Unwanted Assumptions Rant

[HappyLife1977]

I'm in my sixties now. Honestly, for the past 8 years, bad health and age has taken its toll on me.  Im not 'pretty'.  We've been married coming up on 43 years. My hubby is rarely far from me, as he is handicapped.  
I am sick to death of men assuming that because my husband was in a wheel chair and now walks with a quad cane, and because he is hearing impared, that I'm in need of some jerk who thinks he can just step in and take over for my childhood sweetheart.  
Men assume "homeless=prostitute, or just plain trash".  When we first hit the road, we stupidly let someone talk us into attending church dinners. Dumb ass men who had nothing to offer anyway even if I had been single kept bothering us.  One guy sat right between us and offered me sex and pot right there in church.  
I live in loose t-shirts and jeans, wear no make up, constantly attend hubby, and ignore people for the most part. I am not bragging, I'm stating facts.  I'm what Mr. Trump would call horsefaced. 
Is it the lifestyle?  Is it the general population?  
You finally tell the more persistent bastards to **** off and die and they act shocked, as if I'm some sort of freak?  
One thought was that they see how well we are doing and think they can weasel in? That I'd take better care of some total stranger (looser) than a guy I've known over two thirds of my life?  Been through hell with on both our sides medically?  
I have been verbally attacked for refusing this attention, threatened with my husband being run over and our cat killed (he was dumbfounded i called the police) and more crap than I ever had happen when we were brick and mortar dwellers.  
Is the world just getting crappier, or is this "normal"?
And yes there are more decent men out there, I've had a couple back off the moment I intentionally bring up my husband, and yes I've hung onto my rings and make sure they are in clear view, but the ass holes tend to stand out.  
What is going on?  Has it gotten worse for other women, alone or partnered?

 

[WanderingRose]

Widowed now 7+ years, I have concluded there is a lot of hooking up going on out there, and in our senior citizen population.

Relationship boundaries appear more loose and fluid than firm and rigid, married men and men in long term relationships like to make it known they are available.

Not all men, of course, but it seems commonplace, and certainly more so than when I was last dating in the 1980’s.

Not for me, so I act confused and startled at any presumption that I might be interested in any casual hookup.

And then move on.

It’s the world we live in.

 

[HappyLife1977]

Having worked through the pre-anti-harrassment trading years where a joke was a joke and a smack on the butt was just a smack on the butt between co workers, and public socializing, I also think these creeps have too much time on their hands. After 39 years in food, retail, ranch, construction and office work, the scum factor is in the homeless crowd.
TV has a lot to do with brain washing people into being creeps, too. After all, it's okay on TV.
The problem with pepper spray (and shock batons) is they may come back, smash windows and slice tires. We left that crap behind when we quit going to the churches as soon as we recouped our initial losses.
My concern is that we will run into it even more on the road. We would very much like to caravan and socialize. We are both outgoing people, and as a military brat, i'm a sleeve roller upper. Is it very common on the caravans or less so?
Was the spaghetti hot?

 

[crofter]

....Men assume "homeless=prostitute, or just plain trash"....

The behavior you describe has nothing to do with dwelling. The actual equation is: men assume female = prostitute.

Female church women are under attack, not to get too religious on here, but there is a good versus evil thing going on there. Due to the pedestal myth about church women, if you are a victim no one will believe you or help you, and you will be blamed.

There are online apps you can substitute for church. If you go in person is best to leave after the service.

If you stay for coffee hour you can expect some inappropriate behavior, from hearing the confessions true or not of some lothario, or being groped under the table by some guy, in front of his wife. I actually attended the same church as the guy who cooked up the tailhook scandal, who actively groped female members of that assembly.

Church leadership is ill equipped to cope with this attack on church women and the resulting fallout. 70% of church members are female, yet the 30% male members often occupy positions of power in the church, motivation often to maintain the status quo and blame any victims who come forward.
-crofter

 

[crofter]

Just saying that there is a dynamic going on at church due to the pedestal myth. And there is a large pool of potential victims who may be unarmed or otherwise defenseless, trained to act peacably.
-crofter

 

[crofter]

We actually had trained & armed ushers at one church I attended, carrying concealed. 
-crofter

 

[HappyLife1977]

Re church, really these dinners were a feed the homeless and people too poor to get regular food at home thing, no sermon before the food. Our friend invited us, a nice guy whose family was riddled with diabetes and he could no longer work but was lacking in a lot of income. All around opinion, unless you are starving do not attend any such thing. Though it really upset me to hear some places have outlawed this entirely and actually go in and pour bleach on the food after throwing it away. There's a fine line there and people cross it.
"Just kidding" sure beats "f***ing b**ch, and telling me i should be greatful because my husband was "no longer a man". Fallacy there.
Plus the whole ID theft attempt thing, and guys she chatted up mistaking me for her. Today it all just spilled over.
I am not used to guys who think all women are cheap and easy. It used to be if someone slipped up you could say "excuse me?" and they'd snap back into line. And I keep asking hubby, what the hell happened? He thinks it's the whole no static home thing and we are just more exposed to the local low life.
And yes at first even he thought I was just getting things wrong until he started paying full attention. Guys who don't think like that are less likely to think others do.
It just seems like the turn of the century has brought out the worst in a large portion of people. I hope this is not true.

 

[BelgianPup]

The good ones make the poor ones look even worse, just by comparison.

 

[RoamerRV428]

It is the nice life force you are putting out there. Sad to say if a women is friendly, and kind and 'has that personality attraction' of just 'being a good darn kind soul'.....then the opposite and maybe same sex? might see you as potential and 'nowadays in the everyone is free to be me' crazy of this world you are a target.

Just is.

You do one thing. Any advance no matter how tiny, you stop it fast. Nope. Nada. Done deal. I am married and happy and 'just being me' so IF YOU assume then that is shut down now.

I tell ya nice people who are kind and 'you put yourself as not as pretty in your posts' but you are SUPER pretty to many who put the kindness and woman-ness and personality easily over 'those super model looks'---------so I think you are attracting alot of people to you and that is a good thing but you have to shut down the crazy face.

I see it bothers you but nice people finish last if ya get my drift and just BE YOU and deal with issues as they arise and focus on you and hubby and forget the BS around ya

 

[WalkaboutTed]

After numerous instances of men thinking thst they're God's gift to womanhood, i just stopped being friendly to men-either single or in a couple when on the road. I've found that even if my husband is with me, I've had guys hit on me anyway. Repeatedly and insistently. Same boat, im in my 60s and life has taken its toll, so it's not my beautiful face or body.

Upon discussion with other women (and Hubby), to be charitable, im just assuming that these guys view getting laid as a gamble, following the philosophy of "If you throw enough shit at the wall, something will stick". And i am not interested in any rando's "stick".

I do hate not being able to be my normal friendly self, but i would rather have guys think im antisocial rather than a potential easy lay. Really, i just am not interested and dont have the emotional energy to say "no" over and over again as most of these guys won't take "no" for an answer.

The positive thing is that in speaking to my millenial sons, they say that their experiences are usually different from the Boomers' andthat kind of behavior isn't acceptable nowadays.
Ted

 

[HappyLife1977]

It might also be the competitive factor. Jerks just out to prove they can one up some other guy's game. With nothing better to do they play stupid games? Really stupid games. Or maybe they are on a quest to prove they are genuinely rejectible? Masochists?

 

[WanderingRose]

I think, personally, that there is a lot of casual hooking up going on out there.

Which leads some to interpret a smile and basic friendliness as an invitation.

 

[HappyLife1977]

Wondering Rose, yes, there is that, sadly. I just wish these shit heads didn't thing every RV and van they see with a woman in it is a rolling whorehouse. The guy who banged on our small truck camper one night yelled at me that I was a whore because i lived in a truck. He also said something about me not covering my head which I never thought I'd deal with here in the US. That was the one that acted all shocked when the police slamed up on three sides.

 

[BelgianPup]

As far as I can tell, one of the biggest problems with men is that they think there are two sets of rules, one for them, and another for us.

They should be able to do or say anything they want, and we should go along with it.

WRONG!

Many of them need a serious attitude adjustment.

 

[jacqueg]

Talking with an older friend of mine a while back. He said that he had little testosterone left, and he is mortified by some of his past behavior. But he never saw what was so offensive with some of his past actions until his t-level dropped. The thing is, he raised three daughters, but was somehow never able to make a connection between how he sometimes treated women, and how he felt about the way some men treated his daughters. Very peculiar, IMO.

 

[HappyLife1977]

jacqueg: They know in their lizard brain there are guys like them out there. But in their forebrain, the switch doesn't connect. That's the patriarchal excuse. "I own my daughters, and no man will touch them with out paying me for my chattle, but if some guy can't protect his own daughters, they're free game."
So this guy says the only thing that slowed him down is not being able to run fast anymore. (Smirk).

 

[Cammalu]

I happen to like men and I have had lots and lots of treasured men friends in my life. There are some bad in every bunch and think I’ve met just as many bad women as men so it being bad certainly isn’t exclusive to men.

We are different for sure but jeez there are plenty of very, very good guys out there and I think most people are pretty good.

Lumping all men into one category is kinda like lumping all women in one category. We are all different as night and day.

Come on gals. Surely you don’t think they are all bad?

 

[crofter]

In the bad old days when members of a group were attacked, people would circle the wagons and defend each other. Not anymore it seems everyone for themselves.
-crofter

 

[rvwandering]

I deleted some of the posts. Please stay on topic, discuss your personal experiences and solutions. Do not wholesale bash any group of people which includes men.

 

[user 30781]

I had some things to say and second guessed myself AGAIN. lol