This is all I want. I just don't know what that looks like. It's a mystery to me. But I'm willing to be uncomfortable to find out. Everyday I'm surrendering more and more.One quote I remember reading in a Tony Robbins book about 30 years ago that I really liked and still remember to this day is: "We can not control what happens to us in our lives, but we have total control over how we react to what happens." I am very glad that you came here and are getting so many excellent ideas, suggestions and advice from some very caring and helpful people. You are being proactive and, by making the decision to come here, and following some of the ideas presented to you already, you are well on your way to turning things around and making your life what you want it to be. You can do this and, you will do this and I wish you nothing but the best on your path to living your best life.