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Try out the Flashman books by George MacDonald Fraser. I think there are 9 or 10 of them. They are non-PC historical fiction set in the 19th century. Flashman is a coward and a womanizer, and he ends up hilariously participating in and living through most of the famous battles of the century...

Wouldn't you be better off with the black abs pipe above the aluminum channel in the sunlight rather than shaded beneath it? I mean ultimately at least when you deal with your carport clearance issue.