Van life and custody issues..

[Hiker]

Hey guys, for lots of reasons I am planning out converting to van life within the next few months hopfully..   One major concern I have is I have partial custody of my son.  My son is 3 and though I will stay at families houses with him till the van is complete, I'm worried about what his mother can do about my son staying in the van.  I have many family members who will let me spend nights parked in there driveways so that is a huge plus.  Does anyone else have any experience or any knowledge or suggestions?  I greatly appreciate your input! 
I been reading the forums here for a while before finally making my first post, you've all answered so many questions already, thank you! 

Hiker

 

[WanderingRose]

At first blush, your son maintaining his contact with you is very important, but it is hard to imagine him living any length of time with you in a van.

Where you live when you don’t have your child doesn’t seem relevant.

If your plan is to stay with others when he is with you, and they have safe and adequate residences, I don’t know that that can be a legitimate issue for the mother.

 

[Moxadox]

Howdy Hiker,

Having been down similar roads, my advice is to consult with a lawyer regarding the best way to protect your visitation rights. Van life can be wonderful for/with kids, and many do it, but if there is any contention in the "other side" of the family, any lifestyle factors that are out of the ordinary can be used as ammunition. Before you even let anyone know your plans, talk to an attorney who specializes in custody/family law. S/he can help you work out the details in a way that minimizes the potential for conflict.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[rvwandering]

Welcome to the CRVL forums Hiker! Consulting a lawyer is a good idea because this is too important of an issue for any of us to give advice. Hope everything well out well for you.

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips, Tricks and Rules" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[John61CT]

And just in case you're thinking of "just disappearing" over the horizon without proper negotiation / approval, that is called kidnapping these days and punished accordingly.

Setting up an "appropriate" conventional S&B home will greatly increase a judge's opinion of your lifestyle.

Living in a van down by the river will in most cases cause your character to be assumed suspect, put you at a big disadvantage if the opposing parent presents as more mainstrean / successful.

 

[lenny flank]

Alas, child services tends to take a pretty dim view of living in a vehicle.

 

[WanderingRose]

Yes, they do, and if you will be co-parenting a child I agree with the recommendation to stay in a traditional residence.

 

[GypsyJan]

You can always be a van dweller on the days/weeks you don't have him with you. If your relatives will let you stay indoors with them when he is with you, that should go a long way to satisfying the court re visitation. If you van dwell at campgrounds once a month or so, that is called camping and is considered a healthy family sport.

 

[Dingfelder]

I'd guess you'll have to choose between living on the road and having your child, unless your partner both completely surrenders custody AND NEVER changes her mind. Because I'd also guess she could get him back anytime she likes if you don't have a S&B residence as well as the income to maintain it, be it an apartment or condo/house.

Perhaps if the child stays at a single residence when you have custody, it's one thing, but a life with a rotating cast of characters and locations sounds like the opposite of stability, and you would probably have a very uphill battle convincing most people any different.

But ... that is just my guess. I agree with the posters above who say you should talk to an attorney to find out for sure. A high percentage of the time what "seems reasonable" to any random person has less overlap with how the law really works than one might think.

And as the dad rather than the mom, you're already skating on thin ice ...

 

[travelaround]

I suggest co-parenting -- two parents getting along together and making reasonable compromises and decisions together for the good of the child. It is a blessing to be able to co-parent successfully and not be at the mercy of child services or a judge. When child services gets involved, the parents are no longer the ones to make the decisions. That's terrible!!! So, if co-parenting is possible, that's the best choice. It takes a lot of maturity on both sides. There are good books about it at Amazon.

If this is presented to a judge, stability is one thing that will be scrutinized - both job and residence stability.