newbie and scared
- Thread starter Mblunt
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Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to. Keep pursuing your interests even when you don't feel up to it. I know how hard it is to keep going when all you want to do is give in to the sadness and lack of motivation. I promise you there is life out there to be lived and you will discover things about yourself you never knew existed. Enjoy! I'm not camping yet have some things to work out first but love reading about all the ways folks live on very little. It's inspriing. Keep reading the forum and the blog. You'll come across some wonderful, kind folks always ready to lend advice and support. Good luck!
Dream True
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Hi Mblunt, I too am a widow but not so recent - 3.5 years. It's a difficult season, trying to figure out who you are without him. Be kind and gentle to yourself. I found getting into nature very healing. There's nothing like a hike on a beautiful trail to smooth some of the sharp edges of grief. I wish you all the best! Feel free to PM if you want.
Putts
Well-known member
Welcome, Mblunt! You've found the right place to ease into your new lifestyle. More support than you might ever imagine here. You might have notice the "Women's Forum" area here. I suggest that might be a wonderful place for you to connect deeply with other ladies who've lived through difficult times and thrived as nomads. Be strong, one step at a time, you can do this!
Scott7022
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Welcome,
Feeling lost is a normal reaction to the situation you find yourself in. As has been said by others that have gone through your situation one step at a time. Fear in small amounts is good. But, never let fear conquer your dreams. You are not alone. Members here will help and with far more than advice. We are a tribe, you are welcome, needed and part of something.
Feeling lost is a normal reaction to the situation you find yourself in. As has been said by others that have gone through your situation one step at a time. Fear in small amounts is good. But, never let fear conquer your dreams. You are not alone. Members here will help and with far more than advice. We are a tribe, you are welcome, needed and part of something.
Mblunt,
Nine years here. How strange it is to have been so long now. Funny, just last evening I had a similar conversation with a coupled lady who commented on my being out here by myself, the strength it must take to go it alone after losing my sweetheart. Some days it doesn't feel that way, though now those days are rare and fleeting.
After my husband died, I thought about the things I had wanted to do but hadn't because he didn't want to. Alaska! After all the craziness calmed down, I thought about that and figured out how to do it by myself. People said I shouldn't/couldn't do it. Often I doubted myself. But I saw my choices: sit and watch bad TV and die miserable or get out there and ??? whatever. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I built out my own simple van! Who knew? Some days were a miserable failure, others were a screaming success. I did a lot of self talk those days (still do), called myself names (Sissy! Weenie!), allowed myself to grieve but not to sink into the pit. I used anger to prevent that. Anger at him for leaving me like that, anger at the world for ... Everything. Anger at myself for being a wimp. It was a good motivator for me. I hated when people would feel sorry for me; I didn't need that, I felt sorry enough for myself.
When it was all done, I realized I was gonna be OK. Better than OK, even. There were times when I felt guilty for not being the grieving widow that people expect us to be. But that was a role that I made a decision not to play. When those bad days fell on me, I would ask myself, "Is this who you wanna be?" And that answer was a resounding "NO!"
There was a time early on when I just couldn't stop crying. I took myself to a counselor, who was wonderful! The first visit, she asked me what was my goal? I said, "I want to stop crying." The second visit, she placed two chairs facing each other. She had me sit in one chair and pretend my husband was sitting in the other. I felt foolish but went along with it. Then she had me switch to the other chair and pretend to be my husband and respond to myself. It was a real eye opener! The third visit, I walked in and said, "I'm all fixed. Thank you!" She laughed and I left. And laughed all the way home. Because what "he" said to me was, "I want you to be happy! Go do the things you want to do." What would your husband want for you?
This is a road you didn't choose to travel, but here you are. Who knows what's down this road? Parts of it will be rutted and difficult, but the farther you go, the better it gets, paved and dry with magnificent views along the way. Pedal to the metal, my friend.
Nine years here. How strange it is to have been so long now. Funny, just last evening I had a similar conversation with a coupled lady who commented on my being out here by myself, the strength it must take to go it alone after losing my sweetheart. Some days it doesn't feel that way, though now those days are rare and fleeting.
After my husband died, I thought about the things I had wanted to do but hadn't because he didn't want to. Alaska! After all the craziness calmed down, I thought about that and figured out how to do it by myself. People said I shouldn't/couldn't do it. Often I doubted myself. But I saw my choices: sit and watch bad TV and die miserable or get out there and ??? whatever. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I built out my own simple van! Who knew? Some days were a miserable failure, others were a screaming success. I did a lot of self talk those days (still do), called myself names (Sissy! Weenie!), allowed myself to grieve but not to sink into the pit. I used anger to prevent that. Anger at him for leaving me like that, anger at the world for ... Everything. Anger at myself for being a wimp. It was a good motivator for me. I hated when people would feel sorry for me; I didn't need that, I felt sorry enough for myself.
When it was all done, I realized I was gonna be OK. Better than OK, even. There were times when I felt guilty for not being the grieving widow that people expect us to be. But that was a role that I made a decision not to play. When those bad days fell on me, I would ask myself, "Is this who you wanna be?" And that answer was a resounding "NO!"
There was a time early on when I just couldn't stop crying. I took myself to a counselor, who was wonderful! The first visit, she asked me what was my goal? I said, "I want to stop crying." The second visit, she placed two chairs facing each other. She had me sit in one chair and pretend my husband was sitting in the other. I felt foolish but went along with it. Then she had me switch to the other chair and pretend to be my husband and respond to myself. It was a real eye opener! The third visit, I walked in and said, "I'm all fixed. Thank you!" She laughed and I left. And laughed all the way home. Because what "he" said to me was, "I want you to be happy! Go do the things you want to do." What would your husband want for you?
This is a road you didn't choose to travel, but here you are. Who knows what's down this road? Parts of it will be rutted and difficult, but the farther you go, the better it gets, paved and dry with magnificent views along the way. Pedal to the metal, my friend.
Yes, welcome! I can't relate to being a widow, I'm twice divorced... kind of the opposite dynamic!
I DO encourage you to follow the very good advice that has been provided so far. I am now retired, and that in and of itself is healing to me. However, I highly recommend this lifestyle. There is so much to recommend it. For one thing, the ability to say, "Hmm... where do I want to go next week? Baja, Yosemite, back to Yuma, the Northern Pacific Coastline?" Or you might make a new friend who wants to go to Utah and invites you to convoy. Or just hang out.
You might find it a good idea to find a get-together and meet some folks face-face. I made friends with two of the folks here before I even had a trailer. It helped convince me that I was on the right track. Jimindenver and Masterplumber are two great guys. You might want to look into something like that. There are people all over the place, and sometimes some of them get together.
And as many have already said, there is so much support available here; from moral support to specific mechanical advice or conversion ideas.
Welcome aboard, keep moving forward, at YOUR pace.
Pat
I DO encourage you to follow the very good advice that has been provided so far. I am now retired, and that in and of itself is healing to me. However, I highly recommend this lifestyle. There is so much to recommend it. For one thing, the ability to say, "Hmm... where do I want to go next week? Baja, Yosemite, back to Yuma, the Northern Pacific Coastline?" Or you might make a new friend who wants to go to Utah and invites you to convoy. Or just hang out.
You might find it a good idea to find a get-together and meet some folks face-face. I made friends with two of the folks here before I even had a trailer. It helped convince me that I was on the right track. Jimindenver and Masterplumber are two great guys. You might want to look into something like that. There are people all over the place, and sometimes some of them get together.
And as many have already said, there is so much support available here; from moral support to specific mechanical advice or conversion ideas.
Welcome aboard, keep moving forward, at YOUR pace.
Pat
highdesertranger
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Welcome Mblunt to the CRVL forums! To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you. highdesertranger
Mblunt said:
I'm so sorry for your loss, Mblunt. I'm new to this too, and I'm also scared. But, this is a good community to meet new friends. I'm 64, very nervous being out there too, but determined that this Boomer is living life to the fullest. Hope to meet you in the upcoming RTR in AZ in January.
