The “dearie” effect

[GypsyDogs]

So.. being the son my father never had, I was raised to believe tinkering is a useful skill and am reasonably capable in the diy realm.
I install my own solar, build my own lifepo bank from scratch (cells, bms, wiring, etc), do my own mods on my van, and some of my own mechanical maintenance.

Anyone else get perturbed when other people assume the husband/boyfriend did the work??

Or feel embarrassed for people who assume they “could Never learn how to do That..”
Or those that ask “how could you Possibly learn to do That?”

(hint: I looked it up... just because I am female, doesn’t mean I am stupid or incapable..lol)

Just askin’

 

[RoamerRV428]

Nah, I gotta say NOW at my age none of people's comments matter at all to me truly.
I am in that 'let it go', 'you' are an idiot person thinking that' phase and just let all that crap go by the wayside.
I give back snarky remarks to stupid questions.

Hey 'dearie' ya did all that by yourself? wow? with that tone of 'how can a female idiot do all that?' of course and I just would comment back.....yea but I had to have my monkey Dave help me, I am too stupid ya know to figure out what size wrench or type of screwdriver I needed to use....had Dave to make sure I got it right? DUH DUH and with an answer like that back they get that.....HUH? UH? Hmmm? and that nervous WTH? laugh.

hey it is fun to play with people asking such dumb stuff in this day ya know.

but in the end, nah doesn't matter. everyone thinks whatever...won't change that ever, so roll with it.
and alot of times people are like---you can do? how did you figure out? and all that cause they are less than, they are amazed another can do it when they could not or have no interest etc. so alot of that is just fluff talk ya know.

nothing rocks my boat anymore, I won't allow it....older I get the more I find people funny as hell and just doing there thing to survive too and I put it all into that category of 'it is what it is' and let it go. Hell I don't need to get riled up from humans for anything, cause if that is the case then I would be committed in an institution dealing with the dumb of the world by now HAHA

 

[GypsyJan]

In the South, we preface snarky remarks with "Bless your little heart..."

 

[crofter]

Coming from Oregon I have found AZ to be pretty backward when it comes to the role of women, and how women should be treated. The "old way" people around here think I am an alien from another planet. 

I DIY everything because I can and is usually much cheaper. I will hire someone if it is something that I really dislike doing.

The old way of having the Arizona lady go everywhere accompanied by a man has fallen to the new way of having the lady train and get her carry permit, and always practice situational awareness. I do not associate with people who try to take advantage of me.

Doing projects, eventually, one of the other DIYers will come out of the woodwork and pay me a compliment. That one compliment erases all the previous negative ones.
-crofter

 

[Pleasant Travels]

I know a fellow who was a parachute rigger in the Army. One of the things riggers have to learn and the Army teaches them is how to sew. Usually with very different fabrics and materials than a stereotypical housewife might deal with, but the principles and techniques are much the same.

He ended up with 2 daughter as a single Dad. (Long story.) But as a loving father who had to do everything,...and with his skills in stitching and sewing,...he ended up often making dresses and other things for the girls as they were growing up. (Including custom leatherwork and backpacks, due his experience with those materials.)

It was always funny to see the reactions from various other moms at school functions when the daughters proudly described how DADDY made this blouse or that skirt. If they hadn't yet met Tony, they often assumed maybe he was some effeminate hipster or maybe the girls had "2 dads". But then Tony would walk in, looking like an extra from a war movie with all his Airborne tattoos.

Always entertaining.

 

[Sofisintown]

Doesn't matter what people think. You can do most of everything other people do.
If you don't know how, you learn.
Experts are not born. They become such, after learning.

 

[BelgianPup]

There is simply no reason to care what other people think.

Some are stupid.

Some make nasty comments deliberately, just to annoy.

Some are jealous.

Some are narcissistic sociopaths who think that they are always right, and everyone else is always wrong.

Some are just plain stupid. Yes, I said that twice, because it's true.

There are simply too many AHs in the world to give them any consideration.

 

[maki2]

When they do that I just let them know I amrthe individual responsible for the project.  

It is not all the people of both sexes fault that these assumptions get made. Many women are very emphatic about not wanting to do work with power tools or even learn the basics of electrical wiring. That attitude has to change before there will be a significant change in assumptions.

The schools are beginning to address this issue with the STEAM program involving all the children in hands on DIY projects. Young girls are not afraid to use tools if you give them the chance to use them starting  right at the beginning with the toys you provide to them.

This will not chabnge in my lifetime but the change is at least beginning. So I will claim ownership for the work I have done. That teaches people who make suchbassumptions that they can be wrong in their assumptions.

 

[LERCA]

I remember a female comedian addressing this years ago. Her answer was to giggle and squirm and say in a baby voice, “I’m just a girl, I don’t know how I got here.”
I just give my cold dead teacher stare then repeat their idiotic comment. Had to do it last week when an attempt was made to sell me 4 new (the most expensive ones too) tires to replace my fairly new tires. Cause what do I know about tires? I’ve only been driving for 43 years.

 

[LERCA]

They have taken shop and “home ec” out of schools. Both should be required for everyone. A friend of mine suggested a basic skills class like putting up towel racks, use of which tools for which jobs, basic gardening, regrouting anything around the house. When I saw my local Home Depot had classes on how to sweep (no lie there have been articles about it) and hang pictures I despaired.

 

[LERCA]

I don’t even pay attention to those posts. I don’t know much and don’t care. I will ask for help/advice from people I trust or look it up. That’s the big problem with the whole nomadic life is that if you can’t do everything for yourself it’s expensive. Nobody ever talks about that. I have to pay for most stuff (I’ve looked up stuff that I could do but the cost of all the tools is prohibitive)which makes it cheaper not to be nomadic if I have a choice (don’t always have a choice)

Anyway if people were judging me it went over my head and yeah I guess I am judgmental myself about knowing how to sweep and clean a toilet. I consider those basic life skills but that’s just my opinion.

Plus everyone has skills. They are just different. I’m sure there are many things you can do that others can’t. You’re not the kind of person to talk about it much less brag or exclude anyone but think about that. I’m learning my 7 th language. Totally useless in this context, right? But it gave me a career. So I can’t rewire my car but I have other abilities that helped me in life as do you.

 

[maki2]

Its a funny thing about tools, while many people own screw drivers not everyone is holding them correctly to get the best grip for both the force as well as keeping the tip of the driver properly engaded into the head of the screw.

Also they often dont know how to hold the handle on a hammer to get the strikeing force just right. O f course if youwwere to mention that it invilves a basic principle of physics that might really freak them out.

I did not know how to hold themb efficiently when I bought my first ones, as a teenager. No one around to show me the right way to do it. it is not all that instinctive when what you mostly know is holding, pencils, fork, spoon, knives. But it is not the same grip , hand and arm movements as using those other tools. Tools are uniquely designed for specific tasks.

Fortunately there are some good lesdons about these things on youtube and other websites so nowadays on forums I mostly just post a link and say watch this video and pay close attention to how they are holding the tool as well as positioning their body.

For instance have you ever wanted to learn how to cut accurately and easilybwith hand saws? This one is good for people who are nervous about usung power tools or who dont have the money or electrical power source for them. Its a long video, nearly 30 minites from the PBS show, the Wiodwrights Workshop.  But it is done with lighthearted humor in it. But the main thimng is what they teach really works. https://www.pbs.org/video/the-woodwrights-shop-sawing-secrets

 

[LERCA]

Maki’s been very encouraging about women learning to use tools and do their own work. I try and associate with people like that and ask for help from people like her as well. I wonder if one day when Covid is over she could give some basic classes in AZ.
I know HOWA collects money, perhaps they could fund some hands on classes on people’s actual rigs. It’s wonderful to help people who need it but even better to show them how to do the work themselves.
Just a thought.

 

[Morefun]

No kidding? Removed shop and home ec? When I was in high school it took two years of badgering to get them to let me into metal and wood shop. Loved welding. Carpentry, not so much. Sewing... only if I HAVE to get something done. It boggles my mind they'd remove something as vital as shop classes. Home ec, well, I knew everything in those classes because my parents taught me.

 

[maki2]

Maki’s been very encouraging about women learning to use tools and do their own work. I try and associate with people like that and ask for help from people like her as well. I wonder if one day when Covid is over she could give some basic classes in AZ.
I know HOWA collects money, perhaps they could fund some hands on classes on people’s actual rigs. It’s wonderful to help people who need it but even better to show them how to do the work themselves.
Just a thought.

You can have lessons tomorrow if you are around Quartzsite. It is easy enough to be outside and stay masked as well as 6 feet apart. Tools can be sanitzed, gloves can be worn without interfering with gripping tools and materials. I will be doing some work on my build the later part of next week that involves cutting wood for cabinet doors and interior trim pieces. So measuring , cutting, sanding, squaring things up clamping parts together, drilling holes, putting in fasteners, possibly router use as well as applying varnish  are all on the agenda. Show up with dust mask and ear plugs. Long hair must be tied back. No sandals or loose clothing.

 

[LERCA]

I hope the offer is still on when I’m in Az. I’m still behind them paying you for some classes. That would be a huge help since HOWA collects money for helping Some guys have come here who need to learn also.

 

[Txjaybird]

I AM SO READY FOR THE NEXT ANYONE OF ANY GENDER TO SAY TO ME "YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT".  I'M THINKIN' I'LL TELL THEM THAT IF THEY CAN TRULY READ MY MIND WHY AREN'T THEY RUNNING AWAY AS IF FREDDY KRUGER IS HOT ON THEIR TAIL AND ONLY A FEW STEPS BEHIND.........TOO MUCH? YA THINK?

OR A SIMPLE "READING MY MIND....SCAREY AINT IT"?

A FEW YEARS BACK I HAD WAITED OVER 2mo FOR A NEW REPLACEMENT WINDOW FOR THE SHATTERED WINDOW IN MY SAFARI  SLIDER DOOR.

I STARTED TO TELL THE GUY ABOUT HOW SOME FOLKS HAD PUT LOUVERED WINDOWS IN THEIR VANS REAR DOORS.  BEFORE I COULD TAKE A BREATH HE SAID LOUDLY AND RUDELY "YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT".  I GAVE HIM MY SQUINT EYED STARE THAT STILL HAS MY ADULT SON SAYING " DON'T SQUINCH YOUR EYES     MAMA!     DON'T SQUINCH YOUR EYES".  FUNNY HOW "THE LOOK" CAN MAKE A POINT WITHOUT A VOICE OR HAND RAISED.  SEVERAL WOMEN  I KNOW HAVE THAT LOOK THAT CAN SPEAK VOLUMES WHEN IT'S NECCESARY.

TJB
TJB

 

[Cammalu]

Yep... she’s backkkkkkk [emoji3]

 

[Sofisintown]

I AM SO READY FOR THE NEXT ANYONE OF ANY GENDER TO SAY TO ME "YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT".  I'M THINKIN' I'LL TELL THEM THAT IF THEY CAN TRULY READ MY MIND WHY AREN'T THEY RUNNING AWAY AS IF FREDDY KRUGER IS HOT ON THEIR TAIL AND ONLY A FEW STEPS BEHIND.........TOO MUCH? YA THINK?

Geeeeezus ladies, I'm worried about the company you keep...

I may be fortunate, but I never had anyone doubt my abilities about what I can and can't do. And I'm crafty enough to pull some really neat projects.

On the other hand, I have wished sometimes there was a man around who can muster more muscle power than I have in my reserves.
Just sayin' , don't shoot.

 

[BelgianPup]

It's a common misconception that men know everything and women know nothing.