Freaky Loners?

[Sofisintown]

I have evolved to a happy loner over the years.
When I was young I was very social indeed, had oodles of friends and acquaintances and my house was open at all hours for friends coming and going, and I entertained a lot on every occasion. Occasions being 'if it is raining, and if it is not raining.'

Since then, I have changed residences to different houses, cities, countries and continents. I keep in touch loosely with some of my old friends, but I am not too eager to make new friends and socialize in every chance I get. I enjoy alone time a lot and I have a lot to do, or not to do.
I have adapted to my new reality very comfortably, and I even though I enjoy the company of a friend or two now and then, I don't have a need for crowds or constant company.
This social distancing thing has not affected me at all, as I have been comfortably distancing and enjoying solitude for the past, say, 10 years or so.
And I don't find that deliberate alone-ness is disturbing or abnormal.
Cheers!

 

[crofter]

i didnt get one welcome let alone two.

BC you did not post an intro thread, just ten thousand electrical questions. Nice van by the way and how is HI?   
-crofter (solo no drama dweller)

 

[LERCA]

The irony I’ve noticed is a lot of outgoing people are attracted to introverts. We are quiet and good listeners and they can’t be alone with themselves. I think some of them are jealous of our self-sufficiency and some of them are just miserable and will do anything to avoid being alone so they externalize and lash out at easy targets.
I recognize that there is nothing wrong with preferring my own company and I have a few carefully chosen friends because fake friends drain me and make me feel lonely. I see the red flags immediately now unlike when I was young and I walk away fast. It’s no one’s business how I choose to live. I’m at peace with myself. I agree with whoever said it’s an American cultural problem.

 

[Bemoc]

i didnt get one welcome let alone two.

well, it's never too late... Welcome!

 

[Bemoc]

The irony I’ve noticed is a lot of outgoing people are attracted to introverts. We are quiet and good listeners and they can’t be alone with themselves. I think some of them are jealous of our self-sufficiency and some of them are just miserable and will do anything to avoid being alone so they externalize and lash out at easy targets.

Interesting. I am a fairly intense extrovert who has spent the last decade in self-imposed solitude, and loved it but now I am ready to play again. I do indeed like introverts, verymuchso. They soothe me somehow, calm me down. I appreciate their appearance of a having a certain vulnerability. I like unspoken communication, and I like being with people who are entirely different than I am. I also respect the impulse control introverts seem to have, and I like that they seem to unfold so slowly. I especially like our time alone, lol. AND perhaps you are right, but I don't know much about the motives of other extroverts. I don't spend time with many, it gets to be too much work for me. Funny, and good topic. Oh, and about lashing out: I find that often introverts mistake excitement for anger. I wish I knew a workaround for this; it gets in the way.

 

[MrNoodly]

So many extroverts think their way is the only way.

 

[Bemoc]

Very true, because they are so often egomaniacs. Not me, though, seriously, I could care less about being right. I am older now, 60, female, and find that being ab... actually, somewhere in this thread, or one by it, folks are discussing happiness and love. This is the kind of connection extroverts and introverts sometimes manage to share. I don't really put the two together, love and happiness, I think being with others in a special way is a miracle. As far as happiness goes, mine in measured in tiny fragments, special minute bits that happen only occasionally, and generally in unspoken moments. I guess like little sparks of god/ wonder that expand to fill the void of human misery around them. I am more capable now of deep connections with others than ever, and I seriously get huge new feelings now than when I was younger. And it's generally with an introvert, proof that the heart wants what the heart wants lol. I guess I feel there is a bit of extrovert bashing going on here, but that's fine too, I do my thing regardless. Like the plant analogy person said.

 

[Uncle Todo]

Welcome!
No sir, she is incorrect!
Maybe she didn't see the fit being too good between you two because of your socializing levels, but that doesn't mean anything's wrong.
Move on, be yourself and find someone new.

 

[B and C]

BC you did not post an intro thread, just ten thousand electrical questions. Nice van by the way and how is HI?   
-crofter (solo no drama dweller)

Search a little better and you will find https://vanlivingforum.com/showthread.php?tid=11669


A little late...

Welcome and being a loner is not being a bad person.

 

[wayne49]

BC == "Because"
crofter in reply to brahmon.

 

[vanpocalyptic]

There are many people who need constant entertainment. They want the distraction for their brains. Quite a lot of that behavior is actually created by an addiction to endorphins.

This is me.

I crave constant stimulation.

Though I live in a van, I fill every moment with work, friends, family, and projects - love to build things. I have no problem doing activities alone and can disappear into the mountains easily - but I am always very objective focused and my mind is always going off.

I am learning to be alone because I feel the need for more emotional independence... but this is tough for me.

Much respect to you loners and introverts!!! I really appreciate my loner friends and you guys inspire me to strive for a more balanced life!



Sent from my moto g(7) play using Tapatalk

 

[Tony's Dream]

I learned early in life how to enjoy my time alone. As a young man I used to take walks along the river that flowed near our town. I could sit down, close my eyes, and focus on the sounds around me. The birds, the water, and the wind. As I grew, I was not antisocial but I was also not someone who needed people around all the time. When I hung out with friends, I was always concerned if they were not having a good time. Going where they wanted to go. When we got married, I still took my weekend hikes. There are times I need my wife...wink, wink....but I didn't need her around me all the time to make myself into a person. As time passed, we found that taking vacations wore us down. When we took time off for vacation......we were good for 4-5 days, but anytime beyond that usually led to a fight.

She retired this year and I will retire in a little over a year. She enjoys taking care of our first grandson. How are we going to survive being together all the time? We solved that with my solo adventures in my van. Traveling by myself allows me to go where I want, stay as long or as little as I wish, and I don't have to worry if she is comfortable. I think this is a happy plan all the way around.

 

[eDJ_]

For some being alone/lonely is the kiss of death where for others  it is the breath of life.  I tend to alternate between introversion and extroversion.  Growing up an only kid at the bottom of a big family of elders had me as the center of attention one minute and all but deserted the next.  I wasn't around other kids until I was about 3 1/2 years of age. 

In some ways this was good but in others it could cause stressed relations with my immediate group of peers.  I was often taken around to my relatives homes which were some distance away leaving me absent.  My peers mainly lived at their homes every day.   By the time I had a bicycle I would ride to visit other kids I had gotten to know at school and meet other kids in their neighborhoods.  I had many of these friendships.  My peers in my neighborhood didn't. (they had all about known each other since birth)  By high school graduation my peers were dating and moving apart from each other.  Some went into the military never to be heard from again. 

One of the guys in this group of my peers started a successful restaurant and tried to have a reunion of sorts.  Got everyone together he could find and had the rest of us looking.  One of the things that was spoken of the most was "new friendships".   The most common view of that question was new friends were not like the friends "you" grew up with.   While I could appreciate their feelings about that I didn't feel quite the same.

When I think about this I often think of Kipling's story of, "The Cat that walks by Himself". (anyone who alternates between being an introvert & and an extrovert may enjoy reading  it)

 

[SingleMamaRubberTrampin25]

Look, do what makes YOU happy. As time has gone on, I have become more and more reclusive. Like you, I don't mind socialization. I have just ran into a lot of poor quality people lately. If I find someone I vibe with I definitely would hang out with them (OCCASIONALLY) and when I am out and about in public I am very conversational and unafraid to talk to strangers. The majority of the time though, it's just me and my son and that's okay with me. My grandma keeps telling me to "find a man and settle down". Relationships have never and may never work out for me, I admit I am very hard to be with. At this point in my life I have accepted that and letting go of the societal ideal of needing to have a partner has let me let go of a years worth of sadnesses and depression I went through after my sons "dad" and I split, and just be happy. Alone. And let me tell you, I was in a very deep dark hole. I just bought an acre. All by myself. After we split, I had the money to go buy a house outright, and I was going to. But something inside me wouldn't allow me to do that because I literally felt like I didn't deserve it, and I didn't want to do it alone. That's how much I was affected by this syndrome of sorts. So I blew the money and hit the road. Not sure what I was searching for or where I was going. But I ended up finding myself. And for that I am grateful. I was in 10 years worth of back to back shitty relationships, never focusing on myself. Giving my all to people who eventually threw me away. Hindsight is 20/20 And I see now that I am okay by myself. I am not half of a whole. I can be whole alone. And with that come having extremely high standards for any potential future mate which I don't see as a bad thing. Good luck to you. You're not a freak. There's other people out here just like you, but you just don't see them or know it because we're hiding! Haha.