The gift of fear

[twokniveskatie]

Fear comes up a lot. There are so many kinds of fear, and sometimes it seems to me that the goal is to be fearless. But is that true for everyone? Is it even a good thing?

What is fear, anyhow? I bet we'd get a whole spectrum of definitions and ideas about that.

What are some things that fear drives people to do? Stay home after dark, avoid certain sections of town, buy smoke alarms, wear seat belts? Wear guns, carry bear spray, get a flu shot, lock your doors at night? Use baby gates, quit smoking, avoid that road trip, or drive instead of fly?

How necessary is fear to survival, and how is it related to our instincts? Would humanity have survived, without fear?

There's a great book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker that opened my eyes a lot to some of these questions. I highly recommend it.

FWIW. I have fears. Tons of 'em. I've conquered a great deal of them. Some of them, on the fine line of instinct, I embrace. Some have saved my life. I am not fearless, but I am one very brave person. I try not to measure anyone else by my fears, or by the part of me that is brave.

De Becker's book is on sale in the kindle section of amazon, I think you can read the first chapter for free:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0036Z9U2A/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?ref_=r_soa_w_d

 

[SoulRaven]

I was an Army Ranger, and the first thing they tought us was to face and conquer you trivial fears... The biggest fear for all is the fear of darkness, then comes attack, and then comes the unknown... The best way to conquer these fears is head on by just fully experiencing them... Once that is done they are slain and you can move on... Fears are just things you have not confronted, like the monster under the bed, all you have to do is get the courage to just look...

 

[Sunny1]

Katie, I read that book several years ago.&nbsp; I don't remember a lot of it, but I remember the illustration of a bird, when alarmed, takes to the air instantly instead of waiting around to see whether the situation warrants flight or not.<br /><br />That book taught me to listen to my gut.&nbsp; Before then, I would try to rationalize away warning feelings as fear that I needed to conquer.&nbsp; One time I ignored them and it almost cost me my life.&nbsp; I now KNOW when I get those warnings that God is warning me to LEAVE NOW.<br /><br />Paradoxically, I have also learned to overcome other kinds of fear.&nbsp; If I listen closely and don't feel that warning sensation, then I know that I am safe, so I deliberately push apprehensions and worry aside and enjoy myself.

 

[ParadiseParrot]

<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Orange Alert! Yellow Alert! Arab terrorist's are coming to your kids school!</span><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Araq will float dirty bombs across the Ocean with Balloons let's kill them.</span><br /><br />The Press and the Government/Corporate masters have been pushing the Fear card for a decade.<br />People buy into it. They vote to be safe. Corporations get richer and families poorer.<br /><br />Whether you buy into the message or not. Constant exposure to the fear message will effect you.<br />It's called the Bandwagon effect and it's used by advertisers and governments. <br />Fear is an emotion that effects group in a predictable way. Fear allows the group to be controlled.<br /><br />Watching TV or listening to radio&nbsp;propaganda is a choice.<br />You can turn it off and the fear will be gone.<br /><br /><br />

 

[Guest]

Interesting thoughts here....<br /><br />Katie and Sunny are talking about real fear/caution/intuition aren't they?<br /><br />Steve is talking about walking through those fears that are false fears....<br /><br />And Parrot is talking about fear as the zeitgeist of the masses.<br /><br />All important and valuable to understand....<br /><br />All quite different as I understand them and very able to affect our lives. If I don't listen to my intuition and act in an appropriate manner, I stand to suffer for it....<br /><br />If I live my life as though the false fears are real...I won't do much other than sit on the couch.<br /><br />If I buy into the zeitgeist of fear, I accept the loss of personal freedoms and the restrictive "security" of the Homeland Security cadres, I will be afraid to leave the country and I don't make decisions based on reality.<br /><br />I appreciate what Katie and Sunny are saying....I have not read the book Katie mentioned, though I will. I know that Katie has conquered her false fears and the ones that remain are from direct experience and of course she will take the measures she needs to in order to prevent those fears from coming true in her life. Does that mean that her fears are fears I need to have...not so much. We are all very different and have very different experiences.<br /><br />I too have overcome many, many false fears and still have those that serve me. My intuition is excellent these many years after I stopped taking mind altering substances.<br /><br />I appreciate what Steve is saying and he is right on with it....he has the experience he mentions, and he takes reasonable precautions and has conquered many of his false fears.<br /><br />The zeitgeist of fear that Parrot mentions is incredibly real and debilitating and is transforming the country through restriction, contraction and rigidity. All negative states of being. I fight it constantly and have decided to not talk about traveling out of the country much on this forum because it stirs up that fear in others and not only do I not want to get any on me...but I have to wade through it to make a point. <br /><br />My friend Cisco quit all the vandwelling forums, even though he is a long time vandweller, just because of the fact that so few people on the forums go anywhere but around the states....he found the appropriate forums for those who do travel the Americas and aren't afraid of the drama that the media is instilling in us so that we support a higher fence and more money spent on isolating ourselves from those scary foreign influences....<br /><br />It is all important and good to talk about......I learned that for me...most fear is described by a couple acronyms&nbsp;&nbsp; F.E.A.R. : False Evidence Appearing Real and F.E.A.R.:&nbsp; F-ck Everything And Run.....<br /><br />Peace,<br />Bri<br /><br />Edited for spelling...

 

[twokniveskatie]

Good observations Bri, about the types of fear, that might be helpful to me. Certainly food for thought.

I wish I have conquered all my false fears! There is still much winnowing to be done. I can guarantee you they will have to pry my main weapon out of my dead cold hands. My Clorox, that is

I think you'll like the book. I am re-reading it now, but if my memory serves me, de Becker's thoughts on some protection issues fall more to your way of thinking than mine. The book is geared to violence prevention for people who have real reasons to fear, like battered spouses or stalking victims. He also has a lot to teach women about intuition and its value on preventing rape, or even murder. The story in the first chapter, about a woman who acted outside of her normal thinking just in time to save her life, is compelling.

de Becker thinks rape and other assaults on women are prevalent enough to take that fear very seriously. His first line of defense being trusting your gut.....

I would love to compare notes on the book around a campfire sometime.

 

[josephusminimus]

Generalizing about concepts of fear in others is the avocation of academians.&nbsp; They're able to know about such things without having to confront them.<br /><br />The rest of humanity deals with fears more locally [a generalization], sometimes savors them, sometimes seeks them for the thrills, sometimes denies them.&nbsp; <br /><br />Fear's currently respectable, seems to me, whereas moral and physical courage have been discarded as traits to brainwash children to aspire to.&nbsp; Just one of those subtle cultural wiggles of the past few generations worming into the&nbsp;social conditioning matrix.<br /><br />I haven't read the book, but I hope the author had a few things to say about the flip side of fear.&nbsp; Knowing about fear isn't likely to do much good without some understanding of courage.

 

[Guest]

Sounds good to me Katie...see you at the RTR...Will have read it by then I'm sure...<br /><br />I am sure that deBecker is right about the rape issue...I was just watching some PBS stuff that said that only about 50% of rapes are reported...yikes!<br /><br />You have your clorox bottle and I'll have my "way too much beyond any reasonableness amount of food"&nbsp; hehehehe<br /><br />Hugs,<br />Bri

 

[cyndi]

Looking forward to reading this one, Katie!&nbsp;

 

[Stillwater]

I read the book about a dozen years ago. It was at the suggestion of a LEO friend of mine. Fear really is the wrong word for the title... The title would be more appropriately penned as The Gift of Intuition. The author, an ex-homicide detective IIRC, spoke of modern folks working hard to ignore their intuition in situations. Men are classically worse at this than most women I know. The "fear" word came in when the author spoke of folks telling themselves, "Don't be silly. You forgot to lock the door when you left. There is nothing to be afraid of. Just go inside." <br /><br />The takeaway for me was: listen to your intuition about people and places. More often then not, it is right. Your intuition is both conscious processing clues as well as sub-consciously processing. [Joke] Your intuition is that hidden movie audience screaming at you not to go outside! There is an ax-murderer lurking next to the porch.[/Joke]<br /><br />Good book. Very good, although there were some key points that I disagreed with.

 

[Doc T]

I learned long ago that being brave means acting on something even though you are scared nearly to death.&nbsp; I also learned that not acting on something that you truly sense is threatening your life or limb is being a fool.&nbsp; Intelligence is knowing the difference.

 

[mockturtle]

I just downloaded the book to my kindle.&nbsp; Thanks, Katie! <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" alt="" align="absmiddle" border="0" />

 

[twokniveskatie]

PM- very good little synopsis. I have not read the book for a few years now. There were a few things I also disagreed with him about, it will be interesting to see how that changes, or if it does.

Struggling with my dangling participles here. I think it's the fever :-(

I am seeing this as being a good convo around the fire at the RTR. I would definitely like to have it be a topic for just girls, too. I'm so happy so many ate reading it!

 

[lampliter]

Courage is fear on its knees.<br /><br />

 

[highdesertranger]

right on soul raven.&nbsp;&nbsp; highdesertranger

 

[sl1966]

boo! (sorry, I didn't have time to wrap that)<br /><br />

 

[Jaimee]

lol, and what would you wrap it in?&nbsp; Crippling self-doubt?<br /><br />Haven't read this one yet.&nbsp; Will report back when I do.&nbsp;

 

[66788]

I was an Army Ranger, and the first thing they tought us was to face and conquer you trivial fears... The biggest fear for all is the fear of darkness, then comes attack, and then comes the unknown... The best way to conquer these fears is head on by just fully experiencing them... Once that is done they are slain and you can move on... Fears are just things you have not confronted, like the monster under the bed, all you have to do is get the courage to just look...

I had acrophobia (fear of heights). I couldn't look over a cliff without feeling sick. I met that fear head on by making 5 parachute jumps at the local sport parachuting club. Now I only dislike heights and don't fear them.