Unexpected Relationship Change led to Nomad Life

[PeterPiper]

Just wondering if any of you Van Lifers ended up in the Van Life due to sudden or unexpected changes in your life related to your relationship with your spouse or partner?

 

[Boutdun]

My wife of 53 years passed away after 9 year illness, I’m done.

 

[maki2]

If you want to share your story just tell it.

 

[G0ldengirl68]

I'm not mobile yet, but I want to go because it's I think the gypsies did leave me on my parents doorstep. I've never wanted to be anywhere very long, and I've been here in the same apartment for 6 years. I wanted to break out at 3 years and started thinking about doing it then, I don't remember when I originally joined this site but when I came back here I had to get a new account I plan on sticking around now and definitely after I start living in "out there".

As far as relationships, the hardest one is with myself. I think sometimes that I've spent my whole life really trying to get away from me. Then I figured out everywhere I go, there I am, lol!

I just don't want this place to be the end of the line, I want something better, and I guess I truly believe living the Nomad life would be that. Harder in some ways of course, but I think it would be exciting, and always meeting new people. I am a social person, but I love my solitude as well.

 

[crofter]

Tough to live in a van when you're married with three kids, you would need a skoolie or TT.

For me dwelling is a victory over the tyranny of rent, and brings me closer to nature.
-crofter

 

[travelaround]

I'm doing this because I was unable to travel for many years and there are places I want to see and experience ... and now is the time.

 

[maki2]

It does not matter how you got to it as long as it is works for you. Live in the present. Make the relationships you have now be enjoyable ones, even the casual encounters.

 

[G0ldengirl68]

Living in the present is easier said then done, for me. I think it is especially worse when I feel stuck, or in a rut, which I am. Part of wanting to change my life drastically, by moving from a small apartment into an even smaller rig, is to just let'er rip and go for it. I'm not likely to make much extra money than I do now on SS, so I think, calculate, and hope to be able, possibly by end of this year, be able to get a larger (probably a Van) rig.

I hope to conquer my regrets over lost relationships, lost dreams of what I thought life was going to be like, and accepting the world as it is now, and not fear what it's becoming. I'm sure I think too much about negative things, that are "past" and I know I need to focus on the present. I'm surviving, and coming to this forum has given me a lot of hope of getting into a better situation. I also know that for myself, my happiness, security, and sense of well-being, gratitude are all "inside-jobs", and I can't depend on outside circumstances to make me happy. They're just quick-fixes, and temporary.

It makes me wonder when I see what I am writing here, if I can't do this here where I am right now, will I be able when I am "out there"? I guess I'll find out. I think downsizing my material belongings, and having a pretty, reliable rig, and comfy, will be good in that, moving around the country was wonderful back in my 40s, 50s and early 60s. Then it got too hard to get jobs that weren't warehouse, too hard of work for me. I was an admin assistant up until about end of my 50s.

Geez, good coffee I guess this a.m. LOL!! Sproing!! I do love the mornings, so much to do, make plans, run errands, play on here

 

[travelaround]

Getting back to what Peter Piper started the thread with - I had a relationship change in 2013 just as we were about to move to Idaho (from Northern California) and it was devastating to me at the time. I left him behind, gave him my car, and went to Idaho on my own. It took years to get over that bad experience, during which I had no hope for travel as for three and a half years I could not even buy a car and was walking everywhere and struggling to pay bills with online income that kept diminishing!

However - I recovered from the heartbreak and my finances improved finally . . . and that's when I realized I'd be able to travel. I came here to the CRVL forum months before I could actually buy the van... and learned a lot while I was waiting for my ship to come in. So I can't say that I'm traveling because of a relationship disaster, but I've experienced that and my heart goes out to anyone having that happen.

What was helpful to me at the time was to read some books about relationship breakups. It was comforting to read about what to expect, what was normal, and what others experienced. If you don't like to read, try audiobooks. I also found that having a TV helped distract me from my misery. I also started my YouTube channel about that time of my life.

Goldengirl... GG? Have they shortened your screen name yet? I've become TA. Anyhow... GG... downsizing is so difficult. I was there, at that step in the process, when I started posting here a few years ago. I gave away as much as I could bear to part with (as I don't like doing yard sales) and then put a lot in storage, and brought too much with me in the van. Since then I bought that old mobile home, went back to Idaho for my storage boxes, carried them into the mobile home . . . . and next thing you know, a forest fire came by and helped me downsize a whole lot more. I've still got too much stuff. My cargo trailer is full. Crazy, how stuff possesses us. I want a minimalistic van life and am having a hard time making that happen.

 

[PeterPiper]

Thanks for sharing that TA.
Sounds like you learned your own inner strength having to go through all that.

Man, the thing about possession hit how.
Going through all the things you've collected and deciding what to keep and what to dump is not easy 

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger they say.  Sometimes it just wears you out though I say.

Hoping the roads ahead are smoother and more enjoyable for you.

Peace

 

[G0ldengirl68]

Sorry Peterpiper,

I know I got off the topic in my reply Denise

 

[PeterPiper]

It happens.   I wasn't worried about it   :thumbsup:

 

[flying kurbmaster]

I got a story along these lines, it happened almost 40 years ago, I was in what I thought was a good relationship, then it was over. I had to move out, had a job no extra money, so kept on working, had an old vw van, was living in a small town with loads of great camping spots. The van had a factory set up with cupboards and bed, all I had to do was relax with the situation buy a stove, a cooler of some kind, maybe a little tv, maybe a pet, I was miserable couldn’t settle, needed to be around friends, had few, was new to this town no internet, most were connected to my friend, it was her hometown, I ended up renting a room with some roomies my age, this worked for me as I failed miserably at dwelling in my van alone. Maybe a year later I moved out to do some courses in a city several hundred miles away, in a newer more reliable dodge van, when I returned I found some land to camp on again poorly set up I found it uncomfortable so after a few months moved into another house with some of my old roomies and enjoyed that. The moral of the story if you are poorly set up, in the wrong frame of mind vandwelling can be horrible even in the ideal environment and after a relationship breakup you are usually not in the best frame of mind so best not go to far from your friends or family for awhile, if that is not possible then make sure you are set up comfortably, very comfortably.

 

[txmnjim]

I hope to conquer my regrets over lost relationships, lost dreams of what I thought life was going to be like, and accepting the world as it is now, and not fear what it's becoming.  I'm sure I think too much about negative things, that are "past" and I know I need to focus on the present.  I'm surviving, and coming to this forum has given me a lot of hope of getting into a better situation.  I also know that for myself, my happiness, security, and sense of well-being, gratitude are all "inside-jobs", and I can't depend on outside circumstances to make me happy.  They're just quick-fixes, and temporary.

present living is very difficult thing to do. i think it's natural that the older you get the more you think about the past.

 

[flying kurbmaster]

present living is very difficult thing to do. i think it's natural that the older you get the more you think about the past.

If you can remember it....

 

[G0ldengirl68]

LOL, well said Kurbmaster

 

[G0ldengirl68]

present living is very difficult thing to do. i think it's natural that the older you get the more you think about the past.

finding more things to take up space in my brain, that is my thought about full-timing, always planning where my next "stay" is going to be would keep me plenty busy Thank God for internet

 

[nature lover]

I guess today is my day to vent so folks don’t take it personal. Some of you already do know that I am in love with a woman that I was married to for 40 years who Has someone else. It was a hellish day one week before our 40th wedding anniversary that she told me she never really loved me. If I dwell on this I will be unable to function. My drug of choice to treat this depression is trees, wildlife, wildflowers, fresh air, birds. As Dr. Richard Love says “nature is my Ridellan“. For sanity I have to be out in nature. The 7+ weeks I was trapped in a hospital and rehab last winter was pure hell. Only way I survived was watching nature videos on the net. So if you find my fat dead body laying along a trail somewhere roll it into the ditch and cover it with leaves and everything will be fine. It’s amazing how I can feel good one moment and then think about her and feel “Mostly dead“ and lousy the next. Her birthday is tomorrow and she will get another two dozen roses from me I don’t know what her new man will give her. But I will be by then in a forest on top of a mountain looking for Violets to photograph. And anything else natural that happens to cross my path. God bless the nomads we know where to get our help when we need it.

 

[PeterPiper]

Sorry for your loss.
How long ago was your split?  
Relationships can bring joy and also living hell.

The hardest thing is letting go sometimes.

 

[nature lover]

Pickle man (peter piper) come October will be our 44th anniversary of our wedding and fourth anniversary of final departure. I’ve tried to stay in contact and I’ve visited with her, taken her out to lunch that kind of thing and it’s always encouraging to do so and then she makes it clear she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Until she needs something. But now that she has another man maybe she can cry on his shoulder. The last time I saw her I said “say hello to the kids for me because they don’t really talk to me much” and she said “I can’t tell the kids I was with you they’ll disown me”. So she’s not making all of her own decisions. Good news is that my second youngest boy emailed me and wants to meet me for coffee and he said there’s nothing pressing or major he is not gonna drop any bombs he just wants to spend some time with me and have some coffee. Great I told him he’s welcome at my fire anytime.

One of the different things about my situation is I come from a society where divorce is so rare it’s almost unheard of. Our Amish Mennonite and Brethren people are very conservative in that way. While our leaders don’t tolerate abuse of a spouse and will separate for the safety of one or the other they still constantly work towards reconciliation in some form. I and they also believe that my marriage is permanent and no matter what legal actions taken I married her till death do us part. So now I am an oddball, I can be in a room full of 1000 people and be the only divorced man. I’m in a society where when your meet new people they ask you are you married and or where is your wife. And some of those conservative people if you say “I am divorced” they’ll say oh hold still a minute I wanna go get a Bible track for you to tells you how wrong divorces is. I know how wrong it is I didn’t have a choice. So I’ve even stopped going to church because some of those questions.