivar peninsula in tx. In my van. It was awesome, coming from Nebraska. Lol. But it was very windy and blowing sand. Not fun at all. But I did it. I also met a lady solo traveler with a motorhome and we buddied up. I don't know if I would have stayed that long if she wasn't there. We really enjoyed each other's company. I have a home and a husband. He doesn't care what I do. And I'm happy to have a home base. I'm heading out on my next solo adventure to the powwow in Albuquerque NM. April 27, 28, 29. Leaving NE Apr.10th. I've never been that way so going to take my time and boondock along the way. There's so much to see. So I consider this my real true solo trip. I'm kinda nervous but very anxious to get started. I have been researching and learning all I can. So good luck to you and maybe I will see you one day. I've never been to Arizona either and it's on my list.
 
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