A moral dilemma

[vanman2300]

I've just found out that a elderly couple of a friend left a certain amount of money to me in their will and I am ambivalent about taking it. I used to do a lot for them around their home and run errands whenever I could. The gentleman grew up in the mountains of Europe and so I would take him hiking through our mountains that reminded him of his youthful days. I guess they both thought of me like a son. Both have passed over the last year or so.

My problem is that I wasn't expecting anything and they have children survivors. So I have been thinking about why they left me something and that they had left their kids with a very generous inheritance and maybe theywanted to let me know how much thy thought of me. (wow just thinking about this makes me tear up) Anyways I'm in a dilemma because if I take it my friend might think I'm taking something that they feel is not mine but if I don't take it theymay feel I slighted their parent's final wishes. I can't ask them because I probably won't get an honest answer about how they would feel. Never had this happen to me so I'm at a complete loss.

Any thoughts on this one?!

 

[BobBski]

I've always been told to "honor the dead." I know if I leave something to someone, I'd be disappointed if they didn't take it.

 

[Optimistic Paranoid]

Unless you have some reason to think they weren't of sound mind or otherwise didn't know what they were doing, I would respect their wishes and accept it.

 

[Almost There]

Even though you think you might not get an honest answer, maybe you should still ask your friend about it and explain your dilemma. You might be surprised to find that there is no animosity there and that they were grateful all along that you were there to do things with and for their parents.


But I also have some questions for you to think about:


Did you do stuff because their own children weren't around to do for them and you saw the need? Where the children not around because of distance or because they couldn't be bothered?

Did they leave their own children the bulk of their estate and only left you something that they would think of as being a token of your friendship? You might see the amount as being substantial but to them it might have been minor.

I think your comment that they thought of you like a son is probably spot on...maybe your friend thinks of you as a brother as well.

 

[Gary68]

how come i never have these type of problems???

who cares what others think,use the money to put a big grin on your face,thats what they would of wanted

 

[vanman2300]

Even though you think you might not get an honest answer, maybe you should still ask your friend about it and explain your dilemma. You might be surprised to find that there is no animosity there and that they were grateful all along that you were there to do things with and for their parents.


But I also have some questions for you to think about:


Did you do stuff because their own children weren't around to do for them and you saw the need? Where the children not around because of distance or because they couldn't be bothered?

Did they leave their own children the bulk of their estate and only left you something that they would think of as being a token of your friendship? You might see the amount as being substantial but to them it might have been minor.

I think your comment that they thought of you like a son is probably spot on...maybe your friend thinks of you as a brother as well.

The family is very complicated with under currents and jealousies except for my friend. So I am thinking about just leaving it up to my friend since the family dynamics are going to be my friend's problem if I were to accept the money.

I know their father would like me to have the money and go off and do something fun with it because he was always a little on the wild side. I loved that old guy because he was fun to be around and never let life get him down even to the day he died. He really fit that phrase of sucking the marrow ot of life! 

Think this is a good middle ground solution?

 

[Oberneldon]

It's not about the friend or the children. If the couple left something to you then do right by their wishes and accept it.

My uncle was a fire chief and when he was dying he gave me his fire chief ring as I was then a fire chief. My uncle and I were not blood related and his grandchildren had already decided on what they were going to do with it without asking him.

There was some initial difficulty about the gift, but I fulfilled my uncle's wishes. We had shared a bond over the years and we were there for each other. I could not disrespect his decision.

Brent


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[SoulRaven]

If I leave something to someone, I certainly hope they take it. I'd take the money and enjoy it for both myself and my departed friend. The friend would be thinking of the joy that he thought it would bring. I also think our dearly departed keep an eye on us which would greatly influence my decision.

 

[cyndi]

I'd talk to your friend. Even if he isn't honest with you, for whatever reason, you'll be honest with him. It doesn't matter somuch what othersthink of us. it matters what we think of ourselves. You'll feel better if you put it all out on the table.

 

[Mobilesport]

How would the kids know if you excepted it or not? 
When my dad died he left me and my sisters with a huge amount of money,
My dads power of attorney set up a meeting with me and handed me a humongous check, my sisters did'nt know how much i got because they were'nt there , i don't know exactly how much they got but i know it was a huge chunk
I still have every last cents that he gave me , i never really wanted his money as i saw how hard he worked for it his entire life i figure i'll work for my own money , i figure i'll try to manage his money and build it as big as i can and then give it to the kids when i die

 

[GotSmart]

The money was deliberately left to you.  The children were not cut out of the will.  Honor his wishes.  If you do not feel good about taking it, donate it to someplace in his memory.  

Even better, spread it around in tips to waitresses that need it.  Many of them are just surviving.   I could have fun spreading some cash around to those who are in need, and not asking for a handout. $50 or $100 can make a huge difference in someones life.

 

[Vanholio]

Look at it as a grant to do good in the world. How? Well, like one person said, you can give away the money creatively. But with your own financial needs better met, maybe you could put more time into volunteer work. Been thinking about this myself. If you could put in some hours doing volunteer reforesting instead of earning, every single person on this earth would benefit, for example.

 

[Ticklebellly]

The most important relationship right now is with the couple who have passed. Taking the money completes the relationship in accordance with their wishes, as they wanted. What you do with the money can be dealt with as completely different decision. How you deal with your current world and relationships is for you to decide. My ideas only, offered in an effort to help.

Ticklebellly

 

[akrvbob]

I'd think it would be immoral to refuse it. If the kids don't like it, too bad.

 

[DannyB1954]

The last will isn't about what the survivors would like. That kind of includes you. It is about what the deceased wanted done with what they earned during their life. For all we know, they may have had a very good reason for not leaving everything to their kids. It really is not your responsibility to second guess their decisions.

Personally I am leaving everything to friends and charities. There is a very good reason that my brother gets Nada. And it is not up to my friends to decide otherwise.

 

[Cammalu]

Sigh.... To help you with your dilemma, just send the money to me.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[rvpopeye]

I would definitely accept the money.
Then I would do something or go somewhere that the person that left it to me would have enjoyed doing .
And hope that they would be along for the ride in spirit.

 

[Belinda2]

I think you should take the money. They wanted you to have it.
You may THINK that you know the relationship between them and their children, but the truth is, that there is a lot you didn't probably know. Maybe their relationship wasn't that great after all.
They were free with you. They could feel youthful with you. They chose you as their friend. The children were what was "dealt" to them.
Honor them by spending it wisely.
ENJOY!!!
Belinda2

 

[ArtW]

the kids don't matter
your friend doesn't matter, except that you care about him
the money left you was earned by the person who left it to you, and it is the property of that person, to dispose of as they wish, full stop
The kids didn't earn it, your friend didn't earn it, the person (s) leaving it to you earned it, and they are the only ones with a say over where it goes
If you want to pay it forward, that's on you, after you have it in hand, but it was the property of those who left it to you, no one else's

 

[anewbiewannabe]

From what you've shared it may be a dilemma for you but I'd hardly consider it a moral one. It sounds like someone wanted to share with you in honor of how they felt about you're being a pleasant part of their life. If it were me I'd accept it graciously in the spirit it was given. If I were in a position where it wasn't necessary to me then I would find a way to pay it forward when the right opportunity presented itself. Really though, it's nobody's business but yours and that of the person who gifted it to you. If you really felt like it you could just give your friend a heads-up that you received it. The reaction to that news would give you an idea how to proceed with your friend.